Lost and Found Pants

Welcome back to the Secksies, where I wrote the majority of this in class.  So if notes on drendrochronology work their way in here, don’t be surprised.  Just be educated.

“Oh bouncy horse ball.  You are the only friend I have left since the death of my beloved Lynyrd 😦 *mope mope*”

Bella, don’t be depressing.

If you remember, Taylor had gotten a job as a stylist when he abandoned Dolly the first time at the alter.  He’s still a stylist, and when he finally got back to work, his first commissioner is his own mother.

She’s so supportive.

“Check this out!  I make this look good!  This look almost makes me look younger than you are, son!”

“Actually, technically mom, you are younger than me at the moment… so yeah…”

“With my new-found looks of youth, I will find me a sugar daddy to take care of me, and finally move out of this swamp from these mud people and get the hot gold-digger suite that I should have been put in in the first place!”

“Mom… mom no, just stop…”

Moving along, Dan and StyxLady are now dating each other at this point.  I find it so cute when simselves end up dating each other.

Also, nice hat Dan.  WTF.

“I feel so icky ‘n sicky.  Ugh, I don’t like where this is goin’…”

YES

YES

Meanwhile, if you recall, Bear’s fiance Opal was killed by the cowplant, but Ken ‘brought’ her back into the family!  YEAH!  But because of her recent death, they can’t go through with their wedding because of stupid game logic and ‘death-do-us-part’ crap.  So Bear had to break it off with her.

“Weddin’s OVER!  I’m not WITH yew anymore Opal!”

“But… I don’t understand!  You love me, Bear!  Why?!”

Then he got rid of her Heartbroken moodlet…

“Hold still, this won’t sting a bit.”

“Wait, what?  What the crap are you doing, Bear?”

And Tada!

“Sike!  I wus jus’ jokin’ wid ya, babe!  Will ya still marry me?!  Luk, it’s the same ring yew threw at my face a minute ago when ya broke up wid me!”

“Oh YES, Bear!  I would love to, you and your crazy sense of humor!”

They even got married that afternoon as well.

Dolly?  Really.  What the hell is that outfit for?

“I changed my everyday permanently!  Isn’t this neat!  I did it wen yew weren’t lookin.  I think I make’a great hipster-cat lady, don’t ya agree?!”

Um…

“Can you believe it, Tater?  Three weddings in three weeks!  And this time, our daughter CT’s annoying husband isn’t here to mess this one up!”

“Oh, WAAAH!  Why’dya have to remind me that my lil’ girl married that asshole!!  SOOOB”

And so, Bear finally married the love of his life, and it was the greatest wedding… of that week at least. By far better than the others, actually.

“Huzzah!  Best weddin’ Unca’ Bear!  Way to set the last weddin’ of this legacy!  Yeah!”

“WAAAAAAH, LAST WEDDING FJEKALTHEFAWOR MY LIFE’S ALMOST OVER”

“Sigh, Tater.  I’ll go get the car.”

Right after Bear married his lovely ghost bride, he went to work, where he had to go kill off some more ghosts in his mother’s kitchen.

“GAH!  Godric!  Do something!  They are messing up my clean counters!”

“Wait, why am I here?”

“Dammit, stop!  I don’t want to go in the scary ghost vacuum, not yet!  Go away!”

“Hee hee, I are an alien chestburster :D”

“WOOO!  Bear!  The greatest ghost hunter of our age!  You go get them!”

Um, dear? He’s here to kill you too?

“YEAH!  I never thought in my whole afterlife that I would get to meet THE Bear!  What a great ghost hunter!  A service to his people!  I want an autograph!”

“Yeah, a real service to HIS people, I’m sure…”

That cavewoman ghost REALLY enjoyed Bear killing off her sisters way too much.  So I spared her actually.

I sent poor Bella out for a little night to herself, seeing as she hadn’t done anything really since Lynyrd died.

Actually, she hasn’t done much of anything since moving to Twinbrook.  Kinda sucks actually.

“BEHOLD!  I, this neighborhood’s fabulous unicorn, am the greatest thing you have ever witness!  Revere, or tremble, in my fabulous presence!”

“Hee hee… Tinkerbell is kissing my nosey :)”

“Bah, you aren’t that great.  You can’t even interact with me while standing on that slope.  At least Lynyrd would put more effort into it than you do.  I’m going home.”

Well can’t say she didn’t try to have a good time.

“Aw, so that’s wut mawnin’ sickness is like!  I’m going to have a baby!”

😀

“Honey, did you change your dress?  That’s not the cat-woman get up I gave you to wear the other day!”

“Oh Taylor, get outta the tub, I got sum’ gud news fur ya…”

“Alight Dolly, ole’ girl, remember you are doing this for jewelry…”

“Oh yeah, feels good man…”

Really guys?  What the crap…

“Oh my Dolly?  Do I see what I think I see?”

“A baby bump?”

“Nooo, a baby cave in!  Giving birth to a black hole, dear?  It’s almost like your belly button is the mouth and your boobs are eyes.  I’m almost tempted to start a conversation with your torso!”

And then Taylor had to sleep in the laundry room forever after that.

Meanwhile Opal and Bear, a couple that apparently don’t like to be upshowed as cutest couple in the house, started their own little baby making…

“Uh, Tater?  Any reason you came all the way across the street to read at my bar?”

“No problem Kip!  Me ‘n Nascar are jus’ catchin’ up on our lil’ book club readin’, is all.”

“Hello honey.  Hello… dad?  Wutt’re yew doin’ at our bar?”

“Apparently he and Nascar have a book club.  No idea why they have to take up the bar though.”

“Alright, I’m finally here guys.  We are finally finishing up our 50 Shades of Grey trilogy.  It was Oprah’s book of the month!”

“Yeah, now I see why they are using the bar…”

“We finally finished our book.  ‘N I found it a lil’ flat.  Needed more sex though.”

“Eh, did you pick up the wrong book again?  Because in the Adventures of Raymundo, a vagina wasn’t involved in any of Raymundo’s travels.”

“Well I’ll be, I did.”

“Eh, that book made me feel so dirty.  I must try to get clean wid’ Kip’s toothbrush.”

But… with that cigarette in your mouth, do you think you are getting anywhere like that?

“Mmm, menthol fresh.”

Also Tater, it would be more effective to actually brush your teeth with the bristle side in your mouth, not the back of your toothbrush.

“‘N get my cigarette wet?  Yew ‘cray.”

To keep them busy and out of my way, I gave the ghosts hobbies.

Ah, what’s the weekly Sunday protest about this week?

“Down with cops!  Down with police!  I am tired of trying to express my style and freedom to walk down the street pantsless without them trying to arrest me or give me a fine!”

“I agree, stop with the fines of these semi-nude citizens!  They keep me in work!”

They will just protest for anything, won’t they?

“Pantsless lady!  Join us in our fight to bring these cops to justice!  Support your fellow semi-nudist into bringing these cops to justice and to aid in our goal of freedom for freeing willies!”

“But… I’m just wearing short shorts under my shirt!”

“Free willy!  Free willy! Free willy!”

“Another pantsless citizen!  Come Juan, protest with us, and feel liberated, free, and completely aired out with your fellow semi-nudist!”

Ok, this is getting really rediculous.

From now on, any sim I catch with no pants on will get whatever pants are found out of the high school lost and found pile.

So far, that consists of little girl pajama bottoms.  Why there are so many I don’t know.  I don’t know if I want to know.  The nudist get little girl pants.

“Ugh, I ain’t so sure about this look…”

“Are you kidding, Juan?!  I make this look goooooood!”

“Hello, I am your friendly neighborhood stylist! And I am looking to make friends!  My name is Taylor!  Ooga booga booga!”

“Sir if you come at me again like that, I’ll rip your head off and shit down your neckhole.  Don’t think I ain’t playing with you, boy.”

” 😦 ”

See, Lucy’s father isn’t friendly at all.  I think he makes Sinbad look like an angel ._.

Also, I see you still have that hat, Dan.  I really didn’t make you out to look like that, so why?

“I was Oliver Twist for Holloween!”

Oh…

“Please sir, can I have some more?”

Taylor: “I think I did good on that outfit from work :D”

I blame Taylor.  Yeah.

Ah!  If it isn’t our favorite couple, CT and Caveman Thing.  Technically he’s also CT.  And their daughter, Chana.  Go figure.  Green skinned mother and a pink haired father, they have a little blonde white child.  You’re genes disappoint, guys.  You should try for one more baby.

“Is that why caveman have man baby instead of woman this time?!  Caveman angry.”

Get over yourself and give me the baby I want, CT♂.

Down the street from Dolly’s roadside family reunion, the evil sims of the town are having a convention in one of the alley ways, apparently.

And look!  Lucy and Sinbad are hanging out with each other!  OTP!  OTP!

“Look at that stupid cop!  He thinks he’s some big shot nudist buster, but he’s a big doo-doo head instead!”

“Haha yeah!  We should go throw rocks at him from behind a tree or something.”

Aren’t they just precious.

“Is this where we are holdin’ EvilCon 2012?”

“Yep, Bill is back and he’s not wearing pants again.  Time to go home.”

“Dammit Bill, you aren’t even evil, you are a poser, stop showing up to our gathering and being creepy.”

“Seriously sir, go home and put on some pants!”

Good job Bill, you are stuck in lady pants now.  Are you happy with yourself?

“Joke’s on you, this is oddly comfortable.”

No clue why they keep showing up pantsless.  This is NOT what I had in mind when I gave them their 80’s looks, I swear.

“GAH!”

“What’s wrong dear?”

“I gawt fried by the inventur’ table!  I figgured I wouldn’t git burned or anything, being 99% water, and just 1% hot gas, but damn did it shock the crap out of me!”

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I just found out that I’m pregnant?  Do you want to know how pregnancy works?”

YES GAME

AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS OF PLAYING, AND ONE OF THE LAST PREGNANCIES OF THIS LEGACY, SURE, I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT HOW THIS WORKS NOW

I don’t know why I involved these photos.  I think it was because I went around Twinbrook and just fell in love with it’s country side.  This is definitely my favorite town out of all of them.  Even the barns you can’t hardly access outside of camera mode are well done.

Here’s another well done barn, with the lovely Easter egg “Bridgeport” in the background.

And here’s the lovely Easter egg “Bridgeport” up closer, less lovely though.

And here’s Dolly in labor, not part of the Twinbrook countryside tour.

“UGH IT’S RIPPIN’ THROUGH MY LOINS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

GET READY FOR THE BIRTH OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!”

“Meowth, my wife’s right!”

“TAYLOR I’M FUCKING SERIOUS”

And bam, guys, this is our first baby of our tenth generation.  This is baby Beau, because he’s supposed to be beautiful…

“YALL DON’T KNOW UR BEAUT’FUL”

SHUT UP DOLLY