Welcome back to the Secksies, where I wrote the majority of this in class. So if notes on drendrochronology work their way in here, don’t be surprised. Just be educated.
Bella, don’t be depressing.
If you remember, Taylor had gotten a job as a stylist when he abandoned Dolly the first time at the alter. He’s still a stylist, and when he finally got back to work, his first commissioner is his own mother.
She’s so supportive.
“Actually, technically mom, you are younger than me at the moment… so yeah…”
“With my new-found looks of youth, I will find me a sugar daddy to take care of me, and finally move out of this swamp from these mud people and get the hot gold-digger suite that I should have been put in in the first place!”
“Mom… mom no, just stop…”
Also, nice hat Dan. WTF.
Meanwhile, if you recall, Bear’s fiance Opal was killed by the cowplant, but Ken ‘brought’ her back into the family! YEAH! But because of her recent death, they can’t go through with their wedding because of stupid game logic and ‘death-do-us-part’ crap. So Bear had to break it off with her.
“Weddin’s OVER! I’m not WITH yew anymore Opal!”
“But… I don’t understand! You love me, Bear! Why?!”
“Hold still, this won’t sting a bit.”
“Wait, what? What the crap are you doing, Bear?”
“Sike! I wus jus’ jokin’ wid ya, babe! Will ya still marry me?! Luk, it’s the same ring yew threw at my face a minute ago when ya broke up wid me!”
“Oh YES, Bear! I would love to, you and your crazy sense of humor!”
Dolly? Really. What the hell is that outfit for?
“I changed my everyday permanently! Isn’t this neat! I did it wen yew weren’t lookin. I think I make’a great hipster-cat lady, don’t ya agree?!”
“Oh, WAAAH! Why’dya have to remind me that my lil’ girl married that asshole!! SOOOB”
“WAAAAAAH, LAST WEDDING FJEKALTHEFAWOR MY LIFE’S ALMOST OVER”
“Sigh, Tater. I’ll go get the car.”
“GAH! Godric! Do something! They are messing up my clean counters!”
“Wait, why am I here?”
“Hee hee, I are an alien chestburster :D”
“WOOO! Bear! The greatest ghost hunter of our age! You go get them!”
Um, dear? He’s here to kill you too?
“Yeah, a real service to HIS people, I’m sure…”
Actually, she hasn’t done much of anything since moving to Twinbrook. Kinda sucks actually.
“Hee hee… Tinkerbell is kissing my nosey :)”
Well can’t say she didn’t try to have a good time.
“Oh Taylor, get outta the tub, I got sum’ gud news fur ya…”
“Oh yeah, feels good man…”
Really guys? What the crap…
“A baby bump?”
“Nooo, a baby cave in! Giving birth to a black hole, dear? It’s almost like your belly button is the mouth and your boobs are eyes. I’m almost tempted to start a conversation with your torso!”
And then Taylor had to sleep in the laundry room forever after that.
“No problem Kip! Me ‘n Nascar are jus’ catchin’ up on our lil’ book club readin’, is all.”
“Apparently he and Nascar have a book club. No idea why they have to take up the bar though.”
“Alright, I’m finally here guys. We are finally finishing up our 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. It was Oprah’s book of the month!”
“Yeah, now I see why they are using the bar…”
“Eh, did you pick up the wrong book again? Because in the Adventures of Raymundo, a vagina wasn’t involved in any of Raymundo’s travels.”
“Well I’ll be, I did.”
But… with that cigarette in your mouth, do you think you are getting anywhere like that?
“Mmm, menthol fresh.”
“‘N get my cigarette wet? Yew ‘cray.”
“Down with cops! Down with police! I am tired of trying to express my style and freedom to walk down the street pantsless without them trying to arrest me or give me a fine!”
“I agree, stop with the fines of these semi-nude citizens! They keep me in work!”
They will just protest for anything, won’t they?
“But… I’m just wearing short shorts under my shirt!”
“Free willy! Free willy! Free willy!”
Ok, this is getting really rediculous.
So far, that consists of little girl pajama bottoms. Why there are so many I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to know. The nudist get little girl pants.
“Ugh, I ain’t so sure about this look…”
“Are you kidding, Juan?! I make this look goooooood!”
” 😦 ”
See, Lucy’s father isn’t friendly at all. I think he makes Sinbad look like an angel ._.
“I was Oliver Twist for Holloween!”
“Please sir, can I have some more?”
Taylor: “I think I did good on that outfit from work :D”
I blame Taylor. Yeah.
Ah! If it isn’t our favorite couple, CT and Caveman Thing. Technically he’s also CT. And their daughter, Chana. Go figure. Green skinned mother and a pink haired father, they have a little blonde white child. You’re genes disappoint, guys. You should try for one more baby.
“Is that why caveman have man baby instead of woman this time?! Caveman angry.”
Get over yourself and give me the baby I want, CT♂.
And look! Lucy and Sinbad are hanging out with each other! OTP! OTP!
“Haha yeah! We should go throw rocks at him from behind a tree or something.”
Aren’t they just precious.
“Yep, Bill is back and he’s not wearing pants again. Time to go home.”
“Dammit Bill, you aren’t even evil, you are a poser, stop showing up to our gathering and being creepy.”
“Seriously sir, go home and put on some pants!”
“Joke’s on you, this is oddly comfortable.”
No clue why they keep showing up pantsless. This is NOT what I had in mind when I gave them their 80’s looks, I swear.
“What’s wrong dear?”
“I gawt fried by the inventur’ table! I figgured I wouldn’t git burned or anything, being 99% water, and just 1% hot gas, but damn did it shock the crap out of me!”
AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS OF PLAYING, AND ONE OF THE LAST PREGNANCIES OF THIS LEGACY, SURE, I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT HOW THIS WORKS NOW
I don’t know why I involved these photos. I think it was because I went around Twinbrook and just fell in love with it’s country side. This is definitely my favorite town out of all of them. Even the barns you can’t hardly access outside of camera mode are well done.
“UGH IT’S RIPPIN’ THROUGH MY LOINS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT
GET READY FOR THE BIRTH OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!”
“Meowth, my wife’s right!”
“TAYLOR I’M FUCKING SERIOUS”
“YALL DON’T KNOW UR BEAUT’FUL”
SHUT UP DOLLY