Unlovable Bear

This chapter is a pre-Showtime chapter.  It was also recorded before a live studio audience.

As expected, Mack started having at it with his current wife.  It’s only a matter of time, I’m sure…

And Sasha, suddenly realized that she let Mortimer in her house, and now they are enemies.  Still together, but enemies.

And WORST of all, these two are together now.  And yet, they are brother and sister.

Let that sink in.  BROTHER.  AND SISTER.

I don’t know what the hell Luther has going on under that roof of his, but SHIT

“Hmm, I see!  So even in this prettier graphic setting, these things still look like murder weapons.”

I suppose all towns have violent histories involving bludgeoning people with pipes.

“You know what I love about my sweet, microwave girlfriend?”

“I can’t get her pregnant :D”

“Pssh, not like he hasn’t tried.”

“Hush, my dear.”

Poor guy really needs to get laid.  Geez, the last time that happened, Bella was alive.

I can’t believe I let that happen.

“Poor ole’ Cletus makes me so sad :(”

“OM NOM NOM SHRIMP”

Maybe all ghosts pets do is sleep, I’m not really sure yet.

“Do ya remembur this place, Ken?  It’s were me ‘n yew spent our hunnymoon together.”

“Yeah.  I bet you anything my old suit pants are still in one of these haypiles too.”

“Well there’s only one way to find out… you thinkin’ wut I’m thinkin’?”

“Yeah… our horses are going to have to eat a lot of hay to find them pants.”

“Um… no.”

Hi Ken.

“This isn’t even the right hay stack :I”

Just buy a new pair of pants if you are so concerned with them.

“So then… just as the rattler came at me, I picked up the shovel and I jammed it righ’ thru it’s neck, and decapitated that sum’bitch!  But then… the head kept comin’ at me-”

“Oh no, Lady!  We jus’ gawt cawght skippin’ school again!  Quick!  Pretend to do homework ‘r somethin’!”

-_-

“So Mack baby… I hear ya’ve been dukin’ it out wid’ ur ole’ lady lately…”

“Yes… but I’m still loyal to her so kthxbai”

For someone who’s gone through as many women as his father, Mack can be a prude.

Back at the house, Bear is letting Lynyrd do stupid things.

“I didn’t do this!  The horse was in the house when I found him, I swear!”

Yeah yeah.  However he got in the house, he has got to go back out.

“But I don’t know how to use this door!  I don’t have hands!  Woe is me.”

GAH. YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST HORSE EVER.

“Putting a wide garage door opening ain’t gonna work either, because AHH, another door!  I’m going to DIE”

I had to move and reset him myself D:|

“WOO!  Growin’ up in the middle of the night under a lamp post, furgotten, and next to Grammpaw Dale’s tombstone which apparently hasn’t even moved since he died after all!  Wutta purfect birthday!”

I know, I can’t think of a better place for her to grow up 😀

I don’t remember her trait, but look at her!  She’s sexy.

“MMM!  Smells just like Pantene!  How sensual.”

“Please excuse me ma’am, me ‘n this gentleman are gonna go have a lil’ chat over heer, ok?”

And then Bear took the ghost out to the garage and brutally slaughtered him.

Well, as brutally as the banshee banisher can slaughter.

“BUT… we were just getting along D:”

I think that’s what you get for trying to ride the horse at 4 in the morning, Ken.

I forgot I left Bear at one of his client’s houses, and I come back and they’re picking a fight with  each other.

“All you ghosts are the same!  All trash!  I knew I should have hired an actual person for the job!”

“HEY!  I finished the job, I got rid of all the ghosts!  I didn’t slave over a hot banisher all night for this kind of treatment, lady!”

And so the ghost-prejudice continues.

“Oh hi guys.  I followed Bear all the way to his own house to tell him that he’s being inappropriate and if he keeps this up, he has to leave.  Nice house though.”

“You’ve GAWT to be kiddin’ me.”

Didn’t you have a job you need to be at right now, Sacha?

I tried to get them to reconcile, seeing as they almost hated each other, but THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN

I realized Bear had absolutely no options in his romantic queue.  Actually, he didn’t have a romantic queue at all.  Which is quite terrible because, WTF

“Hee hee, your loser brother can’t even flirt now!”

“I know, as if mah lil’ brother’d could even getta’ gurlfrin’ as dorky as he is.”

“This… this isn’t HAPPENIN’!  No romantic options! NO!”

“Flirt?  Anything??”

“Aw, how sweet, hon’.  But I’m married and havin’ a kid with my man, so I’m gonna have to decline-”

“I’m nawt talkin’ about acceptin’ flirts, I’m askin’ you if I even CAN!”

“Flirt?!  Flirt?!”

“Oh HI Bear!  Oh, I wish you can, but I don’t see any option to in your social options…”

“OH GAWD”

“FLIRT?!  FLIRT PLEASE?!”

“Wow, you are the whiniest and bitchiest Wispmother I have ever met.  If I wasn’t a woman of the law, I’d put you out of your misery.”

“Hee hee, my unca’ Bear is tryina’ git wid ur woman!  Does this mean yew might have to move out with me?!”

“Um no.”

“TAL, PLEASE!  FLIRT OPTION?!  I’M SO DESPERATE!”

“Oh… dear, well, no, Bear.  As you should remember, I have a wife, and a good marriage and kids and a wife, so I’m going to have to pass.  Also, on your way out, don’t try flirting with my wife either, kk”

“SOMEONE HALP MEH”

I’m actually really sad that Bear’s romantic options are gone.  But it’s just Bear that has this problem, the other sims can still flirt and everything.  I know, I tested them.

“Flowers for the purdy lady?  Flirt?”

“OH GOD NO, not with a gross old simbot, NO!  Get away from me, ew!”

“Nevermind me back heer, on mah way to town while wearin’ my graduatshun gown again fur no reason, la la la”

Um, sure.

“Hi, Dolly!  Long time no see!”

“Oh NO, it’s onna dem sicky lookin’ Sims 1 guys!  Please don’t luk at me ‘n stawp talkin’ to me, I don’t want people thinkin’ I know yew…”

“Dolly, that was mean!  It’s me, Taylor, remember?”

“Oh HI Taylor!  Golly, fur a second there I thought yew were onna’ dem caveman babies’uh Gracie’s ‘r somethin’.”

“Aw, even thinking I was one of my loser-ass cousins saddens me.  Why, I’m so sad, I’m just gonna-”

“Durrrr…”

“Taylor?  Taylor, yew ok?  …Do yew need me to call an ambulance’r somethin’?”

“Did… did my sister Lady jus’ crash through the theater n’ park right there like that?”

Well, she never finished learning to drive.

Lady: “I NEVER GAWT TO DO ANYTHING D:<”

“Aw, well ain’t yew jus’ a lil doll as well!  I don’t recall wut ur name was, but ur red hair and yeller’ eyes remind me of a strawburry lemonade frum Mickey D’s… mmm, I could use one right now…”

“Lady, in case yew can’t read the family tree urself, we are distant cousins…”

“But my sudden makeover says wutever, we can catch a movie together when I’m older ‘r wutever.”

“Cool beans :D”

Back at the house… Sacha has started stalking Nascar, at two in the morning.

“He thinks he’s good enough to give me cheap flowers, HA!  I’ll show HIM what I think about that!  Bwa ha ha!”

“Ma’am, yew’ve been in our yard fur almost 24 hours.  Don’t cha have a home to go to already?”

“And don’t YOU have ur OWN BUSINESS to attend to?!”

“D:\”

“I saw that Sacha, and I ain’t gonna pretend I didn’t.”

“Oh alright alright, I’ll go home and change my pants, geez.”

And then she proceeded to stand there for another four hours XD

“YOU!  Failing school!  I can expect this kinda failure from your twin sister, but not from you, CT!”

“But I just want ice cream daddy!”

“FINE, I’ll let you off.  Besides, you have prom in two hours, and how can I say no to your little face :3”

And then CT and Sugar went to prom, no matter how much Dolly bitched and raged about how unfair it was.
But when they got to the prom, CT’s date, Gracie’s pink haired son, turned around and went home.

“Well maybe I can get a good prom photo of us usin’ the Home Ec. dummy…”

They didn’t even get photos D:

What’s this?  A teenager came to prom in her formal? With a good hairdo?  And all with no help from me?!  Why, what a little jewel this girl is!

“Well of course I did!  I have to look good for my prom date, you know!  Here he is right now!”

“Hey there baby… sister.  LOL get it, because she’s my girlfriend and my sister.”

You two make me sad.

This was the only pop up worth noting.  Other than Sugar’s failed attempt at boobytraps and breaking the back drop, CT was prom queen.

“I’m sorry ur shit date crapped out on yew like that at the prom, CT.”

“Ain’t no thing, I gotta shiny tiara to make up fur it, of course.”

“And guess wut, Sugah?!  It’s our birthdays!  Prom couldn’t have been at a more convenient time!”

“Oh my, ur right!”

*still desperate to keep that broken boy hair*

“Yay!  My sister is crazier than I am!”

And here are my pretty little Sugar and Carrie Tay!  I simply adore them both.

Sugar: “I love all animals now!” *animal lover*

CT: “But I don’t like relationships!” *commitment issues*

And later they went to graduation.  Except it wasn’t Sugar that graduated with CT, it was Lady, who had grew up four days before.

“I don’t understand this school’s system either.”

The only one that didn’t go to the graduation was Dolly, who was too busy, well, mackin on Mack.

“Don’t let my sudden change into my weddin’ dress scare yew Mack!  I don’t believe in that ole’ superstitshun’ thatta man can’t see his bride befur the weddin’…”

“HONEY?!  She’s back in the house again!  Can you please bring me your daedric battleaxe PLEASE?!”

Dovahkiin from kitchen: “I broke it trying to kill that crying male Wispmother the other day, just use the orcish bow in the closet!”

“Please help me, I am lost!  Sir?  I got to graduate today, but I can’t find city hall!  Can you direct me to city hall?”

“Is that kid fo’ real?”

Actually I think that kid is stuck there.  If I remember correctly, he was there last week too in that corner…

That’s it for now.  Who will Dolly end up with?  Who will any of the Spare girls end up with, if they do end up with someone?  Will Bear get any hope for a love life?

With that, I will end this chapter with the only Simself update I think I have.

I think Hannah is still dating Thor too, which concerns me.

“FLIRT OPTION?  ANYTHING???”

“HUH?”

Bear, don’t flirt with pantsless Luther.  He’s looks desperate, but you aren’t.