Alright, in the final chapter of this Showtime play through, we join the boys in a subconscious battle to become top of his game. Which was the whole point all along to me, kinda.
Facebook is still in the lead with two whole promotions over his brother and uncle, which is a given, since Azazel can’t seem to stop being terrible.
As opposed to regular fire, I’m sure.
I always assumed this place was a rabbit hole D: I shouldn’t judge the larger buildings as I do I suppose.
“No you aren’t! You aren’t a bartender, those aren’t bartender drinks, and you are a shitty drink mixer! I won’t put that poison in my mouth if it were the last thing on this earth that could save me!”
“Well SCREW YOU woman! These weren’t made for you in the first place!”
“Can I please go home now?”
“You will dance for me until I see fit, boy.”
“I’m feelin’ HOT HOT HOT~”
“Is… Is this part of my song-a-gram?!”
“Expect the bill from my optometrist, you hack.”
“I don’t know! Why?”
“There’s a half pint magician in the living room. Just making sure it wasn’t important to you or anything!”
“AH! Vhy must you hurt me zhis vay?! Ve vere becoming such goot friends! Ah Vell…”
The magician gnomes all speak with cheesy german accents in my head, but that’s just me.
And, uh, I have no idea what the hell he’s doing.
Gnome: “Well it should teach you to not poke at me with that damn stick, boy!”
Maybe Azazel should take up something safer as a career. Like becoming an inventor.
“So what if I did?! I prefer the smell of lilacs and kerosene over your detergent choice!”
“OH YOU ARE GOING DOWN”
We can’t go a day without some kind of assault charges on the horse I don’t think.
“Who’s a sexy depressed goth beast?! Yes, yes YOU ARE, you devil you! Who makes that Mortimer Goth bitch look like a conformist Nickleback ass kisser, yes, YES YOU DO! You are so depressingly awesome that I’m going to go write about how depressingly awesome you are, YES I ARE!”
Maybe he’s on ecstasy. I don’t know.
“Wow, Matias! Isn’t this show just wonderful?!”
“It’s crap, Priscilla! All I can see is this damn B-list singer’s ass! GAH. I’m probably going to have to hire him to sing and dance for me a few times tonight to get over how mad this is making me!”
Every time he uses this one though, he catches his arm on fire. Every damn time.
“Yeah, I tend to do that to the ladies ;)”
“Alright ole’ boy, she totally wants your body! Now say something she wants to hear and remember what the psychiatrist told you: don’t ask if she wants to see your snake. A girl typically doesn’t want to see either one!”
“Yeah and YOU’RE the reason we had to leave the last town too! When her father came out of that back seat with that sawed off shotgun, it was ME who had to play for all of our and Monty’s medical bills!”
“Hee hee, you so silly.”
It’s funny because he actually ‘mimed conversation’ in front of her for the shits and giggles, so she didn’t really hear any of that story. And that’s why she thought it was such a silly little joke, har har.
“These flowers please me.”
And let the Facebook/Kerry relationship commence.
“Oh yeah, he’ll hurt people all right… people like you *snake shank*”
True. And I was starting to think no one would ever be worse at magic than Azazel.
“With as many times as I’ve put up shows in this dinky park, of COURSE I won.”
“Another little snake?! Aw, she’s adorable! Maybe I can introduce her to Monty, and they will start dating too and Monty will stop being so jealous of my own girlfriend!”
“Overused Whitney Houston cover~”
“Oh wow! About time Matias finally called in and did something romantic for me for once!”
“Actually Priscilla… these are from me.”
“Oh Youtube! You are always so sweet to me!”
“Wow! Youtube’s little Simfest trophy makes the best paperweight! The computer doesn’t try to fly away in the fan breeze now when I play my games!”
Well, at least he’s starting to make the best out out of his failures.
“Ah, we are friends again already actually, I don’t think he really noticed anyway.”
“I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS WOMAN, YOUTUBE”
“So um… were you ever planning on introducing me to your “other girlfriend”, Youtube?”
“Dammit, she’s just my pet horse!”
Young Crumplebuttbottom: “Grooooss! You two shouldn’t be making out in a hot tub with bathing suits on like that! Disgraceful! Considering a young child like me just walked up in your yard all willy nilly with this going on! I could have been traumatized!”
“Hey, you want to really traumatize the brat?”
“I thought you’d never ask, babe!”
“Aww, I wuv you too, Youtube :3”
“Yep, I’m leaving before things get too illegal over here.”
“IT WAS A MAGIC TRICK, PEOPLE”
“Thank you all for coming out to watch me dominate my brother and uncle in being successful!”
I think only two or so people came to his little show
“I hope they won’t hold me down and eat my brains or pixels ._.”
“How’d you get into my show, Joan Rivers?”
Spoke too soon.
“Well who wouldn’t want to hire a celebrity to sing for you every time you worked out! It would be like getting Justin Beaver to sing me a song everytime I went to the bathroom!”
“Ok, that’s it! I’m tired of embarassing myself for these stupid things! I’m gonna bite you!”
Oh Youtube, sweetie, don’t. Save the zombie cannibalism for the next EP, ok?
“I can FLY! This is so awesome! I’ve got to include this in my next poem about channeling the ghosts in the graveyard”
“I wonder if I can hurl him across the stadium if I focus my magic hard enough…”
“Jesse, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you lately… you see, you are the only one who believed in me and gave me a chance at stardom-”
“I never believed in you, silly. You are about as magical as a Snuggie.”
“Close enough. But you opened the door to my stardom when you let me up on your stage, so Jesse, will you open your heart to me now and be my girlfriend?!”
“Well, I would be stupid to turn down the advances of a rich client. Sure!”
And so, soon afterwards, the boys moved out of their tiny little trailer, and with all the money they accumulated over the course of their careers, they bought the big mansion overlooking the city, the one that looks like the fancy safehouse from Grand Theft Auto Vice City.
Soon after that, all the boys turned to randomly hitting and killing pedestrians in the streets with stolen cars, but that’s not part of this story right now.
“Now behold my fellow magicians! I vill now turn vone of these horses into a block of cheese vid a flick of my wrist!”
“Oh PLEASE, you dummkopf! You are vorse at magic than the quack who lives in this house!”
“You think we should separate the gnomes to separate parts of the house so they don’t hurt each other, Youtube?”
“Nah, they’d just get back together and try to kill each other anyway.”
“I’m so happy Azazel asked me to move in with him! I wonder what our children will look like!”
“Please, Jesse. With as much money as the boys are making, who cares?”
“Besides, if Priscilla and Youtube would stop screwing in the Box of Mystery for all of five minutes, and if you give them a few days, I’m quite sure you’ll get an idea of what any of their kids would look like.”
And so ends the life of Kyle the fart molesting magic assistant…
“Oh that is just so hot”
These two then ran away together, arm ‘n arm, and made little baby toasters or something.
And that will bring this play through to a close, and I have to say, Showtime is a nice EP. When I patched it was a little bothersome and the little log in box that pops up when I’m internetless is annoying, but forgivable. There are a lot of new things I loved, but the lack of new patterns was a little saddening to me. I like patterns. I guess it was made up with the lack of more rabbitholes. My new computer also helps, because of this took place on my old computer, I know I would get fed up with everything quickly. It’s a good EP. Didn’t use the Simport thing, but it’s a good EP anyway.
Alright! Well we will get back to the regular scheduled program of Secksies next time!