Showtime Time Part III: Race to the Top

Alright, in the final chapter of this Showtime play through, we join the boys in a subconscious battle to become top of his game.  Which was the whole point all along to me, kinda.

Facebook is still in the lead with two whole promotions over his brother and uncle, which is a given, since Azazel can’t seem to stop being terrible.

“RUN BOYS!  I ACCIDENTALLY SET THE BEACH ON FIRE!  HURRY, MAGIC FIRE HURTS!”

As opposed to regular fire, I’m sure.

“OOH!  This is a NICE place here!  I wonder why we haven’t come in here before?”

I always assumed this place was a rabbit hole D:  I shouldn’t judge the larger buildings as I do I suppose.

Of course, then Youtube tried to break it.

“DAMMIT”

“Hey look!  I can make drinks just like a bartender!  I’m not a half bad NPC if I do say so myself!”

“No you aren’t!  You aren’t a bartender, those aren’t bartender drinks, and you are a shitty drink mixer!  I won’t put that poison in my mouth if it were the last thing on this earth that could save me!”

“Well SCREW YOU woman!  These weren’t made for you in the first place!”

Meanwhile, Matias has his third monkey dance from Youtube.  I even think it’s the same day, too.

“Can I please go home now?”

“You will dance for me until I see fit, boy.”

Youtube also did a diddy for the girl who actually lived in the house Matias was in, and for some reason, Youtube instantly caught fire from the song.

“I’m feelin’ HOT HOT HOT~”

“Is… Is this part of my song-a-gram?!”

And of course, Azazel still can’t stab his way out of a wet paper bag.

“Expect the bill from my optometrist, you hack.”

“Hey, this wasn’t here when I left the house earlier… Uncle Azy?!  Did you recently give birth?!”

“I don’t know!  Why?”

“There’s a half pint magician in the living room.  Just making sure it wasn’t important to you or anything!”

“Because MWAHAHA!  FACE KICK!”

“AH!  Vhy must you hurt me zhis vay?!  Ve vere becoming such goot friends! Ah Vell…”

The magician gnomes all speak with cheesy german accents in my head, but that’s just me.

“This is wunderbar! Now spank me!”

“WHAT”

Hey look, it’s the lead singer of The Cure.

And, uh, I have no idea what the hell he’s doing.

“That gnome broke my nose!  Someone!  Bring me my poetry journal!  I want to write about my death from this NOW!”

Gnome: “Well it should teach you to not poke at me with that damn stick, boy!”

“GAH!  Not again!  KYLE!  I told you NOT TO USE THE FLAMMABLE CLOTHES DETERGENT!”

Maybe Azazel should take up something safer as a career.  Like becoming an inventor.

“Kyle told me it was YOU that used the bad detergent in my clothes!  Good going asshole, I almost combusted on stage last night because of that shit!”

“So what if I did?!  I prefer the smell of lilacs and kerosene over your detergent choice!”

“OH YOU ARE GOING DOWN”

We can’t go a day without some kind of assault charges on the horse I don’t think.

“Who’s a sexy depressed goth beast?!  Yes, yes YOU ARE, you devil you!  Who makes that Mortimer Goth bitch look like a conformist Nickleback ass kisser, yes, YES YOU DO!  You are so depressingly awesome that I’m going to go write about how depressingly awesome you are, YES I ARE!”

Maybe he’s on ecstasy.  I don’t know.

“I got a new toy!  Now I’m just like a giant cat :D”

Of course, then that new ball had to go and eat Facebook.

Oh.

“Facebook!  Don’t let that ball get the best of you and eat your dumb ass like that!  Put it in it’s place already and show it that you ain’t going to be it’s bitch!”

“Wow, Matias!  Isn’t this show just wonderful?!”

“It’s crap, Priscilla!  All I can see is this damn B-list singer’s ass!  GAH.  I’m probably going to have to hire him to sing and dance for me a few times tonight to get over how mad this is making me!”

“But look!  Another new toy!  At least this one won’t try to swallow me!”

Every time he uses this one though, he catches his arm on fire.  Every damn time.

“Oh, Mr. Ferne.  I just wanted to say that the way you ran around aflame on stage just made me so hot…”

“Yeah, I tend to do that to the ladies ;)”

“Alright ole’ boy, she totally wants your body!  Now say something she wants to hear and remember what the psychiatrist told you: don’t ask if she wants to see your snake.  A girl typically doesn’t want to see either one!”

“O__o”

“I don’t know man!  Remember that cheerleader from Senior year?!  She LOVED the snakes!  And this girl looks like she would be all over them too!”

“o__o”

“Yeah and YOU’RE the reason we had to leave the last town too!  When her father came out of that back seat with that sawed off shotgun, it was ME who had to play for all of our and Monty’s medical bills!”

“._.”

“Alright, alright, you party pooper.  No snake related pick-up lines.  We’ll get this piece of ass the good old, dating and courting, way.  Promise.”

“Hee hee, you so silly.”

“Now get wid’ dat, homie!  Dem boobies, am I right?!”

“Oh LOL.”

It’s funny because he actually ‘mimed conversation’ in front of her for the shits and giggles, so she didn’t really hear any of that story.  And that’s why she thought it was such a silly little joke, har har.

“Pretty flowers for the pretty lady?”

“These flowers please me.”

And let the Facebook/Kerry relationship commence.

“Guess what, Monty!  I finally got a girlfriend today!  Isn’t this awesome?!  Someone else in our lives, this is going to be great!”

“NO, don’t BITE ME, Monty!  WHY THIS SUDDEN AGGRESSION?!”

“Have you finally learned that Monty is not a pet, but is in fact a wild animal?  Have you finally understand that he’s not docile, but will bite and hurt people?!”

“Oh yeah, he’ll hurt people all right… people like you *snake shank*”

Another Simfest took place in the park, and this time, Priscilla was part of it.  Aw.

“But she sure sucks with her magician skit.”

True.  And I was starting to think no one would ever be worse at magic than Azazel.

And then Youtube showed everyone up and won the Simfest.

“With as many times as I’ve put up shows in this dinky park, of COURSE I won.”

Facebook, however, was too distracted to even realize a show was going on.

“Another little snake?!  Aw, she’s adorable!  Maybe I can introduce her to Monty, and they will start dating too and Monty will stop being so jealous of my own girlfriend!”

“What do you think of her Monty?!  Isn’t she just a little cutie?!”

*Bite*

“NO MONTY!  No bitey!  We’ve been over this already!”

So Monty got a little girlfriend.

Youtube was also trying to woo a lady friend as well.

“Overused Whitney Houston cover~”

“Oh wow!  About time Matias finally called in and did something romantic for me for once!”

“Actually Priscilla… these are from me.”

“As are these, my beautiful, dainty, little failure of a magical magician!”

“Oh Youtube!  You are always so sweet to me!”

“That’s ok though.  He’ll probably call in for some song-a-grams for himself and will feel better by tomorrow.”

*Back at le trailer*

“Wow!  Youtube’s little Simfest trophy makes the best paperweight!  The computer doesn’t try to fly away in the fan breeze now when I play my games!”

Ok…

“And now: BEHOLD!  I failed to make this sim disappear, but I did manage to vaporize all of his clothing!  Now watch as this beautiful naked man beats me into a pulp!”

Well, at least he’s starting to make the best out out of his failures.

“Well of course it was the best show ever.  I should strip down sexy black men in all of my shows from now on!”

“I’m glad you could come over and hang out with me on my self-declared day off, Priscilla.  It must suck to still have to share the house with your now ex-husband.”

“Ah, we are friends again already actually, I don’t think he really noticed anyway.”

“I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS WOMAN, YOUTUBE”

“So um… were you ever planning on introducing me to your “other girlfriend”, Youtube?”

“Dammit, she’s just my pet horse!”

Young Crumplebuttbottom: “Grooooss!  You two shouldn’t be making out in a hot tub with bathing suits on like that!  Disgraceful!  Considering a young child like me just walked up in your yard all willy nilly with this going on!  I could have been traumatized!”

“Hey, you want to really traumatize the brat?”

“I thought you’d never ask, babe!”

Of course before there was the hanky panky, the newspaper girl ran off the property when Youtube started interacting with the horse.

“Aww, I wuv you too, Youtube :3”

“Yep, I’m leaving before things get too illegal over here.”

“IT WAS A MAGIC TRICK, PEOPLE”

Finally Facebook topped his career first, making him the Showtime king.  In my game.

“Thank you all for coming out to watch me dominate my brother and uncle in being successful!”

I think only two or so people came to his little show

Youtube quickly followed with his own career-topping, but at a bigger and fancier stadium with it’s own render-zombies!

“I hope they won’t hold me down and eat my brains or pixels ._.”

“Well well well.  Did a Sims 1 tourbus come through town recently?”

“How’d you get into my show, Joan Rivers?”

So yeah, 2 out of 3.  Now if only Azazel could stop failing.

“MICROPHONE HEADBUTT”

Spoke too soon.

Of course now that Youtube is a superstar singer, it seems like he has to do more monkey dances for people than before.

“Well who wouldn’t want to hire a celebrity to sing for you every time you worked out!  It would be like getting Justin Beaver to sing me a song everytime I went to the bathroom!”

“Ok, that’s it!  I’m tired of embarassing myself for these stupid things!  I’m gonna bite you!”

Oh Youtube, sweetie, don’t.  Save the zombie cannibalism for the next EP, ok?

It took Azazel another week and a half to top off too, but he did eventually.

“I can FLY!  This is so awesome!  I’ve got to include this in my next poem about channeling  the ghosts in the graveyard”

“I wonder if I can hurl him across the stadium if I focus my magic hard enough…”

“Check it out Kyle!  I’m the best magician in the world finally!  Now watch!  As I become a HORSE”

“No…”

After Azazel became famous, he knew there was only one person he could thank for helping him to the top.  So the next day, he went down to the park for something he knew he should have done ages ago.

“Jesse, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you lately… you see, you are the only one who believed in me and gave me a chance at stardom-”

“I never believed in you, silly.  You are about as magical as a Snuggie.”

“Close enough.  But you opened the door to my stardom when you let me up on your stage, so Jesse, will you open your heart to me now and be my girlfriend?!”

“Well, I would be stupid to turn down the advances of a rich client.  Sure!”

And so, soon afterwards, the boys moved out of their tiny little trailer, and with all the money they accumulated over the course of their careers, they bought the big mansion overlooking the city, the one that looks like the fancy safehouse from Grand Theft Auto Vice City.

Soon after that, all the boys turned to randomly hitting and killing pedestrians in the streets with stolen cars, but that’s not part of this story right now.

They moved with them Firenze, Monty and his girlfriend, and all the little gnomes they had collected, which at this point was six because Azazel and Firenze couldn’t stop popping them out.

“Now behold my fellow magicians!  I vill now turn vone of these horses into a block of cheese vid a flick of my wrist!”

“Oh PLEASE, you dummkopf!  You are vorse at magic than the quack who lives in this house!”

“You think we should separate the gnomes to separate parts of the house so they don’t hurt each other, Youtube?”

“Nah, they’d just get back together and try to kill each other anyway.”

With them, the boys also brought their girlfriends with them.

“I’m so happy Azazel asked me to move in with him!  I wonder what our children will look like!”

“Please, Jesse.  With as much money as the boys are making, who cares?”

“Besides, if Priscilla and Youtube would stop screwing in the Box of Mystery for all of five minutes, and if you give them a few days, I’m quite sure you’ll get an idea of what any of their kids would look like.”

And also, Kyle came along!

“Oh no!  Oh HELL no!  I TOLD you I never wanted to see you again, Kyle, you damn mooch!  You should have been gone AGES ago!  Now GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!”

Later, Youtube and Facebook packed Kyle up and dumped him off at the trash dump, before Azazel set the house on fire trying to get rid of him.

And so ends the life of Kyle the fart molesting magic assistant…

“Eh?  And who might this little number be??”

Oh dear.

“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I’m basically a huge cell phone, so call me maybe?”

“Oh that is just so hot”

These two then ran away together, arm ‘n arm, and made little baby toasters or something.

And that will bring this play through to a close, and I have to say, Showtime is a nice EP.  When I patched it was a little bothersome and the little log in box that pops up when I’m internetless is annoying, but forgivable.  There are a lot of new things I loved, but the lack of new patterns was a little saddening to me.  I like patterns.  I guess it was made up with the lack of more rabbitholes.  My new computer also helps, because of this took place on my old computer, I know I would get fed up with everything quickly.  It’s a good EP.  Didn’t use the Simport thing, but it’s a good EP anyway.

Alright!  Well we will get back to the regular scheduled program of Secksies next time!