Showtime Time Part II: How To Ruin Your Career With A Horse

“DAYUM GURL.  You think he’d be good boyfriend material?!”

“Gurl, if he can bend like that, he can be whatever he wants to be ;)”

Back in Starlight Shores, the boys slowly claw their way up the ranks in their jobs, some quicker than others.  Facebook seems to be dominating his competition, with two more promotions over his brother and uncle at one point.

“Youtube!  I need your help in my rising fame!  See, I have this box, and you know how bad I am at magic, so I need to practice with it, and I want you to be my practice assistant!”

“Fine, but if you end up zapping me to another deminsion and leaving me there, I’ll kick your butt.”

“You can’t, you’ll be in another deminsion.”

“Uncle, are you sure this is safe?”

“Of course!  I built this box with my own two hands out of the old rotten house paneling.  You are completely safe!  Look at my face, you think I’d lie to you?”

“Hehe, Monty.  My brother is going to die.”

“Behold ladies and gentlemen-”

“Both Monty and I are guys”

“-Today I will show you the Box of Destiny!  In this magical portal lies untold and unbelievable powers, that only I have mastered!  Behold, as I stab at my nephew with real swords and hopefully not kill him!”

“WHAT”

“OW!  MY FUCKING EYE UNCLE AZAZEL DAMMIT”

“Oh CRAP!  Youtube, I’m sorry!  Are you ok?!”

“HAHA!  There goes Youtube’s career, Monty XD”

“SHUT UP FACEBOOK”

“And TADA!  See!  Youtube, you are magically better!”

“Do NOT do this act next week Uncle, I’m SERIOUS.”

The boys went begging for tips in the park when a SimFest happened a couple of lots over, so they went to that instead.

They couldn’t attend themselves, which was a little sad, but I enjoyed watching people who actually had talent.

Actually, I enjoyed that girl’s outfit.  WTF is that?!

“And behold!  I was standing in a table ALL ALONG”

Maybe he should try to incorporate that into his shows or something.

Azazel liked the show, so he threw the lady a bouquet of roses, but he was a little dissappointed to throw them away, because they were some of the few roses that he owned that weren’t already dead.

“That and this fat guy’s armpit smells like a dead sea turtle.  Of all the tables I chose to stand in, I had to pick the one next to this guy.”

Facebook, jealous of the actual acrobatic talent he witnessed, threw a duck at the lady, and lost his chair at his table to some old fart who bomb rushed it.

“Losers keepers.”

“I should have kept that duck and beat you with it >:\”

And Youtube, angry that he hadn’t anything to eat for a while now, threw a baby cowplant at the lady, making enemies of every other cowplant within a four block radius.

Then the fat guy got on stage as an acrobat, and I wanted to see how this worked out, but two of the boys had gigs to go to at this time 😦

“HAHA!  Look at that fat boy slip his disks!  Work it tubby!”

Strangely enough, I think he won the SimFest thing.

“Hm.  Not a very big crowd tonight I see.”

Please pay attention to what you are actually doing, Facebook.

“I seriously think no one is even watching this show.”

I don’t think so either.

“So Azazel.  I really liked your crappy performance the other day here.  I think you look good up on my stage personally ;)”

“Well if you think that was good, check out my new trick!”

“BEHOLD!  I have summoned the very POWER OF THE UNIVERSE!”

“What?!  NO!  SEND THAT BACK, AZAZEL!  That kind of power is too dangerous!!”

When they aren’t gigging/trying for gigs/sleeping, their favorite pastime is begging for tips in places where there is no one watching them.

“I’m watching him!  And I think he sucks.”

Be nice Firenze.  Youtube is the only one that feeds you.

“HAHA!  Look dude!  Look how tiny his package is in that tight little suit!”

“I knew he was overcompensating on that stage for something, amirite?!  Hee hee!”

“Hey!  Now, there’s NO call for that kind of heckling!  I’m not small, I’m discreet!  There’s a difference!”

“Discreet as in not there, amirite AMIRITE LOL”

“Good one bro!”

“You people suck.”

Well at least Azazel is having a good time.

“I’M JUST SO MUCH FUN RIGHT NOW! WEEE!”

“Mmhmm, sir.  If you say so.”

Major book nerd going on.

Oh, there’s NO WAY this could go wrong.

“Please.  I’m a professional.  I’m trained in this sort of fire handling, so I got this under control!”

Under control indeed.

I don’t know who to call first, a fireman or an ambulance.

The one thing that really disappoints me is that sometimes, the sound won’t work at all during some of Youtube’s performances.  For a singer, he can be very, very, quiet.

“Yeeeah… sometimes I get caught with my lip synching… I just blame my band and square dance my way off stage before anyone realizes what I did.”

You should be ashamed of yourself, Youtube.

“I don’t know.  I don’t think my audience noticed, or even really cares.”

“WE JUST CAME OUT FOR THE PRETTY LIGHTS!! WOOOOOOO!”

“Thanks for inviting us out for this photoshoot, Uncle Azy!  This is fun!”

“Boys, this isn’t a photoshoot, this is pool.”

“But we look so good standing like this, don’t you agree?!”

“Idiots.”

“Fine, watch and learn boys.  You are learning from a master.”

“What the crap is he doing, Facebook??”

“I have no idea… he’s taking his posing stick and poking balls with it on that funny table… give me a second and I’ll come up with a sexual joke about this if you let me…”

“Bah, I don’t care really.  This posing stick makes me feel GORGEOUS”

“I couldn’t agree more, brother!”

“I disown you both.”

Youtube still does monkey jobs, but on a pretty irregular schedule.

“Da da da da!  Someone thinks you are special and loves you for who you are~”

“Well of course they do, dahling.  Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?”

“Uh… Joan Rivers?”

I didn’t know from initially looking at her, but I had no idea this woman was an elder until she whipped out a cane.

Talk about face lifts.

“WOO!  Look at me Facebook!  RIDE’EM COWBOY!  Yeah!”

“You ride it like a girl, Youtube!”

“Don’t hate cuz’ you ain’t!  Wee!”

“Ughn, I could just barf, but that was awesome.”

“Just get off, and watch a master have at it, Youtube!”

“Humph, damn acrobatic showoff.”

“Look at me, Youtube!  I made this bull my bitch!”

“No! >:I”

“HAHAHA!  That was so much fun!  Haha!  Ahh, cow butt.”

“Not watching.”

“Ok, are you SURE this is safe, Azy the Crazy?”

“Oh trust me, I think I got this down!  I tried this once earlier this week, and I swear what happened last time won’t happen this time!”

Or it will.

“MY EYEBALL!!”

“No no NO!  Not again!  Why does this keep happening to me Kyle, I TOLD you to stop me from doing this again!”

“Well this is the worst show I’ve ever been to.”

“WELL MAYBE IF YOU’D LOSE SOME WEIGHT I WOULDN’T HAVE STABBED YOU, DAMN”

Azazel just doesn’t know how to make friends.

Back, at the house… what… the HELL… are you doing to the horse, Youtube?!

“I don’t know… trying to do a magic trick like Uncle Azy??”

“DUDE YOUR HAND IS ICE COLD, STOP IT”

“Well stop squirming so I can try to find Azazel’s magic props and I’ll just go on about my business then, damn”

……..You know what we haven’t seen in a while?  Monty.  Let’s go look at that instead, ok?

“So yeah Monty, Youtube is now convicted of bestiality charges and the whole town looks down on us now because of it, but you know if he’s going to ruin his own career, he better not bring down mine because of this.”

“You can trust me that I will never molest you my little pretty, ain’t dat wight wittle Monty?? *sucks on the snake’s face*”

These two just don’t need pets.

Monty: “PLEASE, keep him away from me, he’s getting TOO close to my tank.  WAAAY too close… DAMMIT, he’s in the tank D:”

Come on, Youtube’s not THAT bad, the charges for the horse incident were purely a misunderstanding…  I hope…

Monty: “Well tell that to this dork D:|”

Youtube.  Please.  Stop being weird tonight already.

Scared of Youtube, Facebook and Azazel escaped the house and went to go hang out at a bar.  There they got their photo taken together in the new photobooth.

“Oh damn, these look good!  I think I’m going to put this on the wall when I get home.”

Or put it back in the printer

They later developed in Facebook’s pocket, and here’s the result.  I think they look so cute.

Well, not in that third photo.  It just looks so wrong from every angle I look at it.  And it doesn’t help that Azazel is winking at us…

“Come on horse!  I’m the best acrobatic mime there is!  Tip me!”

“I don’t even have thumbs you moron!”

Eventually Azazel stopped sucking.  He even started getting good reviews on his shows.

“And now, for my magic flow-NOOOOOOO dammit!”

He’s just going to have to cut this trick from his act.

“But hey, I learned a new trick.  Magic appearing items!  Ta da!  A magic lamp.”

But you won’t keep it, will you.

“Nope, making it re-vanish is just half the magic.”

Dummy.

“Why hello, Mrs. Pretty Lady!  Would you like a CD of my work?  All of my songs from tonight, with some extra little diddies, with none of the lip syncing at all!”

“Well, I do like your silent little shows, but music is good.  Sure, I’ll take one!”

“Thanks!”

“NO!  Who do you think you are, pretty boy?!  Approaching my wife like that, you prick?!  Selling her a CD, and what you want next, her to run away with a little pop star like you and leave me?!  Why don’t you go back to your horse, you pervert freak!”

“I was just doing a magic trick, people :(”

“Ah yes.  Riding the bull like a boss.  You boys are both girls, you know that?”

These sims sure do love their bull riding…

The day after he insulted Youtube, Youtube was called out to do a monkey dance for Matias.

“Yes, that’s right, DANCE for me you blundering buffoon.”

“At least I’m getting paid for it.”

Later, while Youtube was playing pool with Matia’s wife, (because you see, Youtube DID learn what the hell the game was about) Matia’s comes upstairs to yell at his wife for whatever reason.  Probably because she still sleeps with a teddy bear at night, I don’t know.

“IT’S A MAJOR COCKBLOCK, PRISCILLA.  GET RID OF THE DAMN THING”

“But I love Mr. Stuffing D:”

“Fiiine, I’ll throw him out for you, love.  Now can I have a kissy?”

“Haha, no.  I don’t think so woman.”

And he’s a prick.

“Dude, kiss the damn girl.  I know where you live.”

JEEZ Youtube, back off the guy a little D:

Afterwards, the game thought Matias was so sad again that he needed another monkey dance from Youtube again.

“Yay!  People love me!”

I think he calls in for sing-a-grams himself.

“Daw, it’s a wittle bunny rabbit!  I love it!  I will name him Mr. Stuffing, and he will be my wittle bed buddy :3”

And that’s the end of this chapter.  ONE MORE CHAPTER of this and I will go back to the Secksies.