Ken and Tater’s One Year Anniversary

This chapter is early because Thanksgiving is coming up and I figured it would be a good holiday present if I did one early.  That and I might go to the river Thursday.  Drown or something there.  I don’t know.

Ain’t nothing like a place full of dying, sick people to tickle your fancy, eh Tater?

“GAH, that ice cream truck has been following me since I left the house!  It’s stalkin’ me, I swear!  Oh hell, I’m gun’ die in the woods, ain’t I?!”

You’ll be fine Bear…

Bear escaped the mad killer driving the ice cream truck and finished his job at Rochelle’s manor in the boonies, capping his LTW, and being the first to do so in a long time.

“I killed a lotta my own kind fur this kinda fame.”

Atta’ boy.

ALSO, another reason I wanted to update early, is while I was working on this chapter, I realized that it has been one year since yesterday that Tater and Ken got married!  That means it’s their one year anniversary!  WOO!  Now how many sims can say they have made it that long in a legacy?  Seriously, I have no idea.

What should the loving couple do for their paper anniversary~

Oh.  Ken dies, of course.

“Well, I’ll be damned.  Maybe I can slip on peacefully without waking Tater up…”

“I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE”

“Well, so much for that, sorry Tater…”

“I also sensed the disturbance, and came to check out what’s going on with my best friend in life!  Ken!”

“Oh hey there Lynyrd!  It’s not anything, just dying here…”

“Well, I want to be there for you Ken!  You were my best friend!”

And the horse was serious about it too, I see…

“Daddy!  Lynyard is breakin’ a hole in the wall again!  Stop him!  He’s freakin’ me the fuck out!”

“Not righ’ now, Dolly.  Ur papa is dyin, can’t you see that?!”

“Oh daddy, I’m so sorry…”

“LYNYRD.”

“Not right now, you pink haired freak.  I know you didn’t like me in life, but don’t you come up in here ‘n glare at me like that!  I’ll *chews hole through wall*”

Tater: *Proceeds to cry through Opal’s boobs*

There were so many sims in the bedroom, I guess Death couldn’t get his bearings straight and he spawned in a terrible place on the second floor balcony.

“What the crap is this shit?!  The horse can fly through walls and transcend floors without the use of stairs or anything, but I can’t get over three wooden rails?!  I’m an idiot!”

Ken made it easy on Death and everyone else, and just warped to his grave without a fuss.  RIP Ken.

Afterwards, Lynyrd took the stairs out, just like any normal horse would.  Well, as normal as a horse can… take stairs…

You know what, he didn’t take the stairs very well at all.

“GAH, I floated through virtually everything in the house and made all the walls my bitches, but this gnome is in my way!  Help!  I’m trapped in the garden.”

Sim logic.  Sim logic forever.

“Ok dear, now that you’re dad is dead let’s get back to what’s important… remembering that we want a third baby, and trying for one again!”

“Eh… wut ’bout that Dead guy out on the balcony, ya don’t think we should try to git him off befur we git our hanky panky on?”

“Gah, don’t worry about him, I’m sure he’s seen worse anyway.  He’s Death and all, you know?”

“NO!  HELP!  I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THIS GO DOWN!  911!  ANYONE!  I NEED AN ADULT!”

“I am depressed and need to get out of the house… I will go across the street and visit my daughter Sugar and friend Nascar to get my mind off of things!”

“And I will go on to work to avoid my father frum seein’ mah shitty haircut, seein’ as I gawt mah hands on a pair of scissurs when he said to not cut my hair ‘gain!”

What am I supposed to do with you, Sugar.

I also sent Taylor out to clear his head, but of course, he’s only gone a short time and he’s already up to stupid stuff.

“Dammit brain, I have a hot wife and a great life.  WHY the HELL would I want to wish to know Renee’s sign?!  DAMMIT.”

“Ok, let’s make this quick and painless, the sooner I can ask this crappy question, the sooner I get wish points and the sooner I can get out of here away from you.  Sign.  Yours.  What is it?”

“Oh!  I’m a Capricorn!”

“Wowie!  I think we are compatible!”

“That’s great!”

Ok Taylor, let’s go before you start rolling more stupid wants for her.

“Ok well, it was nice and all to meet you Renee, but I better go befo-OH HELL, NO, go away speech bubble, I already said that I don’t want to be interested!  JEEZ!”

“So Fancy is my little granddaughter wid’ Dolly ‘n her husband, and she’s the sweetest lil’ thing, even if she worries us and kinda creeps us out wid her constant “arson” talk.  But I think she’ll grow up to be a fine kid!  How ’bout yew, CT?  Yew ‘n that husban’ of urs talkin’ bout havin’ me sum grambabies yet?  Aside from that white lil’ blonde thing that ur genes shouldn’a made together givin’ yall’s genes…”

“Dammit dad!  If yall actually came and spent more time wid’ us, yall’d know that my husband DID have ur special lil’ grandbaby that yew always wanted!  It was horrible on my husband!  He had to pop the little brat outta a hole THIS BIG!”

“Oh no!  Nawt a hole THAT big!”

“Why yes I had a decent day at school… no I didn’t want to come home and find all that out about my birth, thanks for asking.”

“So, among the other pictures I have, where should I put my lil’ Sergio?  I can’t figure out which of these stock Sims 2 pictures I want to replace with my newly met grandson’s!”

“Sergio’s shirt could choke a bitch.”

“Who’s a cutey lil’ wooty, ain’t cha Sergie wergie?!  Who’s da lil cotton candy headed green baby grammpie and grandpa always wanted, it’s yew, Sergie-poo!”

“Mom, how much longer do I have to put up with this?”

“Don’t worry son, Grandpa will soon be dead too, I’m sure.”

And then suddenly, out of the blue, Luther called Tater up on his cellphone.

“Oh hey Luther.  Thanks fur ur concern man, yeah… Ken’s obituary was in the paper this mawnin’… it has been hard on me, I haven’t had my heart broken this hard befur…  Well I’m glad to hear that ur still here fur me… that’s great to know.

You know, if ya ain’t doing anything right now, wanna go meet up somewhere and hang out?  I’d like to keep my mind off of things and I haven’t seen ya in so long.”

He actually had to call him back, and then call him back two hours later because Luther suddenly had “things to do”.  Go figure.

“Oh Luther!  It’s terrible!  I am having the worst day of my life!  The love of my life’s gone, ‘n it’s been the worst anniversary ever!  Waah!”

“Oh damn man… I’m so sorry!  I really wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, I can’t even fathom the idea of losing a loved one like that!  I just want you to know I’m here for you, ok?”

“-‘N then he passed away, his tombstone on the balcony, the horse in the second story doorway, and my cryin’, bawlin’ self stuck in my brother’s wife’s cleavage   It was a terrible mawnin fur me.”

“I hope the grandkids don’t take it too hard.  I know it can be tough for the kids since they don’t know what’s going on.”

“True.  ‘N Dolly and Taylor and Bear and Opal took the easy way out ‘n sapped all the bad moodlets away, but I jus’ didn’t think it was right if I did that fur me.  I mean, I loved Ken too much fur him to jus’ be a “two day feelin'”.”

“Hey!  Check it out Tater!  I think there’s a SimFest going on right now!  Woo!  Come on, join me right quick, maybe it will help you feel at least a little better!”

“Um…”

“Yew do know we are the only two people on the lot, not countin’ the proprietor, right?  Oh gawd, I hope I didn’t look that stupid when I was with Ken the other day durin’ that similar SimFest.  Ur over there lookin’ like a crazy man, Luther.”

But Tater soon got into the “show viewing” mood, and joined Luther in the cheering.

“Woo!  So much talent, so many youngin’s wid’ so much potential…”

“Thanks for spendin’ the evenin’ wid meh, Luther.  I know I’m gonna be grievin’ fur my husband fur a long time, he was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, but you’ve been a great help, bud.  I don’t know what I would do without ya.”

“It’s all good, Tater.”

“No seriously.  Thanks fur bein’ my best friend, Luther.”

The next morning was the first day in a series of four days where each kid ended up getting their own birthday!  First day was Beau’s, and then the next day was supposed to be Eagle’s birthday.  The day after was supposed to be Fancy’s, and then last but not least, the game said Egret’s was supposed to be the day after that.

So I set up a small little party area that was supposed to stay up for those four days.

“It’s a… nice day for a… white wedding…”

“Dammit Goodwin, I already told you once, this is NOT a wedding, it’s my cousin’s birthday party!”

HEY LOOK, Tal is still alive in this chapter!  Well darn, I jumped the gun too early last chapter.  Maybe he died after this party?  I should keep my facts together better.

As I said, Beau’s birthday goes first.

And he also get’s to piss himself first.  It’s his own birthday, he gets the honors.

“HONORS IN WUT?!  PISSIN’ MAHSELF?  THAT AIN’T HONORABLE!”

It’s ok kid, you grow to accept it as the norm over time.

To keep the party from sucking, or at least trying to, there was a karaoke machine added to the lot.

“Alright!  Who’s ready to ROCK!”

“Not us, yew can’t sing Bear, you sound like a wailing banshee in a rainstorm, and it doesn’t help that ur’a ghost!”

“Get OFF the singin’ box, Unca’ Bear, yew SUCK!”

How supportive.

On the other hand, Bear is way to supportive over everyone else.

“Yew guys made me cry and feel shame about my singing voice, but woo!  Go Dolly and Beau, this is fun!”

I don’t know why I found this picture so funny.  But here it is.

Dolly, don’t inhale that microphone.

“Do da stanky leg, do da stanky leg… SHUT UP EAGLE, I’M RAPPIN’ HERE”

Behold, the only sim I have seen so far that can just go up to a raccoon and pet it in the wild without formally meeting it yet

TATER

BEASTMASTER

Next morning was Eagle’s birthday party, and everyone was so excited for it that they decided to skip it altogether apparently, leaving just his parents to give a shit and actually come outside and see this spectacle.

“Well I did my part, I’m out.  Forget the kid growing up, I got a book.  Later.”

Ok, even they didn’t care.

Because no one cared, I think Eagle grew up to be a loser.  He was a loser in something.  So he became the family dork.

“Aw.  This is a sad day.”

“Lookit’ us, Bella!  We gon’ be the best singin’ duo in the world!”

“Yeah!  We gon’ be better than One Direction, Brooks ‘n Dunn, and even the Pussycat Dolls!”

“Nothing beats the Pussycat Dolls, Eagle.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right…”

“UGH, you’re singing is terrible!  I’ve put up with a lot of things in my life, but you two’s voices are literally killing me!”

“As in LITERALLY, literally.  I’m dead.”

Well darn.

“Yeeewww… killed the horrrseee~”

“But I didn’t shoot the deputieeee~”

“Now now, Bella.  I’m about to take you away from these people, take you to your beloved Lynyrd again, away from that horse-hating pink haired freak…”

“HEY, I’m not a freak, and I don’t hate the horses…”

“WHOA, that horse turned into a ghost!  HOLY CRAP, there are a lot of ghosts on this lot.  Oh well.”

“I’M THE SCARIEST THING ON THIS LOT.  OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!”

“Go away stray dog.  We aren’t in the mood right now.”

“Oh Bella!  We already lost one beloved member, why did you have to go too?!”

“I know, this suc-WOOOO IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TIME!”

*Hard derp and a midlife crisis*

Atta’ boy, Taylor.

One last thing: Right as the horse was dying, Beau rolled the want to be a rock star when he grew up.  He rolled it so hard, he rolled it two times in a row.

“I don’t just wanna be a rock star!  I want to be a ROCK GOD”

Yeah, good luck with that, kid.