Old Faces

 

“Wait, why are you back here?!  At City Hall?!”

I’m resetting the whole town again, Dan.  Third freaking time, so go home and take care of your pet children.

“But don’t you worry about what resetting the whole town could do?!  Aren’t you paranoid that you could be damaging something important in this process?!  Why won’t you get the crashes fixed permanently so you won’t have to do this agai-*resetted*”

It might have, it might have not.  But I went through the town and deleted a few elderly people, and so far so good.

No crashes since then, so I guess serial murder did the trick.  Thanks everyone for all the suggestions though.

“Thur’s another cake in the hawse.  SO TIRED of livin’ off cake!  I’m so sick ‘n tired ‘n malnutrionafied ‘n I don’t even want to luk at it!  *derps off*”

Well, it’s not yours so I don’t see what your problem is.

Birthday for Lady though.

“Mmhmm.”

I think her new trait was loves the outdoors or something obvious like that.

“Yep, my sister is trash. HEY LADY, cover it up, will ya?!  Skank!”

“Daddy, she’s callin’ me trash!  Do something ’bout her befur I have to kick her ass!”

“YAY, my nieces are fighting!  Ten bucks on the brunette, Tater!”

“All yall ‘r gettin’ on my fuckin’ nerves.  If any of yall need me, I’m going fur a walk.”

“Yay, family outin’, without the family.  Gud to git away from dem crazy people now ‘n again.”

“Oh cool, we still own the museum… ‘n we have a visitor!  Howdy!  Welcome to the Secksie Wing of the museum, were we have many craptastic paintin’s passed down frum many generations of dum’asses ‘n hicktards-”

“Hey wait… don’t I know yew frum sumwhere?”

“Well if you can’t remember who I am, then what was the point of me even coming here?”

“HOLY SHIT, LUTHER!  Damn man, I thought I’d never see YEW again!  How long you’ve been in town?!”

“Eh, a week.  Just moved here with my family and moved into a house across town.  Heard you guys had an exhibit in the museum and came to check it out.  I didn’t think you’d show up here too!”

“Speakin’ of which, how is the family?”

“If you are talking about Pilot, he moved off not long after you left as well.  Something about realizing a life long dream to live with african wild dogs now that pets were out… he said he’d write me when he got there, and he never did…”

“But, I did get married.  I has a wife, and two kids now.”

“Cool, I’m married too, got a husband and four daughters.”

“And I hear you still have that robot… I’m real sorry to hear that.”

“Eh, sometimes he cleans up after himself now a days…”

“Hey, would you like to meet my family?  There around here somewhere…”

“Um, sure!  I don’t see a problem with that!”

“Hey Eris, I just clogged up the toilet here with last night’s burrito.  Wanna go play “plumber” with me for a bit?  You can play the plunger!”

“DAD!  Lucian’s being a butthole again!”

“Well, it didn’t take us long to find the kids…”

“Gawd, I hope that toilet ain’t really clogged…”

“Tater, this is Lucian, my oldest, and the little girl that ran off screaming something about Lucian sucking eggs was my daughter Eris.”

“Lucian, eh?  Yew luk very… “Patriotic”.”

“Yew think so? He’s actually a little rebellious hellion, so if I were you, I’d keep him away from your daughters!  Haha!  But no seriously. Don’t let him near your daughters.”

“GEE, thanks a lot dad.”

“Now that you’ve met those two, I’m sure my wife couldn’t have wondered off too far away…”

“She’s out in the plaza dad.  Something about hating art and your piss poor choices for family outings.”

“I think I like this woman already, Luther!”

“There you are hon!  Lucian said you were out here, what’cha doin?”

“Eh, nothing.  Getting out of the stuffy museum for air and all.  Your son clogged the toilet by the way, how could you not smell that on the way out here?”

“Oh dang, I feel as if I know dis’ gurl already…”

“Oh, by the way hon, there’s someone I want you to meet right quick!”

“Tater, this is my wife, Sierra Mist.  Sierra, this is the guy I told you about!”

“Oh my, is it really the infamous Tater?!  Oh man, my husband has told me so much about you!”

“Hopefully gud things, I’m guessin’!”

“Oh yes, my husband has told me all kinds of things!”

“Waaay too many things about you sometimes…”

“Really now!  Wut kinda things, Luther, HM?”

“I get it, sometimes I talk too much.  You don’t have to tell everyone that, you know.”

“There’s nothing wrong with how much you talk sweetie.  I love it when you babble on and on…”

“Aw, and I love you when you listen and pretend to be intrested in my rambles, poo-bear!”

“Oh, they aren’t rambles, my honeydumpling…”

“Babycakes…”

“Ok, this is gettin’ real fuckin’ uncomfurtabul…”

“Aw, but I can’t help it, isn’t she just a doll, Tater-”

*the meanest death glare I have ever seen a sim give another sim, holy shit Tater, it wasn’t that bad*

“Well, I gotta go.  Wus gud ‘n all to meet ya Mt. Dew, but I gotta be gettin’ back to my own lot!”

“Um… that’s cool, but uh, my name’s Sierra…”

“Um… sure, whatever Dewie.  It’s ok, yew ain’t gotta drop the act ‘r anythin’ but whenever ur done pretendin’ to bein’ back frum the ded ‘n all-”

“Huh?”

“HAHA, isn’t he just hilarious!  I told you!  Well, I better get him out of here, we’ll go get an ice cream or something, catch up, I’ll see you and the kids back at the house!”

“Really Tater?  What was that about?”

“I’m sorreh.  I really am.  I didn’t mean to suddenly sound short.  It wasn’t her fault… but it is so strange to see yew again… ‘n to think yew found… someone else…”

“Listen, I know… Jeez, when I first heard that your family could be in this town when I first moved in, I about had a heart attack myself…  You know you always had a special place in my heart Tater…”

“‘N yew gawt someone else to fill it up fur ya when I left, I guess.”

“No!  You have always been special to me!  But my wife is special to me too, she’s my number one and I love her for her, just as I loved you for being you…”

“I know that feelin’ too.  I love Ken now myself.  But this is still strange to me.  I never really gawt ovur yew either, just as Bear never really gawt over Opal, ‘n mama never gawt over her alien fetishes…”

“But we can still be friends!  No way we could ever be together now, of course!  But we really should hang out now that I’m in town.”

“Of course!  Yew know wut?!  Whenever I have a party ‘r some gatherin’ at my hawse, I’ll invite yew to come!  Hell, I’ll invite Dewie and ur kids ovur too!  Yew can meet my husband  ‘n we can make fun of Nascar again like we used to!”

“That would be great!  But, you have to remember Tater.  My wife is Sierra, not Dewie.”

“Yeah yeah, wutever.”

***Fun little tidbit (Ok, so it’s not “fun”.  It’s hardly interesting, but whatever.)  Right before I started moving the family to Assholoosa Plains, you remember when Sunset started crapping out so hard that all I could save were the Secksies and a few other sims before I said the hell with it?  Well, Luther was one of the sims didn’t make it, and that was sad and all.  Then I realized that I saved a toddler Luther in my library when the town was trying to kill him off ages ago.  Bored, I bred him with a clone Dewie, and there you go.  I brought him back because I liked him too much.  That and I like to waste so much time with CAS |D

Back at the house, a MIRACLE was happening in the front yard.

“… he hasn’t bolted or tried to bite or kick me yet.  Is the horse even noticing me standing here?”

“If yew wanna ride, hurry up and get on, dumbass.”

“Tater!  Tater, LOOK!  I’m doing it!  I’m finally getting back on the horse!”

“Mmhmm, knew yew could do it dear *not really looking*”

“At least help me up, if you can, horse!”

“Eh, fuck yew Ken.  I’m just too tired to fight wid’ya right now.”

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, all that reading up I did on horseback riding did NOT help me at all…”

“Strange, I gawt’n image of yew tryin’ to ride a book.  Ur right, that wouldn’t have helped.”

“Eh look boys!  A domestic horse and his little rider buddy!  They seem to be lost in our turf… heh heh…”

“Oh shit, Lynyrd, where are you taking us…”

“Yo pet.  Seem a little far from home, don’t ya think, boy?!”

“Oh God, Lynyrd, we are going to get shanked and mugged by these guys aren’t we?!”

“Yo man, git back here and answer my boi when he’s talkin’ to you!”

“I wanna be a BROADWAY STAR, daddy!”

“Ok, you really messed up the thing we had going, Smokie…”

“Can we go home now, Lynyrd?  I thought we were going to die…”

“See, this is why I don’t let you ride, Ken.”

“Hey!  Lady!  Luk’it wut me ‘n CT did at school today!  We went ahead and became real twins!  Siamese twins!  Jealous?!”

“Now we are connected ‘n can-”

“-finish-”

“-each-”

“-other’s-”

“-cawn’dogs!”

“Cawn’dogs, CT?!  Yew were supposed to say sandwiches!  That’s the joke, yew id’jit!”

“Well I don’t want yew finishin’ my sandwiches either!  Yew know as well as I do that I HATE cawn’dogs!”

“Sigh…I never asked fur two younger sisters…”

“Alright Lynyrd!  Our first attempt at horse racing!  You excited?!”

“I’m irritated.”

“Good!  Let’s do this! :D”

The race itself wasn’t intresting.  I think I was supposed to get some screen that told me how those two were doing?  Meanwhile, while the horse race was going on, this was happening outside of the stadium.

“SCREW YEW, Jeramy!  Yew go’n knawk’ me up ‘n promise me yew’d move in ‘n help ‘n yew’d git an actual job, ‘n heer I find yew gamblin’ at races?!”

“I wasn’t gambling!  Gambling is for stupid people.  I like to call what I do ‘profits from statistics’!”

“Oh REALLY now?!  Well how much profits ya gawn’ ‘n made tonight, huh?!”

“Ok, you got me, we’re broke now.”

“Yew sly sum’bitch.  I outta ring ur neck fur this.  Yew can jus’ pack ur shit ‘n go.”

“Really?!  Good, because, see this?!  This is my ring finger and he’s finally free!”

“EXPECT THE DIVORCE PAPERS IN THE MAIL, ASSHOLE.”

“Well, that was horrible, Lynyrd.  Between the couple screaming outside and coming in in last place, I think that this wasn’t a very good race…”

“YEW DON’T SAY.  WELL THEN, WOULD YEW LIKE TO KNOW HOW I THINK ‘BOUT TONIGHT?!”

“No no, I’m getting off now :(”

Poor Lynyrd was so tired that by the time he got home, he passed out on Lady’s sandcastle.  Poor horsie.

*A usual Secksie morning*

Lady: “I’m ’bout to go do the same thing, after standin’ on the porch fur an hour and a half :D”

And as usual, Dolly got the shit end of it.

“I’M SO TIRED OF YEW NOT GETTING ON THAT BUS AT EXACTLY 8 AM ON THE DOT RAAAGHGHKLWSAGHIOWNKSD I’M SO PISSED NO TV FOR YEW”

“Yew didn’t even give me any time to get to the bus!  Unca’ Bear, I could have been halfway to school by now if yew haven’t stopped me!”

“GO WASH DISHES”

“Holy crap, Bear!  There is absolutely no water in the trough today!  I wonder where could it all have gone overnight?!”

“I donno, Nascar, it might nawt have a damn thing to do with the giant ass hole you just kicked into it with your leg!  Nawt at all, I’m sure!”

Yes, Bear.  And tightening the faucet will fix that hole.

“Daddy?!  I do beliee’ ur in MY chair.”

“Hey luk, it’s ME, nawt givin’ a shit.”

Bella: “HUR HUR, I HORSE, HOW’D THIS PORCH GET HERE”

Sugar: “PAPA, daddy’s bein’ mean to me.  Nawt givin’ me my seat.”

Ken: “Tater, give the child your seat.”

Tater: “Still not givin’ a shit here.”

Sugar: “See, this is why papa is my favorite.”

Tater: “Wutever, jus’ remember who’s the one that gave birth to ur skrawny ass.”

Ken: “No, I’m the one who had Sugar, Tater.  You had CT, you kept complaining about her big melon head, remember?”

Sugar: “…I had an appetite, eh, it’s gawn’ now…”

“Dolly!  I’m ashamed of you!  Late for school again I see!  Did you not learn from your daddy and Bear already?!”

“Nawt yew TOO, papa!”

“We aren’t going to tolerate this lateness!  I hate being the bad parent but you’re grounded until you can learn how to get to the bus quicker than this!”

“THAT’S IT!  I’M SICK OF GETTING THE SHIT END OF THIS!!”

“Calm down, it’s just for two days-”

“NO!  THIS AIN’T FAIR, YOU DON’T GIVE ME TIME TO GET TO THE BUS, AND YALL WANT TO JUMP ON MY ASS THE QUICKEST MOMENT YOU GET!  YALL STAND ‘ROUND ‘N BITCH BOUT TAKIN’ THREE HOURS TO TAKE A DUMP BUT JUMPIN’ ON DOLLY’S ASS ABOUT SCHOOL IS THE QUICKEST THING IN THE WORLD TO DO FUR YEW GUYS!!”

“Dolly, that’s enough now-”

“AND THIS HOUSE!  IF IT DIDN’T TAKE TWO FUCKIN’ HOURS TO GET OFF THE PORCH, WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM! HOW BOUT IF I JUS’  QUIT SCHOOL, YEW WANT THAT PAPA?!  YEW ‘N BEAR AND DADDY WANT ME TO GO TO THE SCHOOL AND HAND IN MY QUITTIN’ PAPERS BECAUSE I WILL!”

“Hey, I’m starvin’ in here…”

“GO FIX UR DAMN PROBLEM ON UR OWN THEN, UNCA’ NASCAR!”

“This didn’t help, I’m still starving”

“RIDIN’ THE HORSE ISN’T FIXIN’ UR DAMN PROBLEM, UNCA’ NASCAR!!  UGH, UR ALL DRIVIN’ ME UP THE FUCKIN’ WALLS”

By the time Dolly was done with her little rant, the other girls were back from school.  That’s how horribly slow that day took.

“And YEW!  I”m sick of ur little innocent princess act!  I ain’t allowed to go to the prom when I’m 13, but YEW can go ’round wid’ ur middrif all hangin’ out like it ain’t no thang?!  FUCK YEW LADY.”

“Holy crap Dolly, what crawled up ur ass ‘n laid eggs, huh?!”

“Yew don’t think I don’t see why they don’t punish YEW or those other two fur takin’ their time gettin’ on the bus?!  Cause yall take up jus’ as much time as I do!  Sorry I can’t be my parent’s favorite cuz’ I ain’t purdy ‘n green like yall three!  Kiss my ASS, Lady!”

“Now ur jus’ bein’ stupid!  I ain’t done a thing to yew to deserve this!”

“Yew know wut?!  Screw yew, and screw this whole family, I’m runnin’ away!”

“I’ll come wid’ ya!  It’ll be like a cool lil’ adventure!”

“No, CT, go home ‘n stay there!”

“But I wanna come wid’ yew!  We can go campin’ in play wid all the squirrels and join the gang of horses ‘n mug unexpectin’ joggers like the horses do fur their drug money :D”

“FINE.  But yew better not git in my way or else…”