“Aw, go away dog. Don’t you have your own balls you should be chewing on right about now or something? I’m getting ready to go out and find me a date for the holiday, and you are getting in my way!”
“WHAT?! The dogs have DATES and I don’t?! That’s NOT FAIR AT ALL!”
Meanwhile, back in Secksie land, the crashes were temporarily fixed, after I reset the whole town. Twice. At the start of this chapter, and at the end of this chapter, when the crashes started flaring back up like a bad case of herpes or something.
“Hi, Sheld’n! I’m back to ask you out to the prom for the 6th or 7th time and… wait, where’s the option to ask out to the prom?”
“Strange. I guess I already asked you out and saved it successfully or something. Oh well. I guess I’ll see you prom night then!”
I don’t know Dolly, something’s just not right about this…
Tater: “I HAVE TERRIBLE IDEARS”
Bear: “Good thing it’s her birthday then, right?”
“We are purdy wild n’ rawdy ’round here yew know.”
Well as far as I can tell there’s no problem picking up the kids anymore…
“DADDY I’M TIRED OF WAITING STOP TAKING YOUR TIME”
“Hold on CT, I’m ranting here…*stares*”
“That’s cause Sugah’ ain’t as cool as me. She ain’t got the hussa ‘n flow to keep up wid me *faceplants cake*”
Oh yes. CT is insane.
“I like my hair this way! Thur’s gotta be sum’ testawst’rone in this generation sumwhere.”
Because you got the biggest room in the house? I’d stick them in the shed with the robot, but the farther away I have them from the killer cow plant, the better.
“I just wanted to show you… see that baby over there?! That’s mine! I made it! With a woman! I’m so awesome :D”
“And see dat? Dat’s where I sweep at night! It smells like old doggie pee pee!”
“I’m just… gonna go home now.”
“OOH, Lynyrd! Look! Another horse! We should go hang out with him!”
“And look at me, not giving a fuck *pretends to sleep*”
“SCREW YOU LYNYRD, you wouldn’t know a fun looking idea if it bit you on the ass! I’M following Goo Goo, you can stay here and be a butthole all you want!”
I don’t think you can hang out with him if you break all your legs, Bella.
Yep, she’s crazy. No kid wants to play in icy mud in their summer clothes!
“Ain’t it though!”
If you think so.
“DUDE! Guess what! GUESS WHAT! After you left… I knocked up my wife again!! 😀 HAHAHA *click*”
“Well, I do like dim lit areas…”
“What, NO GOO GOO. I said NO!”
“I SAID NO GOO GOO, I’M MARRIED”
“Dad (I’m guessing you are my dad) should we do something about the horses about to get it on and blocking us in a tight little corner in the barn?!”
“Naw son, why’d yew go ‘n think a thing like that?”
“RED ALERT GUYS! RED ALERT! This horse is REALLY about to, uh, DO THINGS! I KNOW HE IS! I can feel it on the back of my head ;_______;”
Ok, maybe I can see why you are left alone in a dark barn now…
“Wus I? … I can’t really keep up wid’ anythin’ anymore myself.”
I can tell.
“Oh hell, that was the most awkward moment of my life. I’m going home now…”
“You did not, you ended up mounting a pair of barrels while my children screamed bloody trauma!”
“You are just JEALOUS”
“Bah, what do you care?”
“I DIDN’T HAVE ANY FUN IF THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK, YOU DIRTY MINDED FREAK”
“But I was worried about you Bella, didn’t think you’d come back home to me and I was about to have to go kick some Goo Goo ass!”
“You’d really do that for me?”
“Aw, Lynyrd… you can be sweet sometimes…”
Why do you horse gnomes INSIST on blocking up the whole porch?!
“We enjoy the rare attention you give us :(”
“Sigh, I jus’ gawt older, all adult now, ‘n dad’s genes hit me like a sack a hammers… it itches like a mu’fuckur too…”
“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear yew jus’ talk bout wantin’ to grow a ball-beard ‘n continue to stare at the cheap panelin’…”
“Tee hee, Sheld’n’s gonna come by ‘n pick me up fur prom! He sed’ we’re gonna do it in style, so we’re gonna drive up to the prom on his four wheeler! It’s gonna be the best damn prom party ever!”
“No daddy, don’t tell me papa’s gone ‘n convinced yew I can’t go either!”
“No… but you won’t be able to go anyway!”
“Look sweetheart, I don’t like being the mean parent and I was all for you going to your first prom, I tried to convince your papa on several occasions. But he was real headstrong about you not going… hon, your papa called that school and canceled your ticket. You won’t be able to go at all now.”
“No, your daddy’s right, I did cancel that ticket. I told yew yew ain’t goin’ to no damn prom ‘n that wus final.”
“Dammit Dolly, calm down, it’s nawt the end of the world!”
“YES IT IS!!”
“YEW WOULDN’T DARE.”
“LIKE HELL I WON’T! YEW AIN’T GONNA DISOBEY ME UNDER MY ROOF!”
“Oh yew ain’t ’bout to pull that Queen Bitch bullshit on me, Dolly, I INVENTED the Queen Bitch *angrily pokes lip out and puts hands on hips*”
I think when I had to reset the whole town to fix the crashes, it reset the prom event as well. So there really was no prom after all. Heartbreaking, but I got to play for a bit crash free…
But this is where the crashes came back so AITGHBJELAFJGINJKLAKS
Thor and Megan had another baby, who’s name is really Daniel now after a game reload…
And Jay is proving to be pretty damn unkillable this go round now that I’ve noticed he’s still alive. He’s gone and knocked up simself Cait. What she sees in an old centenarian widower is beyond me. MUCH LESS having his babies.
Shanna: “The baby looks like BOTH of them!!”
Ethan: “But I’m not that big of a whore :(”
I shall end this chapter with a Valentines day send off: