The New Stonewall Adventure

Is anyone else finding WordPress to be a sudden pain in the ass to work with or is it just me? (As in, I just typed the ‘me’ in the past sentence, and photos vanished. DA FUK)

Anyway, since last chapter I have added two more simselves to the mushroom kingdom, filling up all the household slots (since Elissa wanted to get married and pump out a bunch of babies she kept losing.)

Styx!  What up.  You look happy to be here tonight!

“:D They GLOW!”

Rochelle also joined!  No need to pout Rochelle, you wanted to live here.

“But… you only gave us FIVE sleeping bags!  And before you say it, I’m not having Styx as my pillow buddy! D:<”

Fiiiine… Starla will be your pillow buddy.  Final verdict.

And finally, I was fiddeling with a copy of my simself in CAS one day and thought, “you know what?  Being a girl is boring.” So I switched the gender and called it a day.

“Sup, my name is SaBRIAN.”

Good god, no wonder people people think me and my brother are twins…

Ok, enough of that, Secksie time.  Don’t you agree, Mt. Dew?

“THIS AIN’T HELPIN’ MAH COWURDICE”

He’ll go away eventually.

Last chapter, Bella had her latest baby, a little boy named Bear.

“But, why is my son a little blue ghost?”

Why must you practice your sexual advances over the children?!

But yes, if you cannot guess, husband Pat isn’t the father.  I’m quite sure we all knew who the father was the second Bear came out.

“An’ why must he hav’ta come up to my room ‘n sleep?!”

Because Shark is useless like that, you should have known that by now.

But I’m sure a lot of people are thinking, “Sabrina!  Why would you go and waste your final household slot on a baby that can’t be heir?!  Bear is in no relation to Leroy!”

Ah, but you should know me by now.  I have an affinity for adding pointless sims to the household, as you can tell.  Besides, during the day that Pat wanted to go workout at the gym, I came back and caught Shark telling a flirtatious joke to Bella, the flirty old bastard.  So then I thought, “What would the child of the two most obnoxious, annoying sims I have ever played look like?!”  And it all went from there.

Shark was in and out in NO time at all, and Bella asked Shark to be ‘just friends with benefits‘ before Generations even told Pat of their affair.

However, Bear IS blue.  You would think that Pat would have some kind of suspicion…

“Bella, I’m happy fur yew ‘n our latest child, but… I’d hate to say, I don’t feel that this boy is… mine.  Bella, I wanna talk to yew ’bout Bear.  I want to know, if I’m really the father or nawt, and if yew give me some shit ’bout 3D porn, I’m gonna know better!”

“Ok Bella, you knew this was going to come sooner or later…  Alright, I’ve seen enough episodes of My Name Is Earl to get out of this…”

“Pat!  I can’t believe you’d accuse me of cheating on you dear!  I’m so faithful to you, remember?!  And don’t worry about Bear, he’s your baby, of course!  Bear’s got them weird sim genes in him, you know like the ones that make black parents have white babies.  Or brown haired couples having purple haired children!”

“…I guess I kinna’ see wut yew mean.”

“See?! I told you!  Now if Bear is a blue baby, it’s probably something in your genes, not someone elses!  And here you are accusing me of shit.”

“Oh Bella dear, I’m so sorry to doubt yew!  I should’a knew better.”

“That’s right, you should have.”

“I’m so lucky to have such a faithful wife such as yew, Bella!  I’m such a bad man to nawt believe in ya.  Now that I think ’bout it, I AM the decendant of a blue ghost, yew know Shark, don’t ya?”

“Um… yeah.”

“I musta gotten those genes frum him.  Poor lil’ Bear is the way he is ‘cus of me.  I hope yew furgive me, Bella!”

So while Bella is reserving her place in hell, I set Bear’s stuff up in Tater’s room.

“But why does Bear hav’ta share a room wid’ ME?!  Why can’t he stay in Mt. Dew’s room?”

“Luk baby, I hate dat’ yew gotta share a room wid’ dis affair baby as much as yew do, I had to watch ur cheatin’ mama wid dat Shark man (and this is why Deborah and Dale apparently are enemies with Bella.  FUNNY) But ur sister kinda’ needs the room to herself ‘n all, yew know, bein’ a girl ‘n all.”

“But I really don’t wanna lil’ baby cryin’, ‘r moanin’ in this case, at all hours of the night!  ‘Specially wid’ that creepy ass doll’a his watchin’ me sleep.”

“Luk, I know yew don’t like this, but trust me, ur sister has jus’ as big of a problem as yew do…”

“WHY DIS ALWAYS GOTTA HAPPEN TO ME?!  TRYINA SLEEP HEER”

“Hi Michael, I came over to congradulate you on your sudden marriage, but-”

“LOOK AT MAH MIGHTEH MAHCLES”

*Breaks out in opera*

You two are so dysfunctional, I have no idea what Simis was talking about.

“Too bad you got married Michael… because I suddenly don’t see you in my family tree… Remember all those baths we had together as children, Michael?”

“… Don’t you already have one affair baby to take care of?”

PFFT, Simis’ perfect children, my ass!

After congradulating her brother on his marriage (to Berkley by the way 8D) Bella wanted to write thank you letters to the people that sent her stuff AGES ago. Who, by the way, I think are all dead now.

“I don’t know, maybe I can still get this thank you note to Poi Boi’s dead corpse, it’s still pretty fresh.”

D:|

“I know I was told to go do mah homework wid’ my brother, but… I can’t seem to get to the table.  I had no idea grammaw and grammpaw’s trailer was so CONFUSIN’…”

You better hurry up Mt. Dew.  They find you not doing your homework, they’ll punish you.

“But… I’m stuck on the rug!  Can ya git over heer in reset me, Tater?”

“… I’m jus’ gonna go tell Grammaw I’m done wid’ homework ‘n that yew ain’t even started.”

Needless to say, after I resetted her eighty hundred times, she was, in fact, put in time out.

Congradulations, Bella.  You are officially the worst housewife I have ever seen.

“All this water reminds me of when Shark and I made love and he would get water just all over the place when he-”

YOU KNOW WHAT, I don’t want to know.

“Luk’it wut I found in my inventory after yew reset me all those times!”

Ah, well there it is.  Mt. Dew got one ages ago, but I guess she glitched and never got it.  Too bad you are too old for us to change that cutesy pet name you have for it, M.D.

“Wut?!  I like Cuddles.  Sounds cuter than Tallahassee, the one Bear has in his room.  And I think Cuddles likes his name!  Ain’t that right, Cuddles?!”

“Gudbye Cuddles.”

…

“He told me he hated the name I gave him… so he had to die.”

Well that’s one way to solve your problems.

“HAHA, he peed in his garden!”

“…Wha… Wut’r YEW doin’ in mah garden… This isn’t wut it luks like… I don’t water mah plants like this… WUT’R YEW DOIN’ IN MAH GARDEN?!”

“An’ THESE people?!  Wut the PISS is they doin’ in heer?!”

“It’s party time big bro!  Don’t cha remember it’s ur kid’s ‘n papa’s birthday today?”

“…THEN GIT IN THE HAWSE!”

“It’s nawt fair.  Why’d I gotta share MY birthday wid’ that cryin’ brat?  I can’t have anything to mahself as it is!”

Mmhmm, you are complaining, I hear you >_>

He looks so much like my cousin.  And now he’s a vehicle enthusiast… oh god, he IS my cousin…

“Now I can actually go out ‘n name the Stonewall Jackson the Stonewall Jackson!”

Yeah, you could… if the car hadn’t gone missing since I last turned on the game.  Really guys, what the hell is that about?!

“Hurray fur Shark’s son-”

“SHH!  Shark…”

“Oh uh, um, hurray fur cake!  Yeah cake!”

I don’t remember Shark ever being this enthusiastic about his children growing up

“I am… DR. MANHATTAN.”

Remind me to keep the comic books away from this one.

“WOO!  I’m so ‘cited to be gettin’ old that I stabbed mahself with the dinin’ chair ‘n broke all the bones in mah wrist!”

“OMG BIRTHDAYS MAKE SHARK ALL WET ‘N EXCITED”

._o

“Holy crap, I really was a clone of mah papa.”

“Well that wus anti-climatic (like he even knows what that word means.) Shark is gonna go though Bella’s panty drawer now.”

“Ah look!  Not only did I grow up, but I stomped a shit hole in one of your precious bedside tables!”

You just know all the ways to get under my skin, don’t you Bella.

… Do your parents know you are out in the barn smoking, Tater?!

“Um, prolly.”

Oh, if your grandfather Simis could see you know, he’d snatch a knot in your ass.

“But it was grammpaw Dale that gave them to me!”

Why am I not surprised.

“Yo son, I’m gonna ignore that Malburo hang’in outta ur lip ‘n wanna know if ya wanna learn how to drive in the NEW COPY of the Stonewall Jackson.”

“OH MAH GAW PAPA REALLY!?  I so ‘cited I could jus’ darn well piss mahself!”

“…Maybe we should take ur grammpaw’s pimp van motive mobile instead then…”

“Damn son, I’m starvin’, let’s ride by a Taco Bell right quick!”

“Nawt right now papa, we gotta find a paint shop befur someone realizes that we sped outta the barn so fast that we peeled all the orange paint off of the car!”

Sigh… sadly Tater wouldn’t be the first one.

“YAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

“I WISH I WUS IN DA LAND OF COTTON”

Ok guys, really that is the worst hill jump I have ever seen.  You two have shamed your car’s legacy.

“She’s right yew know, the back tires didn’t even leave the ground, Tater!  Yew took that hill like a lil bitch!”

“Shut it dad, I’m jus’ tryina’ learn to drive heer!!”

“Damn papa, check it out!  I think that las’ jump fixed the color on tha’ car!”

“Told ya son, is onna’ dem color changin’ chamel’yun cars!  How’d yew think we’ve alluded the cops fur so long?”

“…”

Actually, as soon as I took this photo, I saw the first car in the background.  Time to find out who our little car thief is!

Ronda?  How the piss did you get your hands on the first car?

“Papa left it to me in his will!”

But Dale’s not dead yet.

“HEY, I have a baby AND Fat Mortimer to take care of I NEED THIS!!”

“Hey papa! I is gud driver now?”

“Yew is gonna get ur ass cut if yew don’t git off mah arm like that, boy!”

THE LOVE, I FEEL IT

Welcome to the Geriatric Club of Firefighters, where you have a better chance of putting the fire out than they do remembering that they even work at a fire station.

“And that’s why I rolled the want to retire the second I got old.”

Then by all means.

“Hey guys!  It’s mah last day heer!  Ain’t yall happy fur me?!”

“Thank fuck.”

“Come’on Bebe!  At least YEW gotta be happy fur me!  Fur ole’ times sake toots!”

“Hurry up and GTFO, Dale.”

Haha, two of them died later on XD

“See Deb’ruh?  I think this one right heer’s mah fav’rite grandkid!  That Anwur’ boy!  He does so well in school and is the pork rind eatin’ champion three years runnin’!”

“Wut?!  Yew ain’t even MET the boy Dale!  Yew can’t git ‘cross their fancy front yard to save ur life, much less meet dem boys!”

“Ur right babe, marry me?!”

“WUT?!  Wha… why… NAWT WHILE I’M TRYIN TO TAKE A PISS HEER”

Toilet: *gurgles* “kill meeeee…”

“Oh Dale… I don’t know wut to say… I mean, what spawned dis idea of urs all of a sudden?!”

“Well babe, I’d been thinkin’ on it fur a while, ‘n had been sittin’ on the idea since I saved ur life at that cliff side hawse!  But everytime we’d git close nuff to each other, dat Generatshun’ shit kept remindin’ yew that I cheated on yew…

So let’s go back in time a bit, complete wid’ the return of those shitty photoshop flashback effects…”

“Well, aftur I realized that I loved yew more than anything on this planet, I knew I had to go let Edith go.  However, the second I stepped on her grass, she came stormin’ out ‘n accusing me of nawt callin’ her fur years ‘n that I was a no gud cheater, bla bla bla.  She was even so loud wid’ her bitchin’ that the lil’ newspaper gurl went runnin’ outta the neighburhood cryin’ bout wantin’ to beg fur her old job as a orphan pickpocket than have to keep doin’ that newspaper shit again.”

“Gawd, yew should have seen her Deb’ruh.  She was sobbin’ ‘n snifflin’ ‘n it wus so gross that I left, ‘n that was the last I saw of her.”

“Wait, that’s nawt true, I first went in and slapped ’round her fat sister.  I’ve been wantin’ to do that fur ages now!”

“Well… that’s swell ‘n all Dale.  But… I can’t accept dis.”

“But… WHY?!  I promise, it’s not a meth rock, babe!  It’s the real deal!”

“It’s nawt that Dale… but that would suck too… Dale, I’m sure yew think yew love me.  I’m sure ya think yew’ve loved me since ya met me.  But Dale, I’m so much older than yew, and I really don’t think yew want ur heart broke anytime soon.”

“I don’t know wut yew mean babe…”

“Trust me Dale, yew’ll know soon ’nuff.”

Sadness.  Anyway, we end chapter now.  So to send us off, here’s Bella doing what she does best.

“What?  I’m just waiting for… “this”… to come along for me!”

No Bella.  NO.  Get off the bed and go take care of your screaming children.