Ok, so the chapter doesn’t have anything to do with sharks. Or Shark Racket. Ok, maybe just a little, but not really. Moving on.
“Come Bloateh, mah trusted steed! Shall we ride on ovah’ to the pond, ‘n fish to our hearts content!”
“Nah, the last time you rode me, you pulled on my ears and I bit you, remember? I thought you wouldn’t go tryin’ that shit again.”
“But… I smelled truffles…”
Bloaty and Tater’s Gallent Princely Adventures: THE END
“His name is Rigoberto.”
“WTF, but you just said your daughter is named Mountain D-”
“Tha’s neither heer ‘r thur.”
I said TWINS, Elissa.
“Oh, yeah… Um, I accidentally one of them.”
Oh my god.
This is NOT what I wanted to find you doing in the backyard!
“It’s nawt wut yew think it is! Shark and Bella are just… havin’ a friendly conversation.”
Mmhmm, I bet.
“Yew think mah wife’s gonna like it? I’ve worked all night on… this.”
…She’ll love it.
“Um, NO. He won’t stop following me whenever I go somewhere. I keep telling him to leave me alone, but he keeps stalking me!”
“You took my sweet Sarah away from meee… I want my Sarah back, Daaaan…”
“Dude, she died days ago! Back off!”
I don’t know if you are cute or weird looking 😀
…I’ll come back to you on that.
“Ur more annoyin’ than onna’ dem homosex’al squirrels inna’ pecan orchud… git it… cuz he likes nuts…”
“BOO YEW SUCK”
“Yo, Tiddlywink, do ya think this sum bitch can’t think that we don’t see him comin?”
“Fo’ sho Mr. Piddly! Le’s sho him how a real gansta does it!”
“Boy?! Stop bein’ weird, ‘n wut’chu doin’ in mah bed at this hour?!”
“I’m waitin’ on yew to read me a bedtime story pops! ‘Sides, ur bed is so much more softer…”
“…Does this mean I won’t getta bedtime story?”
“No but yew will getta’ butt whoopin’ if yew don’t git outta mah bed befur I start mah banjo practice, now OUT!”
PLEASE don’t tell me you waited in bed all night for a story… it’s daytime, Tater!
“Hmm, I was wondrin’ why I was so hungry and stinky all of a sudden…”
“Yeah son, bought this fur 45 GRAND! Gonna put some subwoofers in the back, ‘n ride ’round town at 4 in the mawnin’, paint some flames on this thing, shout at random bitches walkin’ down the sidewalk…”
I had a 50’s pimp van joke, but I forgot it.
“I know! No chill’ren helpin’ in the garden, no child labor at all… wut kinda ‘Merica is this?”
I’m just as annoyed that children can’t skill on some things as I’m sure everyone else is. I really can’t see the problem with children picking a few tomatoes or something.
Leroy from the stove: “STOP HAWNTIN’ ME”
“Gud gawd, we gotta do somethin’ bout them damn ghosts.”
“Oh I don’t know Pat, I think they are kinda cute… hee hee.”
Bloaty: “This is the second photo my ass has photobombed in a row :D”
“I know Pat, I mean, I remember getting pregnant, but that was it! Weird, huh?”
“I know one thing babe, I’m gonna pay more ‘ttention to this lil’ baby than I have the other two yet!”
“…I mean I don’t remember any notification that Bella was even pregnant! One minute she’s wearin’ her brown dress ‘n the next we notice the maternity outfit! I donno… I just know one thing babe, I can’t git yew pregnant!”
Nascar, don’t you have a microwave you’ve been neglecting lately?!
“Wut? It’s nawt wut it looks like… I was busy takin’ care of a weird fire that just happened to happen in the barn loft, ‘n then I was so mad that all mah stock of
meth crank hay was gone that I suddenly found mahself heer… ‘n the doll hawse wus jus’ like this wen I saw it.”
“Oh mah GAWD, why can’t this guy git off mah case?!”
Shark just needs someone to annoy, Leroy, and since I’ve pretty much learned how to ignore him, I guess that new person to annoy would be you.
“Well if yew don’t like it, why the fuck yew intent on followin’ me everywhur?!”
“…I have no friends.”
“Peekaboo lil’ Mt. Dew! Hee hee, com’on now, play peekaboo wid’ ur big brothur!”
“Um… I have no idea who yew are…”
“I’m not doing anything to them! I’m just practicing!”
Yeah yeah, go “practice” in a quiet corner or something if you need to do that so bad.
“Um, haha wut? Wut are yew talkin’ bout Tater, jus’a minute ago yew were bein’ so nice ‘n playful wid’ me…”
“I’m surious, Mt. Dew. Yew grow up to be cuter than me, or better than me in anyway ‘n take all mah ‘ttention way frum the family…”
Jeez Tater, way to set a sibling rivalry.
“Ugh, bout fuckin’ time. Now I can enjoy my stinkin’ burnt… thing… in peace…”
Quite sure you shouldn’t be playing with his stuff, Mt. Dew. Remember that he’s not particularly… fond of you.
“Well, I wouldn’t have to resort to sneakin’ into his room at night if yew would, oh I donno, git around to decorating my bedroom?! OR, if nawt that, at least replacin’ my doll hawse grampa smashed?! That’s still in there?! Just a thought.”
Yes yes, I’m lazy. Just carry on.
“Cool it mom, damn, you know how long it takes for us to get dressed and actually get aross this laggy-ass lot?! Go take a hormone pill or one of grampa’s “potions” ‘n mellow out fur once!”
“THAT’S IT, GO STAND IN THE CORNER I DON’T CARE IF YOU ARE LATE NOW YOU ARE BEING PUNISHED”
She loves to just visit her favorite grandson Anwar, and Bun just loves when she is over too, so he doesn’t have to actually watch the kids for once. To be honest though, I don’t think he was in the first place, because the second Deborah walks into the house, their youngest Grady runs out screaming about the bookcase “mysteriously” catching fire.
True. Speaking of King Fire Killer, what’s taking his ass so long? (I mean, he IS a firefighter, but damn.)
“NICE TO MEET YOU GRAMMPA BUT SAVE MY HOUSE PLEASE! ALL MY POKEMON CARDS ARE STILL HIDDEN IN THAT BOOKSHELF”
“I PISSED IT OUT DALE, WUT DO YEW THINK”
“Well, I’m glad yew managed to put out the fire dear, but I’m gonna have to fine yew fur callin’ me out here fur no emergency.”
“DON’T YEW FUCKIN’ START THAT SHIT ON ME DALE I’LL SET YEW ON FIRE AGAIN!”
What’s even better, is that Deborah did all the work, but Dale still got paid, got a promotion, and even got a call from Bun about what a big hero he is. What a load of crap.
“Mr. Shark sir, isn’t the G-Spot where all the hipster’s go to get coffee ‘r somethin?”
Dammit Shark, that is NOT appropriate material to read to the children!
I’m sorry if I don’t find birthday’s interesting anymore <_< and as much as I enjoyed the lag that is birthday parties and constant rotting cake, you grew up just fine in your still crappy bedroom.
“I grew up a coward.”
As I said, just fine.
“Hm? What looks like it’s painful, dear?”
“Oh, is that what it is? I was wondering what that searing pain and all this water was coming from!”
“ARE YEW SURIOUS?!”