The Fourth of July Funer-Weddi-Party

LOL my title.  I tried taking three words and cramming them together to make a spoiler.  I FAIL

Anyway, who’s ready for a Secksie time?!

*Tunes banjo*

“Come and listen to my story ’bout a man named Pat                                                        

Skinny hairy man with a CC farmer hat

Then one day he was eggin’ up a house

And out of the corner popped up his future spouse.

(Bella, that is, Texas tramp, Black-haired gold-digger.)”

First thing you know, Pat’s voted in as heir

And ole’ Simis said, Pat, move away from there

Said Summer Hill was the place he ought to be

So Pat packed up his kinfolk and headed for the sea.

(Except Shark of course.  Fuck shark.

He can drive himself there.)

Well, now it’s time to say goodbye to Pat and all his kin

They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in-“

*Sound of the radio being changed*

Dale: “ERR’ BODY IN THE CLUB GETTIN’ TIPSY”

Everyone else: “DAMMIT DALE WE WERE LISTENING TO THAT, CHANGE IT BACK”

OK ENOUGH OF THAT

“So, ur nawt surious Pat.  We aren’t really gonna live in a field next to ur gurlfrien’s hawse, right?  Ur jokin’!  Right?!”

“Wut part of us sellin’ the ole’ hawse ‘n movin’ our stuff heer makes yew think this is a joke?”

“Of COURSE he’s jokin’ hon!  Cuz’ if it’s nawt, I’d pop a cap up ‘n his ass!”

During the time Pat was trying to explain to them that it wasn’t a joke, Bun and DD had run off to the beach at the bottom of the hill, because living next to the beach is just plain awesome anyway.

“Wut’s taken’ her so long, this was her damn idea in the first place!”

If you look carefully, you can see DD’s plumbob way back there.  Haha, slowass.

“The stars, they are so purdy…”

“I know, especially that big blindin’ one that jus’ popped up over the hill”

That’s what happens when DD takes her precious time getting down to the beach.

“Cliched beachside engagement!”

“Cliched shock and yes I will marry yew!”

How nice, guys.

Upon DD and Bun’s return, Pat had finally gotten Dale and Ronda calmed down enough to build the Secksie Farm!  The newest eyesore of the Landgraabs Bachelors and the Altos.

I wanted to be lazy and not give a tour, but I spent four days on this shit, so here we go.

First off, all CC courtesy of Club Crimsyn, Modthesims, The Sims Resource, some Skehrer finds, and other sources that I really need to just make a list of ._.

First up, the silo stocked full of graves and dead bodies of Secksies past, and a nice little garden for Pat’s LTW of the perfect garden.  Yes, that’s his LTW.  Please tell me someone saw that coming.

Next door is a little barn, that dispite all the paneling being the same color as the corners, it came out shiny and really bothersome.  I didn’t want a red barn, but I didn’t want the barn to glisten either.

And yes, next to the barn is a pen, with a pig in it.

I named him Bloaty 😀

The inside of the barn isn’t really, um, barn-y.  More like a garage for the cars and the workbench, and various skill and reward things.

There is a staircase to a loft as well, and a mysterious room that we will get to later :O

In the very backyard, is Deborah’s and Dale’s trailer.  They updated to a doublewide, how good for them.

This is their kitchen/living room.

And their bedroom where the love/hatebirds sleep.  There’s also a bathroom with a toilet and tub, you know, those kind of things.

And finally, this eyesore is the main house.  I’m not really done with it, every time I go back to it, I add something else to it, but I got the main floor plan and stuff out and ready to go.

First up, el sun room/laundry room with mismatched washer and dryer…

Kitchen with half of Jed and Sinbad Fish in it…

Next to it is the fancy guest dining room which I forgot to take a photo of, but after the Secksies destroy the kitchen with trash, we’ll see it soon enough.

Most of the living room…

The downstairs bathroom…

And the upstairs bathroom, complete with something getting jiggy in the shower.

And also Pat’s room, complete with more porking.

Finally, we have the attic, where Nascar sleeps.

“An’ nobody better come up heer and fuck this room up wid’ their dirty clothes and shit.”

Not like they haven’t tried.

Sadly, some members of the family couldn’t make the move, as some of the gnomes got stuck just outside of the old house’s boundaries, and couldn’t be packed up and moved.  I was very sad, seeing as most of them were my first gnomes.  So long, morons.

“Will Boom-Boom be happy stuck like this forever?”

“BOOTYBOOTYBOOTYBOOTY ROCKIN’ EVERYWHERE”

“To be stuck with you too morons for the rest of my life… oh just kill me now.”

The first thing that happened at the new house was Bun’s, DD’s, and Ronda’s graduation, which all happened AT the new house as well, seeing as Bun got lost in the living room and couldn’t get out of the house.

He was voted most likely to burn his house down by his class.  No surprise there.

“Sooo, we really gotta wait for ur boyfriend to come outta the hawse befur we go to City Hall?!”

“Yep, sho looks like it!”

Bun from inside the house: “RESET!  RESET! COME ON, RESET! Oh fuck this, I’m gonna get a sammich.”

And then the Fourth of July happened.  And what kind of redneck themed legacy would this be without an Independence day party?!

“I called all the guests, set up all the party favurs’, I think I did a dayum’ gud job if I do say so mahself!”

Good, now stop taking three hours putting on your swim trunks.  It’s a beach party, not a farming convention unlike last time.

The party was complete with a small pool (because it’s a BEACH party for fuck’s sake, there needs to be SWIMMING)

BUT…  a round pool may not have been such a bright idea, because even though sims have evolved the mentality to get out of a pool without a ladder, they still seem uncomfortable with curves.

“And cus’ of that, ur party sucks.” *reads work book*

“So glad yew could make it to the party, Bella!  Too bad, ur dad didn’t make it, I wanted to show ’em mah new place aftur work so he knows that I moved outta the woods to be closer to yew!”

“Oh, Pat!  Tee hee, that’s so nice of you!  Too bad though, dad died ’bout the time yew moved  so I guess you didn’t have to leave to win his favor after all!  LOL!”

“Um… I kinna wish yew done told me that befur I came up heer!”

“Ohs wells, I must have forgotten!  Silly me! :D”

Not really helping her case, is she.

“Anyway, it’s ok babe cus I can live in our new place… if yew join me as mah wife!”

“OMG Pat, is so shiny!  This totally makes up for your party sucking so much!”

The party is just fine, you bimbo.

Dispite the fact that Frances came uninvited with nothing else to do but blubber on about how her boytoy VJ left her.

Ok, so I looked it up, and he starved to death, but that isn’t here or there.

“Aw, ‘n heer I thought that mah nef’ew Pat wus gonna be a gud match fur that Ronda gurl instead.”

No one invited you, you and RP were disowned last chapter! D:<

Bun didn’t show up in his trunks, but that’s ok, because he might as well wear his tux.

Because not only is it a Fourth of July beach party, it’s also a Fourth of July beach wedding!

“DAISY DUKE, DO YEW TAKE ME IN ALL MAH INSANITY, MESSED UP STITCHIN’ ‘N COMPLUSIVE DISORDER TO PLAY GAMES WID YALL’S PET ROBOT?!”

“Oh Bun!  Yes, yes I do!”

“Do yew, Bun Onion, take me in all mah two day old stink, ‘n disregard to put on the weddin’ dress that was laid out for me fur today?”

“Ew no, smelly.”

“BUN.”

“Oh, yes, yes I do!”

“Oh Frances, ain’t weddin’s nice, knowin’ that yew ain’t ever gonna git married ‘cus VJ left ur ass?”

“Fuck yew bitch, I’m out.”

At least Ginny looks like she cares.

And I am fashionably late as fuck.

“Why won’t anyone use the pool I worked so hard on :(”

I know, it’s so sad, isn’t it?

“So, Pat, am I in ur way?”

“Naw papa, I’m just fine grillin’ mah grapes frum where yew are.”

“Yew sure?  *Elbows in face*  HUH, HUH, yew sure now?!”

“I’m FINE, papa.”

“How bout NOW, DAT ASS PAT, CHECK OUT DAT ASS”

“DAD GET OUT OF MAH CHEST”

“Dammit papa, yew ‘n ur ass caused me to burn mah grapes!  Hell!”

“Took them long enough…”

“Um, guys, I think I’m getting a sand rash ‘n mah tuxedo.”

“Ew, nasty.  They taste like raisins.”

“Well wut the hell were yew expectin, yew were cookin’ grapes!”

As the party started winding down, Ronda told some ghost stories, because I think that’s her most favorite past time in the world.

“Oh my gaw, your sister tells the most amazing ghost stories ever duuuuude….”

“I’m more ‘mazed that yew ain’t wearin’ no clothes!  Now that’s horrifyin’!”

Pat’s party finally ended and he went home, leaving DD to dance drunkenly with Leighton.

“WOOO, I’m a married woman, *hic* baby, back that thang up mah way!  I’ve had *hic* one WAAAY too many…”

And so, next time:  THE TEENAGERS OF GENERATION 8

Ok, that’s a lie, I’m getting way too ahead of myself now. V_V