Hey Pat. Ready to do another chapter?
I think he is.
After their wedding, DD and Bun moved out to face the dangers of story progression, which has started to do nothing for me again (MY COMPUTER HATES SUCCESS), where they gave birth to probably their only child, Anwar, which sounds like he will grow up to be a futuristic cybernetic warlord/heavy metal band guitarist.
“I CAN SEE FOREVER”
Ok, maybe not.
“Don’t fuckin’ look at me, I ain’t touched ur precious fireplace >:I”
With only two women left in the house, it looked like they would turn their hormones on each other, but a new women soon joined the Secksie family…
Oh STFU Bella and go to the barn, Pat’s already up their checking out new
“Hee hee… Hay…”
“Oh Pat, they are so beautiful, I love them! I will keep them forever with the other flowers you got me years ago for prom!”
“Oh Bella, ur still as lovely as the day I found yew standin’ behind ur parent’s stone fence, givin’ out handjobs to every boy that passed ur hawse! Move in wid’ me, ‘n I’ll promise that yew’ll never have to do those kinna’ things ever again!”
“Oh Pat, I would love to live with you! Plus with my brother running around without pants and underwear on, it was getting kinda awkward.”
“Tee hee, in this stuffy barn loft, really?”
“Yeah, why nawt! After all, every time mah family’s ever had a weddin’ party, somethin’ screws it up! Let’s jus’ have a small lil’ thing, right heer!”
“Oh YEAH, gonna go git laid now!”
And in the loft room, they found…
Dale, that’s the potion table.
“Bitch, do yew NAWT see that gas tank ‘n the paint thinner under the table?! ‘Is a damn meth set up ‘n yew know it!”
“I know! Ur papa’s really messed up, Pat mah boy. I jus’ ain’t as gangsta as I usta’ be, ya know?”
Actually, after adding the “potion” table to the back yard at the old house, Dale has been rolling wishes to make potions for a while now. It was only a matter of time, anyway.
“I look like one of those little house on the prairie chicks now…”
She wants to be leader of the free world. Haha, women in politics.
Dale, you know it’s more normal to use the fire hose, right?
“Dammit, why can’t I git this door to bust open?!”
I don’t know, but try using both hands. It will get you back to the house faster.
“Don’t yell at me! The poor puppy looked so lonely out there in that nasty little gate, so I let him out.”
“But nawt in the hawse Bella! Damn!”
“Oh really… wut’cha gawt in mind…”
“HEY GUYS IN HEER IN THE DININ’ ROOM, I PEED MAHSELF, GO GET A MOP, WILL YA”
Bloaty: “Bloaty’s photobomb powers, ACTIVATE”
Bloaty: “Hey, I heard squealing coming up in here so I came up to see if you got me a new penmate, but I guess not…”
“It’s nawt fair. All these people, like mah brother ‘n sister findin’ love. ‘N I haven’t even gotten to talk to a new person since Thornton died befur I could even git close to his life insurance policy…”
In the middle of the street, Ronda. How classy.
“What?! This is sudden, why would you bring this up now, of all times, Ronda?!”
“It’s either me or Forever Alone, Mort.”
“Oh yes, then, YES!”
“…Good fur yew dear.”
That’s one way to save someone’s life.
And to make it better, somehow Deborah came over from a house she was working on, and trapt herself. Oh joy.
(Note one of the Dammy girls in the background. WTF WHY)
CUE THE HERO MUSIC
“SHUT UP, I jus’ ran ’round an ENTIRE block to put his fire out ‘n save ur ass, so I’m too tired to hear ur shit!”
“Dammit, Deb’ruh! Get outta mah way! Yew wanna git burned now ‘r somethin’?!”
“…Yew dumb ho…”
NO WAY DALE
“Mmm, gonna git me some tonight…”
IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE DAY HAUNTING GHOSTS
AND THEIR BITCHING ABOUT HOW TIRED THEY ARE
AND RONDA’S DAMN BUTT PHONE
“You mean this isn’t the little girl’s room? Oopsie!”
“I really had to go, so shaddup!”
Also note that it’s soon going to be the bride’s turn to pee herself since no one wants to listen to my commands of going to the fucking bathroom.
AND OH JOY, Dale got the pissing problem that Jared had at Dodge’s wedding now…
“Damn I knew I had way too many 40s this mawnin…”
“Dad scoot ovur, it’s mah turn to use the bathroom.”
SKEHRER’S NOT THE BATHROOM, GUYS
“DAMMIT, DO I LOOK LIKE A BATHROOM?!”
“YES, YES YEW DO, LADY”
“So glad I’m still wearing these ugly brown rainboots, la de da”
I blame YOU for this, Bella!
“Sob, I gift him his cool little bandana and this is how he thanks me D;”
See what I mean when I said something always happens at wedding parties? Well, Ronda and Mortimer moved out as quick as they could and joined Bun and DD and ANWAAAAAAR in story progression bliss.
“OMG A BABY! QUICK BLOATY, FETCH ME MY HUSBAND”
“Do I look like your damn watchdog to you?! No wait, don’t answer that…”