Welcome back to the Southern Prettacy. Time to start off the new Generation in style!
“I don’t want to be tied down! I want my sex without reprocussions! Why pay for the cow when I can get the milk for free?! Well, not saying Red Rider was free…”
Last time, we had a small heir poll. Ronda tugged at some heart strings, but Pat was ripping hearts out with his 23 votes to Ronda’s 8. Poor DD and her 5. So let’s go back to our little heir’s birthday, shall we…
“I feel a makeovers gonna be needed!”
To the salon, then!
“…Ok then, twenty bucks!”
“NOT for the discusting things you want to do, you pervert!”
Pauline: “Make it forty and I’ll happily do it for you with my recordable… dildo?”
(No really, what the fuck is she thinking of, a rocket? Then again, that still might be perverted, at least for Pauline…)
“I feel like Furmer Brown wid’ this crap…”
Nonsense, you are adorable anyway. Maybe overly hairy. But still, we needed a farmer look eventually anyway.
“Oh my gosh, that poor woman!”
“Haha, gawt mah audiance right wur’ I want ’em…”
“Oh shut up Pat, ur ruinin’ my story!”
“Yeah Pat, be nice to your little sister and let her finish. Speaking of finishing, can I bum $40?”
“Too bad I gotta teach him in this thing. The boy should know how to drive somethin’ important, like a TANK”
Take your thoughts of tanks and SHOVE THEM, Nascar.
“Wut, mah cowboy hat’s jus’ an accessory piece fur mah outfit!”
“Sigh, this was the weddin’ dress I picked out years ago, but Dale never gave me the ring… and now I’m so old ;_;”
“Sigh, this was the dress I picked out fur my hooker career, but yew won’t let me ;_;”
Just go get in the car.
Poor Virginia, has no idea where she is, and keeps wishing to show random people pictures of her grandchilden.
“But… it’s a purdy blue rock!”
“Yew didn’t even git it cut!”
“This way it’s gawt more personaility!”
Needless to say, Pat wasn’t happy with it.
“An’ then I walked into the room, and thur wus mah mama ‘n paw wrestlin’ on the bed, ‘n the image of mah mama’s tattoo is furever burned into my memory!”
Deborah’s tattoo: “):”
Go figure the horror story would end with a deer.
After that, everyone went down to the bistro to throw Pat a celebratory expensive dinner, you know, something a lot of grads and their families do after the kid’s big day.
They roll up to the bistro and found THIS
WHAT THE FUCK
NOT ONLY ARE YOU BROTHER AND SISTER, YOU ARE IN THE SAME TRIPLET SET WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO
“Oh Richard, your jiggly chest fat…”
I would like to apologize to Cerise back there as well. She does not deserve this kind of treatment in my game.
“I didn’t even ASK to be in this shit…”
“An’ then, when she turned ’round, the ghost was RIGHT THERE”
Virginia: “GHOST?! WHERE?!”
“M-MAMA?! Oh gawd, WHY DO YEW HAVE TO DIE?!”
“SOB WAH CUZ YEW GAVE HER A HEART ATTACK WID’ YEW SCREWIN’ OUR SISTER ‘N ALL YEW DUMBASS WAAAH”
RIP Virginia. You were two promotions away from getting your LTW. Go figure. You leave behind a bunch of stupid childen and some grandchildren, hopefully none from RP and TJ.
“WHY MAMA WHY WAAH”
“Oh. Grandma. I hardly knew you. Sob.”
“OH… NOW I’LL NEVER GET TO EAT TONIGHT WAH TEAR SOB”
Ok, actually he’s finally having his ADULT birthday, but who can really focus on his birthday while the gnomes are doing whatever the hell they are doing back there…
“No, I’m surious man, GTFO”
And when I thought the gnomes couldn’t get weirder…
“Oh my porcelain hip D:”
“Oh my metal balls D:”
Jeez, be nice Dale.
“Zzzz, mmm, yeah yew like wut yew see in the microscope, dun’cha zzz…”
“Well Thort’n, mah birthdays comin up, ‘n… I doubt mah mama’s gonna come to this one either.”
“I thought you weren’t on speaking terms with her, Ronda. Besides, your dad and your sister DD will be there, and if I get off work early, I might make an appearance. And that’s all you need, right?”
“I guess ur right, Thort’n.”
He’s still an ADULT, YOU ASSHOLE GAME.
AND I WAS PLANNING ON HIM TO BE RONDA’S SUGAR DADDY AND THAT GOT SCREWED UP FOR ME.
“It’s like we’s brothurs again, Pat :D”
“Noooo, the furmer look’s mine, Dallas, go find ur own outfit!”
“Ur damn tv’s brokun again?! UGH, this is Dale’s YA birthday all ovur again!”
And you come running into the house through the wall, who are you to complain?!
“Well of course I came! Ur mah only child, and I knew deep in mah heart that I had to do somethin’ fur yew, even if that was tearin’ mahself outta mah hawse fur the first time in 18 years just to show up at ur birthday for once! ‘N thur’s nothin’ that crazy fire crotch of a woman can do to stop me either!”
“Oh hi Aunt Deb’ruh, how’ya been?!”
“Oh please don’t shake this arm Dallas, that hurts…”
“Mama, I dun’ told yew go to the hospital and let them put a cast on that arm! Gud lawd!”
“But he SAW me goin’ fur that cake, ‘n he took it frum me on purpose! He’s such an ass! That was mah cake! MINE!”
OMG, THERE ARE TWO OTHER CAKES AND THEY ARE ALL THE SAME, SHUT UP.
“Happy birthday DD! I’d spin the noise maker, but mah hand, it’s broken and it hurts!”
“Oh give me that, Deb’ruh! Yew don’t need to be spinnin’ no spinny thang! I agree wid’ Pat… fur once. Go to the damn doctor!”
Just get the birthday’s out of the way already, damn.
“I here just to see what my beloved Bella is so interested in that she doesn’t want to be with me… oh… no amount of birthday cake will fill the dark, vacant hole that my Bella has left in my heart…”
No amount of any food is filling that hole, Mortimer. I always get a fatty fat Mortimer in ALL my games…
Yeah yeah, if you think so, Fat Mortimer. Don’t go around breaking my wicker yard furniture, you hear me?!
“Ugh, I got dem’ butterflys flutterin’ in mah belly… wut if he says no dis time? I’m so nervous right now…”
“Psst, hey Bella, I hear your boyfriend’s going to try to convince dad to let him marry you! Twenty bucks he says no!”
“Haha, seriously! And I’ll bet you that he’ll say yeah and you got to go put pants on!”
(I just now noticed how small I made Micheal’s censor bar is, that wasn’t intentional…)
“PLEASE, Mistur Bach’lur! Please let me marry Bella! I know I’m jus’ta curnbread countree’ boy, but I really love ur dawghtur ‘n will give anything fur her hand! I know I ain’t that Mortimur boy, but yew can’t let Bella marry him! He’s depressed ‘n fat ‘n I’m so much better fur her ‘n-”
“Omg dad, REALLY?!”
“Even aftur how much we hated each other frum wen I talked to yew the first time, ‘n threw eggs at ur hawse afturwurds ‘n all that, ur gonna let me marry Bella?!”
“Oh, THANK YEW, Mistur Bachlur! Yew won’t regret a thing!”
“I know I won’t! I can’t wait for you to move in and be with my daughter!”
“I still can’t believe you said yes, dad…”
“YES MICHEAL NOW GO PUT ON PANTS GOSH”
“What? Oh, no no NO. Not my Bella. You aren’t taking her to live in those shady back valley woods, no sir. If you want to marry MY little girl, you are going to abandon that hillbilly lot you call a house and stay here. No way Bella is living in a shack house like a trailer trash tramp!”
“No, I don’t care. It’s either you leave that shack you call a house and come here or NO Bella for you! And that’s my final offer.”
“Tell me ’bout it. Leave mah hawse OR nawt marry his dawghtur?! He’s so full of it, ain’t no way I’d ever live wid’ im… I mean… I guess I would leave mah hawse, but live heer? NO.”
What are you thinking about, Pat?
Well you can’t just stake claim to any plot of land you find, Pat…
Oh wait, this is the sims we are talking about…