An Interrupted Affair

Did anyone not survive the rapture?  No, everyone is still here then?  Oh goody then, we will all be sinners together and stay on earth!

YAY

“Yall got any specials today?”

“No, everything you see here is a solid $14 up front.”

“Well fuck then… just give me a vanilla cupcake n’ a pie to let rot in my invuh’tory.”

I thought it would be a neat idea to open the new chapter with Dale being ripped off by a little girl for a couple reasons.

First off, this little girl is the two day old child of Skehrer!  Congrats Skehrer, you finally bred in my game.  Sadly, the aging glitch is still prominent in my game as well, and you gave birth to an 8 year old.

“My mommy is still in the hospital!”

And now, I’ll give you a guess on who her father is…

“Why am I still wearing my formal from a week ago?”

Nice catch Skehrer, you managed to bag a Creeper!  Not bad for EA’s SP.

In case you couldn’t tell, I have gone back to this SP, again.  Twallan’s SP worked in Sunset for about two days in-game before it stopped working altogether.  I can’t win for trying.

So far in town, besides these two having a baby, Gargantua and her husband moved away, TWICE (thanks guys) but their son Robby moved in with his girlfriend Holly and her parents, much to their distaste of him (Nick hates his ass).  My simself moved from my roommate’s house to the Goth’s (I think she has a thing for Cornelia ._.) The Bachelor’s move houses about once a week, Tori Kimura married someone, Gus Hart died in a fire, and Xander Clavell was killed in a drive by shooting by lightning, leaving Dale to be the only white trash sim still bumming off his parents.

Speaking of Dale, his son still sucks.

“But yew jus’ hadda’ nap, boy!  Why’re yew still so fussy?!”

“I didn’t nap, I screamed ‘n complained ’bout nawt gettin’ attention!  Why can’t I ever be happy?!”

BECAUSE YOU ARE A TERRIBLE CHILD WITH BROKEN NEED BARS, SO SHUT UP

His mother, Deborah, started working as a home designer around town, and since I suck at building and designing stuff for sims, so does she.

Deborah, did you really have to bring a plate of waffles with you to the Bunches?

“Wut?  I brought a lil lunch wid’ me fur later, I don’t see wut the big deal is.”

The second Deborah walked into the house, she wanted to insult it.  Jeez Deborah, why would they even want to hire you?

In the end, Jack bitched about how terrible it was (and I admit, it might have been, I was rushing that day) but I let Deborah have her wish in the end after all.

“Well maybe it’s nawt terrible becuz’ I stuffed two toilets behind a wall, maybe the hawse is already over cluttured ‘cus yew n’ ur wife won’t stop fuckin’ n’ addin’ all these brats ‘n ur hawse! Yew ever think ’bout that, yew whore?!”

“Oh cheese and nachos, did those words really come out of her mouth?!  Golly gee, I’ll never hire this woman again!”

I wouldn’t hire her either.

“I can’t believe yew’n papa Lawnie convinced me to move wid’ yall to Sunset.  I hate it here, Edith, it’s borin’ and all the people luk stupid ‘n-”

“Oh ma GAWD, luk Biawnca, it’s Dale!  DALE!  I thought he was killed in a drive by shootin’!”

No, that was Xander.

“Oh shit, Edith?!  I thought I’d never see yew again!  I thought after we were forced outta Twinbrook that yall were surely dead ‘r somethin’!”

“Naw man, we moved ’bout the same time yall did, I just decided that I was gonna go to France ‘n try to become an art student there!  Turns out that we don’t even have WA yet, so I came back to Sunset just recently!”

“Oh man, this is great!  We gotta hang out more frum now on, Eideth!”

“Sure, that sounds great!”

“Heer’s mah number, give me a holler sometime, ok?”

“Yew bet I will!”

It was not five seconds after they exchanged numbers did Dale wizz all over Edith’s shoes.  Way to make an impression on her, dude.

“FUCK!  DAMMIT DALE NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!”

“Jus’ like back n’ high school, ain’t it, Edith?”

“Mmm, sure smells like it to me.”

“Wait a minute, Dixie… I don’t think this is our kid…”

“ATTENTION NOW PLEASE”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ KILL my brothur fur swappin’ my baby like this!”

“So where is my REAL son… oh, here he is.”

“I looooove ur babieeeeeeee”

“DADDY GIT ME AWAY FRUM THIS GHOST SHE’S MAKIN’ ME STARVE”

Sigh, let go of the infant, Amber.

Time for Patriot’s birthday.  About time.  Because if he cries one more time for something unreasonable, I’ll explode the computer.

Because he’s stupid, he grew up a kleptomaniac.

“Well that’s wut happens wen I don’t get the attention I deserve.”

Oh, kiss my ass, Patriot.

What, the Goths can’t keep up with the Goths, Deborah?

Why do they keep hiring you?!

“Yall wanna teenage sanchuh’wury fur him ovur thur?”

“I WANT TO BE AN ARTIST WHEN I GROW UP BECAUSE ART IS MY SOUL”

“Ok then, but I wurned’ yew…”

I think I did really well for myself.

A complete hick makeover for Mortimer Goth.

Complete with lotion and tissues on his bedside dresser

*snicker*

Well, it is a teen’s room makeover WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

The tissues and lotion are not clutter, Cornelia, they are necessary for growing boys <_<

And I really do hope he likes the art.  He did nothing but scream about it in the road while Deborah was working.

Deborah’s next client was Cerise, stolen from the Chimerees, somewhat of Deborah’s estranged great aunt I guess.

“So yew want one of them book nook thangs?  Wut’re those like uh’gin?”

“You know, like an in-home library.  I’m really excited to see what you’ll do for me.”

For a shed I kinda rushed, I don’t think it’s half bad at all if I do say so.

Kinda looks like my dad’s get-away shed.

“It’s a ‘book nook’.  Why isn’t there any light in here?!”

Because that wasn’t on the to do list and I DON’T CARE OMG

“I don’t know Deborah, but I kinda think, you know, you need light in here to read…”

“Well how wus I supposed tuh know?!  I ain’t ever hadda learn no readin’ ‘n I gotta’long jus’ fine!”

“And I let you in my backyard, why?!”

“Ah, Trenton!  Ur back in my life!  How’ya been boy?!”

“No Jared, I’m your great grandson, Patriot.  Wutever, play tag wid me so I can furget how ignored I am by all these people.”

“Um, Grampaw Jared?  Yew suck wen it comes to playin’ tag.”

“Wut’re yew talkin’ about, I’m bunches of fun!”

“But, yew float so slowly, can’t yew go any faster?!”

“But goin’ any quicker is too tiring…”

“And this is why I hate yew, Grampaw Jared.”

Ooh, another teenage sanctuary request.

Thing is, Jamie doesn’t even have any children.

Maybe she’s still going through some sort of PTSD with Donny or something.

“Nooo, you don’t know, maybe one day I’ll find love and finally have a teen child to spoil!”

“Eh, no, yew live wid’ two hookers, no man’s gonna take yew surious anymore.”

“Bitch, I don’t even like your remake of this room anyway!”

Well screw you, Jamie, I was being lazy and was late for work so screw your shit opinion about Deborah’s makeover!

“Mama, I can’t believe yew let that bimbo talk to yew that way!”

“It’s ok son, I gave up tryin’ to please that slut two renovations ago.  She can’t live in this “sqawlor” ‘r wutever she n’ Vita keep callin’ it, then she can make over it herself!”

“Oh mama.  Yew want me to take care of her fur yew?!”

“She don’t need these funny lil’ balloons and these month-worth of mints anyway!”

That’s one way to get back at Jamie.  And do take those things away from her, it’s not like she needs them <_<

“LUK, Dale!  I spent all day wid’ him yesterday at work, n’ yew just sit heer all day on ur ass ‘n watch futball!  It’s UR turn to spend time wid’ ur son today!”

“But… I actually had plans to do today, babe!  I was gonna go to town ‘n spend time wid’ my boys!”

“Yew know as well as I do that yew ain’t got no friends in this town!  Now take ur son onna’ papa-son trip today and I swear to god Dale, if he follows me to work after he gets outta school, I’m gonna beat ur ass to death!”

“Papa!  I thought ’bout wut we should to today!  First, we should go to the park, n’ then we should go n’ git somethin’ to eat n’ swap manly stories ’bout the time we were supposed to go fishin’ together but yew were too stoned to remember so I went wid’ Nascar”

“Um, do I really have’ta take yew somewhe-”

“GO DALE.  I’M SERIOUS.”

“Ok, ok!”

… This doesn’t look like you’re spending time with your son…

“Man, I jus’ wanted to spend time wid’ my homey, and I am, dammit, can’t a man do wut he wants fur once?!”

“I thought I was more than ur… homey… Dale.  An’ why is this kid here?”

“Papa, this doesn’t luk like McDonalds to me…”

“Yeah it does, boy, there’s even that clown yew’ve said lives in the rest’rant.”

“HEY!”

“She don’t luk like no Ronald McDonald to me…”

“Whoa papa!  Wut are yew doin’?!  I don’t think this is sum kinda’ sleep deprived hallucina’shun!”

“Shut up boy, n’ let daddy, uh, spend some time wid’ this nice lady, mmk?!”

“Do yew nawt feel offended ’bout my daddy jus’ comin’ on in heer ‘n kissin’ all ovur that lady like that?!”

“Oh you poor child.  I’ve been offended the day my sister said she was even dating that loser…”

“EDITH GLOVER.  You BETTER not be goin’ to the back room to do what I think ur gonna do!”

“…I don’t know what ur talkin’ about, Bianca!”

“You know FULL well what I’m talkin’ about, Edith!  Sleeping with ur SECOND COUSIN.  While his own son is in the HOUSE.  I thought Papa Lonnie raised you better than that!”

…Lonnie raised you?

“I’m not going to sleep with him, GOSH.  I’m just gonna go talk some since into him ’bout why he shouldn’t be neglectin’ his boy like this ‘n all that jazz…”

“Mmk, ur sister finally shut her damn pie hole long ’nuff fur us to do this thang?!”

“Yeah, but I AM a lil concerned about that boy of urs.  Yew… promise he ain’t gonna come in heer or anything?”

“Wut, him?!  Naw, I told him that he better nawt move from that couch in there or I’ll tan his hide gud.  He ain’t goin’ nowhere, baby!”

Not twenty seconds later:

“Papa, these people don’t have a tv or nothing, and HOLY SHIT YALL NAKED”

“This isn’t wut it looks like boy, me n’ ur daddy were just finishin’ up, weren’t we, Dale?!”

“Dammit boy, wut did I just tell yew ’bout comin’ in here and interuptin’ ur papa like this!  We ain’t goin’ nowhere now after this, yew hear me?!”

“Oh gaw, I’m so sorry dad, I didn’t know wut yall were doing in here D:”

“Now wut yew saw today was just a part’a life, yew understand boy?  Yew see, when a man an’na woman love each other a whole lot, body parts start flyin’ all over the place like that…”

“My childhood, it is gone.”

Well.  Now that Patriot is scarred for life, and Dale is scared for his if this got back to Deborah, we go back to the Secksie house to find his blissful little girlfriend taking a nice… shower…

“Nothin’s more relaxin’ like a nice warm shower aftur a long day’s work…”

Um, Deborah?

I deleted that shower because it was broken.

“Well, might explain why I just took a five hour shower…”

SIGH *resets*

“NOTHIN’S GOIN’ ON IN HEER, JUST DOIN’ THE DISHES FUR MY LOVIN’ GURLFRIEND SO SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO WORRY ‘BOUT ‘IM, MY DAY WID THE BOY WAS JUST FINE”

Yeah yeah, you keep sucking up in there, Dale. We’ll see where it gets you.

And now, we have Dallas’ birthday with a very enthused Nascar sarcasm

“The one photo I get this damn chapter, and it’s durin’ a damn kid’s birthday party.”

At least you get one, I don’t think I’ve seen Virginia all chapter.

“I really don’t wanna be heer at this birthday party.  I couldn’t sleep last night because of the nightmares of wut I saw yesterday kept repeatin’ in my head.”

“Tell me ’bout it, the things I saw in my diaper last night were horrendous!”

“Shut the hell up, Dallas, you have NOTHIN’ to talk ’bout compared to me.”

So, what does Dallas look like all grown up?  Will Deborah actually get good at her job?  Will she ever find out about Edith coming to town?  Or does she already KNOW?!

Find out next time.  Eventually.  Maybe, I don’t know, my new internet connection sucks DONKEYBALLS