The Very Secksie American Special

So unless you live under a rock, or Canada (just kidding Canada, I love Canada.  You have nice waterfalls and moose.) then you have heard about the death of Osama Bin Laden.  This is a really big deal in America, even I think this is good news.  Everyone over here is flipping their shit.  Do you remember where you were when you heard?  I did.  I was watching Rio.  Great movie by the way.

So it’s only natural for the Secksies to do what comes natural upon hearing this kind of news: Celebrate.

“Yo dawg, come on ova’ to my crib, man!  We throwin’ a party heer!  Biggest party eva’ dawg!  Yeah!

…Why are yew in Canada, dawg?  Moose?  Well, they do have purdy neat moose…”

I found a really nice american flag pattern and it WORKS in my game!  So I put it on EVERYTHING

Overkill much?  I didn’t think so.

Sadly, the only thing I couldn’t apply the pattern to was the flag.  An american party and the flag doesn’t even have the flag pattern on it?  Really stupid I think.

Oh and I couldn’t find the flag in the buy mode, even with the cheat on it.

I had Darrell steal it out of Deborah’s yard the night before.

“I’m doin’ it fur patree’otic purpuses’.”

Having to steal the flag for an american party and the flag doesn’t even have the flag pattern on it.  I feel like I’m breaking some kind of law with that.

“Wah!  He’s dead!!  This isn’t fair!”

Nascar, no one is crying over his death-

“NO, not him! The tv!  Now we can’t even watch the news!  Boo hoo hoo!!”

Then fix the tv, you big baby.

Virginia actually looks really good in Dixie’s midget hair and… Paulina?

“Times for a cela-BRASHUN YO”

Still, don’t grind up on Virginia like that.

“MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!  I hurd the news mommy!  He’s dead, that evil man’s dead!  It’s a wun’derful day mommy!  Party time!  Hey, where’s the buffet table?”

“Sigh, who let my dawghtur back in the hawse?”

“Don’t look at me, I was invited by my son.”

Speaking of Jay, he’s spilling the salad all over the ground because he’s pissed off at Dale for not moving away from the turkey fast enough.

“Salad isn’t manly!  This is a manly celebratshun!  Git this fruity lil gurly crap outta heer! *throws salad everywhere*”

Jay, it’s too early for you to be drunk.

“Sheldon?  I haven’t seen yew in furever, yew really think yew can just show up at my party n’ stick ur head in my neck?  Yew bettur stop befur’ Darr’ll sees yew n’ kicks ur ass!”

“Oh come on, Vurginyuh!  It’s a celebratshun!”

“I hate those two so much!”

Jeez Pauline, lay off Dammy.  They are just little girls!

“Aw mah gawd!  I finally cawght me a man!  Oh Jay, ur hair smells so nice frum back heer!  Wanna go back to my place ‘n make out a lil?!”

“Um, help?”

“See what I mean?  I hate them.”

“Ugh, this party *hic* sucks.  This drink isn’t even *hic* strong enuff eithur *hic* I hate all these, uh, *hic* people.”

Says Nascar, the only sim in the military career path in this entire town I think.  He spent the entire party just wondering around the yard looking mean at people.  I found that strange.

“They didn’t have to *hic* see the war…”

True, war is never anything to celebrate in my opinion.  Of course one less war criminal in the world now.  That’s always good news.

Dixie really seems to be enjoying the party.

Then she got the notification that she and Sheldon were no longer friends.  Really guys?  Was the dance that bad?

“Why am I the one grillin’ ovur heer, Darr’ll?!  I thought the whole grillin’ thing was fur the man of the hawse?”

“Oh git off my back Vurginyuh, I’m ovur heer providin’ entertainment, ok?!  I’d like to see yew come ovur heer ‘n do the whole guitar thing!”

Um, that’s why we got a radio, Darrell.

“I had to take off those uncomfutabul, pants, they were givin’ me a *hic* crotch rash…”

“I don’t even know why I’m friends wid’ yew, Jay.”

“Now that Osama’s dead, yew don’t think something really *hic* bad could happen now… do ya?”

“Can’t say there isn’t that possibility.  The news said something about us bein’ in code red n’ all that…”

“And now I’m *hic* scared… Obama should save us…”

“Please don’t tell me ur one of the people who thinks that the president killed Osama, right?  I bet you can’t even name the team that wus sent to his hawse!”

“Yew mean Obama didn’t shoot Osama himself?  But… they’re names rhyme!”

“…I hate ur logic.”

I do keep hearing about how the president killed Osama.  For the record, I think the troops deserved more credit than this.

Still, whether you love or hate Obama, no one else stands a chance at election now <_<

“Yew know wut I heard?  I heard Obama went ovur there himself and kuraty’ chopped his head off aftur puttin’ Osama in the middle of a human centipede.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly wut went down.”

“… Yew’ve been watchin’ Fox News again, haven’t yew?”

“Naw, I’m just drunk.”

“OH NO, I FURGOT THE TOBY KEITH CD”

Actually, halfway through grilling, Virginia peed herself and then ran to go take a quick shower.  Very annoying, Virginia, who is going to watch the grill now?!

“Don’t worry, I got this… OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT”

Great, I feel so much safer.

“Yall’s hawse is filthy in heer.  Someone really needs to clean up in heer!  Gimme all yall’s durty clothes, I’m doing a load!”

“No!  Don’t take mah hat!  It’s dry clean only!”

The first thing Deborah does when she comes in is a load of clothes.  How much you want to bet she has a neat trait?

“Yeah!  The simbot is awesome!  He’s a national hero!  Fighter Pilots fur the win!  WOOOO!”

“Yeah!  My son is dancing with a hero!  I’ve never been proud of my son until today!”

“Um, yall do know my fathur’s robot has never even left the navy base, right?”

“HUMPH.  Nice party.  I’m leaving.”

Really Edith?  You JUST got here.

She got here late, she stood there for a few hours, then when Dale finally went to talk to her, she left.  Fine then.  Dale has another chick he can talk to.

“Oh gawd, she’s comin’ ovur heer to sit with me.  Keep it togethur Fo-Twenny, yew gotta impress her…”

“Yo mama, move yo ass outta my way, I wanna sit next to Deb’rah, ya hear?”

“Yew really talk to ur mothur like that, boy?!”

“I can’t believe Dale pushed me off the couch like that!  I thought I raised him better!”

“Yo baby, wussa’ fine thing like yew doin’ in a yard party like this?”

“Hey Deb’rah!  Wanna come ‘n sit ovur heer with me away from my pervy brothur?”

“Thought yew’d never ask.”

“Aw, I can’t believe yew took my gurl away frum me, Dixie!”

“She was my friend befur ur’s Dale.”

“Aw, now I gawt blue balls n’ everythang.  This blows.”

“I can’t believe how rude ur brothur is, Dixie.”

Finally the party really started to slow down, and Dixie continued reading and keeping up with the news.

“Hey I found somethin’ that isn’t on the war right now, Dale!  Check this out, I didn’t even know we still cared about this!”

Really?  On the day of the Secksie’s party, there was a message in the paper about a royal wedding.  It’s like my game… knows…

“Oh Jay, the cigarette burns so much, but it’s worth it so much right now”

And to end the party, Deborah did one more load of laundry.  Dispite this, she found the party to be a blast.  The party was one of the most epic parties ever according to the messages.

“I’m so happy ur party was such a blast baby.  Yew throw the best parties!”

“Thanks Darr’ll.”

And so they ended the day dancing until Darrell passed out from sheer exhaustion.

Next time, the Secksie’s will return to their original schedules with weddings, babies, and stupid glitches that are really ruining my game now.  Til next time.