And Now I’m Going To Starve

A new chapter fresh off the heels of the poll?  What can I say, I got bored, I played a little during the poll.

What happened last time?  Oh yeah, Dixie said that she wanted her real father in her life and that upset Darrell…

“Um, hard night?”

“*hic* Y-yew, haff NOOOOOoooo *hic* idear…”

“Oh mah gawd, there yew are Darr’ll, I’ve been wondrin’ where yew’ve gawn too all night!”

“Oh *hic* leave me alone Vurginyuh, I just wanna be left *hic* alone, mmk?!”

“Oh Darr’ll.  I haven’t seen yew this upset and drunk since the night yew got engaged to me…  Now, I know Dixie wantin’ her fathur in her life’s upset yew, but yew gotta come on home and go to bed.  Yew still hav’ta go to her burthday too yew know.  She wants yew there too.  Now how ’bout we find ur pants and take yew home.”

“NO!  Yew *hic* yew don’t understand how PAINFUL this is fur me, Vur*hic*ginyuh!  She luvs yew!  Ur her mothur!  I ain’t anything to *hic* her, she doesn’t luv me no more…”

“FUCKIN’ HELL DARR’LL!  THAT’S ENOUGH!”

“*hic* Uh…”

“I’m startin’ to get tired of ur lil’ pity party Darr’ll!  Dixie very much still luvs yew!  ‘N yew goin’ on like a ole’ drunk heifer is uncalled fur now!”

“Oh *hic* please don’t yell Vurginyuh…!”

“Just shut up, Darr’ll!  Did yew even know she planned her burthday ’round ur workin’ hours jus’ so yew can be there and I’ll be DAMNED if I have to hog tie yew and drag yew there!  You WILL be at ur dawghtur’s burthday!”

“Ok, I’ll be thur…  I’ll be thur Vurgin*hic*-”

“Yew bettur.  Ur nawt gonna upset Dixie tomarrow, yew hear me?!  Now come on, let’s go home and go to bed and yew bettur nawt be hung over in the mawnin’!”

“*sniff hic*  I’m so sowwie Vurginyuh…”

“It’s ok baby, ur gonna be fine.”

“Vurginyuh… I can’t find my pants 😦 ”

“I know, I know…”

“She’s gotta strong will to be married to that baffoon…”

And you watched the whole time?!  Creeper D:<

“Yew pulled all the stops out fur my party, didn’t yew?”

Sure as hell did!  Check out that half assed rug!  THAT’S QUALITY DECORATING RIGHT THERE

“Hey Dixie gurl!  Nice party yew got here!”

“Thanks Sheldon!  I’ll be wid’ya in a few minutes, mmk?”

“Dang, yew weren’t kiddin’ Jay, ur gurlfriend is hawt!”

“Gosh guys, yall makin’ me all embarrassed over here!  Nawt in front of Dixie!”

“Damn, she really is sexy!  I wish yew weren’t datin’ her, ‘cus I’d like to take her to the bushes and do things to her!”

“W-wut?  Um, Mathew, that’s ur cousin…”

“… I’d still do her.”

“Wow, yew really are a pervert, aren’t cha?”

“Oh don’t read my thoughts!  They’re durty!  Stop LOOKIN’ AT ME!  STOP IT!”

“…And me and Jay are friends wid’ya because…?”

“I’m really glad yew gotta come to my party, Jay, even if yew brought ur moronic friends wid’ja.”

“I’m glad yew invited me, Dixie!  Anything to avoid school!”

“Hey, yew do know that my wish to kiss yew is still locked frum wen we met, right?”

“Yeah, and?”

Aw.  Way to look so enthused, Dixie.

“Meh, he tastes like snuff ‘n taco meat.”

“I’m so glad yew gotta make it to my burthday, Sheldon.  it means so much to me that yew could make it.”

“Anything fur yew gurl.  I’m proud of yew, yew grew up into such a smart young lady.  I know yew didn’t get that frum me, haha.”

“But hey, I wanna ask yew somethin right quick…”

After Sheldon and Dixie finished discussing what he wanted to talk to her about, Dixie finally got to her cake.  At the same time, Sheldon declared that he had to go be somewhere else and miss Dixie’s big moment after all.  Asshole.

But someone was there for Dixie during her birthday after all.

“Yay Dixie!  That’s my gurl!”

“Oh gawd, her midget hair’s back…”

Dixie, she grew up ambitious.

“Yay!  Dixie!  Happy birthday, yay!”

“Dad, I grew up half an hour ago.”

“Yeah, I’m still a lil’ drunk…”

“I can’t believe yew got the heirship, Dale.  I still think ur just a carbon copy of dad…”

“Low blow Dixie.  I mean, I can’t help I’m better than yew but shit.”

“Oh screw yew.”

And so yes, Dale is the official heir for the next generation.

“It’s FO-TWENNY.  Damn!”

Shut up.  Dale won with over 58% of the votes, Dixie with about half, and even R.P. got quite a few.  I think Dammy voted for themselves with their measly two votes (lol jk they had actual fans… somewhere…)

I honestly didn’t think Dale was going to stand out as much as he did, but I guess people loved him more than I anticipated.  But there were a lot of Dixie fans too.  People had a lot of good things to say for both Dale and Dixie actually.

So after a little bit of thinking, I’ve decided that both Dale and Dixie will stay.  I mean, if Scarletsimphony can do it without killing Pilot Inspecktor and Audio Science in a blind rage, I can too, right?  Right??

Besides it was going to happen if Dammy got the heirship.  Which I’m glad they didn’t.

Anyway after the party, Nascar had a heart attack.

“Goodbye cruel world.  For a few hours.”

Just stick some duct tape on it and walk it off, Nascar.

“Dad, I’m so glad you made it too my party!”

“Anything fur yew baby gurl.”

“Yeah, I’m glad yew didn’t git into any scraps wid’ Sheldon either!  Yew two were very behaved!”

“Well, it wasn’t like ur mama wus gonna let me anyway.”

“Haha. But sursly’ dad, I have something I want to talk to yew bout Sheldon…”

“Oh…”

“Dad, wait to hear wut I have to say.  He confronted me earlier befur I grew up, he asked me something.  He wanted me to move in with him aftur I grew up and live wid him…”

“…”

“But!  Dad, I turned Sheldon’s offur down!  I long decided that I wus gonna stay wid yall.  Wid yew and mama and Da…Fo-Twenny.  ‘Sides, I luv yew dad.”

“Oh… baby gurl… yew just don’t have any idea how much this means to me…  I’m just so *sniff* happy!”

“Dad, don’t start cryin’ on me now…”

“I’m nawt cryin, men wid glasses on don’t cry!”

Darrell ran off to celebrate his victory over Sheldon probably, so we go check on the LOSERS of the generation.

“Please don’t tell me that creepy orange guy’s gettin’ in bed wid me… DADDY!!”

“Naw, it’s ok, yew can come and join me right heer, purdy lil gurl.  Mmm, I got the bed all nice n’ warm fur ya!”

“No sistur, don’t git in bed wid that pervert!  He’s a ghost, n’ they’re all perverts!  Didn’t yew see that Pulturgiest movie?!”

“ZZZZ I’M STARVIN’ IN MY SLEEP ZZZZ”

The next day Dale went out to scope the town of potential girlfriends, which were very, VERY limited.  Only two teen girls, and both are his second cousins.  Go figure.

“So I know I was born with black hair but I woke up one morning and I was a red head just like my mother was!  I can’t explain it!”

Gwen: “*cough cough* don’t look at me, I don’t have used red hair dye hidden under my bathroom sink…”

Ok, so it was Virginia who changed her hair.  But still.  I can only put up with strictly blonde and black haired sims for so long before I want variety.  And in a town where virtually all the children are born with black or blonde hair, of course I’m going to end up using hair dye on someone.

“So, how bout it?  Wanna be my ho from now on, hot stuff?  Fo-Twenny’ll treat yew right so long as yew just ignore ur dad passed out in the corner over there”

“Omg daddy, he worked too hard…”

“Bwa hahahaha!  Everything’s goin’ as planned!  Now with Holden outta my way, nothin’ will stop me from gettin’ back togethur with hot, sexy… wrinkly… Gwen…”

Maybe her fiance Nick, you moron.

What the crap are you doing running around the yard at three in the morning, Sheldon?

“Nothing, just happened to be going by on my, um, nightly jog, that’s all, nothin’ suspecious here…”

Looks like you are scoping out the family automobiles to me…

“That’s ridiculous, I’d never think to take these ugly ole’ trucks…”

STOP LOOKING AT THEIR TRUCKS THEN.

“Hey… where’d my cake go?!”

“Um, yew ate it Dammy.  Yew ate it befur I even got a chance to sit down…”

“Nuh uh!  Someone ate my fud!  Now I’m gonna starve!”

“Sucks to be yew sis, but… hey… where’d MY cake go!?”

“Yew two are stupid beyond belief.”

I took this photo just to show you that Virginia is the only one who actually even does work here.  Useless lazy hooker and green haired old person…

“Wut’s wrong with my clothes?  I just came in heer for a new hairdo!”

“But have yew seen urself in a mirror lately?!  Ur gonna need somethin’ else to help distract frum that face of urs…”

“Wut’s wrong wid my face?”

“GUD GAWD, it’s WORSE than I remembur!  RED!  GET THE MAKEUP KIT!”

Let’s just say Roman left feeling good about his new outfit.

“Everyday I’m pimpin…”

I’m sure you think you are…
“Holy cow, yew got old fast, Gwen *boobpunch*”

“Jeez thanks a fuckin’ lot, Virginia, because that’s what I need, a broken ribcage.”

“Hello, anyone live in this abandoned lookin’ lot cuz I’m lookin’ for a place to stash my-HOLY SHIT UR HOT”

“Dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have answered the door in my bikini.”

Well what were you expecting, Deborah.  You don’t even have a pool!

So Dale did what any teenage horndog would do…

“Oh mah gawd, titties…”

“…CAN I HELP YEW?!?”

“Hey can I tell yew a secret?”

“Um, sure…”

“Come closer… ur fuckin’ hawt.”

“Uh, thanks.”

“‘N can yew make me a sandwich, I’m starvin.”

And she DID.  She made a platter of sandwiches too.

“I slaved all day in the kitchen and takin’ care of the clothes ‘n yew just sat on ur ass and did nothin’!  Ur sistur wus right ’bout yew, yew really are just’a white trash boy, I KNEW I shouldn’ta let yew come in and luk at me in my bathin’ suit, yew lil brat!”

“Wut the hell woman, I spent a long day workin’ n’ this is the thanks I git fur lettin’ yew luk at a sexy built man such as myself?!  Thankless, I think YEW are the one that’s thankless!”

“EXCUSE ME, but the GYM isn’t gonna keep the roof ovur our heads and fud on the table, now IS IT?!”

Yep, she’s a Rotter, through and through.

“Dayum I love ur trailer can I crash heer for a few days?”

“Sudden change of attitude was sudden.”

“Aw, my daughter and her little friend are already bickering like an old married couple.”

Stop creeping, Nina.  I thought you died already.

“I’m not Nina, I’m Dina, pay attention to your townies better!”

No.

Speaking of Rotters:

“YEAH!  I killed yew!  The highlight of me livin’ in this hawse!  WOOOO!”

“If I could set something on fire, it would be you right now, Melissa…”

“Dixie… my hawt Dixie… and her mother… she’s so hawt too…”

“Why do I git the suspicion that comin’ out into the livin’ room in my night shirt at four in the mawnin’ wus a bad idea?”

Behold ladies and gentlemen, the perverted son of our own neat and organized Heidi Secksie.

“Why the hell are yew peeping through the windows this late at night, boy?!”

“Um… because yew have purdy eyes, sir?”

“Wut a weird lil’ fuck”

Tell me about it, Sinbad.

“RAAAHGETTHEFUCKOFFOURLAWNBOY”

“OMG I DIDN’T SEE THAT GHOST COMING”

Moron.  Anyway, next time people get married in maybe, who knows.