Please Don’t Pee On Me

“So Nick!  Ur gonna be a big brother!  Ain’t cha excited?!”

“Spoiler alert ma.  Yew ain’t ever gonna have that baby.”

I think he’s right though.  After Chevy had Nick here, I think she got stuck in the pregnant suit or something.  She’s been pregnant for two weeks now.

In other sad news, since last chapter, Moonshine had died.  I don’t know why either.  For some reason, the game wouldn’t let anyone feed him, and I figured it’s because it’s a fucking robot.

But no, the robot died, most likely from starvation.

Very sad.  MOVING ON.

“So, who are yew again?”

“Why, I’m your grandson, grampaw, Warren!”

“GRANDSON?!  *chokes*”

Hm, it’s been a while since someone has set the kitchen on fire.

“Well fuck!  Would ‘cha luk at that!  No one installed a fire alarm in this damn trailer!”

OF COURSE  a fire would break out when there isn’t a fire alarm!  But it doesn’t matter.  It’s not like the fire department are going to do anything anyway.  Let’s just let Uncle Jed take care of it, shall we?!

“GRAMPAW!  WUT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!  AIM FUR THE STOVE!  NOT THE FRIDGE!”

“I can’t reach the stove with Lucy ghost in the way!”

“DAMMIT LUCY, MOVE YOUR ASS OUT OF THE KITCHEN!”

“My gawd that fire was so EXCITIN!”

Of course you would get off on it, wouldn’t you Dodge?

After Warren moved in, I knew he was going to need a place to sleep.  I also knew if I built onto the trailer, I was never going to delete it and actually build a nice house.  So we had to adapt.

Warren sleeps in his father’s garage, considering it’s the first place we met him anyway.

After moving Warren into the garage however, the garage door broke.

“Hey!  I know it’s a gapin’ hole in the wall and all, but uh, I can’t get into it! Fix it, will ya?!”

You got to be fucking kidding, right?

There.  A plain door.  Is it still confusing?

“WUT?!  Wut’s goin’ on, how…?!”

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

“WHOA!  Wut the hell, who’s this lil bitch?”

That’s right, you two were never properly introduced, where you?  Amber, this is Dodge’s daughter from the past, Hiedi.  Yeah.  And there’s a reason she’s sleeping in her father’s bed.

You see, Jared’s old bed/Lucy’s ghost bed was turned into Hiedi’s bed.  Yeah, she sleeps in the yard, what else is new.

But we’ve kinda got a new problem…

“Dad?  Wut the hell are yew doin’ this late in the mawnin?  Yew do know that wut time it is, right?”

“Go away boy, Shark’s sleepin.”

DON’T. YOU. START.

Lonnie’s birthday!  The beginning of many MANY birthdays for this generationGET THE FUCK OUT SHARK

“Wut are yew doin’, Dodge?!  Don’t pee on the baby!”

“I can’t help it paw!  I’ve had to pee all mawnin’ and my stupid wife and LUCY want to be gurls and take over the bathroom!”

“Daddy!  I wet!”

“Yeah, I know son.”

LAWNAY’!  How cute.  But he looks like his father’s clone.  THEN AGAIN, they are imbreeding after all.

“Cake?!  Shark hasn’t had cake in years!”

“Dodge, why the fuck is ur granpaw still in the kitchen?”

BECAUSE HE’S STUCK, NOW I GOT TWO GHOSTS NAPPING ON BEDS AND BREAKING SHIT

And it’s not only the ghosts pissing me off too!  Warren must have inherited his great grandfather’s sense of navigation.

“Wut’s going on!  I can’t eat my cake!  The bench is in my way!  Help me Lucy ghost!”

“I’m just here to possess the cake, leave me alone.”

“You are such a stupid twit, can you please move yourself out of my way?!”

“WHO SAID THAT?”

“UGH…”

“Hey Lucy!  Looks like yew and Shark are gonna be house hawntin’ buddies!  Ain’t cha excited?!”

“Fuuuuck, I goin’ into the sky fur a lil’ while, be back later.”

“Can anyone help me?!  I managed to escape the trap that wus the table, but now I’m stuck in the same spot Adriane was stuck in!  Wut’s going on here?!”

@#(%&T$YUHFLDSK *moveobjects Warren across the yard*

Aw, look!  The Secksie’s first high chair for babies

FOUR GENERATIONS LATE

“Luk’it meee!  I’m so cute and ‘dorable!  Listen to mah lil’ babbles and luv my cute lil’ face!”

…

I CAN’T.  For some reason, babies in the high chairs infuriate me.  For one, BABIES DON’T SIT AND COO AND ACT CUTE IN HIGH CHAIRS.  They scream and fight you the whole way.  Especially when I’m watching them.  So STOP LYING TO ME LONNIE.

“Hey!  Lil’ help?  The fridge is in my way to my food.  Um.  What do I do?”

After moving his dumb ass, Warren, out of nowhere, wanted to fight Shark.  I was never more happy IN MY LIFE

I was ready to declare his old ass the heir right then and there, order him a russian bride and get generation six underway!

But I was sorely dissappointed.

“SHARK IS IN MY WAY TO BEAT UP SHARK GAAAAAAAGHHH”

Jed?  What the fuck?

“NO!  Don’t luk at me, I’m so ashamed!!”

Don’t PEE on the babies!  Do you know how traumatized you have just made Lonnie?!

Besides, Hiedi is sick of cleaning up all the piss puddles you people are leaving in the floor!

“Someone has to pick up after these uncivilized people!”

THAT’S IT

I’M SERIOUSLY FED UP WITH THESE FUCKING GHOSTS

Lucy slept in the bed for three hours, then when Amber is finally able to sleep in her own bed, SHARK BEATS HER TO IT

FUCK YOU GUYS *resets EVERYONE*

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU LUCY!?

“Wut?!  I’m out heer possesin’ apples”

*reset*

“OMG THIS  PURDY SCENERY MAKES ME WANNA BARLJLAGFNOKAF”

“Wut the fuck’s the hippies bitchin’ ’bout now?”

I really don’t know.  Something about banning ladybugs or something?  Probably pissed off and fed up with all the ladybugs hibernating in their houses and are ready for this crappy winter to end so they’ll leave.

Did you know if they get hungry enough they will DEVOUR HUMAN FLESH?  Well, it seemed like that recently…

“Wut do yall got ‘gainst the ladybugs, yew assholes!”

“What are you doing?!  Please leave me alone, crazy lady!  We just want something done about the swarm that’s taken over town recently!”

“Dem bugs got a right to live in this town too!  Fuck!  Just ‘cuz ur bigger don’t mean you need to be chasin’ them lil’ critturs out of town!  I have a right to just let Jeff Fawxwurthy fuckin’ tear yew up!”

“… the comedian?!”

“Yew too asshole!”

“WUT THE FUCK”

YEAH!  Yew heard me boy!  Get rid of this crowd and go home!  Leave the ladybugs alone!”

“Oh gawd, all this screamin’s givin’ me a hernia.”

No, I just think that’s plain old labor.

“Oh my baby’s havin’ a baby and makin’ friends, this is the greatest day of my LIFE!”

“RAAAAAAH GET THE FUCK OUTTA MAH WAY BITCH”

“Never!  I hope that baby eats through your uterus wall, skank!”

“This is SUCH a memorable moment, that would make a great photo!”

That’s why I took a picture of it, old Sabrina.

“OH GOD BABY”

“That’s what happens when you yell at me, meanie!”

“Jesus Christ brother!  Why are you so worried about this bitch and her baby?  Damn!”

*chokes on happiness*

This is Jerry Lee Secksie!  Yes yes, Jerry is a bisexual name.  At least spelled Jerri I think.  I DON’T KNOW BE HAPPY JERRY LEE SECKSIE WAS BORN

She’s named after the singer that not only married his cousin, he married his 13 year old cousin.  Way to represent dude.

Jerry Lee is an eccentric artist, JUST LIKE HER NAMESAKE LOLOLOLOLOL

“Who the hell is THAT?”

That’s your son?  Warren?  Have you not noticed him living here for about a week?

“Warren?!  I thought we killed him!  How’d his corpse escape the deep space capsule?!”

Um.  Well.  You know what, I’m going to leave this one alone.

“Ah!  ‘Nother lil’ baby!  I’m so happy to be a gramm’parent!”

“Good for you grampaw!  So can you like, at least take care of Jerry Lee while I help Lonnie with talking and walking?”

Jed said he had something important to do and went over to Chevy’s to play with Nick.  He’s really wanting the boy to grow up well, have a great party, become a genius, bla bla bla.

“Grampa?  I really think ur my only friend around here.  And I really hate dad, he’s so mean.  Can I like, come live with yall?”

“That’s up to the sim gawd, boy.”

Sim god says no.

“The sim gawd says no, boy.”

“Ready for the third helpin’ baby?”

“Oh you KNOW I’m ready fur yew Dodge!”

OH YEAH, this is their woohoo position now:

“So um, am I in?”

“In the side of my leg, yeah, do yew NAWT know how to do this right anymore’r somethin?”

You two are stupid.

Not as stupid as Lucy, I DID NOT TELL YOU TO COME BACK GO AWAY

“New baby, Jagermister!  Are yew as excited as I am?!”

“Nope.”

“WAH!  I’m so lonely!  Someone come change my diaper and play wif meee”

“HEY BABY.  SHUT THE HELL UP.”

“…”

“Oh how lovely, the rabbit and the equine, if synchronized, play such a lovely melody!”

“Yeah yeah, YO HIDEY’!  Get out of my way!  Gotta drop a buscuit and ur blockin’ my path!”

Lonnie’s not the only desperate for a toilet.  Again?!  People!  Lonnie is NOT a place you go to PEE!

“DAMN!  I just saw up this lady’s skirt!  DEAR PENT’HAWSE!”

You seem way too excited for what just happened, Lonnie.

“Check this out!  I can swim AND read at the same time in here!  This is the best day evur!”

Ew Lonnie.

Birthday uuuugghhhh

HAH toddlers all look the same

*goes to bed*