Quality Parenting in Twinbrook

New day, new chapter!

Last time, we discovered that not only is Melissa pregnant again, but also my simself is pregnant in the front of the waffle house, and I, personally, am not too thrilled.  Yeah, I knew the risks when I put my simself in town, but it has only been a week or two!  UGH.

Give a simself an inch, she takes a fucking mile.

“So, ur pregnant?!  I am too!”

“Pfft, I don’t care really, I don’t like kids!”

That didn’t stop you from getting knocked up, now did it?!

“Hey sis!  Yew should try to figgur out who her baby daddy is!  If he’s anythin’ like her legacy is, I bet he’s the most redneck one out there!”

I’m RIGHT here you know.

Of course, would have been nice to know who I was romping around with for the past couple of weeks, but right before Melissa could ask if I was single, I broke out into labor!

WHAT

YOU!  Watch the baby while I get driven to the hospital!

“But!  I don’t even know this baby!”

Oh great, that’s right, you are the clone.  Just what I need right now.

I had Melissa take me to the hospital, don’t worry though.  Jed showed up at the diner the second we left.  The baby was only in the parking lot alone for a few minutes.  Not a big deal.

“Ugh, I’m still starving so much!”

“Ahh!  Lookout!  Get that pointy sharp starving icon out of my skull!  That hurts!”

Needless to say, Chase later died that night.  Hee hee.

I was horrified that the father was going to be Dominick, also the father of Jared’s second girlfriend’s daughter.

“I’m such a pimp!”

You keep thinking that, you old fart.

But then this wormy little Curious spawn showed up to take credit.  THAT’S the father of my simself’s baby?!

I AM NOT PLEASED

“Hey Pansy?  Interested in a new baby?”

“I like babies!  I also like pineapples and raccoons!”

“I’ll take that as a no.   SIGH.”

The name of my simself baby is Jeremy-no, I’m sorry, it’s Jeramy.  With an A.  Because this game loves names with alternate and uncommon spellings.  UGGHHH…

Why did my simself have to get involved in some twig looking Buck Green-Bunny Curious spawn?!  Why couldn’t it have giving me someone better looking, like Jared or something!?

I mean, LOOK AT HIM!  UGH.  I should have cloned his ass when I had the chance.

“Dad, what are all of these Z’s doin’ above my head?”

“Oh son.  I can’t really say I’m disappointed.  More like I don’t care.”

“Sinbad, outta my way.  I wanna haunt the desk.”

“Not right now, ghost witch.  I’m trying to catch up with last night’s football game for once.”

“But you’ve had the computer all night!  It’s not fair!  I wanna turn at it!”

“NO!  It’s not even you house!  Go away, Lucy!”

“But it’s not ur house either!  SHAAAAAAAARE!!”

“Oh my gawd, that TREE saw me!!”

Melissa hasn’t been to work since she moved into the house.  She’s spent all her time on maternity leave, and spends most of the time just skilling for when she does go to work.

If she goes to work.

“JED!  Get out hurr!  It’s uh emergency!  Grab the chainsaw from the closet!”

Remember when I said that I accidentally cloned Jess and Ellie Mae?

Yep.

“Hello.  I.  Am.  Jess.  I’m.  Glad.  To.  Be.  Of.  Your.  Acquaintance.”

“Oh lawd.  Wut did I do to desurve this kinda thing?!”

If you can’t tell already, it’s a birthday.  Not that anyone really noticed or anything.  The guests spent the majority of the time booing and laughing at Lucy’s ghost in the living room.  And poor Lucy just stood there and took it.

“HAH!  This ghost is more innertaining than that clown maw hired that time fur my tenth grade party.  Even though he accidentally threw Melissa into the ele’tric fence, it was still funny!”

It was Dodge’s birthday, because no one cares about baby years.  UGH.  No one really cares about birthdays.  Could explain why Jed was the only one to really show up and still looked like he was in pain when he cheered on.

Hmm.  He kinda looks a little girly, but he’s cute,  I’ll give him that.

For some reason, he’s blonde, really blonde, a blonde that is in neither side of the family for as far as I can tell.  But I promise, he is Jed’s son.  He also has his father’s blue eyes, which came from who the hell knows as well.

The party was a hit, dispite the fact that no one talked to anyone else and everyone spent all their time making fun of the ghost in the living room (that and I seemed to have realized how much I hated Daniel for some reason).

Sim parties never make sense to me anymore.

“Is the party over?!  I’ve been hidin’ behind the radio the whole time!  Aw man, that was awesum!  I love spyin’ on people!”

Hmm, ok then.

“Hey there Daniel!  It’s me, ur dear old dad!  I’ve come to spend some time with yew!  Pretty much cuz the court requires me to spend some time with yew and Trenton every other weekend, but still, it’s gud to see you son!”

“Spare me the heartfelt intro dad.  Do I look like I really care about you being here right now?”

“Wow, grouchy much, aren’t cha?”

“Snob.”

“Hm.  Well, I heard ur tramp mother had ‘nother one of Dominick’s kids.”

“Yeah.  I agree with ya there.  I’m not too thrilled about havin’ two sisters either.”

“Dis wall is FUN!  It taste like wrat poiwson!”

Uh…

After Daniel decided that he had somewhere else he’d rather be and walked out of the house, leaving his dad a little disappointed, Jared met up with Tawana at the beach.  At least she was still in love with him, and him only.

“Aw, now ain’t that sweet.  Such a lovely lil’ couple yall are.  It reminds me of me and Buddy when Buddy was still alive before he fell on that hacksaw.”

Why aren’t you dead yet, Gala?

“Does that old woman have to whip out her guitar everytime she sees us?”

“You would think she’d be in the music career with as much as she plays that damn thing.”

Jared figured he should go on ahead and see Trenton before the day was up, so he ran over there right quick to visit his other son.

“Hey daddy!  Golly!  I didn’t think I’d see yew today!  I was all sad and stuff!  But ur here, and now I can spend some time with yew!”

“Um, why are you at the house by urself, boy?”

“Oh, I’m not alone!  Uncle Jefferson is in the basement gettin’ drunk, and I think grammy is asleep in front of the tv in the floor.  Well, it was good seein’ you dad.  But it’s really late.  Time for you to go!”

“Uh…”

“Hello Dodge.  You like me and all don’t you!  I like myself too.”

“Sinbad?  What the hell are yew doin’ with my baby!?”

“I’m taking him, what does it look like?!”

“Nuh uh!  You gonna have to go through me then!”

“Oh trust me, that ain’t no problem!”

And he plows right through the pregnant woman, just like that.

“NO!  Sinbad you asshole, get back heer with my BABY!!”

You really had to yell at Melissa and run through her just to take Dodge to Berkliegh’s room just to FEED him?!

“Well, yeah, more room in here for him to eat!”

I should get off my ass and invest in a high chair.

“Yew BASTARD!  I’m gonna break ur NUTS if you ever think about touchin’ my son again!”

“Like hell you are!  What is a preggo like you gonna do about it, huh?  You aren’t able to do ANYTHING!”

“Yep, time to get you out of here lil’ guy.  Ur mommy and pawpaw are about to fight, time to go.”

“Oh, just yew wait. You wait until I’m done with this pregnancy.  Then I’m gonna fuck ur world over, yew old goat!”

“Oh just TRY me, Melissa.  I’ve killed a man before.”

“Oh, then listen to me mastermind my own plot.  I’m not gonna say wen, I am gonna say poison.”

“Haha, Melissa.  That’s so juvenile.  But I do like to mastermind plots.  Friendship points!”

Sigh, evil sims.

Ugh, relationships are getting ugly in the house.  Like they weren’t.

Time to update on Luanne, who is Mayor, if you couldn’t tell already.  I’m just now noticing, though, that her carpool doesn’t come up to the house anymore.  It pulls up around the corner, and meets Luanne there.  It’s as if she’s ashamed of being seen by her collegues at her own place.

Then again, I’d be a little ashamed to be mayor of a town and have clothes thrown all over the front of my yard that smell like fish and baby vomit too.

Trenton then had a birthday!  Being untold, as I was, I invited him over so that his dad could congratulate him, if he ever noticed his son’s growth’s spurt.

Didn’t go as I thought it should have.

“YOU!  So you are the little brat that stole my leather jacket!  You give me that jacket back right now you little piece of crap, and get off my yard or I’m kicking your ass!”

“DAD!  Get your ass back in here and take your medication!”

“So, you are my grandpa?”

“Yep.”

“Nice meeting you then.”

“Nice meeting you too, you little delinquent.”

“Oh WOW!  It’s Jar’d of the Road Killers!  I can’t believe I’m here repoin’ UR stuff!  Hey, can you sign your bathtub for me so I can sell it on Ebay?!”

“Wut the HELL?”

“Watch me little ghost lady!  I’m bout get all badass on ur tub!”

“But… I was gonna haunt that!”

So yeah, the repo man came, even though I was sure I paid the bills.  SIGH.  You would think I would have learned already.

“Son, I have peed myself.”

“Oh dad.  That’s hilarious.”

Meanwhile, downtown, I noticed all that Santiago children birthdays.

“Daniel, WHY are both my daughters dressed the same?!”

“I donno mom.  I can’t help how they dress, the crazy old asian lady that used to work at the salon died years ago.”

“Hey Daniel.”

“Oh great, it’s you again.  What do YOU want now?”

“Come on, Daniel.  I just wanna spend some time with yew.  Is that so wrong?  I know I have been a really crappy father in the past, but I promise, it’s not ur fault.  It’s mine.  I really want to be in ur life, if you let me.  Come on son, how about you and me do something some time and get better acquainted?  Just you and me.”

“Sigh.  FINE.  But just because I’m such a nice guy.”

“Nice guy my ass.  You are a Rotter.  I can tell that now.”

“Ugh, so yall are my neices, right?  Ick, I’m NOT that impressed?  Who dressed you?”

“Um, daddy?”

“Ur daddy is an idiot then.”

Meanwhile:

“Welcome to another episode of ‘Fishin’ wit’ Jed’.  Today, we went fishin’ at the lake, which has much bigger fish, and is a wunderful day trip fur yew and the family.”

“Remember all ur lessons from last time.  Now, remember, wen yew do get a bite, to reach out and catch it with your bare hand, no matter what it is!  Don’t worry if it’s a shark, paranuh, or even an alligator, yew can catch it with no trouble with ur hand.  Just pull and catch!  Remember, if it hits yew in the face, it’ll kill yew!”

“Lookit’hur, a perfect fish.  Remember, we want purfect fish, and wen we catch them, we put them in sum kinda shrinky dink oven, and make them smaller fur the fish bowl back at the house.  Don’t worry, the fish love bein’ shrunk!  I’mma name this one Budweiser!”

“Also remember, every now and then, give off a worried look, like somethin’ is wrong, such as you leavin’ somethin’ important at the hawse, such as your favorite fishin’ lure, the fish cooler, ur wife goin’ into labor…”

What was that last one?!

“Oh gawd, it’s like a ‘possum clawin’ it’s way out of my uterus!!”

Well, that’s one way of putting it.

“Oh CRAP, this is TERRIBLE!”

“Uh, dad, does this count as quality father-son time?”

“HELL NO, this counts as an EMERGENCY!  We’re gonna have to call off the father-son ’til later, sorry son!”

“OH GAWD, HURRY UP MELISSA!  EMERGENCY COMIN’ THROUGH!”

“Jeed, Jar’d, calm down.  It’s just a baby.  The whoopin’ crane brings me a baby and we all go home quietly.”

I find that strange coming from you, Melissa, seeing as you have done this before, and you should know what really happens.  But if you think so.

Is the new baby a boy or a girl?

COME BACK LATER