Fishing for Life

Spent Thanksgiving with my family, and forgot how thick their accents are

And I understood every thing they said ._.

But here’s another chapter, because this is all I did in the swamps that is my house.

“Hey, I’m watching aliens right now.  I see them too.  Look at them out there, they have a telescope just like us!  I’m just waiting, one of them out there will eventually use that telescope, any second now.”

Sinbad, having a senior citizen moment.  He’s getting up there in age.

In the last chapter, Luanne and Shark had a late in life baby, Berkliegh.

“Whoa!  Would’ya look at that!  I never thought I would ever live to totally see that!”

“Wut ma?  Another baby in the hawse?”

“No, Shark actually payin’ attention to one of his children!  Someone get a camera!”

“Another baby in the house, huh?  Allow me to celebrate the new one’s arrival.”

“Sinbad, don’t you dare.”

“Stealin’ her formally invisable candy is NOT how you welcome a new member of the household!”

“Shut up woman and go back to thinking about your hair and shit.”

“Yeah, you’re right.  My hair, I’m totally going to redo that one day.”

“Why did ya kill him?!  He wus mah huzband, now they took my only kid away from me!”

“That’s what you get for not having more than one husband and children, bitch!  Now watch as I completely obliterate your Brightwall!”

“That’s IT, I’m kicking your ass off!”

“Haha, you are a terrible gamer and didn’t remember that all he has to do is press start and he’s back in the game, you moron!”

“Shut the hell up assface!  I’m tryin’a save mah people heer!  Keep makin’ fun of me and you’ll be punished by marryin’ me!”

Wanna know why random black shirt man is here?  It’s time for birthday, and they are all collecting on the tiny porch, more sims than space.

“Pervert.”

“No, wait, this isn’t what it looks like!  She’s the one that walked into me!”

“PERVERT!”

“Another birthday?  Now I have to stand in front of a cake and STARVE.”

“Pfft, yah, this party STINKS, why didja’ even invite me?”

“Um, Melissa, we didn’t.”

“Yew didn’t invite meh?!  Then I’m stealin’ ur babie.”

I’m seeing a lot more of Maniac Melissa.  I’m starting to think that she’s stalkerish.

“That would explain why the crazy bitch seems to be at all the birthday parties lately.”

Are you done staring at the cake?  Because I’d like this party to go by faster.

“We’ve been here all mooooooorniiinnnnnggg…..”

“Oh now, I done gone wet mahself, what do I do ma?”

“First off, get away from your gran’paw’s penis, dear.”

“My gran’paw’s pen…oh.”

“YEA!  I made PEE!  I’m a BIG GIRL NOW!  WOOOOOO!!”

“Do something about your retarded daughter, Luanne.”

“I can’t while I’m starvin’.”

“OW STRETCHIN’ HURTS”

“Thanks gramma.  I donno wut I would’ve done if I was stuck lookin’ like that.”

“Don’ mention it sweetie.  Now go lose some weight.  I’m am not goin’ to have my grandkids be little porkers, suriously.”

Jed, as a teen, got angler as his new trait.  Saw that coming, I’m sure.  For his birthday, he gets a cute little orange life jacket.  It will keep him from drowning if he falls over in the water after drinking the night before and then thought fishing was a good idea.

“Ok girls.  The party is over.  You can stop dancin’ in a house with no music whatsoever and stop pretending that you like each other, and send your neice home.”

“THANK GAWD.  I’ve been holdin’ it in for two hours now!  Sorry Sandra, I com’pletly peed all over you.”

“See, this is why I don’t come over.”

“Bleh bleh bleh!  Hee hee, look Luanne, I’m being all cute and silly, I don’t wanna be enemies anymore, I’m a good step father now!”

“I LIED DIE”

“OW!  What tha’ HELL, Sinbad!”

“That’s what you get for bringing another mouth in this house that we can’t afford!  Now go clean up her poop, she’s screaming again.”

The next morning was Berkliegh’s birthday, and she had a quick little party, no guests, and Shark actually had to be forced to put her down so they could get her to the cake.

“I wish my paw cared that much about meh like he does Burk’lay…”

Holy crap, she’s adorable.

I was thinking about Jed being the heir (Ellie is too much like Luanne) but I may have to hold out and wait, Berkliegh looks promising.

Meanwhile, the only person who wasn’t at the party, because he never seems to be anyway, decided to go celebrate his friend’s birthday instead.

“Hey Tamara.  I’m glad ur finally legal now.  There’s something I’ve been wantin’ to tell you since I first watched you through the telescope from the yard.  I’m really in love with you.”

“That’s wonderful and all, an I love you too, but really?  In the bathroom?”

“How ’bout I tell you in ur bedroom, baby?”

“YEAH JARED THIS IS NICE”

“AM I DOIN’ THIS RIGHT IT’S MAH FIRST TIME WITH A LADY!”

“So… Sandra.  Glad you could come over with your cousins.  How do you like our house?”

“….sigh.”

“Oh, I LOVE it gramma!  The smell of Uncle Jar’d’s Marlboros and Jed’s collection of frozen fish in the fridge mingle really well together and the lack of interesting decor from here to the kitchen really brings out your financial status and the fact that you should be working now but you can’t seem to tear yourself away from your new Daewoo DC television that you probably found in the remains of the smoldering trashyard caused by Grammpa Leroy twenty years ago.”

“Bitch.  I get it, we don’t have a fun place to live.  Don’t have to be an asshole about it.”

Yes, I’m aware that I don’t have a lot of stuff in the house.  It takes on average thirty minutes to decorate one room as it is, so if you can make it lag less, Sandra, maybe it will be a house worth living in.  Bitch.

“Mom, I think I know what I want to do with my life.  I wanna join one’uh those fishing shows they have on tela’vishun ’bout the big fishes and the fancy ass fishin’ rods.”

“See, this is why Berkliegh is my favorite.”

“Yeah, she is a little jewel.  She is really gonna make somethin’ of herself one day.

Sigh.”

“It’s ok big brother.  When I’m rich and famous from my modelin’ career, you can come live in the basement of my mansion.”

“Thanks lil’ sis.  At least someone thinks that my fishin’ career will take off one day.”

“I didn’t even say anything about that.”

“Why do you want another makeover?  I just gave you one five days ago, and… is that ANOTHER child on the porch over there?!”

“Yeah, somehow mah ole’ uterus still had one more child innit’.  Strange huh!”

“You know you are, liek, going to die in a few days right?  Like you really need to be havin’ more kids.  Fine then, whadidja want me to do?”

“Eh.  Not wut I had in mind, but I guess it will do.”

“HEY.  I spent ten minutes on that stupid outfit.  I think it looks great!”

“Sum times I like tuh jus’ sniff her hair.  She makes me feel bettur ’bout mah own long’uhtivity…”

“Um… ok….”

Chase’s daughter then grew up, so Amy brought it upon herself to show her how to dress.

“Ur really think dis color is aw da rage now?  It’sa little… gross.”

“I think this color is great!  It goes with the gaudy purple hair dye that you inherited from your estranged father!”

“So Jed.  I’ve always liked you kid.  You’re a good one around here.  What are you planning on doing after you finally get out of school?”

“I plan on bein’ a big time fisherman.”

“Fisherman?  Why don’t you just quit school then if you are just going to throw it all away for that?”

“I’m really thinkin’ about it.  Don’t need a duh’ploma if all I’m gonna do is cast a line for the rest of my life.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think you need to be quitting school anyway.”

“But I wanna, Grampa!  It’s so stressful!  I have too much buildin’ up and I’m failin’ and I just don’t need to know all this! I hate school!”

“Hey.  I didn’t tell you to quit doing your homework!”

“UGH.  This sucks.”

“Work sucks.  I wish I would have just finished school than this.  Whoa, Gala plays guitar too?!  What hope does a loser like me have in the music industry then…”

That’s it for this chapter!  Wee!  I might go play some Fable 3 before bed now or something.

Ok, I’ll stop mentioning that game, lol.

IT’S LADY GREY LOLOLOL

Next time, will Jed be heir?  Will Berkliegh be heir?  Will Ellie surprise me by being interesting and take over anyway?  Will one of these old farts in here finally give up the will to live and open some slots in the house?

“Ew, come ON gramma and grampa!  I’m in the middle of a group of balverines, do you REALLY have’ta do this right now in front of tha screen?!  MOVE!”

“Mom, dad, I have sum bad news you guys.  Tamara just called, and I think I got her knocked up…”

“HEY, someone turn off that game, Ellie. Uncle Jar’d’s got a surious problem here…”