Two posts two days in a row!
I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO D:
So we are halfway through the second generation, and we start this chapter with Sinbad finally getting out of jail.
“What? What are you looking at? Is there something on my face?”
Hmm… well, how do I put this… at least the other inmates didn’t brand you with an “L” for loser.
Jared celebrates his father’s freedom from prison by completely ignoring it and going to the park to show off his guitar skills.
“Wow, you got really gud guitar skills. An’ a nice backside as well!”
“Yay! Twinbrook has a up and coming music star! About time! We haven’t had one since DeAndre Wolfe got killed by Garth Brooks body guards when he came through town that one time!”
“Yea, but DeAndre has nothin’ on this guy’s ass!”
“Please mistur’, don’t stand behind me an’ say things like that.”
“Now that people know about me, I’m going to mak’em like my music, then I’m gonna brainwash them to do my biddin’! No body makes fun of me in grade school and gets away with it! BWAHAHAHA!”
“Yay, this music is AWESOME man!”
“Yeah boy! Let’s dance!”
“Um, guys, I stopped playin’ half an hour ago.”
Back at the house, Shark slowly slips into dementia or something by screaming at the treadmill in the backyard in the middle of the night.
“What are you talkin’ about, Shark is trainin’ that Leroy ghost! It’s not like he ain’t got anything better to do!”
And I completely forgot about Ellie’s birthday. She grew up in front of the telescope, really excited dispite the fact that nobody gives a damn.
Her new trait is Lucky.
Going with her love for the color green and how I always associate luck with leprechauns, her makeover involves a gaudy green color on everything, and I think she really likes it. She looks a lot like her mother more than I wanted her to, but she still has one more life stage to go before I chose the parent of the third generation.
Speaking of her mother, about the same time Ellie grew up, she got out of bed to announce her new late-in-life pregnancy.
“I didn’t just get up to tell yew that, I heard somethin’ from outside. I sense a really big disturbance…”
Lucy made her first appearance since death, and I swear, if she glitches up and sticks around way past seven in the morning, I’m shipping her ass off to the graveyard.
“I’m heer to get revenge on the man that told me he loved me! He told me I was too gross to woohoo, so I’m back to destroy his BALLS”
“You do that granny Lucy. Please stop screaming in the kitchen tho’, will ya?”
“I sense a greatur’ evil comin’ from downstairs.”
But not that great that you won’t get out of the bathtub and make room for Jed who really needs it.
Meanwhile, Lucy decided that standing around the kitchen was more boring than she thought, and she poofed back to hell or whatever, stinking up the entire dining table in the process.
“Yes! Ha ha, Shark scared off the scary witch woman with his strength an’ bravury!”
“You did nawt.”
What Shark DID do was set off an oven fire while using the stovetop.
Seriously? Who turns on the oven while frying something?!
“Shark is not worried. The fire department will soon arrive and save us all from the fire!”
“They will NAWT you bumblin’ moron! They couldn’t put out a fire if we were floatin’ on the atlan’ic ocean!”
“Son, how many times do I have to tell you, no underwear in the kitchen, no matter how urgent the situation is!”
Oh, and do you want to know where the fire fighter is right now?
“What the hell? What happened to my Albion?! Why is everyone dead in my kingdom!?”
WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU TO JUST COME IN AND PLAY OUR VIDEO GAMES?! PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO START DYING IN THE NEXT ROOM!!
Across town, Amy refuses to retire until she gets her final promotion to complete her styist lifetime wish, and finds that Chase, the old man-lady-sim has had a child, shocking even me.
“Wow, Chase, did yew finally get tired of bein’ alone an’ adopted or somethin’? Or did you and Jeffery finally man up and bumped uglies?”
“Of course I had mah own child, yew ‘tard! Can’t you not tell by the purple hair he inhurited from the dye job you gave Jeff’ry?!”
“But how?! You are like, a THOUSAND years old! How did an old biddy like you still have eggs left?!”
“Wow thanks Amy! I’mma hot mamasita’ now!”
“I was thinkin’ more along the lines of a spokesgranny for a line of spices for pumpkins, but if you think ur hot, go ahead.”
“So, who are you and what are you doin’ in Shark’s house at this hour? Are yew one of Jared’s little floozies, because he’s at work right now, and he doesn’t have ur money here for yew.”
“Um, paw? I’m your daughter, remember? Ellie Mae? I had a birthday last night.”
“Really? Wow, Shark was about tuh think that yew were Luanne, but from the past when you were younger or somethin’.”
Meanwhile, from the living room:
WHY IS HE STILL HERE?!
“Stop dude! Why are you killing all of the villagers?! They are wanting to fine me, and I can’t afford it!”
“Shut up! If I kill enough villagers I get the demon wings! And you really think I’m going to go around and kill my own Albion citizens, I think NOT.”
“So mistur’ firefighter man, there was a fire this mawnin’, and it was so sudden, I didn’t have time to put on pants. I wanna think it was arson and that Shark bastard had something to do with it but-”
“Sir, sir, I don’t want to listen to this kind of thing, it’s not what I’m interested in. Let’s talk about something cooler.”
“Then why the hell are you a firefighter? Ok then, what DO you wanna talk ’bout?”
“Ellie Mae is your niece right? Is she legal yet, because she’s totally hot.”
“Now I see why you are such a terrible firefighter. Ur downright retarded!”
“Oh Amy, why are you here again? You are really stinking up my living room, can’t you come on a day when you don’t stink?”
“I’m sorry, but ur dawghter wanted a new formal outfit and I totally wanted to make that appointment for my promotion!”
“So yeah, Amy really stinks, and I’m sorry Adriane that she’s your grandmother and everything, but she’s really smelling up the house.”
“I know Florence, she’s always had this stench about her ever since we were friends in high school.”
“Um, you guys know that I’m still like, back here, right?”
AND THEN POOF Jenni was dead just like that.
“No mom! Don’t die like this!”
“Grandma! Don’t leave me! I don’t want this to scar me for the rest of my life!”
“Whoa, cool, look at all the sparkles!”
“Are you kiddin’, I’m glad to be dead! If I have tuh look at Buck’s flabby nose one more time an’ think about what he does with it to my dawghter at night an’ then look at Adriane an’ remember that she inherited it as well, I was gonna off myself anyway!”
“Oh Adriane, I’m so sorry that your other grandmother is dead! I’m so distraught because she was my bestest friend in the whole world!”
“I know! She was mine too! Oh boo hoo!”
“Ok you two, it wasn’t THAT heart breaking.”
“Honey! Honey! Wake up! It’s happening again! My evil sensor glow is going off again!”
“Mmm, not right now Sinbad, I’m dreaming about being rich for once. It’s probably just Lucy waking up from the dead again.”
“No, not THAT kind of evil, something else…”
Like the repo man coming because I forgot all about the bills?
Yeah, that has to be it.
“I’m taking your bathtub! Hahaha! Even though you had it forever, you couldn’t afford the payments on it! Say goodbye to it forever!”
“Dude! Stop taking our stuff! That costs money!”
“I’m also taking your trashcompactor too!”
“Well sure, go ahead, saves me a trip to the trash can anyway.”
Down at the park, Luanne and Shark decide to get some time to themselves, and throw the old pigskin around a bit. Even though Luanne is about to burst now, playing a rough game of football always builds character for young fetuses.
“Shark is sorry babe! Did Shark hurt you?”
“Dammit Shark, I’m carryin’ ur unborn child, and if yew don’t wanna give it brain damage, I suggest yew play nicer.”
“DAMMIT SHARK STOP PELTIN’ ME WITH THAT!”
“Sorry babe, Shark plays the way Shark has always played.”
“NO WAIT, STOP, stop Shark! I think ur last throw busted tha amme’yotic sack, and I’m going into labur!”
“… So does this mean that Shark won the game?”
“FUCK UR GAME ALREADY AN’ CALL A DAMN TAXI!”
Sounds like a fairly normal name, right? Well, I decided to name her after my cousin’s baby, who for some reason thought that the name she came up with was pure genius and named her child after A BRAND OF FISHING RODS. I thought my grandmother was going to cry.
Berkleigh has Couch potato and Loves the Outdoors as her traits. And only time will tell if she will be more beautiful than her older siblings. And with that, we end the chapter. Will Berkleigh be pretty? Will the death of Jenni overrun Amy’s life for two days like it did with Lucy? Will my roommates and best friends stop talking about boys and relationships and other girl crap topics before I hit them with this computer? Find out next time.