The Hobby of Grounding Kids

It’s almost that time of the year again!  It’s getting warmer (it’s always been kind of warm…) flowers are blooming, the birds are crapping on my car again, people are scared of the trees sperming all over the place, yep, sounds like spring.

Sacha joins the simself count in my game as well.

“:D”

She will be bunking with Dan, and help take care of Sarah babies.  Or she will stand around and ignore them like I’m sure Dan does.  We’ll see.

“Guys?!  GUYS?!  GUYS!! HEY! HEY! HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY!!  There’s… there’s a BIKE!  A BIKE in the YARD, GUYS!! HEY!  BARKBARKBARKBARK”

Yes.  Cletus.  That damn bike has been there for a LONG time.  No need to alert the family about it at 2 in the morning. You are worse than my own dog.

Bike: “Hi”

“PAPA I DI’N’T WANNA SAY ANYTHING BUT DOLLY ‘N CT RAN AWAY ‘N I TRIED TO STOP ‘EM BUT I REALLY HAD TO PEE INSTEAD SO THEY’RE GONE”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *bloody murder end of the world why Jesus scream*”

“Hon, wut’ the sink do this time to ya?!”

“No daddy, I just told papa that Dolly and CT ran away ‘n he’s takin’ it really hard.  Like,  really really hard.  This is his third scream in front of the sink so far ._.”

MEANVILE on the other side of, uh, two blocks from the house:

“Is this where I sign up to join ya’ll to become a vagrant run away?”

“Luk boy, we ain’t gangin’ up in a group, go find ur own big sister to run away with!”

And what’s his face was so upset by his rejection that he ran over Dolly and went home.

“Sissy, I’m hungry!  Wut’re we gonna do ’bout fud?!”

“Don’t worry ’bout that CT.  I stocked up on some of Grammpaw Pat’s tomatoes and that should last us for a lil while.  And I know this kid who’s grandmaw’s cousin own’s a restaurant.  We talk to ’em and we might be able to work for some scraps…”

“Screw that, Dolly, I ain’t eatin’ crap like that!  I wanna real dinner!  I don’t wanna play this game anymore, I’m gonna go home!”

“FINE, go, I didn’t want yew out heer wid’ me in the first place!  I’ll live on my own like I wanted to, go home and cry to daddy ‘n papa!”

“Yo papa, wut we havin’ fur dinner tonight?”

“Cake, as we always have every night dear.  Where’d you and your sister go?”

“Oh, we ran away but I got bored.  She’s still hangin’ out by the old bus stop I think, tryina’ make a fort outta an old tarp ‘n cement blocks.”

“Thanks for telling me, sweetie.  You did the right thing, telling me.  I better go pick her up.”

Too late, cops are already onto her.

“How’d yall keep findin’ out where we are so fast?!”

“Well, there are these microchips we put in babies by the time they are born-”

“Wut”

“I MEAN, your dad Tater called and we’ve just been looking >_>”

“UR DADS ARE SO MAD THAT I’M THE ONE THAT HAS TO PUNISH YEW ‘N UR GROUNDED AGAIN”

“Jus’ tell CT that I’m pissed off at her fur rattin’ me out ‘n I’m gonna lock her in a cab’net fur this”

“NO PAPA, DOLLY’S GONNA HURT ME FUR THIS”

Ok, will everyone stop screaming at Ken for a minute?

Are we really taking cues from the Derps now or something?

I guess we are.

“I JUS’ WANNA BE INVOLVED AHHH”

“AHH I AM KEN”

“AHH DADDY IS SCARING ME WID ALL HIS SCREAMIN’ SO I WILL CONTINUE TO SCREAM AHH”

“Ok yew guys, papa ISN’T that big of a deal.  Would yall all stop actin’ so retarded?!”

“DOLLY!  Ur papa is TOO a big deal!  I should ground yew AGAIN for that”

NO

Ah, today is the girl’s birthday.  But LADY, you are supposed to piss yourself AFTER the caking, not before!  THAT’S the tradition, stop screwing it up!

“Wut’re yew wishin’ fur fur ur birthday, CT?  I’m gonna wish fur a dirtbike!”

“I wanna pair of grapefruits!  I love grapefruits!  They are so much kinder to me than those mean old oranges!”

“Hey luk’a heer!  I DID get a pair of grapefruits!  This is the best damn birthday EVER!”

“Wut?!  Does this mean I’m ALSO gonna grow boobs?!  I don’t WANNA though!  I like bein’ a lil tomboy though!  Yew can’t make me hit puberty like that!!”

*Grows up so desperate to remain boyish that she holds on to the same hair that’s obviously too small for her head now*

“HAHA!”

“But daddy, why ya gotta make me wear this old stinky thing?!”

“Because until ur hair grows back, yew ain’t goin’ inna’ public wid’ no chop job goin’ on!  Be proud, this hat’s been passed down fur generations frum ur great ancestors.  Well maybe nawt great.  Anyway.  Yew ain’t allowed near me ‘n ur papa’s razors anymore though, ya hear me?!”

“HUMPH, fine.”

Eventually I got really sick and tired of everyone going “AHH IT’S KEN WHY” so I sent Tater and the girls out for some father-daughter time on the far side of town, as far away from Ken as I could possibly get them.

“Behold girls.  The great outdoors.  So far away from ur papa, away from anyone, so now we can’t even know what Ken’s doin’, where he is, why he’s upset”

“OH KEN, WUT’RE YEW DOIN’ RIGHT NOW, I MUST KNOW”

“AHH, I MUST SCREAM FOUR TIMES BEFORE I PEE IN THE TOILET BECAUSE I’M KEN AHHH”

That’s it, I’m moving you out to the clipboard for a five minute time out.

Back at the pond with Tater and the girls:

“HELP!  SOMEONE HELP! I have a smaller fish stuck in my cloaca!  I haven’t been able to poop for days!!”

Um…

“LADY.”

“Um, Dolly.”

“I sense hostility between my oldest two.  I’d do something ’bout this, but Ken’s better at nago’sheatshuns than I am… sigh, oh my poor Ken…”

“Why does this hat make me think I wanna go fishin’ so much?! ._.”

“Welp, those two’ve been starein’ each other down fur an hour now.  They’re prolly gonna throwdown in a lil’ bit, so I’m jus’ gonna go over heer ‘n do some homework wid’ yew CT.”

Apparently homework solves all problems, because that’s all they did homework here.  Even Dolly eventually did her homework, and she doesn’t go to school anymore.

Back at this house again?

“Ok, scannin’ fur ghosts… are there any ghosts in this house right now?”

“Wut?!  Well, BESIDES ME, you piece of shit scanner…”

AAGH I was not expecting her to pop up.

*After a more primative wardrobe change*

“See this heer, ma’am?  This is the do hicky I’m gonna use to kill ya!”

“Well that sounds delightful young man!  You are a credit to society!”

I really don’t think there’s not a sim out there that doesn’t like banshee banishers.  Nobody likes ghosts, not even ghosts.

Hannah: “LOL hi”

“WEEE”

“My own kind are morons.”

The second ghost in the house was less enthusiastic about Bear than Baroness McGhostard was.

“Angry cave woman no like mean blue man!  Cave woman know why blue man here!  Cave woman no go into gun of blue man!  Blue man is asshole, blue man will be forever alone if he keeps being sellout to the fleshy ones!”

“Sob, I know I will be forever alone, do you have to rub it in, lady?!”

“Haha, cave woman know just how to press lonely blue man’s buttons :D”

Holy crap, you horses.  Do we REALLY need this many horse gnomes?!

Awww Ok, maybe we do.

But I really wish they’d stop spawning back on the porch and STAYING on the porch.  My sims have to, you know, WALK there.

“Yall have fun today in school Sugar?!  Enjoyin’ edjacation so yall can grow up ‘n be successes?!  HAH, I hung out in the neighbor’s yard all day :D”

“Screw yew Dolly D:<”

Dolly did get yelled at again by Bear though.  It’s a routine now.

Sugar, CT, and Lady just stood in front of the school all day.  Technically they didn’t go to school either.

“Be free, my own kind!  See, I’m not as much of a sell out as you think I am!  I care!  I love my own people!  Vote 2012!”

Actually I was trying to release Baroness McGhostard, because I felt sorry for her, but I forgot what her real name was, so Bear released an “Ami” chick instead.

Why look!  While on one of the horses many trips to the horsie hangout lot place, Rochelle finally made her first appearance since she married Tal!

“I managed to pick the lock from my house and escape borrowed the keys from my husband and have a day out of the house!  It’s so nice here!  Look little Garret!  Isn’t this a pretty horse?  Wanna pet the pretty horsie, Garret?  Hello Mr. Horsie, can I please come home with you?”

“UM…”

Hannah also decided to hang out at the horse place, talking to Lonnie via chat.

“I’m trying to refriend him because he’s still pissy since I moved out to live with my boyfriend Kanoa and I took the kitchen appliances with me.  They are MY appliances!  I’m SORRY he had a relationship with my toaster, but dammit man, get your own!”

Not sure how your typing all that well with a candle on your keyboard, but I’m sure you know what you are doing…

New simself Sacha is now dating Grady.

I think he’s finally done fighting his brother for rights on who gets to bang their cousin Shanon, and that’s good enough for me.

Behold.  Lynyrd’s only human friend on the lot.

“I luv horses.”

It was about this time  I have having a couple of the girls learn how to drive, when all of a sudden:

“Somethin’ more important is comin’ up Unca’ Bear!”

“Like wut?”

Like Cletus dying D:

“Well, I think I had a prudy decent life, don’t ya think?”

If you mean, spending half of your life complaining about the lack of attention and sleep you get despite sleeping all the time and talking to Nascar and Lynard all the time, then yes, you had a great life.

“Holy crap, so THAT’S where my dining room chair went.”

REALLY, Bear?  This is a really inappropriate time for your phone to be ringing.

“I swear, if it’s Tal again about him having a wife, I’m going to go castrate him.”

UGH, it was.

“Aw, you are a sweet doggie, I’m going to enjoy adding you to my collection!”

“Be careful Death.  Ole’ Cletus’ a humper.”

“I’m gonna miss that ole’ mutt.  But at least we’ll finally be able to keep the crotch area on our panties for more than a week…”

“NOOO!  Don’t take that Death!  I was eventually going to eat that :(”

This is why you’ve always slept in the shack or the attic, Nascar.

“Haha, yeah, the dog just died, Tal.  You remember Cletus, he was always pissing on your leg and scooting around on your bed, remember?”

“Tell Unca’ Tal that calling during the dog’s death is really rude and he sucks ok?!”

“Haha, jellyfish are cute.”

Eventually, someone held a party, and I sent a couple of Secksies to crash it.  I never crashed a party before, I thought it would be a fun idea.

“This mutha’fucka ain’t on the list!”

“But I wus on the list!  Ur son invited me, Mr. Singleton, I swear it!”

“Yew better run on home boy, before I put the hurt on you!! *already puts the hurt on him*”

But Booker did teach me something I didn’t know about hay.  The little bundles of hay are also useable to spread hay out!  And here I was spending a fortune on those big piles to feed the horses…

But why Booker was stuffing all that hay into the walls of his barn, I will never figure out.

I actually sent them to the party to look for pretty teens.  Very slim pickings.

“Great great grandfather Darrell!  It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m a big fan of yours personally!”

“Wut?”

The party was so stale that Tater and Suger just spent the majority of it getting wasted in their basement.

“How’s that Budwieser workin’ out fur ya?”

“Urtssugrngfnug like cantfungugh *hic*”

“Sounds gud, I think I’ll pour me one then :D”

Suddenly, on the other side of town, Lady gets busted because Ken was teaching her to drive, and apparently, the asshole quit on her halfway and went home, leaving her on the sidewalk.

“Your chip-I MEAN your father Ken called you in missing, I suggest you get in the squad car NOW”

“Yep, I hate my papa alright.”

“What is wrong with you?!  How dare you get caught after I abandon you on the side of the road like that?!  I raised you to be smarter than that!”

“That’s nawt fair, papa ;_;”

“Oh, don’t cry!  I’m sorry sweetie.  It’s not your fault you are stupid.  Fine, you don’t have to be grounded anymore, come here to papa”

“That’s nawt FAIR”

“Yew let her off the hook SO EASILY, but when I need to be let off the hook, yew suddenly HAVE better thinks to do!  FUCK yew Lady!  Yew ‘n Papa can SHOVE IT UP UR ASS fur all I care!”

“Dolly don’t you have dishes you need to wash”

Back at Booker’s place:

“Oh lawd, wut did I do last night?!  I only have a faint mem’ry of dancin’ nude on a table ‘n lettin’ gross old men take shots outta my bellybutton!”

“No Sugar, sweetie, I’m the one that did all that :(”

Dammit, all the intresting things happen when I’m not looking D:

Anyway.

Guess what time it is.

THAT’S RIGHT.

It’s the last HEIR POLL TIME

And here are the contenders:

The little tomboyish one, and a clone of her father Ken down to a T.

Or Sugar’s crazy “twin” sister, Carrie Tay. Almost a clone but Tater’s little lips and ears.

Dolly, the one that’s always grounded, and a decent genetic mix of both parents.

And finally, Lady, the one that takes after Ken, you know, sucks befriending the horses and whatnot.  She’s also a Ken clone, but she has Bella throwback hair.

BAM

This is IT people

Next generation is Generation TEN

Let’s try to make this the sexiest Secksie EVER

Here you go.