It’s Shark Week!

Ok, so the chapter doesn’t have anything to do with sharks.  Or Shark Racket.  Ok, maybe just a little, but not really.  Moving on.

“Come Bloateh, mah trusted steed!  Shall we ride on ovah’ to the pond, ‘n fish to our hearts content!”

“Nah, the last time you rode me, you pulled on my ears and I bit you, remember?  I thought you wouldn’t go tryin’ that shit again.”

Let’s see, last time, Bella had Tater, Bella had Mt. Dew, and Pat found a banjo. There we go, and now let’s get back to Bloaty and Tater’s Gallant Princely Adventures…

“Ew Bloateh!  I told yew to wait outside fur me!  Don’t come in heer while I’m own mah ‘princely throne’!”

“But… I smelled truffles…”

Bloaty and Tater’s Gallent Princely Adventures: THE END

“Mah mah, wut a handsome lil boy yew gawt thur, Kay’lun!  Aw man, I can see it now.. mah lil purdy baby gurl, Mout’n Dew, wid ur handsome lil… wus’ da boy’s name?”

“His name is Rigoberto.”

“…”

“Well in that case, gud luck gettin’ ANY gurl to marry ur son.”

“WTF, but you just said your daughter is named Mountain D-”

“Tha’s neither heer ‘r thur.”

In news of the simselves, I added Thor, and in no less than two days, he married Elissa and popped out twins.

AHEM

I said TWINS, Elissa.

“Oh, yeah… Um, I accidentally one of them.”

Oh my god.

“Holy CRAP!  I’m so glad Dale didn’t come with me, he would be trippin’ SO hard right now…”

BELLA

This is NOT what I wanted to find you doing in the backyard!

“It’s nawt wut yew think it is!  Shark and Bella are just… havin’ a friendly conversation.”

Mmhmm, I bet.

Ah, Pat.  Don’t look so sad, you are the one that wanted to work out for once.

“Yew think mah wife’s gonna like it? I’ve worked all night on… this.”

…She’ll love it.

Also, what are you two doing at the gym at four in the morning?  Are you two finally getting along for once?  How sweet.

“Um, NO.  He won’t stop following me whenever I go somewhere.  I keep telling him to leave me alone, but he keeps stalking me!”

“You took my sweet Sarah away from meee… I want my Sarah back, Daaaan…”

“Dude, she died days ago!  Back off!”

You know what this chapter needs?  More Tater.

“…”

…

“Are you done starein’?!”

I don’t know if you are cute or weird looking 😀

“That’s… wut?”

“Derp, I are cute?!”

…I’ll come back to you on that.

“Boooo Leroy, why do yew always gotta come hawntin’ wid Shark when Shark is hawntin’?!  Gooo awaaaay!”

“Ur more annoyin’ than onna’ dem homosex’al squirrels inna’ pecan orchud… git it… cuz he likes nuts…”

“BOO YEW SUCK”

“I’m gonna snatch them off they ass so fast, they’d never see it comin…”

“Yo, Tiddlywink, do ya think this sum bitch can’t think that we don’t see him comin?”

“Fo’ sho Mr. Piddly!  Le’s sho him how a real gansta does it!”

“Oh yew sonna’va bitch”

“…Hi daddy…”

“Boy?!  Stop bein’ weird, ‘n wut’chu doin’ in mah bed at this hour?!”

“I’m waitin’ on yew to read me a bedtime story pops!  ‘Sides, ur bed is so much more softer…”

“Boy go to ur room now ‘n go to bed!”

“…Does this mean I won’t getta bedtime story?”

“No but yew will getta’ butt whoopin’ if yew don’t git outta mah bed befur I start mah banjo practice, now OUT!”

“…I’m startin’ to think I ain’t gonna getta bedtime story…”

PLEASE don’t tell me you waited in bed all night for a story… it’s daytime, Tater!

“Hmm, I was wondrin’ why I was so hungry and stinky all of a sudden…”

Um, nice new ride?

“Yeah son, bought this fur 45 GRAND!  Gonna put some subwoofers in the back, ‘n ride ’round town at 4 in the mawnin’, paint some flames on this thing, shout at random bitches walkin’ down the sidewalk…”

I had a 50’s pimp van joke, but I forgot it.

“Hey pops, I bet ur wishin’ I could help yew in the garden.”

“I know!  No chill’ren helpin’ in the garden, no child labor at all… wut kinda ‘Merica is this?”

I’m just as annoyed that children can’t skill on some things as I’m sure everyone else is.  I really can’t see the problem with children picking a few tomatoes or something.

“Oh Lerooooy… Shark knows ur in there… GIT OUT…”

Leroy from the stove: “STOP HAWNTIN’ ME”

“Gud gawd, we gotta do somethin’ bout them damn ghosts.”

“Oh I don’t know Pat, I think they are kinda cute… hee hee.”

“Ugh, really?”

Bloaty: “This is the second photo my ass has photobombed in a row :D”

“Oh baby, I didn’t know yew were pregnant again!  I didn’t getta’ notification ‘r anything…”

“I know Pat, I mean, I remember getting pregnant, but that was it!  Weird, huh?”

“I know one thing babe, I’m gonna pay more ‘ttention to this lil’ baby than I have the other two yet!”

“…I mean I don’t remember any notification that Bella was even pregnant!  One minute she’s wearin’ her brown dress ‘n the next we notice the maternity outfit!  I donno… I just know one thing babe, I can’t git yew pregnant!”

Nascar, don’t you have a microwave you’ve been neglecting lately?!

“Not what I wanted to find when I came to change MD’s diaper…”

“Wut?  It’s nawt wut it looks like… I was busy takin’ care of a weird fire that just happened to happen in the barn loft, ‘n then I was so mad that all mah stock of meth crank hay was gone that I suddenly found mahself heer… ‘n the doll hawse wus jus’ like this wen I saw it.”

“Hey Flappy!  Git ur smokin’ ass outta MAH spot on the flur’!  Shark wants to pass out thur next!”

“Oh mah GAWD, why can’t this guy git off mah case?!”

Shark just needs someone to annoy, Leroy, and since I’ve pretty much learned how to ignore him, I guess that new person to annoy would be you.

“Ugh, yew stink.  Like burnt pee ‘r somethin’.”

“Well if yew don’t like it, why the fuck yew intent on followin’ me everywhur?!”

“…I have no friends.”

“Peekaboo lil’ Mt. Dew!  Hee hee, com’on now, play peekaboo wid’ ur big brothur!”

“Um… I have no idea who yew are…”

NO BELLA!  BAD Bella!  Not over the children *sprays with water bottle*

“I’m not doing anything to them!  I’m just practicing!”

Yeah yeah, go “practice” in a quiet corner or something if you need to do that so bad.

“Ok now… now that mama’s gone to her lil’ corner… I’m gonna tell yew once, ‘n once only, lil gurl… yew stay outta mah way.  Got it?!”

“Um, haha wut?  Wut are yew talkin’ bout Tater, jus’a minute ago yew were bein’ so nice ‘n playful wid’ me…”

“I’m surious, Mt. Dew.  Yew grow up to be cuter than me, or better than me in anyway ‘n take all mah ‘ttention way frum the family…”

“‘N yew’ll regret it.”

“8(”

Jeez Tater, way to set a sibling rivalry.

“Shark go sleep now, Shark so sleepy from stalkin’ Leroy all day…” *THUNK*

“Ugh, bout fuckin’ time.  Now I can enjoy my stinkin’ burnt… thing… in peace…”

“Oh my big brothur has all the funnest toys!”

Quite sure you shouldn’t be playing with his stuff, Mt. Dew.  Remember that he’s not particularly… fond of you.

“Well, I wouldn’t have to resort to sneakin’ into his room at night if yew would, oh I donno, git around to decorating my bedroom?!  OR, if nawt that, at least replacin’ my doll hawse grampa smashed?!  That’s still in there?!  Just a thought.”

Yes yes, I’m lazy.  Just carry on.

“AMG why you skip school son, that’s so uncool!  I mean, I know you were heading towards the school bus and all but SHIT”

“Cool it mom, damn, you know how long it takes for us to get dressed and actually get aross this laggy-ass lot?!  Go take a hormone pill or one of grampa’s “potions” ‘n mellow out fur once!”

“THAT’S IT, GO STAND IN THE CORNER I DON’T CARE IF YOU ARE LATE NOW YOU ARE BEING PUNISHED”

Oh, look at that, it’s Deborah for the first time this chapter.

“Piss off.”

She loves to just visit her favorite grandson Anwar, and Bun just loves when she is over too, so he doesn’t have to actually watch the kids for once.  To be honest though, I don’t think he was in the first place, because the second Deborah walks into the house, their youngest Grady runs out screaming about the bookcase “mysteriously” catching fire.

“This is Dale’s fault!  If he wasn’t in the fire fightin’ career, this random fire shit won’t happen!”

True.  Speaking of King Fire Killer, what’s taking his ass so long?  (I mean, he IS a firefighter, but damn.)

You came to put out a fire while still burnt all to hell, Dale?!  I wouldn’t trust you to put out a fire if you were the last fireman on earth.

“NICE TO MEET YOU GRAMMPA BUT SAVE MY HOUSE PLEASE!  ALL MY POKEMON CARDS ARE STILL HIDDEN IN THAT BOOKSHELF”

“Oh, hi babe?  How’d the fire git put out befur I gawt in heer?”

“I PISSED IT OUT DALE, WUT DO YEW THINK”

“Well, I’m glad yew managed to put out the fire dear, but I’m gonna have to fine yew fur callin’ me out here fur no emergency.”

“DON’T YEW FUCKIN’ START THAT SHIT ON ME DALE I’LL SET YEW ON FIRE AGAIN!”

What’s even better, is that Deborah did all the work, but Dale still got paid, got a promotion, and even got a call from Bun about what a big hero he is.  What a load of crap.

“And as he moaned ‘Linda’ wid’ every thrust, they both climaxed just as her father, the whale hunter, came through the cabin door wid his harpoon…”

“Mr. Shark sir, isn’t the G-Spot where all the hipster’s go to get coffee ‘r somethin?”

Dammit Shark, that is NOT appropriate material to read to the children!

“Um, excuse me, I know it’s important that Tater’s gettin’ taught the burds’ ‘n bees frum a ghost that hasn’t spent time wid a child even in his life, but yew kinna’ furgot my birthday.  AGAIN.”

I’m sorry if I don’t find birthday’s interesting anymore <_<  and as much as I enjoyed the lag that is birthday parties and constant rotting cake, you grew up just fine in your still crappy bedroom.

“I grew up a coward.”

As I said, just fine.

“Hey Bella?  Have yew seen mah green gard’n hose ‘n OH MAH GAWD THAT LUKS LIKE IT’S PAINFUL”

“Hm?  What looks like it’s painful, dear?”

“The BABY, Bella!  Ur goin’ into LABOR!”

“Oh, is that what it is?  I was wondering what that searing pain and all this water was coming from!”

“ARE YEW SURIOUS?!”

“Aw, I had a little boy, Pat!  A perfect, adorable… blue… little boy!”

“…Uh, wut?”

<_<