A Rotting Rotter Reunion

“Waaah Roman, why’d we git relocatud’ to uh new town, I liked just standin’ round in Twinbrook nawt havin’ to do anything”

“Bitch, stop ur moanin’, tryin’a sext my bitch n’ ur kinda ruinin’ it fur me.”

…Ok then.

So last time, Dixie and Jay and Deborah and Dale all had babies, and new baby Patriot has redefined everything I hate in sim infants.

“WAAAH I HAVEN’T HAD ATTENTION IN FIVE MINUTES”

The neediest, most attention seeking baby I have ever had.  I swear his social bar is broken.

I baby sat a kid like him once.  Saying I hated it is the nicest way I can put it.

“So why’d we gotta take care of Pat?  Wure’ his parents right now n’ why can’t they watch him?”

“Cause Dixie, Dale’s stupid n’ Deb’rah’s too busy yellin’ at ‘im to remembur she gotta kid.”

That about sums it up.

Actually, like some new parents that I have had, Dale rolled the want for a tattoo, because all that money couldn’t go to something like diapers I’m sure.

Yet he is the first sim I remember that flinched away from the tattoo gun.

“Oh gawd, please don’t hurt me, I want mah mama”

“Oh please, stop squirming you big baby and stop peeing in the tattoo chair!  I got to clean that you know!”

“YEAH!  New tat!  I’m so badass! WOOO!”

“Please, you screamed and cried for three hours.  Just go home sir.”

Meanwhile in the waiting room, Bella was talking to someone about her wittle boyfwiend.

“Yeah he’s my boyfriend!  Yeah, we do all likes of things together, we are just that cool of a couple!  Like what you say?  Uh, well, we ride disco sticks together, and uh, whips and chains excite us!  That’s popular right now… right?”

“Aaaand this is why I don’t listen to public radio.”

Back home, Dale works out and shows off his new tattoo for the first time, much to his family’s, well, unconcern.

I think my dad has the same tattoo now that I think of it…

Um

“Wut, it’s justa’ keep mah hair frum gettin’ wet, it’s a really expensuve wig, ya know.”

Speaking of Virginia, she quickly got up to level 5 of the fashion career soon after coming to Sunset (but not soon enough to spare the Langeraks from the flowery pattern of horror) so she decided that it was time to finally have a career that she’s wanted even before she won heirship during the superbowl.

“Yeah, I’m finally on mah way to join the Packurs!  This is the greatest night of mah life!

And then I retire.”

One step at a time.

What are you smirking about, Deborah, looks like you finally signed the divorce papers or something.

“Wut’re yew talkin’ bout, Dale never even gave me a ring yet!”

Oh yeah.

“If yew wanna know, I finally started my dream job in architecture!  I’m finally gonna be  a big time home designer now!”

Good for you, sweetie.  Deborah was so happy about her new career, that she went home and took a celebratory poop.

“Oh EW, splash back”

Why is the house this nasty?!  There are seven of them in the house, not one of them can wash the dishes or something?!

“Naw, we all have’ta spend all our time makin’ sure this lil’ shit’ll stop cryin’ fur once”

JESUS, not at the same time guys!

“I swear if that thing shits ‘n it drips on me, Nascar, ur gonna be scrap metal.”

“Oh shuddup, I gawt this under control.”

“Oh YEAH, it’s gonna be THAT kind of party!  I like these guys again!”

NO VJ, this is a baby’s birthday, you stay out of the cooler.

“BOOO DALE SUCKS FOR NOT PROVIDING US ALCOHOL”

“Why am I here?!  I’m Nick-Fucking-Alto for crip’s sake!  I don’t need to be at some baby party for some backwood hicks!”

And yet you feel obliged to come here uninvited anyway, jeez thanks

“YAY MOMMY GAWT US SUM CAKE”

“This party sucks.”

“Tell me about it, I told them to wash the plates before I got here.”

Well, at least the party is off to the right start.  I guess.

Patriot: *sucksucksuck*

“Dammit Pat, I ain’t ur mama, stop tryin’a breastfeed offa’ me!”

FINALLY, something other than black or blonde hair.  The Rotter genes really pulled through this time.

I feel like I’ve raised this infant before…

“Dude, your brother is so fat!  He hogged all the cake and blocked the door for an hour!  I hate your brother, man!”

“Hey, so do I.  Yew know wut lil’ man, I don’t care wut the tv says ’bout ur people, ur all right in my book.”

“Um, thanks?”

Not too long after the party, Gunther pretty much came back to the Secksies, asking for all kinds of favors from them, because Gunther’s just that kind of a douche in this game I guess.

“I’ll paint him any paintin’ he wants, he’s mah best friend ‘n the world.”

“But do I really have’ta write his au’dobiograph’ee?  He yelled at mah wife!”

In any other situation, no.

Gunther also asked Virginia to cook him food twice AND wanted someone to fix a tv for him.  I think he’s just after their cheap, high school educated labor or something.

“Sooo, why do I have to have this…. makeover?”

“Cus yew keep hangin’ out wid us ‘n askin’ fur our help wid’ stuff, I figgured it wus ’bout time yew became one of us.”

“…Yeah, we are no longer friends, Nascar.”

“Dammit pa, can’tcha’ shut that kid up fur five minutes, Fo-Twenny’s gotta go get his workout on, n he can’t do it wid the brat screamin’!”

“But Dale… he’s UR kid, YEW should take care of ‘im…”

“What is wrong with this cheap redneck toilet?  It keeps splashing back on me!”

Why are you even still here, the party ended hours ago and you were the first to announce that you were leaving!

“You know, you should really fix that toilet you have.  At the rate it’s going, you are going to flood your entire house and drown in your own excrement.  I’m absolutely terrified of water, so I’d do it soon if I were you.”

“Oh WOW, uh’nother person scared of watur!  N’ heer I thought me n’ the robot were scared of swimmin’!  I like yew already, mistur!”

And then they stood in the bathroom and talked about their fear of water for about an hour!  Dumbasses.

“We go fur caw’wide now?”

I told Sinbad a long time ago what I’m about to tell you, Amber: NO.

What’s wrong Deborah?

“It’s mah first day workin’ as a designer… n’ I’m so nervus’.  Mah first client is the Alto’s n’ their hawse is nice ’nuff as it is, I donno wut I can do to make it better n’ she wants a writin’ room but I’m sure she already has one, n’ I’m gonna mess this hawse all up, I just know it…”

Jeez, calm down.  It’s the first time, I’m sure you will do fine, Deborah.

…Or maybe not?

Deborah, she wanted a writing room, NOT a garage!

And WUT, where the fuck did their swimming pool go?!

“I filled it in, n’ filled the budget out widda’ bunch of trees :D”

Oh jeez

“… What the fuck is all of this?!”

Um, exotic writing room.

“And why is there a barbaric array of knives and a sculpture wheel?!”

Um, extra budget money so HAPPY BIRTHDAY

“Um, Ms Secksie, where did my pool go?”

“I filled it in, yall didn’t need that thing anyway.”

“… Um, EXCUSE ME, that was MY pool, I DIDN’T tell you to fill it in!”

“Well lady, yew should KNOW that ur husband has a fear of pools, so I wus jus’ doin’ him a favor, killin’ two burds wid one stone!  Yew should know Nick better than this!”

“I think you sent my wife into a shock.”

“Naw, she’s fine!  Deep down, she loves all this extra crap!”

Truth be told, Vita didn’t.  She didn’t even pay Deborah.  Fucking fail.

“Happy burthd-OW HE BIT MAH NIPPLE”

“Yeah, better keep ur stuff away frum Dallas’ mouth, he’s a biter.”

“THEN WHY DON’T YEW COME OVUR HEER N GROW UP UR OWN SON, ASSFACE”

*cough*pot calling the kettle black

Aww, baby face

Looks like he’s going take a lot after his mother as well.  I hope he doesn’t come out a clone though.  That would be such a waste of Jay’s good genes.

“GAWDDAMMIT FO-TWENNY!  I’m PISSED OFF NOW!”

“Fuck wud’ I do now?”

“Dale, how come we ain’t married yet?!  Ur sister n’ her husband tied the knawt’ years ago!  UR parents settled down as soon as Dixie was known of, n’ yet heer I am wid’ ur son n’ I ain’t got even a ring yet!  I WANNA RING, FO-TWENNY!”

“LUK, Deb’ruh, we can’t afford a ring right now, n’ I donno why all this shit matturs to yew all of uh’ sudden anyway!”

“That’s a lie Fo-Twenny!  Yew don’t LOVE ME NO MORE!  That’s wut it is!  I KNOW yew can afford a ring, yew just don’t love me anymore!”

“Now ur just bein’ stupid, woman.”

“I AIN’T STUPID!  I knew bout ur lil’ gurlfrien’ in Twinbrook, don’t THINK I didn’t know bout that lil’ Edith gurl!  Yew ain’t nothin’ butta’ manwhore n’ I knew Mama Dina wus right bout yew all along (considerin’ she prolly wanted to hop in ur pants too, but that ain’t the problem heer)”

“Well fine then bitch.  Yew know where the door is, git ur shit n’ get outta mah hawse.”

“Yew bet I will, Fo-Twenny!  I’m LEAVIN’ YEW!”

*sick making out sounds*

Well that about worked out as well as I figured it would.

Moving on, Virginia, DON’T waste all that food over there, what’s wrong with you?

“I ain’t wastin’ no fud, I’m teachin’ Dallas how’ta use the new blendur!  Anythin’ to keep him distracted frum Aunt Debbie n’ Uncle Dale rubbin’ on each other ovur thur.”

Dallas: “Too late, my childhood is ruined.”

“Why can’t my parents stop bonin’ each other long enough to HOLD ME”

Because Nascar was JUST teaching you to walk and shit you were supposed to have enough attention to get you through one nap but apparently YOU CAN’T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT

“Can yew say ‘cussin’ Dallas is a whiny lil’ bitch’?  Go ahead ‘n say it Pat!  ‘Cussin Dallas is a whiny lil bitch’!”

“Cushin’ Dawwis’ is a whiny wil’ bitch!”

Dammit Dale, don’t teach the baby that!

“I’m so proud of yew son!  Ur gonna be my Lil’ Twenny yet!  We’ll grow old n’ be gangsta togethur!”

“Yes yes, gud n’ all dad, now SNUGGLE ME”

“SNUGGLE ME MORE DADDY”

“Fuck, wut’s WRONG wit’ this kid, there is absulutly’ NOTHIN’ the mattur right now!”

Yeah, he just cries about nothing, Dale.  Makes you kinda miss the triplets, doesn’t it.

“So he won’t give me the ring, Pipaw!  I thought he loved me n’ all, but I guess nawt if he refuses to be surious with me!”

“…Why am I Pipaw?  That’s so demeaning.  I’d rather just have Great Grandpa Sinbad.”

Well I like the shortness of Pipaw now shut up.

“Don’t worry baby gurl, NO body treats my descendants with the crap he’s treating you with.  I’ll beat the hell out of him if he doesn’t start treating you better than this.”

Well you better stand behind those words Sinbad, because here he comes now with wishes to insult you.

“Bitch don’t yew come up in MAH hawse n’ start talkin’ shit like that, I’ll knock the taste outta ur mouth!”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME BOY”

“BITCH YEW HEARD ME”

“YEW DID NAWT START TALKIN’ TO MY PIPAW LIKE THAT, FO-TWENNY”

Dixie: “Wut’s goin’ on in heer?  AWW SHIT *hides in the kitchen*”

“All I came in heer fur is a lil midnight snack, nawt to watch my son get killed D:”

“Holy crap, that’s the guy from the paintin’ near the bathroom!  I wonder if I can get him to sign it fur us :D”

“Oh DAYUM, my son gawt SERVED”

“Shit I just gawt my level 8 athletic skill ass beat by a ghost that hasn’t seen a dumbell in ’bout a hundred years!”

“Bitch I’m Sinbad, I don’t need to work out to know I can kick your ass!”

“Fuck this I need a drink!”

“I can’t believe my daughter married THIS guy into the family!”

Oh Sinbad.  Dale was the one already in the family, Deborah was the one that moved in.

“… BRB off to kill myself again.”

And during Sinbad and Dale’s fight, Deborah had actually wondered off to go and beat up her own grandfather.

“Dammit Grampa, get the fuck up so I can beat the shit outta yew, I’m in the mood to fight now!”

“Nawt right now, I’m drawin’ a purdy butterfly”

“No!  Zzzzz luk out Nick… zzzz the toilet’s flushin RUNzzz…”

I swear, if you get any of the anger genes the Rotters tend to pass on, Patriot-

“I don’t give a shit bout that just get someone in here to GIVE ME ATTENTION”

CRYING MAKES YOU UGLY SO SHUT UP PATRIOT

I’m ending this chapter.  But I’ll probably update real soon.  Upcoming Generations is making me all excited for some simming, and I think I’m about the opposite when it comes to the other sim players about waiting for it.  A lot seem to be waiting for it to come out so that they can play the sims, I’m playing so I can TOLERATE the wait for it to come out.

I’M GETTING SO ANTSY

So until next chapter, here’s a pic of Bella doing gross things to cake.

“If this vanilla icing was Mortimer, I’d be all on it like THIS *licks finger*”

Hon, tell your parents that they need a stricter V-chip in their tv because you are too young to be talking about shit like this D:<