Cigarette Kisses

So, how about all them cicadas, guys?

Am I the only one excited for brood XIX?!  I haven’t had this much fun since 1998!  Throwing the larva skins at people who don’t like bugs, taking care of crippled ones, trying to put as many on the dog without the dog freaking out… ah, I love these bugs.

Last time we ended with Sinbad scaring peeping toms off the lot like a feral watch dog, but did you know that every time Sinbad is up at night, at some point or another he comes in the house and watches tv?

Not just tv either, it’s the ROMANTIC channel too.

“What?!  Can’t a man watch The Notebook and P.S. I Love You four times a week without having to hear shit from anybody?!  Screw off!  They are beautiful movies.”

Meanwhile, the rest of the house suffers from grueling lag and glitches.

“Rub-a-dub-dub, I’m stuck in the tub”

I should just leave you in there, Darrell! D:<

Aw look, Dale.  Your mommy made you a little friend out of Gargantua’s son.

“BROOK SIDE HOMEY”

“OMG TITS”

“Wut a nice boy.”

There she goes letting underaged boys grope her again -_-

“Oh Dale, I donno if it’s the second hand smoke I’m pickin’ up offa’ yew, but I’m really thinkin’ bout bein’ ur girlfriend and all.  Also I’m gettin’ the munchies…”

“That’s great’n all gurl, but did yew really have to bring ur mama out heer on our sidewalk date?”

“She didn’t bring me, I follow her where ever she goes!”

“Now befur we carry our relationship just far enuff fur us to offically be a couple, I’m gonna go pee right fast.”

DAMMIT, I HATE that.

The following day, a birthday party was held at the Secksies, where the Glover twins announced that they went ahead and got surgery to become conjoined twins.

“We were thinkin’ somethin’ like them two faced cows we see all the time on the teluhvision.  Those look so cool…”

Teens, they’ll do anything for attention.  Truefax.

Oh, and before you start thinking that it’s Dale’s birthday, you are so wrong.

Someone.  Explain to me how is this even POSSIBLE.

This screenshot was taken a few days before the birthday, and since then, Danica and Tammy have switched ages.  WHAT THE FUCK.

And yeah, Dale’s favorite color is pink.  Because real men love pink. loser

“Am I gonna have an awesum’ kickass burthday party like Dixie had?”

Hell no.  Consider yourself lucky you even get a cake this time.

“I’m all adult now.”

Good, get out.

And take your sisters with you.  I could really use the space you are all taking up.

“But, but, I wanna stay heer n’ make babies fur yew!”

NO, GET OUT.

I’m sure.  If I went from elder to young adult in ten seconds, I would be canceling appointments too.  TO PARTY

“Nah, I just gawt my ole’ pantyhose stuck on the mailbox post.  Can ya help, Vurginyuh?”

“Jurry?  Is’dat yew?!  Damn, yew luk older than I imagined yew to be…”

Slowly but surely, Virginia is making her way up the fashion career.

“No red shoes?!  In my Twinbrook?!  Bitch PLEASE.”

To celebrate her new promotion, she went home and made mac and cheese in the bathroom because apparently the kitchen is way too filthy now for her.  Nobody can clean for shit.

Then, being absent minded as she is, she stopped making the mac and cheese, looked at it on the counter, and promptly went to throw it away in the trash can.

It’s a wonder she hasn’t starved to death yet.

“Hey Jay baby!  I got somethin’ fur yew over heer fur bein’ such a gud lil boyfrien’n all, dispite that I haven’t heard frum ya since my burthday.  Come on ovur!”

“Hey I’m heer babe.  Wut’cha wanted to talk to me ’bout?”

“And if ur gonna ask me to move in wid’ya, yew can furget it!  I’m already one step ahead of ya, n’ I know wut ur gonna ask, so furget about it!”

Damn, you know me too well Jay.

“That’s strange, how’d I git in the hawse?!”

The power of persuasion, Jay.

Oh, and I’m not aging him early or any crap.  For the record, Jay was a toddler before Dixie was even BORN.  Right now, he’s younger than DALE.

I don’t know what’s going on with the aging in my game, but I’m not liking it.

“Yay.  We aren’t going to work fur this.”

… And this is why neither of you are where you should be at with your careers.  Namely you Darrell.  This is why you are still a FAN.

“I’m so glad ur all grown up Jay.  Ur gonna make such a handsum additshun’ to the hawse!”

“But… I don’t wanna move heer!”

“Tough shit, babe.”

“Mom!  Why’d yew git in my way?! I was on my way to ask Jay to move in wid me!”

“I’m so sorry baby.  Ur mothur’s such a failure…”

“And wid’ that, I’m outta heer!  Time to make a break fur it!”

Jay didn’t get far, Virginia cornered him in the backyard, gave him a makeover, and Dixie moved him in.

“Why did I git chick hair!?  It goes through my chest!  I don’t like it!”

Well it looked good on Mathew…  Also, I would like to thank Poi_Boi’s simself for introducing nicotine into my Twinbrook.  He’s the reason so many sims are getting hooked on cigarettes that and Virginia’s the one actually putting them in their mouths  <_<

Anyway, Jay moved in with a teddy bear stuck in his inventory.  Real manly, dude.  Jay is a lonely, brave, inappropriate, snobby couch potato.  He also wants to be a professional writer, and you know how well that went for Amber.

“Wut the hell dawg!  My bitch is comin’ ovur n’ I gotta luk gud fur her n’ ur gettin’ in my way n’ blockin’ the moodlet rays!  Asshole!”

“Oh gawd, sorry lil’ dude, I didn’t know yew were tryin’a do that D:”

“Oh, um, hey baby!  Glad to see yew could make it!  I jus’ got me a new doublewide bed, wondrin’ if ya wanna go upstairs n’ check it out wid me…”

“Oh jeez Dale!  Yew stink!  Really bad!”

“I’m sorry babe, I tried’tuh clean up befur yew got heer but things kept me frum doin’ so…”

“And ur all sticky!  Wut’s this white stuff yew got on my pants?!”

“I swear, it’s Jay’s fault!”

“…Yeah, I’m just gonna go home.”

“Did yew know that I didn’t even wanna move into this house?!”

“SSSHH, shut up, this is the part where all the Servo’s rip the head off that gurl…”

“Because I’m a big hot shot military bot now, I salute yew brave sir, fur comin’ into this house without the faintest clue of wut kinda’ hell yew just put urself in.”

“Aw, that’s nice.”

That’s kind of rude Jay.  I think you are supposed to salute him back.

“Oh!  I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to him!”

“Wut are yew doin’-DON’T TOUCH ME THERE!”

“BUT I WANNA DO THIS”

…I’m going to check on the fish.

“So, any special reason yew n’ I came to the law’drymat today babe?”

“Not really, we were supposed to be at the gym next door… but wutever.”

“Muah, oh shit ur cigarette just burnt the crap outta my chin, Jay!”

“Oh Dixie… ur kisses are just so… *tries to suck cigarette back into mouth*”

“Don’t bother Jay, I already put it out with my face, just light up another one.”

“I jus’ luv yew so much Dixie… but now that we are all extreamly irresistable to each other, I’m gonna go dance wid ur crazy cousin now fur a bit, k?”

“Seriously?!  Screw off Brooke!”

“NO!  I’m gonna dance wid’yo sexy man if I feel like it!”

Thanks a lot Brooke for going and combo breaking everything I JUST WORKED SO HARD FOR.

When Dixie and Jay moved to the other side of the laundromat, Brooke followed him and started her want to dance all over again.  Go AWAY Brooke, the laundromat isn’t a dance club anyway!

“But… I want her sexy man!  ‘N I’m gonna take him frum her if that’s the last thing I do in heer today *walks out off of lot*”

And that’s why she won’t be invited to the wedding.

“Oh yeah, weddin’, Jay, marry me.”

“OH MAH GAWD REALLY SO SHINY”

“I luv yew THIIIIIIIIS much Dixie, ‘n I’m so happy ’bout bein’ engaged to yew that even that pile of durty clothes aren’t gonna upset me!”

I don’t know why I thought a laundromat was an ok place for an engagement, but it can’t be any worse than the junkyard, I guess.

Yo, Fo-Twenny, get your ass up off the floor!

“Zzz-*short*whua?”

It’s your birthday today, let’s get this party started!

“It’s my brothur’s burthday today!  It’s a very special occashun’ don’tya think?!”

“Oh yeah… very special…”

Aww, no baby jingle, dammit.  I hope the sound doesn’t start failing like it did on my desktop game…

Guests came and of course, their attention wasn’t on the birthday boy.  It was on the tv Sinbad broke the night before.

“Wut a horrible party, I can’t even watch my soap operas now.”

“Yay fur my boyfriend, he’s gonna be so hot when he grows up!”

“Aw, thanks baby, I’m so happy yew came to my burthda-HOLY SHIT SHE IS EVEN HOTTUR THAN I REMEMBUR”

Damn, Deborah.  Virginia cleaned you up REAL well.

“Why is their tv broken?!”

Why is that your concern?!

“So, uh, hey hot stuff *poofs into young adult*”

“Happy bir-*laughs, chokes on party horn*”

Way to make an impression on Deborah, Farmer Fo-Twenny.

“So guess wut, Deb’ruh!  I’m engaged to Jay!  Yew n’ Julie’r gonna be my bridesmaids!”

“Awesum!  I’m so happy fur yew gurl!”

“I wanna get married too…”

“Edith, wut have I told yew about beggin’ other people fur engagements?!”

I didn’t even invite you, Gwen.

“Like I said earlier, I go where ever my dawghtur goes!”

“Wut a freak!”

“Oh yeah lady?!  Well, the tv is brokun, wudda’ya think of THAT?!”

“Come on Papa Lawnie, please stop pickin’ fights wid other party guests!  See, this is why we have to crash parties ’cause we can’t get invited wid’ya yellin’ at other people D:”

“Hey baby.”

“Oh my!”

First off, I would like to thank Skehrer for the bandana!  I’m so excited about this stuff right now!  Do you know how excited I was just skimming through stuff on the sims website the other day and saw that I owned it on my account?  This is just awesome!  So I bought Dale’s outfit to match OMG NEW STUFF

“Wanna dance, wid me babe?”

“Sure!”

“AMG, I’m tellin’ my sistur ur dancin’ widda ‘nother gurl!”

“Shut up Bianca, tell my gurl I’m dancin’ wid Deb’ruh n’ I’ll tell that boy yew like that ur fat.”

“…Robbie already knows that…”

“GETTIN’ DOWN WOOOOOOO”

“Um, now I’m a lil’ uncomfortable…”

Julie: “Soooo glad I was born a blonde.”

“Damn that wus some great music!”

No that wasn’t, you two danced to classical.  Who the hell turned on that channel on Dale’s birthday?!

“Oh, yeah… that was a very intrestin’ dance…”

Exactly what are you doing, Deborah?

“Wut, he only got $14 in his back pocket?!  Wutta’ cheap ass!”

Should I be concerned?

Nah…

“Oh gawd, I’m dancin’ wid Dixie… ok Mathew ole boy, keep it togethur, don’t embarrass urself, n’ don’t luk down at her chest… fur the luv of all things holy, don’t luk down at her chest…”

“And PELVIC THRUST!  WOOOO!”

“…And I jizzed in my pants.”

“Hah, Matt messed up all on mama’s carpet.  Speakin’ of the ole’ bitch, where is she?”

Oh yeah, since Dale didn’t get anything higher than a C in school, he grew up evil.  Just great.

He wants a perfect mind perfect body, which he’s pretty much halfway to anyway.

“Lalala, mistur’ robot is an astru’naut, somethin’ Nascar will never get to be, lalala, oh hey Dale.”

“Hi mama, don’t mind me, I’m just gonna sneak ovur behind yew…”

“BOO!”

“AHHHH MY CHILD LIKE INNOCENCE HAS BEEN SCARRED”

You saw him coming.  You looked up at him when he walked in the door.  How could you have possibly been scared!?

Moving on.  Now that Dale is grown up, who will be his baby mama?  Will he stick with Edith, or go with Deborah?  Will Jay and Dixie have babies?  Will the aging on my game get fixed?!  Because it REALLY needs to get fixed DX< I HATE IT SO MUCH.