Dyin’ Off and Kickin’ Out

Guess what!  Time for the fourth generation of THE SOUTHERN PRETTACY!!  I’d like to thank everyone that voted, good job guys.

I can’t really remember the reason I took this photo.  I think it was to point out that the floor on this bus is WAY too clean.  Anyone that has ever rode a school bus in their life  know that they are NEVER this shiny and clean.  Where’s the chewed pencil stubs, crumpled papers, snuff cans, and popped condoms, huh?!

Whatever, anyway, it’s birthday time and-

UUUUGHHSLGHKFASDK@(&$#*.  AGAIN?!

“This is your father’s fault.”

“I’m sorry mama…”

“Let go of my hand, I don’t want to be seen with you right now.”

It’s Dodge’s birthday, which begins the new age of young adults in the house again.

Dodge is, also, the legacy heir.

“YES!  I knew the ladies loved meh!”

Dodge dominated the poll.  However, Harley was a real competitor.  I didn’t think that many people loved her as much as they did.

Chevy on the other hand, didn’t stand a chance.

“Eh, these burthday sparkles hurt err’time I grow up.”

“Yea, tell me ’bout it Dodge.”

…

Wait, WHAT?

Yes everyone, ignore the dying old woman in the corner.

“Mah wife!  Mah dear WIFE!!  Don’t LEAVE me, Melissa!  I-I-I luv yew!!”

“Oh.  She’s dead.  Here’s my carin’ face.  Eeeeh, noooo.  Eeeeeeeh.”

If you don’t want to mourn, Trenton, then get out of the way.

“MELISSA LEJOLE SECKSIE!  YOUR TIME HAS COME.  COME WITH M- wait… who are you?”

Wrong room, Grimmy.  Have you considered retirement?  Because you aren’t what you used to be, I see.

Or at least glasses.

“Oh THANK GOD!  You’ve FINALLY come fur me!  I never thought I wus gonna get out of this fuckin’ hell hole!  Take me, please!  Get me OUT of here, Grim!”

“Wow, she sur’ious?  Damn, kinda harsh on her family, yew think?”

I guess so, Myles.  Melissa died at her son’s birthday party, because it’s not a party until someone kills over.

“Hey!  Lucy!  I killed you for a reason!  Get the hell out of this house!  Damn!”

Thanks Grim.  Glad I’m not the only one that sees her as a bother.

ANYWAY, back to the main man of the party, Dodge, in all of his young adult glory!  You all picked a good one to run this legacy.  Dodge rolled lucky.  So far, I can’t tell.

For the second half of the party, I grew Trenton up because Jared wanted to throw him a party, so I let him have his little wish to watch his son grow up.  However, it didn’t feel like a party anymore.

There was just this… shadow… that loomed over the remainder of the party.

And then Dodge got a makeover (and I forgot to change his teenish hair, but there are just so many hairstyles that look too… sophisticated.  Not exactly fitting in this legacy.  Besides, it doesn’t matter right now, everything is broken D:< )

But for someone who is going to work in the garage for his paycheck, I think he looks pretty decent.

“So uh, nice…hobo luk?  Son?  Well… it’s nice and all, but uh, so, wen ya gonna cut ur shaggy bangs?”

“DAMMIT DAD!  Did you NOT hear the narratur’ chick?!  EVERYTHING IS BROKEN!  THERE’S NOTHIN’ LEFT!  Get OFF my case ’bout my hair style!”

“Alright alright!!  No need to get angry at ur old man!  Dang!  I know ur mad at ur mama dyin’ and all, but yew don’t need’a take it out on me, do ya?!”

“Sniff… no… oh dad!  I’m so depressed!  Why did she have to die so ur’ly?!  Dad, sob, why?!”

“I know son.  I know.  We will get through this togethur, ok?”

Melissa’s death hit Dodge and Jed pretty hard.  Even Jared was pretty whiney about it for a while.  The girls, well…

“Melissa who?”

“Great.  She’s dead.  NOW whose gonna cook fur us?!  I’m gonna end up starvin’ to death, aren’t I?”

Look, there’s plenty of cake in the fridge that will last you until you grow up and get kicked out.  Besides, you guys need to learn to cook for yourselves at some point anyway.

And don’t worry, Melissa’s memory will forever carry on every time I see another sim that uh, escaped from a mental institution.

“THE WIND ON MY FACE MAKES HURT”

So, anyway.  Um.  Harley.  Do you have to stare at your great uncle sleep for three hours straight?

“It’s just… why does he still have to live with us?”

Because he’s my portrait slave.  Now go back to bed and let Jared suffer heartbreak in peace.

Lucy still sleeps in Luanne’s bed, and I’m leaving the bed in there too.  So Lucy won’t go around sleeping on other people’s beds and pissing them off.  That’s the idea anyway.

“Don’t worry Dodge.  Death is just a stage of life.  Ur surly gonna see ur mama ‘gain one day.”

Yeah, like tomarrow maybe.

“Hey Ambur’.  Remember when yew told me to call you wen I became 18?  Well, how ’bout yew move in with me?”

Well, way to just jump the gun, Dodge.

“Really?  Oh wow, ok, sure!  I’ll move in right away!”

Too easy.  I remember back in the first generation when I spent half of Leroy’s young adult life trying to get up Amy’s skirt, much less live with him.

Meanwhile across the street at the park, I apparently had my second baby.  Not IN the park, probably.  I have more class than that.  Maybe.

And oh great.  My baby daddy… is a whole head shorter than me?  That’s not right… well great, I guess this means I’m a pedophile or something >:\

“This is a safe surrender site.”

“Um, Sabrina, I don’t think-”

“SHUT UP, THE BABY LIKES THE PARK.  SHE WILL BE FINE.”

Don’t worry.  My baby… uh… poofed it’s way home.  I know because I was watching it.

“So, I came to the salon so I could get a surprise fur my girlfrien’.  But they close at seven.  Doesn’t that just suck!?  Why yew heer, Jerm’y?”

“Eh, something about Harley screamin’ at me about her hating the cornrows again or something.  And then she dragged me here but I didn’t want to change it so she stormed off somewhere or something, I dunno.”

“Anyway, dude, I have an idea.  Now, it may be the booze talkin’ but-”

“When the hell have yew been drinkin-”

“Dude, you should totally do my tat for me, man.  Like, tattoo Ambur’ on my arm or somethin’.”

“You aren’t known for your smarts, are you?”

“Oh, hey there Harley-”

“IGNORE ME AND I’LL IGNORE YOU.”

“Uh, ok then…”

“You sure you want me tattin’ you or something?”

“Yeah man!  Do it!”

“Ok.  But don’t come questioning me in the morning.”

Something about this seems a little unsafe.

Maybe it’s the fact that Jeramy is doing this while possessed out of his mind.

“I NOW CHANNEL THE GREAT TATTOO ARTISTS OF THE PAST”

I don’t know if that’s a good idea Jeramy.  If you end up channeling Jess, he’s probably be pissed off at Dodge banging his daughter and probably saw off Dodge’s arm with the tattoo needle.

“Huh.  Would you look at that, I didn’t do that bad of a job at all!  I just don’t understand how it got on his chest if I was working on his arm…”

Not bad for a first time tattooist.  Then again, he is an graphics major’s son, he BETTER be good at it.

“This was absolutely great!  Ambur’s gonna luv it!  Maybe she’ll mention it in one of her books one day!”

“Ugh, dude, you give me such a fuckin’ headache.”

Speaking of Amber, here she is, redone and ignore naked Chevy in the background.  I had to kill the librarian look she had.  Overkill?  I don’t think so.

What’s sad is that my grandmother has an apron horribly similar to this one.

Amber, nee Seckie (really now), wants to have $4000 in book royalties, and is hot-headed, charasmatic, couch potato, inappropriate, and loves the outdoors.

She… she’s PERFECT!  It’s like she is almost Leroy’s reincarnate!  …Well, she is his decendent.

“Well, hello there tan and handsum.  Is ur nose always that way or are ya jus’ happy to see me?”

NO.  NO AMBER, BAD AMBER.  GRANDPA IS REALLY OFF LIMITS.

“Ok, then how do I do this again?”

Um, you get in it and sleep?  It’s not that hard.  Don’t stare at it for five hours thinking about it, you are exhausted as it is!

“Sleep?  I know how to sleep, I’ll sleep right heer on the flur’ in heer.”

Well, didn’t I get a smart one.

“Guess wat?!  It’s my BURTHDAY!! And GUESS WAT?!  Without my wife ’round to hassel me ’bout it, I paid fur a STRIPPUR!”

You did not, Jed.  But he is right about the birthday part.

Three birthdays?  I actually prefer these in bulk birthdays, to be honest.  It’s better than having a birthday today, birthday tomarrow, and so on.  Now that’s annoying.

And check it.  I added balloons for this birthday, my awesome as fuck decorating skills fo’ sho.

Harvy seems excited for her birthdays too!

After the corrective surgery, Chevy had her birthday first.  What’s strange though is that both their ages are the same, despite Chevy being initially four days older.

“I just wanna know why everyone is still on the damn porch over thur pers’nally.”

And I want to know why you are all fried as crap, Dodge.

“I’m shit at blowin’ stuff up.”

And ta-da, there’s my little Chevy!  She now loves the outdoors like so many before her.  I’m so proud of her.

“I’m pretty awesum, sis.  Try to beat this!”

“You are so pretty, Chevy!  I’ll see wut I can do though!”

That’s a l0t of weight gained in twenty minutes.  I’m digging the pants pattern though.  She’s now a technophobe, which is a neat little trait too I guess.

“So um… am I the only one concerned about Lucy flying away like that?”

I really don’t know, Harley.  I think she’s figured out a new way to move around, because she’s been doing that a lot lately.  Really unnecessary, Lucy.  There’s not a floor up there.

“Tch, ’bout time you got to my turn!  Ok get ready fur sum awe and ‘mazement!”

“Uh, wait, lemme do this again!  I luk like a kids’ soccer coach right now.”

Eh, you look fine, Jed.  But I see you’ve inherited your father’s sweater.  Weird, huh?

After the party, I got ready to kick the girls out, but I wanted them to find love to move out with.  Besides, I love the girls, they deserve it.

A while back, Chevy was at the Waffle House with her brother when she met eyes with the mexican kid that her father ran over when he was a toddler and I knew it was destiny for the two.

Myles was quickly married to Chevy in the kitchen, and when she went for his pants zipper, I knew it was time for them to go.

As for Harl- Leroy, get the fuck away from her.

“You have really purdy eyes miss.  ‘Lot like mine.”

“That’s because ur who I got them from, Grammpy.  Please.  Back the fuck off.”

Moving on.  Lacking men in town, I just set her up with the first thing that I thought would be nice for her.

Jeramy, please.  Get your hand off your penis while you are sleeping over at someone’s house.  I raised you better than that.

“OMG!  I’m-I’m really gonna be a SECKSIE?!  YOU REALLY LOVE ME!  YOU LOVE ME!!”

Yeah well, you aren’t being moved in, son.  After their little backyard wedding, Harley and Jeramy disappeared together in the night to probably live in the shack next to mine.

And so, next time, Dodge and Amber finally make it official, maybe, I don’t know.  The Super Bowl is coming up.  Anyone excited about tha-

“FOOTBALL?!  FOOTBALL!!  FOOTBALL!!!!”

……

“I LOVE FOOTBALL!  SUPER BOWL SEASON!  DODGE!  GIT MY BEER HAT FRUM THE ATTIC!!”