Drifting away into a romantic summer night.
More like Dodge’s bed while he’s forced to pass out in the living room floor. Thanks a lot Lucy.
So, in this chapter of the Southern Prettacy, shit starts to get REAL yo. About to launch into this generation with a wedding during football season, a new house, and a yard full of piss!
“So baby, what’cha think ’bout my new tat! I got it for yew! It’s yew, Ambur! So you will be near my hart furever!”
“Um… why are my breasts on display on your chest?! And wut’s wrong with my face?! It looks nothing like me!”
“Come on baby! Jer’my did a good job on it! Don’t make him feel bad!”
“Besides Dodge, wut ’bout your LTW? I thought we were gonna save up for that!”
“Don’t worry ’bout that, babe! I have a plan fur that!”
BY THE WAY. I forgot to mention his LTW back at his birthday. Dodge wants to be swimming in cash, which according to him is about $196k. That’s only $40k away too, jeez Dodge, way to make it too easy.
“And ur hair! Wen did’ja grow it out that long?! Isn’t that Jar’d’s hairstyle?”
Dammit, it is, and I didn’t realize it when I was fiddling with the hairstyles. Just trying to give him a different look Amber, get off his back.
“Now who’d throw away a purfectly gud propane tank! And hey, it’s still got some gas in it too! This will be purfect fur wut I’m ’bout to do!”
“So Ambur! Yew wanna watch ur man blow sumthin’ up with a mix of propane and Grade A explosives?!”
“No, I’m just gonna go ovur’ hur ‘cus I know this is gonna go badly-”
“AH! MY PONYTAIL! FUCK, THAT HURT!”
“Told you it would go bad. Now luk, ur lil’ tattoo me is missin’ a boob.”
“Wut can I say, wen ur right, ur right. That’s why ur my better half, Ambur.”
“That’s why I wanna ask yew somethin’ babe.”
“No, I’m nawt helpin’ yew blow shit up.”
“No babe! Marry me!!”
“Wut?! Really! Oh wow, marry yew?!”
“Of course I will marry yew Dodge! This ring is so purdy!”
“Oh thank gawd! Fur a second I thought yew wouldn’t say yes ‘cus we were related!”
“We’ve been over this, Dodge. It doesn’t matter that we’re cousins. I love yew no mattur who yew are.”
Aw, isn’t that so sweet…
“I also luv yew, uncle Jar’d! Kiss me!”
“Huh, wut?, ew, back off befur I call Dodge in heer!!”
Way to ruin a good moment Amber.
Of course, she’s not the only one being inappropriate.
I went to make Dodge make the call for the wedding, and this little number popped up on the list.
WHEN?! Dodge! What the HELL?!
“Yeah! Is this my bachlurette party?!”
No, this is 4 in the morning. Now stop dancing with Cho if you are going to wake up for your wedding in the morning.
Before we get to the wedding, I had decided that it was time to change the house. Besides, we’ve been looking at the same thing for about all four generations, haven’t we? I’m sure everyone is just as tired of the same old kitchen as I am.
So say bye to the old house…
And you thought I was going to show you the new house, didn’t you? HAH.
I set up for the wedding first. The new house was going to be built right after the new couple get hitched.
I tried to make the wedding all nice, but it’s not like they are actually going to sit in those chairs, now are they?
The foundation is the remainder of the kitchen, because IT JUST CAN’T LET GO. UGH. I can’t delete it, and it’s the Slobacy all over again D:<
Besides the alter, I set up a tv set on the side, because it’s Super Bowl season (not for a week in real life, but this is the south we are talking about. We will watch commercials of the Super Bowl to get our fill before the big day.)
Got the idea from a Scrubs episode. Because weddings shouldn’t get in the way of football games for dedicated fans. They are just too important.
Also, the computer is still out because freaking Lucy wouldn’t get her ass off of it so that I can store it out of the way in inventory.
Screw you Lucy, you bitch.
There is also a hole.
Dodge will fix that right quick. Or not.
And of course, the fridge is out, because even though they had breakfast before I tore down the house, they want to complain about being hungry anyway. Also true about bladder, so a toilet house was also added soon after.
Hey Lucy. Fall in that hole, will you?!
Wow, a little quick on the ball, aren’t you, Amber?
“I don’t think the Steelers are playin’ ‘gainst the Packers heer. Wut tha’ hell?”
Last minute uniform change DON’T QUESTION THE FOOTBALL PEOPLE.
Soon after 11, the first wedding guest showed up.
“F-FLURENCE! OH MY DUR’ FLURENCE! Is that yew my beluved?!”
I can see someone died recently, didn’t they? And I think Buck needs glasses, or at the very least a retirement home, before he starts screwing the mailbox.
Nice suit, Dodge.
“Hey, yew picked it out fur me.”
“THERE’S NOTHING ELSE TO DO ON THIS LOT ANYMORE”
Your son’s wedding?!
“NOT RIGHT NOW, THERE GONNA GOAL”
This is what happens when you set up the Super Bowl tv before the reception.
“Ready fur the weddin, Dodge?”
“Sure am. Yew luk lovely, babe!”
When I designed Ambur’s formal look, I was thinking of Jenny’s wedding dress from Forrest Gump. But I haven’t seen that movie in forever D:
“Yew aren’t my Flurence. Yew kinda luk like my Flurence. We gettin’ hitched again, Flurence?”
“Oh, how awkward…”
DAMMIT Buck, if I knew you were going to make everything Awkward Turtle around here I wouldn’t have invited your widower butt!
“Wait, that’s that Ambur girl, isn’t it! That’s my sister’s kid’s kid! And UR my sister’s kid’s kid! Wut tha’ hell!? Yew two gettin’ married?! Wut the fu-WUT’S WRONG WITH YEW TWO?!”
“Don’t worry ’bout their incestual relationship right now, bro, we gotta worse problem goin’ on right now, I just pissed everywhere!”
“Oops, make that two times I’ve pissed myself!”
“Jeez bro, yew might need to see a doctur ’bout that!”
“Haha, I’m Dodge.”
“Wut tha’ hell? Why won’t my bladder stop?!”
“What the hell is wrong with him?!”
“I donno, I’ve been tryina’ figure that out since he was born.”
“Haha! Luk at Jar’d! He’s pissin’ everywhere!!”
Four times in a row! What the fuck, Jared! Stop it, you are at a formal event!
IT’S NO LONGER FUNNY JARED! You are really worrying me now!
“Come on, Ambur. Let’s get married already before we drown in a sea of pee!”
And so, instead of getting married in front of the alter, they got married in the middle of the aisle, with a giant ass hole and a pool of old man urine behind them.
But at least both of Amber’s mothers are pleased.
“I LIKE ART.”
Yeah, that’s the clone mother right there too.
“Flurence?! FLURENCE! IS THAT YEW!! Oh come to me, baby! I missed yew so much!!”
“Oh, well this is awkward. I knew I shouldn’t have followed Sabrina and crashed the Secksie party…”
That’s right, you shouldn’t.
“So, uh, Uncle Jar’d. Wut happened to yall’s house?!”
“SSSHH, not right now, woman. I’m tryina’ keep up with the game heer!”
The wedding ended about the same time Lucy shooed everyone into “the next room”, that being the temporary bathroom, for who the fuck knows.
“Sniff, oh… weddins’ make me cry! Why didn’t I get married like that?! It’s not fair, I wanted to be in love too!”
Now’s not the time for you to be a crying loser Jared. Maybe one day…
The next morning, a new house loomed on the Secksie lot.
That new house being a trailer.
Backtracked a little, didn’t we?!
Well, the reason they are in a trailer now is because of Dodge’s LTW. After the deletion of the house, he was only $20k or so away from his goal, and I knew a big fancy house was just going to push him back. Besides, big and fancy doesn’t go here, now does it?
So for a temporary time only (maybe longer, it took me FIVE AND A HALF hours to build this damn thing. FIVE AND A HALF. FOR A TRAILER. Never play the sims on a slow computer with a touch pad.) they will live here, and I’ll work on a new foundation house or something later. Maybe where the old kitchen is that won’t go away. Fucking glitchy foundation.
Anyway, here’s the kitchen/living room…
The hallway complete with more pee and Cho elbowing Jed in the head because all that ghost does is come in and dance…
Teeny tiny ass bathroom, a great step back from the last one they had…
And the old men’s room, for Jed and Jared to sleep in.
And finally, the newlywed’s room, where…
“Yew ready fur this?!”
“Baby, I’ve been ready since tenth grade!”
Yay, the baby lullaby! Sounds like generation five to me!
Next time, there might be a baby! Or not! How will imbreeding affect this new child?!
*plays a banjo*