Death Party

LOL hi!

Ok, last chapter was a filler, and I found out why.  It all started when I was playing (holy shit) and I finally noticed that Berkleigh had been four days away from her birthday for SEVEN days now.  Then it finally dawned on me that I recently had played my Sunset town, and had turned off aging while playing there.  Then I forgot to turn it back on in Twinbrook.  Fail.

Anyway, I think it’s about time to wrap up this generation with a final 2nd Gen chapter, and move on with Jared finally meeting his child for the first time.

“So, this is my son, Trenton.  He’s… he’s perfect.”

“Well, aren’t you just happy, you ain’t the one that had to give birth to him with no support.  None from you anyway.”

“Oh Trenton.  I promise to be a better father fur you.  I don’t think I have felt love like this my entire life.  Oh, I hope you grow up to be evil like your papa.”

“Oh you will be a better father, I promise you that.  When you start payin’ that overdue child support.”

“Oh yes, Tamara.  Like you are just mother of the year, aren’t you.”

“SHUT UP.”

Meanwhile, back at the house, the proud grandfather… doesn’t seem to take notice at all.

“Who the fuck knocked over my gnome in the kitchen?!  I bet it was that asshole Shark…”

“Yeah man!  I vote you go knock a hole in his ass for ’bout breaking my neck like that!”

“…How are you floating in the air like that?!”

Gramma Amy is about a hundred years old, and is working like a dog on her final promotion, because I’ve been getting REALLY slack on that.

“Ugh, Chase, did you call me heer cuz you found another one of ur mystery children under the porch again?”

“Naw, I think I finally got all th’ children outta me.  I just need a new wardrobe, AGAIN.”

“Oh, I like this!  Colorful ‘n trendy!”

“PLEASE STOP CALLIN’ ME.  SURIOUSLY.”

“MOMYOUHAVEAGRANDCHILD”

“NOOOOOOOOO!  Jared, don’t SCARE me with shit like that!  Now go play with ur niece and nephew and stop tryin’ to kill your dear old mother!”

“RAAAAAHHHRRR!”

“…Hi Jared…”

“Yeah, forget this…”

Berkleigh grew up too.  She’s cute, but for some reason I forgot to potty train her, I don’t know how, I had almost TWO WEEKS to do that, so she grew up a coward.

Passing out everytime at the sight of Leroy?  Yeah, no.

But a miracle has happened soon after Berkley’s birthday!

I think Leroy finally got tired of possessing the same crap over and over, because after Berkley pasted out the first time, he finally WENT BACK TO HIS GRAVE!

*celebratory dance*

He’s about 20 years late doing so, but he finally got it into his head that the family doesn’t want him around during the day.  I’m so happy.

“Man, I haven’t seen Lisette in a while.  I mean, yeah, I see her at work all the time, but not at her house.  I wonder what she’s been up to since I slept with her and never called her back….”

“Aw, FUCK!”

“I mean, I love you Daniel!  I’m so happy to have you in my life now!”

He also has his finger in his little soft spot, which tells me otherwise.

HURRAY MORE BIRTHDAYS I COULD JUST CRAP

“I’m finally becomin’ a woman!  Who’s ready fur this?!”

“Sigh…”

“Are we really makin’ my birthday an undurwear party?”

“Nobody cares anymore sis, we’ve seen enough birthdays to last us a lifetime!”

Ah, so I DON’T need Late Night to have vampires!

She gained the hopeless romantic trait, which with her party animal trait, will probably lead to her ending up with a few children with questionable parentage…

“Just go on and say it, SHE’S GONNA SLEEP WITH MANY MEN DRUNK.”

Shut up, Sinbad.

“Hey, Ellie, if you don’t mind me asking.  But this is a big day for you, growing up into a young woman.  Where the hell is that father of yours on this special day?”

“Um, well, lemme think…”

“Does no one come to this bar anymore?  Is it goin’ outta biz’ness or somethin’?”

“What the FUCK?!”

“Grampa?!”

“NO!  I will not stand for this!  The biggest day of your life and he’s off at the damn BAR again!  That’s it!  If I have to show you how a young adult celebrates their own damn birthday, THEN SO BE IT!”

Meanwhile, while Sinbad preps his grandaughter for her birthday, Amy went back to work.

“I ACQUIRE A NEW OUTFIT FOR DAILY LIVING!”

Insane and evil.  I’m liking Maniac Melissa more and more.

“Well first of all…”

“Yeah, I’m fat.  I’m on that ‘Merican diet.  But wut can I say.  Burger King.”

Wow, is it just me, or is Maniac Melissa kinda hot?

“YES, NOW SPANK ME”

“… that’s not part of my job description.”

“What are we doing here at the salon, grampa?”

“Well, when I was a young man and my father bought me my first tattoo, well, ok, I actually stole the money out of his wallet when I was fifteen, but I think that a young woman like you, who had no father to really care about you, would really like a tattoo.  And I know just the person do to it for you.”

“Shit, that crazy old man is back.  Maybe I can sneak outta the back.”

“Come on Jess, for me, the only friend you have in this town.”

“I have plenty of friends!”

“Well then do it for her!  A young girl whose birthday is shit because her father sucks.”

“Fine, I’ll do it.  Just because ur my best customer and for her birthday.”

“This may be a good idea grampa.  Thanks.”

“Whatever.  Hey, psst.  Get the moose.”

“No.”

“Thanks Jess.  This tattoo is awesum, dispite the fact that you started on my arm and it ended up on my back.  I actually feel great to actually get this.  You are an awesome guy!”

“You are welcome Miss Ellie.  Anytime.”

“You know… I’m really happy Sinbad brought me here.  Not just fur the tattoo, but because I got to meet you.”

“Hehe, I’m glad he actually came by with you too.  I don’t think I would have gotten to meet you if he didn’t.”

“Hey!  Do these sparklies have anything to do with my new promotion?”

Aw, no Jared.  You are just getting older.  And I’m really not wasting time with a cake if you aren’t going to change all that much, even if you are Jared.

Another day, another birthday apparently.

“Now that ur a young woman, Adriane, you should really dress fur somethin’ more work appropriate!”

“What’s wrong with my work outfit?  I think I look great and ready for a successful career!”

“Naw, let me take care of ur new wardrobe fur you dear.”

“Grandma… what the hell is this?”

“Why, it’s your new work outfit!  I thought that the blue and black would go great with your new hooker look!  Since all the hookers died out years ago around here, I’m certain ur gonna make a great ho around here!”

“GRANDMA!!!”

“Oh no dear.  You are gonna have to bend your knees a little more, but other than that, I think you got it down-pat!”

“Hi Amy!  Wanna meet your new granddaughter?”

“Wut!?”

Buck and Florence had another child, Spring.  I found it hilarious.  Amy didn’t apparently, because she promptly turned around and went home.

Later that night, Luanne threw her own elder birthday party after work, and the new proud parents got to come as well, to celebrate the birthday of the person they could care less about, I’m sure.

“Oh Florence, please help your old father up these stairs.  My legs just aren’t what they used to be.”

“Help yourself up the stairs you old fart.  You never helped me as a child.”

“For the last time, Florence, I’M SORRY!”

“Is everyone in the house?”

“Hee hee, Shark is inside you.”

“NOT FUNNY AT ALL MAN.”

“Ooh, that Tamara girl was right, this does feel good.”

“PLEASE GET OUT OF ME OLD LADY”

Of course, just as the birthday girl got back to her house to her surprise birthday party, the party crasher, some random guy I don’t know, get’s impaled by the front door, and DIES.

“Wut the fu-THIS IS THE WORST PARTY I HAVE EVER BEEN TOO!”

“Oh NO!  This is tragic!  That man is dying-IN THAT SHIRT AND THOSE PANTS!  SOB!  I never got to give him a makeover!”

“BWAHAHAHA!  This is awesome!  I wonder which of you old farts is next!”

“Jared.  Not cool son.  Can’t you see your mother is having a fit here?  But I put twenty bucks on Goodwin over there.”

So now Amy has the mourning icon for the next two days and its all your fault Death.  THANKS for ruining the party!

“Hey, the party was ruined when you people picked this music to play.  You people have really shitty taste.”

But the party must go on, at least for the next two hours.

“I wish that I finally get all my promotions so that I can get to the top of pol’tics!”

“Holy crap ma!  You farted SPARKLES!”

“That was HILARIOUS sis!  You look so HIDEOUS!”

Poor Luanne, she looks so miserable, much to her guests and family’s enjoyment.  Oh well, their turn is coming up one day…

“EEEEEEEEEEKKK!”

“Holy crap Amy!  What’s happening?!  I’m floating?!  Sparkles?!”

“Oh no, Goodwin!  Oh… sob… why couldn’t they take someone else, someone who wasn’t my friend, like Shark or somethin’?!”

I knew Goodwin’s time was coming up, the little info box came up, but I didn’t think he was going to die THIS soon!  I thought he was going to be fine for the afternoon, then go die somewhere else, but I guess not.  Gotta traumatize Amy some more I guess.

“BWAHAHAHA!  This is HILARIOUS!  I’m having so much fun watching all these people drop like flies, I can’t control it!”

“Dammit Uncle Jar’d, shut the fuck up!”

“Berkley, hit your retarded uncle where it hurts so he’ll stop being an asshole.”

“With pleasure sis.”

But it gets better, because Sinbad then joins in with his son’s maniacal laughter at his ex-roommate’s passing.

“Bwahaha!  Finally that asshole Goodwin is gone and I’m still here to laugh at his expense!  Jared, you owe me that twenty!”

“But weren’t you two friends near the end, Mr. Secksie?”

“Shut up Death, it’s still funny to watch him die in the backyard.”

The party ended right after Goodwin died.  Despite the death of two old guys, people still said that the party was a hit and that they wouldn’t forget it.  Really?  Watching people die was that entertaining to sims?!  Damn, sims are darker than I thought they were.

With that, I leave you with Berkey scared to go to the bathroom at night because there is a ghost in there, literally.

“Oh no, that beak faced ghost is gonna get meeee!”

“Um, naw, I just wanna use the tub.  Out.”

Next time, there will be Jed’s birthday (I guess, the crashes seem to be coming closer together) and I’ve already picked out his little bride.  Who is this woman?  Will Jess and Ellie take their feelings for each other to another level?  Will someone freaking die in this house already and not just guests?!  I feel like someone is overdue for their expiration date already, and we are out of room in the house…

“Hey Amy.  Have you noticed that the gnome Shark kicked a while back hasn’t moved from his spot in the kitchen since then?  And he’s been floatin’ there for a while now.  Should we do something about this?”

“It’s best not to touch Sinbad’s stuff.  You learned ur lesson last time.”