New Babies and Dead Babies

It’s time for more Southern Prettacy!  Now on the first Sims game!!!

And now that you have seen this, the rest of the graphics don’t look as bad!  And just for the record, Amy didn’t have anything to do with her hair color.  This town seems to have a thing for adding blue in their hair.  Hell, Florence has blue ROOTS for crying out loud.  Who in that family gave her BLUE ROOTS?!

Moving on anyway.  In the last chapter, Amy seeked comfort in the arms of Sinbad, and Sinbad was moved in as Luanne’s and Buck’s step-daddy.

“Hmm, this is a very nice place.  Very roomy out in this part of town.  I wonder why I can’t move out here and live?”

One reason, Sinbad.  The hills really do have eyes.

Sinbad has to settle for the crappy legacy house, which with the funds he has added to the family’s bank account, they have finally built the extension we desperately needed.  Now Buck and Luanne no longer have to sleep in the yard at night, they have their own little rooms and the start of another bathroom!

And yes, the rugs are tacky and really mismatched.  But the thing is that the game is horridly slow.  It takes five minutes for all the patterns to come up, much less all the time it takes for the stupid game to set down foundation and walls.  I’ll work on everything later, but until then, they get the puzzle piece carpet.  It will keep them from bitching about the room being “unfinished”.

But hey.  If I had to get green swirled bathroom linoleum glued down on my bedroom floor, because my mother wanted to get cheap and not care that the room was painted dark purple in the first place, then they can live with the cruddy colors of their carpets.

Anyway, recently everyone voted on the next heir to represent generation two (it seems like we should be farther along, doesn’t it?) and Luanne won 13-21.

“Does dis spoon smell funneh to ya?”

Congradulations Luanne.  Promise me you won’t die until generation three is born.

“It’s ok, Imma good gurl’.  I’m gonna go do my homework.  I love homework, so mutch’ fun~”

“SNORE, mmmm, inturnet box….”

So yes, you two go back to your boring teenage lives now.

MEANWHILE…

“OHEMGEE, I’m all preggurs’ again!!”

Yeah, I was curious about what Amy and Sinbad’s kids would look like, so I got Amy to hop on the baby wagon one last time before her ovaries shriveled up and died off.

“That’s ok!  This means I don’t have to put up with dis town’s retards and get surious about my art work!  I’m paintin’ a duck!”

Well, you do that dear.  It’s good that you are using your spare time to work on your abilities and skills.

As for your new husband though…

“Jeez, you are such a tool!  Who designed your monkey suit, a monkey?”

“Actually, your wife did…”

“OH MAH GAW, PARKER!!  You are making FRWENDS!!!”

“And your sister!  She’s so stupid, she blinked and got lost!”

“Oh you did not just go there gurlfrand”

“I like happiness and Tostitos and dust bunnies :D”

“Ooooh!  And I like Kit Kats and pillows, and OH MAH GAW!  It’s Da’ Wolf!”

His name is DeAndre Wolfe dear.

“AND DRAGONS!  I LOVE DRAGONS!!”

“And trees.  I love trees.  Trees are everywhere.  I want to be a tree!”

Ok enough of that.  I’m sure you are already aware of the asshole that Sinbad can be.  So even though he’s already moved into Amy’s house, he’s paying a visit to Goodwin for one reason that I would like to point out.

As you may be aware, whenever you usually see Sinbad driving around town, it’s in the black truck with the flames painted on it.  That’s usually a given.  Ok then…

When he moved out, he took “Goodwin’s” truck.  Am I the only one that finds this odd?

“No, I’m takin’ his truck because I kicked out the AC in mine the other day in a blind fury, so I just ‘traded’ Goodwin before I left.”

Trade as in steal?

“Fuck off, ok?”

“Hey baby.  You married already?”

“No silly!  I’m still in high school , you know that!  We have chemistry together!”

“NO FLORENCE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  STOP TALKING TO THAT HICK YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE TAKING ME OUT AND BUYING YOUR GRANDMOTHER DINNER”

“So yur single, eh?  Well, how ’bout I give you a call sumtime, k babe?”

“Well, you are one of the only teen guys in town, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt if you knew my number…”

Aw, isn’t that cute-

“DAMMIT BOY GIT’ OUT OF HURR, I WANT MY DINNER AND THEN I WANT MY CIGARETTE!”

Dammit Renee, we’ve gone over this.  Stop ruining the cute little romantic shots and stop looking like my mother!

“Well, I’m out past curfew with my grandmother.  You aren’t with anybody, so I guess you should better be getting home, Buck.”

Oh noes, I forgot about the cops D:

“Run!  It’s the po-po!  Dey gun’ arrest us for staying out too late and wanna turn us comm’nist!  Rebel!  Freedom!  FREEBURD!!”

“Oh damn, he’s running.  He’s a lost cause now, I can’t do anything about him!”

“Holy crap, wut happened?”

Good question!  One second he was running to the gate and I turn the camera around for a better angle and the cop and her car vanish into thin air!

“Maybe dem’ UFOs got her!”

Maybe.  I don’t know, doesn’t look like too serious of a glitch, let’s just go home for tonight before something weirder happens.

“Like me?”

No, not you Leroy.  I expect you now and then.

“Ooh, check it out, I’m taking a shower.”

Fuck you, Leroy.

“OH SHIT this hurts!  This musta’ been wut it felt like when my paw died!”

So yeah, Buck inherited his father’s luck with the inventor’s bench.  It would be my luck that he would electricute himself to death instead of setting himself on fire.

“Oh paw!  I’m so glad I got to see you one last time befur’ you crossed over into the Netherworld fur the night.  We all miss you here now that you are gone!”

“And I am so proud of the prudy young woman you became!  I’m so glad you are doing so well, and don’t worry, we will see each other again soo-”

“PFFFFT, what a loser.”

“BOOOOO, hey Luanne, your dad SUUUUUUUCKS.”

“Hey, that’s not nice, can’t you see I’m havin’ one of them sentamentul’ moments with my paw heer?”

“Meh meh meh.  Look at me, I’m Luanne!  I’m goody goody and I miss my daddy but he killed himself and it will cause me to grow up and be a stripper because my aspiration meter will get so low that I’ll have to sleep with the Therapist to get it back up, meh meh!”

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!  I will NOT sleep with imaginary people and strip!  I HATE you Sinbad!”

“That’s fine, I hate you too bitch.”

“Consider us enemies then.”

“And I hate your mother for sleeping with this guy.”

“Shut up dad, this doesn’t concern you right now.”

And so Leroy got upset that his daughter and her step-father hate each other now and he can’t do anything so he went to haunt Buck’s dirty clothes.

What a moron.

And really, it’s about this time that Leroy stopped going back to the Netherworld altogether.  7 a.m. passed, then 8, then 9, then 5 in the afternoon, then a week, two weeks…

You see where I’m going with this.  Leroy is pretty much just haunting the house 24/7.  Do ghosts even do that?  Is it part of the Ambitions expansion that comes with the ghost hunter career, or is he glitching up?  Does he hate Sinbad so much that he refuses to leave until Sinbad goes away?

“Hey, does this fork smell funneh to yew?”

Does he have brain damage?  Another mystery to be solved.

“Oh son!  What happened to you?!  Heed your father’s warning-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, using the inventur’s bench is bad, I know it can kill meh.  Don’t worry about me old man, I have it under control!”

“No, I’m warnin’ you to leave the bathroom at once!  I got to drop a load!  Your mother’s cooking still sucks!”

“Jeez dad, that’s gross!”

“Hey babe.  Can we talk about that son of yours?”

“Buck?”

“No, the other ugly one, Luanne.  Doesn’t she have grandparents you can ship her off to in Sunset or something?”

“You know I’m right heer, Sinbad.”

“You know you are just so mean and inconsiderate of other people’s feelings!  That’s not nice, Sinbad!”

“Like I give a rat’s ass”

“What the hell is Leroy still doin’ in the house?  Isn’t it, like, noon or somethin’?”

“Meh meh, I’m Luanne, I’m ambitious, but I’ll never be president because I’m a woman and all a woman is is the useless stuff around a vagina!  Meh meh!”

“Fuck you Sinbad!  I’m tired of your shit!”

“That’s it, little lady!  You don’t talk to the grown up like that in this house, go to your room now!”

“YOU AIN’T MY PAW! Mama, tell him he’s not my daddy and that he can’t tell me what to do!”

“Not right now, Sweetie, mommy’s uterus is making noise right now.”

“OHMAHGAWD WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD?!”

“OHMAHGAWD WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD?!”

At least with Buck I had the shower there for him.  So he didn’t die like his father did!

*claps like a happy monkey*

See, I’m getting better.

Amy made it to the hospital, where she quickly gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, Jared Secksie.  He has his father’s evil trait, and the excitable trait, and that means he’s going to get excited over everytime he makes someone else miserable.  He’s going to be a happy baby.

He’s named after this kid that I met back when I was a really little girl, that was making fun of me because I was a girl and telling me that because of that, I was stupid and couldn’t drive the four wheeler that my cousin was letting us play with.

So I punched him in the nose and pushed him into a barbed wire fence.  My cousin was pissed off, but my grandmother gave me a Toy Story toy for it :I

He’s not named after Jared Frio, whom I just now remembered, even though his father in my game might as well be one and the same person now as YOU ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

As you see, right after the baby was born, Sinbad wished for a new tattoo (isn’t he the smartest father in the world?)  So I said whatever, and sent him down to the tattoo parlor.

“Uuuuuuh, Sinbad taste gooooood”

“Get the hell out of me, old man”

“Hey Lucy, long time no see.  I know we have had a bad past with me cheating on you and breaking up with you for a younger girl just because you got old and saggy, but hey, I trust you with that tattooing needle, so here’s what I want.  My first baby was born, and I want his name tattooed on me, because my first son is the world to me.”

“Your first baby huh?  Your first son?  Ok then…”

*Ten laggy minutes later*

“Hey, thanks for the new tat. I know it looks less than Jared’s name and more like a flaming skull, but I think it will mean a lot to Amy and Jared when I go home and show it to them.”

“Hey wait, Sinbad.  I… I got a confession to make.  Before you ran off with that whore Amy, I had a baby by you, but I couldn’t care for it and left it on a park bench or something.”

“slfjksdljgfdklswhat was that again?!?!”

HOLY CRAP

Sure enough, I was going through everyone’s biography one day because I was bored and saw ANOTHER BABY, one that wasn’t in the Secksie family and had Lucy’s last name.

His name was Lee Ferne, an artistic genius, and in the family tree, he’s all grey and stuff, so I thought that he was dead or something.  I WANT THAT BABY D:

(Oh, and ignore the kid in the orange shirt for now, that’s Jared, I took the photo too late D: Lee is Sinbad’s first kid FYI)

“Nope, there are no dead babies in there.  Which means that my son still has to be out there somewhere…”

So yeah, I’m guessing that because he’s all grey that he moved away or something, but babies can’t move away on their own, can they?  I don’t know, but I find it all depressing that there is an unwanted baby floating around out there.

“MAYBE I BLEW IT UP”

Dammit Buck, STOP TRYING TO OFF YOURSELF!

By the way, I would like to stop and wonder if anyone remembers the chair and couch that Leroy first scavenged from the junkyard that were virtually worthless.  I never replaced them, ever, but apparently the game thought that it was tired of seeing that shit on this lot so it turned it all new for me.

I get a free chair and couch out of it, but I can’t help but wonder… how?

*Stares off into space and the Twilight Zone*

“So, what ‘cha up to, you cheatin’ slut?”

“I’m changing the doorbell to haunted, because that’s what this house is now that you won’t go away, haunted.”

Yay, a haunted trailer and a ghost that never leaves his bathrobe.  Fancy living if I do say so myself.

“Know what would be fancier?  Me stealing my truck back.”

Does this mean you are giving Goodwin his white one back?

“What?  Hell naw, that one is mine now too!  Screw Goodwin and his hypocrite goody-two-shoes-act-but-can’t-help-raise-his-child crap.”

Wh-

“Don’t call ME a hypocrite either, I had no idea Lee even existed ;_; ”

Oh, I thought this day couldn’t come soon enough…

“YAAAAAY HOLY CRAP AWESUM!  We got a TABLE and CHAIRS and A DESK and DESK CHAIR ANNNNND a TV!!!”

Well, yeah, that, but it’s also Luanne’s birthday which means she’s a young adult, which means a job and new spouse which means more money coming in!

“Hahahahaha, cakes are stupid!”

Go away Leroy.

“Ow, Florence!  Can you please get out of daddy, he’s trying to celebrate this little girl’s birthday here!  Please, you are hurting daddy!”

“Do I look like I care, dad?  Like YOU ever even celebrated MY birthday?!”

“Oh mah gawd, dey over there buttsexing and everything!  I didn’t know it was THAT kind of party! D: ”

“LEROY WANT TO JOIN PLZ”

And so, Luanne grows up to look like….

CLIFFHANGER!

Ha ha, 😀  But next time, will Luanne grow up and pursue her dream of joining big politics?  Will she find the man of her dreams?  Will Leroy go back to his grave already?  Will Sinbad ever be reunited with his long lost son?  Will Florence stop buttsexing her father at Luanne’s birthday?

“Please Florence!  You are really REALLY hurting daddy!  I think this is breaking my arm!  Let me go, please!”

“NO!  Not until you pay my mother all that child support you owe her, you slacker!”

“Oh man, it’s gettin’ all kinky up in heer!”

“Go away you flabby nosed, orange freak.  This has nothing to do with you!”