The Blonde

Hello again!  New week, new chapter, same stupid sims.  Let’s go.

With the birth of Honey Boo, five kids in one room got to be a bit much, and since Eagle and Egret really aren’t the focus of the legacy, they had to move out back into the garage shed with their parents Opal and Bear.  They got an extension on the shed, with their own little dirt room floor.

Surprisingly, one of my favorite bedrooms on the lot anyway.

“Nawt so much my favorite room though.  I can’t get into my bed.  I’m not route failing, I jus’ don’t try.”

Eagle, it’s too early in the day for you to be stupid.

I tried to make him come to the other side of the bed through the wall to get to it, and it didn’t work.  I extended the wall, and he still wanted to come to the other side of the bed, and still canceled out the command to sleep in it. Idiot.

Finally, I added a door to that side of the room and he finally realized that he was standing in front of the bed all along.  He still didn’t even use the door, he floated through the wall like I had been trying to get him to do in the first place.

Please don’t be this stupid all the time, Eagle.

“Well I dun’ like our new roommate.  This little shitsack won’t stop wid’ all this screamin’ in the middle of the night.”

“Ur tellin’ me.  I’d rather have that purple loser stuck in my bed than listen to this brat scream ’bout nothin’.”

It’s ok, it’s time for birthday!

Egret: “‘Bout fuckin’ time.”

Bear: “Don’t cuss, girl.”

Alright, now a moment of truth…

Tater: “I no longer care, mail’s heer, la la la…”

Dolly: “Yew BETTER be purdy.  I ain’t havin’ any more of yew lil’ bean bags.”

Alright, cross your fingers…

…What?  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!  BLONDE HAIR?!  BLONDE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU TAYLOR, ARE YOUR GENETICS ON FUCKING LOCKDOWN OR SOMETHING?!

Taylor off screen: “Stop yelling at meeee ;_;”

AND A FACE CLONE.  A FACE CLONE LITTLE BLONDE.  I DO NOT WANT.  BOOO, HONEY BOO, BOOOOO

“LOVE MEEEEEEEEEE”

NO

And she’s a damn screamer for nothing (of course, I’m sure it’s probably that wretch coming out of Tater’s armpits.  I’d probably cry too)  Don’t expect to see any more of this kid until her next birthday.

Ugh, just looking at this kid gives me a hernia.

“It’s ok sweetie.  You are still my little girl, and I will be here to help you learn the skills you need in life.  Me, and that possessed pile of news paper in the back of the room over there.”

Great, who’s out past 9 in the morning now?

“I’m still here?!  Sweet.  I’m still here.”

I suppose you are going to be haunting us 24/7 for a while now, huh?

“All up ’til the very end.”

Of course.

“OUT.  Yo granddaddy wanna bath, then yo granddaddy gonna gitta bath.  Ain’t givin’ two shits if yew wanna shit.  …Wow that almost had a beat.  I might write that out as my first rap single.”

“Fine… ain’t like the toilet isn’t already broke anyway.”

“I’m going out to hang out with my cousins after school!  This is going to be so much fun!”

“Guys, the little ghost buddy from down the road is here, what do we do?!”

“Jus’ come on and come to the park wid’ us Chana!  We gotta get outta here before the little brat gets any ideas and thinks he can hang out at our place!”

“Aw…”

Beau on the other hand ended up at the local pool, because he was smarter than to go hang out with CT’s crazy family.

“I ended up hanging with more crazies.  Who matches swim suits like that?  Oh hold on, I think I hear my cellphone… strange, sounds like I forgot to take it out of my pocket before gettin’ in the pool…”

Jeez, what’s going on here now?

“Oh Unca’ Bear… I’m so glad yew came over because I got something haunted that I need yew to exorcise fur me…”

“I wish I didn’t have to live here with her…”

“Uuuh… l-listen Suguh’ I ‘ppreciate the… I don’t know wat that was… I know ur husband is now ded’n all, but maybe it’s time you invested in something, like… I donno, a happy time pocket rocket?”

“Come on, Unca Bear… I’m a lot of fun…  I’m a one woman party baby, ‘n yew can have a backstage pass to it…”

“Seriously.  I jus’ pass on this altogether, Sugah.”

“Not sure why my mama has to do this every time someone comes over.  Tired of coming in from school to this mess.”

“Ain’t nothin’ like gettin’ back to nature.  Perfect place to do my homework for the day.”

Yeah, but right there on the sidewalk, Fancy?

Um.  Go away Clark.

“Dammit, I knew I should have signed up for an after-school activity.”

“Ain’t you jus’a pretty lil thang, lil mama!  Such a cutie pie like yaw mus’ be gettin’ all the lil boys in a tizzy at school!”

“Uh, no… jus’ in third grade, sir.”

“Well ain’t that jus’ some’in.  I gotta’ propersitshuh’ fur yah.  ‘N yew can make a looooot of moo’lah… lots and LOTS of moo’lah…”

“NO.  I know what’cha gonna say, and the answer is NO.  NEVER.”

“…Why are you still standin’ heer.  I said no… why are you lookin’ at me like that?!”

“GAAAAH, no matter where I run, he follows me!!  GO AWAY CLARK, I DON’T WANNA PLAY TAG WITH YOU”

“Hey, I offered tuh pay ya fur it kid!  I LOVE playin’ tag!  Now come on, I gawt all night, girleh…”

Great, now this freak is her best friend.  Why

“Why is he in here?! This bed is the spare bed in the house, and therefore, this is MY bed!  He’s gotta bed upstairs, make him sleep in his OWN bed!”

Dale, Tater hasn’t slept in that bed since he became a widower.  Don’t make him do something he don’t want to do.  Besides, YOU can go nap upstairs in that bed if you want to nap so damn hard.

“Wee!  I love you guys!  You cowplants are my best friends in the world!  Ain’t no one else I wanna hang out with!”

“That’s ok kid!  Besides, your mother was delicious!”

“Can someone PLEASE do somethin’ bout the screamin’ family reject?!”

“Nah, I jus’ came in to gaw over my sweet lil’ grandson!  I love ya, Beau!  Ok, that’s all, gonna go make breakfast now guys.”

Even the older sims are ignoring HB.

Taylor.  TAYLOR.

“Don’t start.”

NO, where the crap are your pants?!  WHY did you change your everyday?!

“Do you really expect us to wear the same outfit everyday for the rest of our lives?!  That’s not realistic!”

Niether is sitting around butt naked in just a striped shirt!

“So you are going to put me in these little girl pants?!”

YES, I am NOT going back on my word!  All sims will be punished for taking their pants off with whatever pants are lying around!  My controlled sims are NOT excluded from this rule!

“Well this just sucks.”

As a worker in the fashion career, you should know.

“I can’t go to school right now! I really gotta pee soooo baddd…. oops.”

Mon dieu.

“Damn, hot lil’ MILF at one o’ clock NOM NOM NOM”

“Dolly, can you do something with your grandfather trying to eat my tongue out*smothered*”

“Jus’ here to make this picture look so damn gud”

Dale, you are starting to be a bother, now.

“Clark!  What a surprise to see you at my family’s museum!  It’s kinda unsettlin’!  But while you are heer, I gotta gift fur ya!  We are friends, will you take it?!”

“Aww, I’d love a lil gift frum mah fav’rite lil chica, any day!  Wut is it?!”

“It’s all our collective IFs from this generation, I really need to pawn these off on someone so we’ll stop heerin’ bout’em everytime one of us kids sits around the house wid’ nothin’ better to do.”

“Aw, I will treasure them always.”

Well, maybe Clark is good for something.

“There’s a cake on the kitchen table, Unca Bear.  ‘N I wus jus’ wondrin’, who’s it fur?”

“It’s ur birthday, Beau!  ‘N I’m tryina’ throw ya a party… if anyone will show up.”

Beau: “I do wish to be handsome and beautiful like my family wants me to be.”

Dolly: “Yeah, kid, ur gonna be prudy, but ur gonna look like me.  So it ain’t nothin’ new.”

Beau: “So supportive, mama.”

Bear’s party members… um, skulked out on the porch for virtually the whole party.

Kraig: “It would be so cool if I could get in there and have some cake :(”

I know, if only there was some sort of door-like device you could find that would let you in the house…

Vanessa is the only smart one out of the guest list.  Go figure.

“No way I’m standing on the porch with people who can’t tell their butts from their heads.  If I’m coming to a party, Kraig pouting at the porch window isn’t going to get in my way of the front door.”

Well not too bad I suppose.  Of course he has Dolly smeared all over him genetically.  He’s a workaholic now though I think.

“Hello ladies!  Yeah, I’ll give you a gud workout anytime!”

“TOOOOOOOOOOT!!!”

“…Thanks for makin’ me go deaf, Aunt CT.”

“Any time, kiddo!”

I also decided to go through with Eagle’s birthday while I was at it.  That “four day” birthday last time was a little much for me.

“WOOOO!  This is the best picture of my LIFE!  I LOVE this paintin’!  The greatest birthday party forever.”

“Um, Grandpa, why is Beau stupid as bird shit?”

“Hello ladies… or not ladies.  Ladies are icky, really.”

Unflirty, way to dig your hole deeper you dork.

“My dad is unflirty.”

Yeah, but Bear is Bear.  He can make it work.  You, not so much dear.

“Gud mawnin’!  We are going to go ahead and grow up baby, so she can shut up all that cryin’ and hollerin’ locked in the back room back yonder.”

Sounds like a plan to me.

“Wow Bear!  Your wife is very… shapely…”

“Wooo!  My wife is being groped from behind by one of my best friends!”

“Yeah mom!  Git it!”

Ok then…

“Alright kid, all that candle stuff is done, yew can go back into ur lil room out here now.  This is ur room right?  I can’t really care to remember.”

*fart*

Why do you have to be so blonde?  Now she’s a kleptomaniac.  Sigh.

“Haha, did you hear, tractor?!  Apparently, Sabrina’s game actually managed to crash after  HB’s birthday!  I think this is the first time since she got the new computer!  Oooh, was she PISSED”

YES, YES I WAS

AND I BLAME HB

“I’m just happier to actually age up in the hawse this go’round, you know?”

“Actually I’m nawt happier.  I ain’t sharing’ the spot light wid’ ya, I hope yew know that HB.”

Fancy is the cutest.  I think if this legacy continued, she’d probably be heir instantly.

Bear?

You managed to catch fire this time.  Oh.

“WHY DOES this not hurt as much as it looks like it should?!”

“Honey, just fart or something, darn.”

“~Imagine me an’ yew, I do”

“~I think about ya day and night, it’s only riiiight”

“Aw, are you singin’ that lil ole’ diddy for me?”

“Sure am, I got the little purple kid to help me sing it for you, just for you love!”

“GAAUGH, ur cheesy little romantic crap is making me sick!”

“OH, HELLO BIG BROTHER”

“STOP, I DON’T LIKE ROMANCE”

Maybe… I shouldn’t be here…

“Oh Dead Bloaty, today is an alright day, but everything still kinda sucks without Ken here wid’ us.  He’s missin’ out on all the grandkids, ‘n our daughter bein’ a gud family leader…”

“I’m still worried about why you bother to take me back and forth from the museum like this.   I’m also worried about why I can still talk…”

“How did you say that, Dead Bloaty?  You’re dead!”

“Well… technically, you are dead now too.”

“Noooo grandpa!  Nawt on my birthday!  WHY do you have to ruin my birthday?!”

“I’m sorry baby doll… but I must go see your grandpapa Ken now…”

“It’s cool Grandpa.  Now, all that over with, YAY, birthday time!”

“Well, your family seems to care a lot, Mr. Secksie…”

“Did ya see that, Grandpa?!  I blew out my candles and made a wish!  I hope it comes true when I become a teenager!”

“Haha, I already took your grandpa!  Hee hee, he died on your birthday.”

“Death, you are a jerk.”

RIP Tater.  I will miss you the most.  You were a sweetie.

Wow, you really know how to pick your own outfits better than most sims, Fancy.

Fancy: “Wut can I say, I know style.  Much better thanna’ uncoordinated hobo-lookin’ dresser like yew.”

Snob.  I did let her keep her own random outfit too.

“Oh I had no idea it was my birthday too!  Darn, that snuck up on me!  Papa, I don’t know what to wish for, wut do yew think-”

“Oh that’s right, yew jus’ died.”

You guys depress me sometimes.

“Wait, I was expecting old age.  I’m jus’ now reaching adulthood?”

I don’t know why I expected her to be older now.  Oh well.

End of chapter update stuffs now.

Oh Dusty.  You continue to make me so proud.

God I feel so bad for that passer-by.

Not a lot of simself stuffs this chapter actually.

Rochelle seems to finally realize she’s dating her son.  Maybe while they hate each other now, they’ll break up?  One can only hope.

Alright, guys.  You remember last chapter I said something about my ISBI.  So here it is, if you would like to read it you are welcome to!  I think it’s going to be great, and it’s nice to have a new project to work on…

You know, considering there are only two Secksie chapters left to this legacy here…

Have a good day!