The Thanksgiving That Didn’t Really Happen Very Well

The CMT music awards or whatever is on tv right now, and it reminded me that I had a Prettacy chapter waiting for upload.

Hi guys.

I would like to say, for the record, I’ve officially found out where Bella gets her… “promiscuity”.  It is, as I figured, coming from the Born Salewoman/man trait, because here’s Bear demonstrating… um…

Uh, what was I going to say? OH yeah, here’s Bear demonstrating his mother’s infatuation with a “certain type of sales”.

Um…

Moving on.

“E’rbody stand tha’ fuck back!  I’m ’bout to age up in this bitch!”

“NOO!  This isn’t HAPPENIN’!  *cries and runs out of the room*”

“Oh dear lawd, robot weirdo, it’s nawt gonna be that bad…”

“I feel like sitting around in a rockin’ chair, sippin’ cawf’ee ‘n talkin’ bout the time I defeated the Red Baron.”

I think it’s the eyebrows that make me think that.  All Cletus needs now is an oversized mustache and he’s ready to go.

“Oh hi there, purdy lady!  Fancy seein’ yew the followin’ night like this, huh?!”

“I know, righ’!  So glad yew could come, Bear!  Yew see, I recommended ya’ to mah boyfrand-”

“UM…”

“-‘n he’d love if yew could ‘radicate our lil’ ghost problem, mmk?”

“I can’t believe it.  She’s datin’ a dork like him?!”

“Yeah, that’s right, ghost boy!  I’m bangin’ THAT out there on the porch!  Not you, me!”

“Oh and don’t furget to take all these poltur’giests in go back frum where yew came from, Otherworlder!”

He booed and jeered poor Bear the whole time Bear was getting rid of his spirit problem.  Apparently this guy is ghost racist.

Bear didn’t even finish the job.  He left one ghost still floating around in a dresser and curled up on their bed and cried himself to sleep, as far as I know, since all tears are instantly absorbed back into his water based form.

OH GOD I DEPRESSED MYSELF

EVERYONE BACK TO THE FIRST PHOTO, QUICK!

During Bear’s sad little nap, Sarah got her grove on big time.  She first was caught lapping it up with townie Cornell Riffin…

And then not FOUR SECONDS LATER, was caught with Grady.  Look, I know I made almost all the simselves flirty to assist with babymaking back before Twallan, but even they are pretty tame compared to not only this Sarah, but the one from Sunset.

OH, and then later she had another man’s baby.

I’m so proud of her!  She’s made my simself and her obsession with Elissa’s family not so bad (I think so anyway, maybe not Elissa…)

Being the genius that I am, I let the family through a Thanksgiving feast and the whole reason Pat was walking through people’s walls last chapter was so he could get the whole family together for the celebration.

WOOO, turkey and football and family brawlin’, right?!

“I have no idear’ wut their obsession wid’ mah hawse is…”

Yes, about 80% of the party was spent with the Secksie’s relatives trying to get to the front door, of which was LOCKED so they’d stay in the yard where the “festivities” were, only to get stuck in a traffic jam at the porch.  I knew I was going to regret that damn thing.

Jay did attempt to distract everyone with his guitar playing, but it was really not helping, and he was told to stop.  Jay huffed off the lot almost instantly, saying he had “somewhere he needed to be” pretty much.  Then died four hours later.  Sure, that was better than being here. Stupid.

“There is NOTHING about this house I like!  What trash!  I was expecting something classy and upkept than this!”

Um, you have been to parties with this family before, Shanon, and would you rather have the party at your house, hm?!  Your two room box of a house?!  Yeah, I didn’t think so, Miss Classy.

“OH GAWD DADDY, HELP!  I DON’T KNOW HOW I AM STUCK”

In the dark depths of my evil little heart I half-wished Grady would fall into the trough torso up and flail around like a fail Magikarp, but he didn’t because Grady sucks.

Ignoring the idiots in the family, the family sat down to eat their dinner, with Pat completely pretending the rest of his family didn’t even exist.

“Why am I related to such trash, oh SOB”

Because, Shanon, just because you have some Goth in your blood, doesn’t mean it’s going to save you from generations of Secksie.  You might as well give up your high horse now.

“Yall know wut would make this dinner even better?  If we called up Dominos ‘r Pizza Hut ‘r somethin’ ‘n ordered a steamin’ VEGETABLE, cuz’ I know how much that’ll make my ex-pizza deliverin’ hubby happy.”

“Speakin’ of my more feminine other half, where is Ken?”

“Um… OH GAWD, I think I left him back on the PORCH!”

“Not happy.  Not at all.  And a little hungry.”

Dammit Ken, the porch is NOT a fun hangout during a party!  I thought you learned this lesson the last time!

“Alright boys, you’ve had your fill.  Now you have to tell everyone what you are thankful for this Thanksgiving.”

“Mom is so cheesy.”

“Mama is cheese.”

“BOYS.”

“Ok, ok, first off, I think I’m thankful fur the hawse.”

“Ur cheesy.”

“No really, Tater.  We have had nawt just one, but TWO houses since we’ve gawt here.  ‘N I know we ended up in the more shitty one, but the fact that we have a roof ovur our heads makes everything so much better in our lives these last couple’a generations.”

AWWW, yeah, you are cheesy, Bear.

“Well I fur one am thankful we still have all our photos documen’n our entire lives ‘n where we poop and hump ‘n all that bis’ness.  Unlike them Pokeman people livin’ over in the town two counties ovur.  Heard they lost an entire weekend of photos ‘n can’t fur the life of them remember where they gawt half their stuff frum!”

I KNOW, UURGH, COMPUTER HATE

“WAIT A MINUTE… This is a Thanksgiving party!”

JUST GO HOME, GRADY.

“Ok, I finally found my way here!  Let’s eat!”

“Sorry Ken, the party’s over.”

“Yeah, Bear jus’ pissed all over himself, it’s time to call it a day.”

“Awww.”

Yes.

That was the Thanksgiving party.

It really was a fail.  Thanks, Secksie relatives.

“Bear, I’ve already told yew a hundred times, do nawt sit naked at the kitchen table!”

What?  OH, dear…

La de da, another night at another house, more ghosts, more prejudice, WHAT’S THIS

Dan, NO.  This is BEAR’S PROPERTY, we claimed it!

“Um, no, I was here first?!  You only sent Bear here after you saw me standing on the porch!”

Yes, where you CONTINUED to stand until Bear got all but one ghost, which you obviously caught now…

Because the dumb fart stayed in stupid places like this >:I

Pat: “I jus’ like being involved in things other than my garden :(”

“Yeah, I love babies!  I’m gonna have TWENNY’ of ’em!”

“GAH, damn brat!  I hate kids, this is the very reason I broke up with other Dan a while ago!”

😦

Hey look, it’s Dolly’s first photo this chapter!  Can anyone guess why she’s been ignored throughout this chapter so far?

If you guessed, “it’s because she is Pat’s granddaughter”, then you are right, go to the cabinet and get yourself a cookie.  Because this little huss will NOT SHUT UP.  NO MATTER WHAT.

“WAAAAAH!!! *stops long enough to make sure daddy’s paying attention*  WAAAAH!!”

DON’T MAKE ME PUT YOU BACK IN THE BACKYARD.

Considering that I’ve spent an ungodly amount of time with Bear for a couple of days, I sent Tater and his family to a little get away from the house (that and I was tired of watching Nascar fail everywhere)

So I sent them to the cat park, considering they have a dog.

“So yew must be the lil’ crittur’ takin’ all the attention from my peoples.”

“‘N yew must be the dawg that will be put down if yew come any closer to me, cuz’ I’ll scream bloody murder if yew touch me, mutt!”

Yeah, doubt it.

Daddy isn’t even paying attention.

“Aw, what a cute little rat!  I’ll put him in my back pocket so I can take him home to be friends with Chester, only forget about him when he chews a hole through my back pocket and gets out.”

Well it was worth a shot.

“Aw, I just now remembered that we’re gonna have another lil’ newbew’ ain’t we?!”

“Yep, I forgot for a second there myself :D”

I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH SQUAT

“Um, Ken?  The kid’s watchin’ us again.”

“Sometimes, if I close my eyes and block out her screaming, it’s like she isn’t even here.”

“And sometimes if I can’t block her out, I throw a block of cheese at her.”

“Oh Ken, haha!  That’s why I love yew so much, man.”

“My parents are making fun of me…”

“BAAAAAAAWWWWWWLLLLLL bitch moan piss”

“Oh my god Dolly, there is NOTHING wrong with you!  Can’t you just shut it for one second?!”

“TATER, DO SOMETHING!  There’s a woman having a baby in here!  I don’t know anything about women having babies!  Help her!”

“YEAH!  So cool that Ethan’s mom is still poppin’ them out at her age!”

“TATER!”

“I’m not doin’ a damn thing, Ken!  She has her own car!”

“TATER!!”

“Oh no, all that excitement over Felicia or whatever her name is has caused my own baby to drop!  Tater!  At least help ME!”

“Oh gawd, the new baby is comin’?!  Now we can finally replace this brokun’ one!”

NO ONE IS REPLACING THE BABY, TATER, GO BACK AND GET HER

“And now for the moment we’ve been waitin’ fur, Dolleh’…”

“Huh?  Oh, well, this is mine and Fat Mortimer’s new son, Harry, who will hopefully grow up to not be such a prude as his older sister is-”

NAWT YEW, Ronda, OHMAHGAWD MOVE OUTTA THE WAY”

“This one takes after me.  I am most pleased.”

This is Lady Antebellum, Lady for short, or Antebellum, or “Anti’bella” because I like the sound of that

Apparently country music stars is the naming theme this generation.  I guess.

“Well I have a bag of Dolly poop.  I am NAWT pleased.”

Well someone has to do it.

“You know, Bear?  Since Tater favors so much like me, and Dolly favors so much of Tater, it’s like me and Ken had a baby!  And I think that’s the closest I’m going to be allowed down Ken’s pants, don’t you think?”

“Sometimes mama, yew jus’ need to learn when to keep ur mouth shut.”

Ken Portrait: “Damn, he broke the sink again.  Seriously, who let’s me near the faucets?!”

Tater Portrait: “I donno, ur purdy damn good at settin’ off my plumbin’-”

KP: “TATER-”

TP: “-Wut, I was gonna say in the bathroom sink.”

KP: “SIGH.”

“OMG PAT, I’m OLD!  Come here and make mama feel like she’s 19 again!”

“No Bella, not right now!  I’m just nawt in the mood fur ‘Bella Happy Time’, ok?”

“But Pat, you’ve always been up for ‘Bella Happy Time’ 😦 what’s the matter?!”

“I’m just nawt as spry as I use’ta be, yew know this!  The last time we even tried gettin’ in the bed at the same time, I ’bout threw out mah back!  We gotta back off this a lil’ bit, dear!”

“But Pat…”

“No means no Bella!  Maybe next week when I git downtime frum the gard’n ‘r somethin’.  I’m so old, Bella!”

Bella, who was so desperate for her schedule of ‘Bella Happy Time’, went and rubbed her head on Nascar’s butt, which made it uncomfortable for everyone.

“I think I jus’ need to move out now…”

Nope.

“Oh Jesus, Tater had to get the pinkest damn tree from Walmart, didn’t he…”

Well, it was his favorite color, it made him happy.  But anyone else smell the Christmas?!  I smell it!  No, wait, that might just be my dog’s collection of squirrels under the porch… anyway, ’til next time.