Three Days of Birthdays

WOOOOO! SPRING BREAK!!

Ok, so my spring break isn’t going to be like this.  It never is.

Actually, I’m going to Alabama with my roommate, her boyfriend, and my other roommate.  And the way the boyfriend keeps talking about it, it sounds like it’s going to be more like this:

Ok, wait, no.  Let me fix that:

Yeah, that looks about right and not photoshopped at all.

So instead of packing and during the drive through Atlanta traffic, this is what happened in the world of the Secksies.

“Oh hey son.  Which one’r yew, Berklay’?  Say, that’s sum mighty fine lookin’ cake you got there son.  Mind if yew share a lil’ with Shark?”

“Screw off paw, git ur own cake.”

“But the fridge is too confusin’ 8(”

Last time, Lonnie turned himself in after being accused of stripping a cop.  Then he took forever getting out.  How was prison, Lonnie?

“Horr’ble.  They forced me… they forced me… to… p-play DOMINOES wid’em!  That is the most borin’ game I have ever laid my eyes on!”

“I sat too long playin’ that damn game too!  Luk!  My crotch has fallen’ asleep! LUK!”

Uh, I don’t think I want to look, Lonnie.

When Lonnie got home, he was exhausted, but as usual he couldn’t get to his own bed because of this asshole.

“Well, that’s wut happens wen ya let me die.  In a fire.  Like one’a dem amuh’churs.”

SCREW OFF ALRIGHT, I DIDN’T KNOW

So while waiting for Leroy to stop taking over what’s not his, Lonnie stood outside and told his boring jokes to any ghost that gave him attention long enough.

“…So then I wus like, that’s notta’ weddin’ cake, that’s a taxi!”

“Good lord Lonnie, that bored me to sleep!  That wasn’t a joke, that wasn’t even a WHOLE sentence!”

“Wait, who the crap’r yew ‘gain?”

“Wut?  Don’t you recognize me Lonnie?  It’s me, your older brother Warren!”

“Then why ain’t yew wearin’ that Tron suit?”

“Apparently Death got tired of me telling him about how on Saturn I wouldn’t be dead or I wouldn’t be doing this or that or whatever, and finally stripped me of my suit and told me if I mentioned anything about my home planet again he was going to break my tombstone.”

Lonnie didn’t care and when he left, Warren made out with his great great grandfather viciously.

“Oh my… that… that made me feel so naughty, hee hee!”

“…. yeah, yew git the hell away from me, yew hear me?!”

The next morning, Virginia wanted to find more about Derrell, so she asked him if he wanted to go hang out in town, and decided that the town’s army base was a perfect place to go check out.

For the five generations of playing in Twinbrook, have I ever even really looked at this place before.

And I can’t say I can take this place too seriously.  It’s like an abandoned warehouse and look, they can’t even remove that old train track out of the way.  How can you take this place seriously?!

“So Derr’ll… I wus wond’rin and all, uh, aren’t yew married ‘r somethin’?”

A little strange to ask him, but ok.

“Wut?  Married?  My gaw Virginia, I’m just 13!  I thought yew knew that!”

“Wut?  …H-haha, ur jokin’ right?  There’s no way a guy as tall ‘n fit as yew are is just 13!”

“Yea, I am!  Luv’ workin’ out yew know!  And once I got in my uncle’s creatine, I jus’ esploded into pubur’dee, yew see.”

“Oh well, there’s nothin’ wrong wit’ya bein’ a lil’ younger than me.  I’m almost 18, but that’s just wut, a 5 year difference?  That won’t make a bit’a difference once we’re older!”

“Um, ok?”

“I think I’m startin’a fall fur yew, Derr’ll!”

“Aw, that’s so sweet!  And I luv yew too, Virginia…

Like a sistur.”

Oooh, awkward.

“YEW DO KNOW I’MMA GREAT COOK RIGHT”

You haven’t touched the stove once in your life.

“SHADDUP, I’M TRYIN’A CHANGE THE SUBJECT HERE!”

“Aw baby, yew still luk so purdy to me, even if ur old ‘n grey!”

“Thanks Dodge.”

“Yeah, even though ur nawt as hot as yew usta’ be, yew’ll always be hot on the tat on my chest.”

“Dammit Dodge, don’t compare me to that ugly thang, yew KNOW how I feel about that stupid tat!”

“Wut?!  Aw come on, that’s nawt wut yew were sayin’ last night!”

“I TOLD yew once, I TOLD yew FOUR TIMES, I said ‘I want yew to git that tattoo off of yew’, not ‘I’m gettin’ off on ur tattoo on ur chest’!  How the hell did yew get those two mixed up?!”

“Shark’s confused.  Why is that girl floatin’ in there?”

I don’t know, Shark.  I don’t think even she knows right now.

“So Dodge.  Yew ain’t really doin’ anythin’ right now.  I’m kinda up fur a game of futball, wanna go throw the old pigskin wid’ ur old man fur a bit?”

“A game?  Sure, why nawt, wut’s the worst that could happen?”

NO DODGE, IT’S A TRAP

Sigh, a trap that he fell for a dozen times.

“Gawd boy, yew catch like one’a ur girls.  If yew can’t handle the Spleen Destroyur, git outta the game!”

“Ok, THATS IT DAD!  Yew wanna Spleen Destroyur, YEW GOT A SPLEEN DESTROYUR!!”

“Wut?!  Oh gawd, oh gawd Dodge, nawt in my FACE-”

“UGH!  I cawght it!  DAMMIT BOY, don’t throw so hard at me, I’m just’a old man, I can’t catch as well as I throw!”

“Well then!  Did that teach yew to throw so hard at other people, dad?  Don’t like it wen it hurts yew, now don’t ‘cha?!  Now, let’s play a nice friendly game-”

Oh Dodge.  You just don’t learn, do you?

I thought that getting the radio wired all throughout the house was going to be fun.  At least for me.  It wasn’t.  All the disadvantages of getting to listen to music throughout the lot soon became apparent when Cho, who’s always wanting to fucking dance in the middle of the night KEPT DOING THIS.

“GAWTDAMMIT CHO!  We told ya, if ur gonna live near our trash can, yew can’t be dancin’ to our radio at FUR IN THE MAWNIN!  Do I make myself CLEAR!”

“Aw come on, Jed!  Dance with me!”

“My dad said NO, ghost lady.  Now we are sleepin’!  Stop that hippity hop stuff RIGHT NOW.”

“Aw, WUT THE HELL?!  She turned the radio on RIGHT aftur we told her nawt to.  Can I join the ghost huntin’ career now?”

Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.

“RAHIMSCARIERTHANGHOSTS”

“OH GAWD I SHOULD’A SAW THAT COMIN HE’S RIGHT THUR”

“Oh, lil’ man.  Yew see, this is wut happens wen a man loves a woman vury’ much!  He gets up inside of her and makes her very uncomfurtabul’ such as I am doin’.”

“UM, OK?”

“Don’t listen to him kid, I have no idea who this man is, I haven’t seen him in my life, so this isn’t what it looks like!  STOP LOOKING SO JUDGMENTAL AT ME”

Let’s see, people getting inside of people?  Must be a birthday.

“SEE THIS IS MY TONGUE RALRALRLARAL MAKE OUT WITH ME”

My roommate does not look good with Heidi’s glasses on.

“I didn’t even invite all this dumbfucks heer!”

Yeah well, it’s not the worst thing that could happen at a party, right?

“How ’bout the random flyin’ arrows comin’ towards my ass ‘cus daddy can’t keep the time machine door closed while I’m havin’ my birthday!”

Yeah, I guess that could be worse.

HAH she’s a clone of her mother

After school, Derrell followed Virginia home from school and played football with her EVERYBODY SAY AWWW

And damn Derrell, you looked like you gained a little bit of weight since yesterday.  What about all that working out you loved so much?

“OH GAWD HELP ME VIRGINIA, YOUR BUSH IS EATIN’ MY ARM”

That’s what he said.

“Sooo, Derr’ll, did yew tell ur mom ’bout me and yew yet?”

“Bout wut?”

“Oh… yew know… hee hee…”

“Oh Virginia, don’t be crazy, don’t know know that cuddlin’ causes babies and AIDS?  How ’bout we just play a nice safe game of Supur’ Mario ‘r somethin’ instead.”

“Yew gotta be kiddin’ me!  Cuddlin’ don’t do that, didn’t yew take sex ed?!”

“They don’t teach us that til’ high school, yew know that, Virginia!”

“Yew have to be shittin’ me.”

“OMG IS THAT A GHOST?!”

“Sup kid.  Want sum cake?”

“Dad, Leroy’s in the kitchen again!  Get the bug spray in heer will ya?!”

The next day was another birthday.  Sigh, and from the thought bubbles, you can tell it’s for Dodge.

“HAHA!  Oh gawd, that burned lady’s too funny!”

Seriously Berkley?  You are still burned? That was a week and a half ago!

“Do I really gotta do this?  I really don’t like the idea of bein in the same age group as my dad.”

Whine whine whine.

During his great spin, he decided to punch his wife in the privates and probably broke her pelvis.

“DODGE!  That HURTS!  Get ur hand away frum my groin!”

“OH GAWD BABY I’M SORRY HOLD ON I’LL FIX IT”

“OW DODGE UR MAKIN’ IT WORSE GIT UR LEG OUTTA MY VAGINA OOOOWWW!!”

“OH LAWD THE BRUTALITY”

And Berkley passed out after witnessing her nephew paralyze his wife from the waist down.

“So… this is me as an old man?  But… I look so nice ‘n young!”

“Uuh’ wait, there it goes.  I’m gross now.”

The lag is going to KILL me.

But after growing old, I went to go change his sweater, and ending up playing with his new elder look…

OH GOD HE’S THE SPITTING IMAGE OF WARREN

“I’m glad we finally through that old Saturn outfit away.  That thing was too tight in the crotch anyway, I don’t know how Warr’n evur wore that thing…”

“RAAAHMYTEETHGLITCHEDINMYHEADCAPSLOCK”

“AAH WHY’S HE STILL IN THE HAWSE?!”

And for the rest of the day, this happened.  A lot of stupid confused people, and Lonnie finally noticing that there was a party going on.  Three hours late.

And the next day, there was ANOTHER party.  This time for Virginia.

Upon looking at her friend list, I noticed that Virginia actually knew a lot of kids all of a sudden, kids I have NEVER seen before in my life, nor can find in my town anywhere.  I thought that maybe the townies were breeding, but no, none of them belong to any of the townies, and in reality, a lot more have become gay <_<

One of them even grew up into a teenager on the way over here.  You might have some competition soon, Derrell.
“Computitshun?  With who?  The pansy ass cowurd ‘r the freak with the ghost fetish?  I don’t think I’m in computitshun with either of these clowns.”

And this was Virginia’s party.  A broken stereo, a pee puddle, her grandfather stuck in a plywood door and her father thinking of all the ways he could blow up the fridge when his wife isn’t looking.

And so, we start the tale of the 5th generation.  We are halfway there people!

What will happen next chapter you think?  What will adult Virginia be like?  Will she actually have a thing with Derrell or will she be booked for messing with underaged boys now?  Will my townies stop being gay, at least long enough to actually make me some babies?

And WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Is that even an item in the game!?  What the hell?!