Operation Townie Babies

Welcome to Twinbrook!  Here in this lovely little mud puddle, lives a population made up of 80% old people who have come here to die, and the rest are of Secksie spawn.  One, maybe two sims I have seen here are handsome and were worth keeping an eye on, if I have kept an eye on them.  They seemed to have disappeared off the face of this town along with Virginia’s hopes and dreams of finding a handsome husband one day.

Many attempts to address this problem have come up pretty weak, FOR NO GOOD REASON.  In the end, I blame my computer, which seems to have the mindset of a person with dementia that’s trying to cure it by taking crack.  Of course, not all efforts have been in vain.

First off, I would like to thank everyone that has helped me/tried to help me/gave tips and advice and offered ideas from last chapter.  You guys are great.  Even if what you told me to do didn’t work, or offered sims that my game rejected for NO APPARENT REASONS and accepted others god knows how, it still ment a lot.  It’s all of your help that kept me from tying my computer to the back of my car and dragging it down the street.

Here are some of the sims that have managed to survive my computer’s harsh pickyness and have been added to my town in hopes of populating it.  Gargantua’s simself (and husband somewhere), Skehrer’s simself (with the same shirt because lol) and her Food legacy sim Edamame (the only one that my computer would accept and I DON’T KNOW WHY)

Simsnewbie23 offered some sims, and my computer liked Glad Case and Moonbeam Landgraab (lol, same shirt thing again) and her Alabaster Landgraab (HIS HAIR 8D)

Also from the Chimeree Legacy my computer liked Cocaine and Dionysus (but none of their CC, (thanks computer) so they look nothing like they should ;_;)

I downloaded three times this many sims, and this is literally all that will show up.  I’ve looked up why this would be, checked out patches to see if I was missing any, reinstalled at one point, made sure everything was to date, hacks, mods, nothing helped.  I swear, next legacy, I’m going to have everything all pimped out and running that real life is going to look fake compared to it MARK MY WORDS

ALSO while I thought about it, I jacked my favorite sims from Sunset to watch have kids because I’m rarely dissappointed by them: Gunther, Tamara, and Cyclone…

Jamie, and what looks like most of Pauline and Hank Goddard.

I didn’t set anyone up, because the idea of CAS marriage and babymaking seems too plain and unexpected to me.  It may be a poor decision on my choice, but I like the idea and the thrill of watching sims pick their own mates and seeing what becomes of that.  Chances are, only 10% of these assfaces are going to make babies at all, but I’m still hunting out sims and stuff to jack into my legacy at all times every now and then.

“HOLY CRAP THIS CAN COMES WITH TWO LIDS! JACKPOT”

I’d like to think Pilot then ran around the yard hitting them together like cymbals until his brother Audio threw the house phone out the window and hit him in the head with it.

Ok I know you all think I’m probably rambling so let’s move on to the legacy now

“Hi, I’m heer’tuh pick up the corpse of my ded son.”

“Son?  Are you sure YOU weren’t HIS son?”

“Try nawt’tuh think ’bout it too hard, sir.”

“And this is the room he died in!”

“Warr’n died in a bathroom?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry man, he didn’t die on the crapper.  Just in my arms-I MEAN UH you have pretty hair.”

“OH WELLS WATCH ME EAT A TURD”

“WHAT?!  Dude, that’s been on the floor since Warren died!”

JARED!  YOU’VE FINALLY SHOWN UP AMG LET ME HUG YOU

“Someone moved my grave?”

Yep! 😀  I just missed you soooo much!

“WHO MOVED MY GRAVE?!?  I wus HAPPY to be buried under the theatur sidewalk! GAWT’DAMMIT!!”

D:

“Sigh… the ghosts’r bak in the hawse again… LAWNIE!  Go get mama’s insect’cide spray.  Maybe that’ll deal with these fuckurs.”

Gotta love Amber’s enthusiasm.

“GRRRR!  Bitch!  Get outta mah old hawse!”

“Hello Jared!  Long time no see!  Glad to see ur doin’ well!”

“Fuck you.”

“Suriously?  This shit again?!  I thought we hired a ghost huntur to take care uf ur ass!”

“But Shark is starvin’!  Yew don’t want Shark to starve tuh death, do ya?”

Guys?  Really?  There are actual waffles just sitting on the floor in front of you.  Perfectly good waffles.

“Haha, that’s my paw!”

At least the invisable gnome that was blocking the tub finally revealed himself!  Thank god.  I’m so tired to having to send sims to the garage to take a shower because of this asshole.

“Bein’ invisabul wasn’t cool yo.  I hadda reappear to show off this sexy bod to all the ladehs *pelvic thrust*”

Yeah yeah *moves out into the hallway for the sims to kick*

“Papa made the raid’yo louder >:\”

I know!  Isn’t it wonderful?!  Now I can kick to my jams while watching you freaks of nature!

“The notes’r really big an’ distractin’.”

Well yeah, bigger notes for louder music.

“Shark is NAWT happy with the loudur notes!  Shark can’t sleep on the flur with the raid’yo this loud!”

“Oh, how great!  That blue shaded phantom has damaged my father’s radio!”

“Shark doesn’t even like the raid’yo!  Shark do gud?”

Hey Shark, go to hell why don’t you.

“Now, may I move on to a more depressing matter?  May I ask, why the fuck am I still sleeping in this yard?!  And who?!  WHO PISSED NEXT TO MY BED?!”

I keep putting off kicking Heidi out seeing as technically I don’t need her here anymore.  She was just a good housekeeper for me since she is the only one with the neat trait.  And that was wonderful.  But seeing as she being always miserable was really keeping her from her household duties, I thought it was time to send Heidi out to enjoy her life away from her embarassment of a family.

She moved out into the old Bayless house, and soon hitched up with Mario, the pawn shop guy she met back when she was a teenager.  Good for her.

“Goin’ wur no man has gone befur… a brave new adventur’ just beyond the durs of… the HAWNTED PORTA-POTTY”

“OH LAWD I CAN’T EVEN FIND THE TOILET IN HEER”

Well that’s just lovely.  Lonnie probably ended up getting high as a kite before defecating on everyone at Woodstock.  He might have gotten laid too, crazy hippies.

I haven’t mentioned Jed all that much since his brush with death, have I?  When he’s not fishing in his backyard, he’s talking to his fish.  Become a recluse, this one has.

“Yew know who’s become a recluse lately?  Budweisur heer.  He and Keith Stone have been qurrlin’ lately, and I wish they would make up already befur I end up movin’ Tequila between’em so they won’t luk at each other anymur.”

All your friends have died, haven’t they?

Hey Nick, didn’t know you grew up already!  You’re an adult now, why the crap are you hanging out in front of the school?

“Because my dumbass father still thinks I’m seven and keeps insistin’ on drivin’ me to school.”

“*hic* Gud luck son!  Make ur *hic* old man proud!  Turn ur homework in cuz if ur teachur calls the hawse again *hic* I’m gonna beat ur *hic* ass >:I

I’m gonna *hic* goduah *hic* uh meet some friends at uh *hic* the bar…”

“THAT’S IT DAD!  I’m SICK of this!  I’m not a child anymore, and I don’t go to this school anymore!  I’m twenty-fucking-five!  No WONDER mom left us and your sorry drunk ass, you’re so damn stupid!”

“Don’t *hic* don’t cuss at me like that!  After I *hic* trydda be nice and *hic* drive ur butt up *hic* here, you could’a walked fur *hic* all I cared!  Miss ur lil’ *hic* scyence fuurr thing ur wutever…”

“YOU DIDN’T EVEN HEAR A WORD I SAID!!”

“AMG GUYS WARREN DIED THE OTHER DAY I’M SAD”

“Oh *hic* fuck now I’m seein pur’ rangurs *hic* wut’s this town comin’ to, Nick?  Whenya gotta go to schul wid *hic* pur’ rangurs…”

“I think I’M going to need a drink here…”

“A one, anna’ two, anna’ three, anna’ why am I doin’ jumpin’ jacks wen he’s doin’ crunches, anna’ five…”

“Uh, Jurry, wut’s goin’ on in the kitchun?  Did you piss all ovur the carpet’r somethin’?!”

“Sigh, no mama, the sink broke again…”

“Well wur’s ur pa wen we need him fixin’ that?!”

Well that’s just nice.  Now Lonnie’s gambleing.  And he’s horrible at it.

That or he’s probably high again.

“Sob, the death of the older brother I burly know is cripplin’ me so much that I can’t even bothur lookin’ fur the lone man the sim playur thought she saw the day at the beach!  I’m goin’ home!”

“Papa, why did our big brothur hav’ta leave us like this?  I miss him so much!”

“I miss ur brothur too… gah it wus just like yesturday he was heer bitchin’ bout gettin’ stuck on the porch…”

“Steak and eggs and eggs and steak, that’s wut yew should have fur BREAKFAST”

“Jurry, tell ur dumbass brothur that wen it’s grievin’ time, we grieve togethur as a family, and not be such a moron.”

At least Warren’s five-minute boyfriend seems to have moved on from his death.

“Oh Lawrence, your chest… is so manly.  How does a guy get a manly chest like that?”

A little creepy that he’s dancing with his mother’s gay ex-boyfriend so I’m going to move on now.

Lonnie, you really need help man.  You’re starting a gambling problem I think.  Especially if banditos are chasing after you.  My guess, you owe them money?  Threw poop at them?

Whatever the reason, afterwards he spent a good hour screaming at the time machine like it was it’s fault he lost all that money playing poker.

“Wut is wrong with this porta-potty?!  And why do hippies and cowboys and boats keep showin’ up while I’m tryin’a take a crap!?  HUH?!  SCREW YEW PORTA-POTTY!  I’m gonna go crap in the bushes’r somethin’!”

Shark….

“Huh?  Wut, no!  This giant puddle wasn’t Shark’s fault fur once!  Makin’ Lawnie poop outside, yeah, but not the puddle!”

I JUST HAD THAT SINK FIXED DX<

And not pictured, the broken tv.  Kill me plz

“Babe, I think yew done gone killed that plant thur.”

“Yep, that’s dedur than a highway ‘possum right thur.”

“Shark, as a thurd opin’yun, agrees that that is in fact, a ded plant.”

How many rednecks does it take to throw away a dead plant?

“Gah, I just love my wife.  She’s so nice and pretty and loves me and accepts me and all my mistakes even after I drowned the kids in the reservoir”

SEE?!  THIS is why no one in this town has babies!!  You dumb fucks keep losing/killing all the kids in this town!  Why?!  WHY?!  How come only the stupid people are breeding!?

*curls up in a corner and cries*

“I’m gonna scare the shit out of my sister in law!  She’ll never see it coming!”

“Uh, I can see you coming right there.  You are right there.  Moron.”

“RAAAAIMACEREALKILLER”

“OHFUCK HOW DID YOU GET THERE?!”

Town of geniuses.

“My my, wussa’ purdy lil’ thing like yew doin’ out heer this late at night, Miss Dockery?  Don’t cha know creepy people like to oogle purdy lil’ gurls like yew?”

“That’s… flattering?”

“My, I can see why my son had a side thing with yew fur a while in his high school!  Yew’s such a lovely woman!”

“That I don’t understand, Mr. Dodge’s dad.  Dodge is still pretty young, and I’m about 90 something years old!  How come we were the same age, but I’m the only one wearing diapers?”

“Stop tryin’ to figgur’ out all that math and kiss me.”

Lol, easy old woman was easy.

“Haha, we are all gonna die soon!”

“That’s, reassurin…”

“HEY YOU MIDDLE OLD LADY OVER THERE!  YOU’RE PREGNANT!”

“Did that blond chick over thur really just yell wut I think she yelled at you, Aubrey?”

“Pregnant?!  I-I’m not pregnant!  I’m too old!  It’s just a couple of pounds, I swear!”

“How can my sister be pregnant?!  No man has wanted to look at her since she was 16!”

“Wow, thanks a fucking lot Reina.”

“YEAH!  My seed is SUPER POWERFUL and can overcome her old age!”

“Wut the hell yew talkin’ ’bout, boy?!  Yew never met this woman in ur life!”

“Oh lawd, COPPURS!  Must escape!  Must avoid jail and showur butt rape and poor prison fud!”

Wow, I had no idea Lonnie was even here.

“Wow, did I actually outrun the cops?  Have I avoided prison?  Man, I’m just too awesu-”

“FUCK HOW’D I END UP BACK HEER?!”

“Yew do know runnin’ from the cops is about 3 years heer right?!  Yew better be happy ur a minor an’ all I can do is take you back to ur parent’s house.”

“Ah, silly belly fat, you won’t become a child on me, right?  Right?”

“Whatever, and with that, I’m going to go jump in the reservoir *strips*”

Meanwhile, across town…

UH….

“My girlfriend just died…”

“That’s right!  I just took your girlfriend while you were on a date!  Take that, Jed!  That’s for making me pee myself the other day!  And while I’m at it, those mind reading jellyfish?  Those were my fault too!  Bwahahah!”

“Screw yew, Death, yew asshole!”

“WHAT?!  I’m naked?!  I’M NAKED!  …This is actually quite AWESOME!”

“Uh…”

“Behold my supernatural wiener!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go home now…”

“*claps* yay, I got arrested today paw!  I have a track record, jus’ like yew now!  Ain’tcha proud of me?!”

“Hee hee, that’s kinda funny….”

“No, wait, that’s bad, Lawnie!  BAD!  Yew’ve been very bad!”

“Well, yeah, paw, I’m gonna grow up a mastur of evil, remembur?!”

“No Lawnie!  I refuse to let a boy of mine grow up repeatin’ the mistakes I made wen I was ur age!  There’s no need to be actin’ out like that!  Now, yew go to ur room, and yew think ’bout wut yew’ve done, cuz ur gonna be grounded fur the next two mont-”

“CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!”

“WHOA WHOA WHOA!  Wut the HELL?!”

“:D”

“Oh fuck, my son’s insane… I just… uh… eh…”

And with that, this chapter comes to an end.

Right quick, let’s just go around town and see if anyone I set in town has started even talking to anyone else yet…

Let’s see, my roommate’s cloned sim has moved in with Moonbeam and any other time I wouldn’t mind if sims date other sims of the same gender, but I don’t have that hack, so I really need them to be thinking of friggin’ bearing me children D:<

I AM SO DISAPPOINT

And the only other relationship so far, would be Pilot and Jamie… whatever the hell this is.

“You are so pretty today baby, never mind the overbearing stench of me spending the night in the trashcan…”

“Ew, no Pilot, how the crap are we boyfriend and girlfriend with a 100% relationship?!”

From the time I put all the sims in here to now, three days later, it’s not as bad as I was fearing it to be.  At least some of them are even coming out of their houses.  Some of them.