Stalkers and Sinks

“Who let YOU back in the house?!”

“‘Scuse me?!”

“The last time you were in here, I got stuck cleaning baby poo out of the couch for 17 years!”

…Annnnyway, it’s the final chapter for the third generation!

“So, um, Officur Proctor, wut’s been happenin’?”

“I BRING YOU GOOD NEWS FROM THE WORLD OF THE FIRST SIMS GAME”

Harley’s birthday was thrown really early in the morning so she didn’t stand there staring at the cake for two hours while her school performance dropped for no reason.  Aunt Berkley was the only one invited, and she passed out at the site of Cho in the front yard, so there was no point inviting her ass.

“Dad!  Ur gran’ dawghtur is growin’ up!  Why don’t yew come over heer and spend some time with ur family durin’ her birthday?!”

“Shark has bettur things to do! Shark sees that the kitchen counters are being unused right now.”

No one likes you Shark.

So while Shark violently molests the kitchen stove, Harley finally grew up after spending way too long as a child.

“Wow sis!  Yew grew up all skinn-”

“Eee.  Uh, hmm.”

So, ok, what happened to her hair?  It’s like Luanne’s old hairstyle, if it hadn’t been brushed in three days.  Must have inherited her mother’s inability to pick a normal hairstyle.

New trait, frugal.

“Wonder if I can lose all this weight befur’ the prom…”

“IDK, how ’bout yew get lost befur’ I piss all over the floor.”

Dammit Lucy, can’t you see someone else was in the bathroom first?!

“Aw man, I feel so pur’ havin’ to shop in a place like this.”

I don’t know why you are so embarrassed, Harley. You would think cheap sims like yourself would like to shop in a thrift store such as this one.

“So, snoopin’ out this place fur me!  We really are a team!”

“How come ur always where I’m at Chevy?  Can’t I have a day to myself?!  Besides, shouldn’t you be in school right now?”

“Don’t be silly, Harl’.  We’re a team!  Joined at the hip!  And I’m just heer to make sure ur makin’ friends!  Yew see that lady behind the counter?  I bet she’ll make a great friend fur yew, so go talk to her fur me!”

“Hi, my name’s Harley!  Ur Aubrey Bayless right?  Mah sistur sed yew’d make a great friend fur me!”

“Ur sistur is uh’ wurd’ one.  But tha’s ok, I haven’t seen my sistur since she had that baby that she left in our kitchun’.”

“Speakin’ of sisturs runnin’ away, where the hell is my sistur goin’ now?”

Ah, the Bayless truck.  The epitome of a redneck lifestyle.  How come we don’t have this already?

“That’s wierd, why the hell doesn’t this thing have a door handle?!”

Maybe that’s the reason.

*clickclick clickclick*

“That’s weird… why th’ hell isn’t my car drivin’ to the road an’ comin’ to me?”

Because it’s in Chevy’s inventory, call a taxi.

“I bettur’ go to bed, it’s ’bout two and I got work in the morn- Jeramy, why are yew still heer?”

“I was at the party this morning!  I just never got around to leavin’…”

Are you SERIOUS?!  You stood in the living room for the ENTIRE day?!  Living with me is NOT that horrible of a thing, Jeramy, go the fuck home!

“But I like this house better!  I have friends and people who like me here!  At least they say they like me…”

ITS FIVE IN THE MORNING!  GO AWAY, GET OFF THE PORCH!  I’M SURE I CALLED YOU AT SOME POINT!

“Welcome back to the new season of ‘Fishin’ wid’ Jed’! Today, we will be fishin’ fur special fish and answerin’ questions from my viewurs.”

“People always ask me, Jed, why do ya fish? There’s nawt that big of a market fur people who fish with rods, right?  Everyone gets there fish frum them big boat fishurmen and yeah, that makes me luk like a minnow in the catfish pond of the fishin’ world.”

“But the thing is, I just love to fish!  That’s purdy much my answur!  Thur’s nothin’ like a clear calm pond ‘urly in the mawnin’, the ground still wet with dew an’ the air smellin’ like an earthy sprang rain.”

“On that note, stop shittin’ in the rivers and lakes.  I’m so tired of all the pollutshun’ and human crap floatin’ round in the waturs.”

“Do yew know if there are any of ‘dem gov’ment mind readin’ jellyfish in this pond?  I heard they send all ur memories ’bout where yew put all ur porn collectshuns and the gov’ment comes to confiscate it!”

“Um, Melissa?  Why are yew heer?!”

“I’m spendin’ some time with you, Jed!  We never get to do stuff like this anymore since ur always out here workin’!  Besides, this is really nice scenery, it’s so romantic!  Isn’t this romantic, Jed?!”

“Aww, she’s gonna scare all the fish away!  Why’d she have to follow me?”

Be nice, Jed.  She has a point, spend some time with your wife, even if you aren’t catching anything today anyway.

“Hey.  The fuckin’ sink’ brokun again.”

When is it NOT broken.  Sigh.

You look WAY too pissed about it too.  Damn.  I bet she can roll her tongue too, can’t you, Chevy?

“Oh, and Jeramy is back in the house.”

WHAT?!  Since WHEN?!  Since when has Jeramy become the family stalker?!

“What?!  I came home with Harley today!  I don’t see the crime in that!  Besides, I have a strict curfew!  My mom doesn’t let me in the house until 6!”

Stop quoting Shin Chan and leave my legacy alone for ten minutes!  Really!  Can’t the Seckies bring home someone else besides you for ONCE?

*three minutes later*

“ALL OVER THE FLOOR!  WUT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS STUPID ASS SINK?!  I HATE THIS CRAPPY TRAILER BASED HAWSE, WHY CAN’T ANYTHING WORK RIGHT IN THIS PLACE?!”

And there’s her hot headed nature.  I knew it was only a matter of time.

Ah!  Anew repairman!  Hopefully, she’s better and more reliable than Hispanic Repairman.  She doesn’t look all that good, but it can’t be any worse than getting paid for doing nothing.

“What is this!?  T-t-t-there’s a g-g-ghost on t-the p-p-p-porch!”

Yes, and there’s one on the other porch, in the kitchen, and one is coming up the stairs as we speak.  Problem?

“THEY ARE GONNA KILL ME!  I’m so SCARED!  GOOD BYE CRUEL WORLD!!”

Oh great, she’s a coward.  And she spent all night on the back porch, from 1 to 5.  No lie.

She didn’t even get around to fixing the bathroom sink!

“Um…”

“No no no no.  Yew don’t have to get up jus’ cause I’m watchin’  Please.  Lie back down and go back to sleep.”

“Wut’s goin’ on in heer?”

“NOTHING, was just gonna float through this wall and possess a tabul’r somethin’…”

“I’m not askin…”

Meanwhile, downstairs, Harley was eating a ghost.  Might explain her… ahem…

unexplained size.

“Hey Harley.  Yew know our uncle?  Well, yew know his “other dawghtur”?”

“Um, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m totally doin’ that chick.”

“W-wut?!  Dodge, that’s our COUSIN!”

“We were makin’ out last night.  With tongue.  She wus all like “ugn” and I wus like “uuugn” and we were like “mmfph”…”

“I did NAWT wanna know that, Dodge!”

“IT’S HIM AGAIN, HEY KID, HAVE A GRENADE”

“But I came home with Chevy!  I’m a welcome guest!”

WHAT PART OF THIS HOUSE SAYS YOU’RE WELCOME HERE?!  And get your hand out of Melissa’s crotch, she doesn’t want any of that!

“No no no no no!  Stop sink!  We fixed ya two nights ago!”

Harley needs to go out and do more things, at least without Chevy up her butt!  The library seems like a fun place to hang out at, right?

OH FORGET IT.

“Gurl, yew ’bout hot as a fishin’ spot at 5 in the mawnin on a sunday!”

“Eh, gud ‘nough fur me.”

“OH MELISSA UR GETTIN’ SO OLD”

“SHUTTUP UR WEARIN’ UR HAT AGAIN, GET IT OFF MY BOOB”

Amber grew up, oh well for Dodge.

“Dodge, yew stink!  Did yew go diggin’ in the junk yard befure yew came heer today?”

“Sorry babe, kinda sucks now that yew gotta job an’ all, and yew nawt goin’ to school anymore.”

“Listen, Dodge.  We can’t see each other until yew graduate, ok?  I mean, I don’t have problems datin’ my cousin, but I’m not gonna date him while he’s still underaged.  I mean, I really don’t want to be known as the incestual pedo datin’ her cousin.  I love yew, Dodge, but call me when ur 18, ok?”

What Dodge heard:  “Bigger boobs, boobs, boobs, older woman, dating a cougar boobs, boobs, boobs”

“Heh heh, yeah Ambur…”

“Did ya even hear what I just said?”

Dodge later got taken home because the cops around town are just SO NICE

“So ur the lil’ cousin kissin’ perv my predecessor told me ’bout.  I bet ur gonna get it when I take you home!”

“Ur really new to this job, aren’t ya?”

“So Chevy.  I really like fishin’.  Did ya know that ’bout ur old dad?”

“Really now.  Yew don’t say dad.”

“Hmm, how come I’m nawt in the poolside orgy over there?”

NO JARED.  Not every time a sim stands in another sim does it have to involve you.

During the little pool trip, Jared got the note that Lisette died.  I don’t even know why he still cares, he hasn’t really talked to her since Daniel was born.

“Oh no.  My cheatin’ baby mama died.  Sadness.”

“Lisette.  My sweet cheatin’ Lisette…”

“Hehe, splashy splashy, ur it Harle-”

“BACK THE FUCK OFF DODGE!  HOW DO YEW LIKE IT WEN SOMEONE SPLASHES YEW, ASSHOLE?!  CHOKE ON CHLORINE, LOSER!!”

Oh Dodge, you haven’t been on the receiving end of Harley’s rage, have you?

“Now now, children.  Be nice, we are tryina’ have a nice family outing!”

“Oh gawd, there are two of them.”

Yes Jared.  It’s that time.  Now go put on some pants, the guests don’t want to see that.

AND BEFORE THE PARTY GOES UNDERWAY, WE SHALL END THIS CHAPTER UNTIL NEXT TIME!

Before I go, though, it’s time to vote for your favorite secksie sibling for heirship.  The poll is here at boolprop, so go and vote today LOL THE POLLS CLOSED YOU MAY GO TO NEXT CHAPTER NOW.  Here are the kids if you didn’t know already.

Dodge Secksie, the eccentric slob, and a flirty daredevil.

He’s been constantly harassed by the cops for being out past 11, and dates his cousin, which might be against rules, but when you are limited, it was only a matter of time anyway.

Chevrolet Secksie, the unflirty but easily impressed perceptive klepto.  She’s stolen virtually all cars she could find in town and is probably a wanted criminal in Twinbrook, if the cops can get out of her brother’s butt long enough.

And finally, Harley Secksie, the frugal virtuoso with an eccentric personality and a hot head.  She’s a little ignored, and pretty quiet, but when she DOES get pissed off, she almost puts Sinbad to shame.

“So go vote today!  With ur mice!  I’m gonna go vote fur myself right now!  EEEE!”

You aren’t a contestant, Jed.