So Much Damn Fightin’

Everyone is beating my scores on Robot Unicorn Attack and making my confidence in my skills as a gamer get really low.  So I guess it’s time for some more Secksies!

In the last chapter, Ellie Mae was born and everyone is really hating on each other and, apparently, the stove in the kitchen.  No one thinks that the kitchen is a safe place to eat anymore.

“What?  I had to go anyway so I might as well kill two birds with one stone.”

A lot of my sims spend a good bit of time eating on the toilet in their houses, but actually going while eating?  You have taken it to a whole new level, Sinbad.

“Shark really hates this crappy house.”

Yeah, well, don’t care.

“I’m really hungry right now.”

“Well, Shark is hungry for something, if Luanne knows what Shark means, heh heh heh…”

“Hu-UH, no, not aftur you’ve been treatin’ me and our daw’tur lately.  I’m shutin’ yew off until yew improve your atitude wid’ me!”

“Aw, come ON Luanne!  Luanne knows how Shark is and Luanne knew what Luanne was getting into when Shark moved into the house with ya!”

“Nuh-uh, nope, not happenin’ wid you!”

They did it anyway.

“Hey, I so totally finished the new portrait of Luanne…*snicker*”

What the hell Amy?!  That’s even worse than before!  Actually use your fucking maxed art skills for once!

“Dammit, Luanne is still in the hawse.  I’d figgured that, like, she’d bee’d done moved away or somethin’ already!”

Buck is visiting, which actually means only one thing.  Someone is having a birthday!

“Hey Shark.  Your daw’tur is having a birthday over here.”

“…And?”

“And?!  And get ur ass over here and spent a little time with your family fur once, DAMN!”

“It’s ok Luanne dear!  We’ll pay some attention to you and our grandbaby!  We LIVE for this type of stuff, don’t we Sinbad?!”

“Please kill me already.”

Ellie Mae grew up looking JUST LIKE HER MOTHER.  The only difference is that she looks like she has Shark’s eyes and uh, Shark’s teeth?

“I gawn’ naw ur ankuls!”

Ellie Mae then started to complain about how no one will spend time with her and love on her and she was getting really lonely, and her father completely ignored, dissed, and then bitched about how whiny and annoying she was being.

“Whiny little turd.  Where da hell is that Lucy chick that’supposed to be takin’ care of her?!”

“You got to be fucking with me.  This dumb ass is a worse father than I was with Lee.  Am I really going to have to step into this?”

“Ok then, that’s IT!  You slackass, dipshit, sorry excuse for a father, you are GOING to start helping around with your child and actually take care of her!  You hear me boy?!  If you don’t start acting right soon, I’m going to kick your ass severely and MAKE you act right myself!”

“Bitch plz.  Do ya SEE Shark?  Do ya see Shark’s arms?  Shark’ll snap Sinbad’s skinny little stick ass with ONE arm.  Sinbad thinks he can kick SHARK’S ass?  Shark will like to see little Sinbad TRY.”

“THEN LET’S GO RIGHT NOW”

*PUNCH KICK SMACK*

“WAAAH!  Daddy n’ Granpappy are killin’ each other!  Then no one will be awound to pway wif meeee!”

“THAT’S RIGHT, N STAY IN YOUR PLACE BITCH! I AM THE ALPHA MALE”

“Sigh, fine, I’ll take care of you and play with you, Ellie Mae.  Nothing like spending my day off takin’ care of my two worst enemies’ child.”

“Shark is going to be at the bar for the next fucking hour!  Shark don’t need this shit!”

Sinbad, you are just too awesome.

“Heeeey, I finished Shark’s portrait as well.”

WALRPAROAUS*%^#&$ what the hell is wrong with you lately?!

Hmm, I haven’t mentioned Jared yet at all, have I?

He spends most of the time doing his own thing, and I don’t pay too much attention to him half the time

Except right now

“I was just conciplatin’!  Hangin’ out widduh’ bushes!  What’s wrong with that!?”

“W-Whatcha goin’ to do with that wrench, officer?”

“It’s part of a new procedure to reinforce the curfew little brats like you enjoy breaking.  Now get your ass in my cop car before you find out what that is.”

“D8”

MEANWHILE

“I’m REALLY tired of whoever is leaving this damn thing unattended!”

“Hey Lucy!  I’m thinkin’ I’m in the mood fur a little sexeh time, babe!”

“NOT RIGHT NOW LEROY”

“Hey!  I’m the new gnome that Sinbad stole from work!  What you been up to brotha?!”

“Nothin’ man.  Since Leroy died, I’ve been BROKEN IN THE SAME RUNNING IN PLACE POSITION for years now.  Not cool at all.”

“Man, sucks to be you.  Well, I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go get me a booty call now!  Holla!”

“Sup babe.  Whadda’ think?  Like what I got?”

“UUUUH…”

“Come on babe, how ‘ bout we go back to my place ‘n do a little ‘dancin’, hot stuff.”

“I r-really don’t think I can, I have things to do and SINBAD?  DO YOU THINK YOU CAN COME IN HERE FOR A SECOND DEAR?”

“Thanks baby!  Now you caused me to leave work early and miss work a little!  Sigh.  I’m never going to get that promotion now.”

Luanne is getting ready for baby number two, whether she wants to or not.

Speaking of children, anyone recognize this little girl?

It’s Buck’s and Florence’s child!  Her name is Adriane, and she’s a little hydrophobic, nature hating, opposite of everything I want in this legacy D:

She actually has a TWIN, Sandra, who for some reason is still a toddler.  But hey, the people of Twinbrook know what they are doing.  I guess.

“How did I ever get so lucky to be watching after my two great grandchildren and/or grandchildren?”

“Well, technically you aren’t related to us any more, grampa!  Your relationships with great grandmother Renee and grammy Jenni are long over and you have no lineage relationships with us anymore!”

“I know that!  I’m still trying to figure out how I got stuck babysitting you two freaks!”

Back at the house, Jared is broken.

“Heeey!  I was cookin’, then I realized that I wanted to light a fire, and now the living room is in my way and my waffle batter is gettin’ cold!”

“Please… can I have some more?”

He looks so pitiful, sometimes I forget he’s retarded.

“Your son is a moron, you know that?!  He’s out there talking to waffle batter and going on about stupid crap, but then again, he gets it from you!”

“Like, what the hell is the matter with you?!  We took you in and you insult my child?!  Bitch!  After all we done for ya and you can’t even be nice and do the maid service stuff that we took you in for!  If you are going to be a total bitch, get the hell out of my house!”

“I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY TO GET RID OF ME”

GRANNY FIGHT!!!!

Oooh… you know it’s a losing fight when your crocs get shoved through your skull.

“Take THAT hussy! You will NEVER get rid of me!  BWA HAHAHA!”

“BAAAAAW! SINBAD!!”

“BAAAAAW! GWANPAPPY SINBAD!!”

“Dammit, not THIS again!  Where’s your father and why isn’t he taken care of you?!”

“Shark just got back from the bar, so Shark’s tired and going to sleep.”

“I stinky!”

“MOTHERFU-”

LUCY to the rescue.

“And so your Grandma Bitch wuz like YA and HIYA and I wuz like WHOA BITCH”

“I fur one, Grammy Lucy, don’t giva’ rat’s ass.”

“And then your Grandma Bitch was strangling me so I reached out and grabbed her croc… are you even paying attention to me?!”

OH, and the reason that Ellie is bald is because soon after the fight between Sinbad and Shark, the game CRASHED.  AGAIN.  All I had to redo was the birthday and the fight.  But I’m still getting really sick of the crashes.  I keep half expecting my game to die completely, but only time will tell I guess.

“I liek blue everythang!”

“I see that.”

“So then I was like, I luv this batter so much, and I’ve been keeping it close to my heart since then.  Waffle batter is the greatest fud in the history of fud.”

“Um.  Ok then…”

“RAAAHHKLSJFKDFHISTILLHATEYOU”

“AHHHHWHATHTEHFUCK”

“He he, good’un dad.”

“Thanks son for distracting her for me.”

“Both of you go tuh hell.”

Oh, I FINALLY caught the sim starting all the stove fires!  It’s Leroy, like I was starting to suspect!

WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN, IT WAS THE FIRE GHOST STARTING ALL THE FIRES

NO WAI

“I luv fud, I luv cookin’, fud fud fud, yum yum yum, la la-”

“Ok, I’m bored now.  Time to go off ‘n do sum Leroy stuff now!”

*ten seconds later*

“LOOKOUT MOM!  SAVE THE FUD!  IT’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT FUD, IT’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT”

“WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING USELESS AND IN THE WAY”

“Son, why are you so dumb?”

“I donno mom!  I just have fud on my brain, all the time lately!”

“I can tell.”

“Mmm, Lucy.  My batter has been through so much lately.  I think I’m going to write a book about it.  Prolly title it somethin’ like ‘Being Battered:  A Bio’.  Whatcha think?”

“I think that I dropped ya one too many times on your head when you were a baby.”

“D: ELLIE, this house is driving me INSANE!  Everyone is stupid, I’m surrounded by people I want to kill, and mah ghost boyfrand don’t wanna have woohoo time with me at all, he would rathur get in my bed alone and have fun with HIMSELF!”

“Like I told yew, Granny Lucy,  I don’t give a damn.”

“GAAAHLAGJKDSFDFKBDS”

“THEN UNATTENTIVE BABIES DON’T DESERVE THIS”

“But… but… GWANPA SINBAD GAVE THAT TO ME!!”

“OW!  This hurts so much!  I think I’m more than just hungry this time, Shark!”

“OHMAHGAWD LUANNE!  THE WATER BED! WHAT DID’JA DO TO IT?!!?”

“GO TO HELL SHARK”

And so, Jed was born.  Also named after a character from the Beverly Hillbillies, Jed is clumsy and brave.  That’s a great combination if I ever seen one.

Ok, I’m done for the night.  In the next chapter, what will Jed grow up to look like?  Will Ellie Mae grow up to look less like her mother?  Will Shark ever notice that he has kids?  Will he even accept Luanne’s proposal to be her boyfriend, much less husband?!

Prolly not.