Wooing a Shark

Three prettacy chapters in three days.  It’s almost fall break, and I only had a couple of exams, so I’m pretty much not doing anything for the rest of the week D: my dorm is so boring.

But welcome back to the Southern Prettacy where yadda yadda yadda, if you read, you know.

D8

DAMMIT BUCK STEP AWAY FROM MY CAMERA

In the last chapter: Luanne grew up and it was declared that Shark is going to be the new husband, and hopefully he isn’t that old yet, but I can’t count on it.

Jared, the youngest, grew up from a baby to a toddler and I’m in love with his little face >8

And Lucy moved in in a feeble attempt to find Lee, Sinbad’s long lost child, but she didn’t bring him with her and is now the new grandmother figure of the house.  Maid, servant, however you want to put it.

The more I look at Lucy, I keep comparing her to the Witch of the Waste from Howl’s Moving Castle.  The Miyazaki version anyway, we had the book but my mom’s evil ex stole it from my bookshelf before I could read it |:(

It’s because she’s the jealous evil ex that ends up getting old and moved in anyway, and she acts all cute and right when everyone seems to like her

SHE FUCKS UP AND MESSES UP ALL THE PLANS

Lucy better not do that in the end 😡

And Leroy is kinda like Calcifer

Not really

Instead of being useful and being the magical fire demon, he’s just a ghost by fire that follows Lucy around like the whore he is and never goes away ever.

“Wow, Shark’s house is huge!  I’m really impressed that this is going to be my new husband soon!”

Yeah, too bad he’s got to move out of this lovely abode that has probably been in his family for generations only to move into a trailer with a bunch of rednecks, a witch, and a retarded ghost.

“Hey, I’m Luanne!  We met at a party recently!”

“Yeah, Shark remembers you!  Ur’ dat guy whose party Shark wus at da other day!”

“Uh, I ain’t a guy!”

“Yeah you are.”

Thus begins the great adventure that was wooing Shark.  Meanwhile, back at the trailer:

“That boy retarded ur somethin?  He can’t seem to stop burnin’ himself on the bench around back.”

Yeah well, we don’t have to worry about that anymore.  I pretty much quit on the idea that Buck will succeed his father since he can’t seem to do anything right and wasn’t skilling very well anyway.

“Good.  Then he can help me in the house with this stupid brat.”

You wish.

“Thanks for lettin’ me spend the night with you, Shark.  Even though you didn’t sleep in the same bed wid’ me last night an’ prudy much spent the night avoidin’ me by wonderin’ around hur’ aimlessly, I still had a good time at yur hawse.”

“What was you sayin’?  Shark was starin’ at your boobs.”

“Man, I luv this hawse.  I luv this pool of thurs.  I feel so hot out here in my bathin’ suit!  I bet Shark couldn’t take his eyes off me!

If he were here right now.”

Luanne, I know you don’t have much experience with pools, but panties aren’t bathing suit bottoms.

“Wut’s the diff’rence?”

Oh, never mind.

“Hmm, I wunder why this child won’t stop cryin’!  I have been playin’ with him all mawning, I can’t see why he’s upset!”

Maybe because you are STARVING HIM, Leroy!  Put the child down and stop touching him!

“Haha, you are getting old, I didn’t have to get old, I died young!  Haha!”

“I will now curse you with old age, Amy!  This is what you get for stealing my man!  Now NO ONE will think you are pretty!  HAHAHA!”

Shut up Lucy, you are not cursing anyone with old age.  She’s aging on her own.

Yeah, Amy’s birthday is finally here.  I tried to invite all her friends to the party, but it kept freaking out on me when I added more than seven.  But that’s ok.  Any more people complaining in one small room makes my game lag enough as it is.

Ok people, I get it.  There is a crying baby in the room.  There is a baby living in this house.  Get the hell over it!

“I’M STILL STARVING AND I HATE MY DADDY!”

Holy crap, he really does hate his daddy for some reason D:

Ok Amy, you have been cheering at the cake for TWO HOURS now, let’s do this already!

“But I’m, liek, so totally excited!  I finally get a cake!  I’m so glad that today is my birth-”

“duuuuuuh…..”

Nice fake ass pearls Amy.  I’m giving you a makeover though, don’t worry.

And where was her daughter Luanne during her birthday?

“This beautiful bathroom makes me wanna SING!  Being in here has givin’ me three whole guitar points!  I love life here!!”

I didn’t send you over to Shark’s house for three days just so you can play guitar in his bathroom!  You need to be working on your relationship with him right now!

It helps that he has a flirty personaility trait.

Doesn’t help so much that he has commitment issues.

Why do I keep getting sims that don’t want to work with me?!

“Shark don’t think that he wants to be your boyfriend right now!  Shark loves you bein’ a booty call and everythan’ but Shark don’t think Shark wants to get serious right now!”

SKSLGEHIOANKASFKSD STOP BEING A TEASE

“Dammit Shark!  This may be the Racket’s last chance to produce an heir to the family and you want to be PICKY?!  Pack your fucking bags right now, and get the hell out of my house already!”

“But, mom and dad wanted Lolly and Shark both to take care of the house when they were gone!”

“NO, I was the favorite, so it’s my house!  Get out already!”

“SHARK DOESN’T WANT TO LIVE IN A TRAILER D:”

“I was thinking that this tattoo could be for my wife, you know?  I want something that says I will love her no matter how far her boobies sag.”

“You got it sir.”

“Are you even a tattoo artist?”

“Um… well… I’m a doctor, if that reassures you.”

The next day was Jared and Buck’s birthday.  I decided to splurge some more yard stuff and make it a nice yard party.

It’s set up a lot like last week’s family reunion at my mom’s uncle’s house, without the beagles eating everything.

“I’m finally becoming an adult.  I wonder what I should wish for?”

How about wish for this game to get better graphics.  The sun is making terrible shadows out here!

“Ohmahgawdholyshit LEROY?!  Is that YOU, my love?!”

He grew up, his last trait being childish, and his LTW, ironically, became to save 30 sims as a FIREFIGHTER.  I find this funny because firefighters have been hopelessly useless in this game so far, but I guess being burnt and fried as much as he did helped to embed a fear of fire in him so he will devote his life to being a firefighter.

But with the childish trait, he’s going to suck, isn’t he?

After Buck, it was Jared’s turn.

The only person to really even care about his turn?

Lucy.

“Yay for Jared!  I’m so proud of him!  He’s such a good little baby!”

I guess being stuck with him everyday all day forced her to actually befriend him or something.  That or she’s insane from being stuck in the house all day.  Probably that.

“Ok mom, take me down to the cake already, enough standing around.  You are starving me here, I want to eat cake already!”

“One more moment, baby.  Mama has to hoot and hollar about your birthday a little more!”

*Two hours later*

“Ok enough of that, I got to pee now.”

“YAY FOR JARED!!”

Nobody else cares, Lucy.

“Damn, I’m hot, sexy stuff!”

“Syke, I’m normal”

First Buck, now him.  Are all the men born in my game going to be clones of their daddies?

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE.”

“Jeez, thanks a lot dad.”

“HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY. BIRTHDAY PARTY EVERYWHERE!”

“Is mah dad retarded, ma?”

“Yes dear.  I’m ‘fraid he is.”

“Dammit Buck, why are you still in the house?!  You were supposed ta move out now and give me your room!  Why the hell are ya still in the house?!”

“I know, you are right, Jar’d.  I’m gonna go now.  I just need to meet up wit’ sum’one right quick.”

“Oh Flur’ence.  Ever since I saw you, I knew I wanted to do you.  So will ya marry me, and I promise I won’t pee all over your shoes if you say yeah?”

“Oh my gosh, yes Buck!  I thought I was never going to find love!  I will marry you!!”

They had a quick beachside wedding just like Buck’s parents did, and lived happily ever after.

He moved in with her and her mother and her grandmother/my mom and the Lincoln Baker guy that I think Jenni is dating or something.

Lenny had long been murdered in his sleep by Renee dead of old age.  Oh well.

See you around town, Buck.

“ALRIGHT, I’M ROBBING THIS JOINT.  TELL ME WHERE THE VALUABLES ARE AND I WON’T SHOOT YOU WITH MAH GUN AND WON’T KILL YOUR DAUGHTER.”

“Dammit Sinbad, you think you big for robbin’ your own fuckin’ house?!  That’s not even a gun, it’s your finger, you dumb shit!”

“TALK LIKE THAT WILL GET YOU KILLED WOMAN!  I’LL CHUNK YOUR BODY IN THE RIVER AND NO ONE WILL EVER SEE YOU AGAIN!”

“GO TO WORK RIGHT NOW YOU ASSHOLE”

“Ok ;_;”

But Amy did go swimming with the fishes that night… at the graveyard

Literally

“There’s nothing like swimmin’ in a dirty cemetury pool when theres a clean public pool closer to the hawse.”

“So how ’bout it, Shark?  You want to be my boyfriend yet?”

“Shark don’t think so Luanne.  Shark likes the single life livin’ with his mother and sister.”

“Dammit Shark, get him the hell out of the house and make me grandbabies before I die!”

“Dammit, pa, why the hell is dat ghost still in the hawse?!”

“I dunno son, something about being your mother’s first husband or something stupid.”

“He ’bout killed me a couple times as a baby!  Can’t cha do somethan’ wit’ him and get him out of our hawse?!”

“I’ll try.”

“Gramma Lucy, can you help me on my book report?”

“Why surely, little buddy!  Well, first off the story is about a girl that falls fur another woman’s man, who was a sexy wizard, and tha woman turns the girl into an old biddy.  Even though the woman tried to get the man for herself, the girl foiled her plot and got all young and pretty again, and in tha end, the woman stabbed the girl in the heart with a rusty beer can and the wizard and woman ended up together aftur all.”

“That’s not how the book goes at all!”

“I’M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE NUTS”

“LIKE HELL YOU ARE!”

“Take that you piece uh crap.  Now get out of my house!”

“NEVER!  I’m going to haunt you FOREVER”

“D:<”

This is the first time Sinbad got arrested at his job.  And what does he do?  He cheers.

“YES!  I got arrested for fighting!  I finally have a RECORD!  This is the PROUDEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!”

“No, you are getting arrested for the meth lab you guys made over at the abandoned warehouse!  Mr. Seckie, please stop cheering, makes it hard to put handcuffs on you.”

“Sinbad!  Where WERE you last night, you never came in!”

“I was in prison baby.  And being there made me realize how much I missed you!  Now that I’m out, I’m going to make woohoo so good to you, I’m going to shatter your artificial hips!”

“OOOH SINBAD, WAIT, IS THAT A SHANK IN YOUR POCKET?”

“BABY, THAT AIN’T NO SHANK, oh wait, that is a shank, oops.”

“Why don’t we ever make woohoo like that in there?!”

“WUT?!  I don’t wanna make luv to yew, ur old!”

“>:O”

“Hello, housecall!  Someone called me about a makeover and wardrobe appointment?”

“Yes, Shark needs a new wardrobe! Shark wants three new everydays, two new formals, three swimsuits, new haircut…”

“Dammit, not him again!”

“Ok, there you go Mr. Racket.  Everything is there for you, I doublechecked and made sure.  That will be forty simol-”

“This is NOT what Shark wanted!  I wanted THREE swim trunks, I only see TWO!!”

“GO TO HELL SHARK!”

But while Shark is here, I might as well send Luanne over to work on her relationship with him.

DAMMIT

“Shark is going to work now, BYE”

“NO, GET BACK HERE!”

“Hey Shark!  I was wonderin’ if ya wanna go see a movi-”

“STOP STALKIN SHARK!  I’M NOT INTERESTED!”

BUT YOU ARE GOING TO BE, DAMMIT!

“Oh Shark, I really do love you and everything.  And I know that deep down, you love me too.  Please, just move in with me, and marry me, and I promise I will be a good wife.  I may not look all that pretty, but I make a mean cole slaw!”

“You know what, I really do love you too.  And I don’t think living in a trailer would be that bad of a thing.  You know what, I just might-”

AND THEN MY GAME CRASHED D8<

SO HALF OF THIS IS A LIE, I SORRY GUYS

But maybe next time, we will get Shark moved in, and hope that he makes cute babies.

Until next time!