The Blonde

Hello again!  New week, new chapter, same stupid sims.  Let’s go.

With the birth of Honey Boo, five kids in one room got to be a bit much, and since Eagle and Egret really aren’t the focus of the legacy, they had to move out back into the garage shed with their parents Opal and Bear.  They got an extension on the shed, with their own little dirt room floor.

Surprisingly, one of my favorite bedrooms on the lot anyway.

“Nawt so much my favorite room though.  I can’t get into my bed.  I’m not route failing, I jus’ don’t try.”

Eagle, it’s too early in the day for you to be stupid.

I tried to make him come to the other side of the bed through the wall to get to it, and it didn’t work.  I extended the wall, and he still wanted to come to the other side of the bed, and still canceled out the command to sleep in it. Idiot.

Finally, I added a door to that side of the room and he finally realized that he was standing in front of the bed all along.  He still didn’t even use the door, he floated through the wall like I had been trying to get him to do in the first place.

Please don’t be this stupid all the time, Eagle.

“Well I dun’ like our new roommate.  This little shitsack won’t stop wid’ all this screamin’ in the middle of the night.”

“Ur tellin’ me.  I’d rather have that purple loser stuck in my bed than listen to this brat scream ’bout nothin’.”

It’s ok, it’s time for birthday!

Egret: “‘Bout fuckin’ time.”

Bear: “Don’t cuss, girl.”

Alright, now a moment of truth…

Tater: “I no longer care, mail’s heer, la la la…”

Dolly: “Yew BETTER be purdy.  I ain’t havin’ any more of yew lil’ bean bags.”

Alright, cross your fingers…

…What?  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!  BLONDE HAIR?!  BLONDE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU TAYLOR, ARE YOUR GENETICS ON FUCKING LOCKDOWN OR SOMETHING?!

Taylor off screen: “Stop yelling at meeee ;_;”

AND A FACE CLONE.  A FACE CLONE LITTLE BLONDE.  I DO NOT WANT.  BOOO, HONEY BOO, BOOOOO

“LOVE MEEEEEEEEEE”

NO

And she’s a damn screamer for nothing (of course, I’m sure it’s probably that wretch coming out of Tater’s armpits.  I’d probably cry too)  Don’t expect to see any more of this kid until her next birthday.

Ugh, just looking at this kid gives me a hernia.

“It’s ok sweetie.  You are still my little girl, and I will be here to help you learn the skills you need in life.  Me, and that possessed pile of news paper in the back of the room over there.”

Great, who’s out past 9 in the morning now?

“I’m still here?!  Sweet.  I’m still here.”

I suppose you are going to be haunting us 24/7 for a while now, huh?

“All up ’til the very end.”

Of course.

“OUT.  Yo granddaddy wanna bath, then yo granddaddy gonna gitta bath.  Ain’t givin’ two shits if yew wanna shit.  …Wow that almost had a beat.  I might write that out as my first rap single.”

“Fine… ain’t like the toilet isn’t already broke anyway.”

“I’m going out to hang out with my cousins after school!  This is going to be so much fun!”

“Guys, the little ghost buddy from down the road is here, what do we do?!”

“Jus’ come on and come to the park wid’ us Chana!  We gotta get outta here before the little brat gets any ideas and thinks he can hang out at our place!”

“Aw…”

Beau on the other hand ended up at the local pool, because he was smarter than to go hang out with CT’s crazy family.

“I ended up hanging with more crazies.  Who matches swim suits like that?  Oh hold on, I think I hear my cellphone… strange, sounds like I forgot to take it out of my pocket before gettin’ in the pool…”

Jeez, what’s going on here now?

“Oh Unca’ Bear… I’m so glad yew came over because I got something haunted that I need yew to exorcise fur me…”

“I wish I didn’t have to live here with her…”

“Uuuh… l-listen Suguh’ I ‘ppreciate the… I don’t know wat that was… I know ur husband is now ded’n all, but maybe it’s time you invested in something, like… I donno, a happy time pocket rocket?”

“Come on, Unca Bear… I’m a lot of fun…  I’m a one woman party baby, ‘n yew can have a backstage pass to it…”

“Seriously.  I jus’ pass on this altogether, Sugah.”

“Not sure why my mama has to do this every time someone comes over.  Tired of coming in from school to this mess.”

“Ain’t nothin’ like gettin’ back to nature.  Perfect place to do my homework for the day.”

Yeah, but right there on the sidewalk, Fancy?

Um.  Go away Clark.

“Dammit, I knew I should have signed up for an after-school activity.”

“Ain’t you jus’a pretty lil thang, lil mama!  Such a cutie pie like yaw mus’ be gettin’ all the lil boys in a tizzy at school!”

“Uh, no… jus’ in third grade, sir.”

“Well ain’t that jus’ some’in.  I gotta’ propersitshuh’ fur yah.  ‘N yew can make a looooot of moo’lah… lots and LOTS of moo’lah…”

“NO.  I know what’cha gonna say, and the answer is NO.  NEVER.”

“…Why are you still standin’ heer.  I said no… why are you lookin’ at me like that?!”

“GAAAAH, no matter where I run, he follows me!!  GO AWAY CLARK, I DON’T WANNA PLAY TAG WITH YOU”

“Hey, I offered tuh pay ya fur it kid!  I LOVE playin’ tag!  Now come on, I gawt all night, girleh…”

Great, now this freak is her best friend.  Why

“Why is he in here?! This bed is the spare bed in the house, and therefore, this is MY bed!  He’s gotta bed upstairs, make him sleep in his OWN bed!”

Dale, Tater hasn’t slept in that bed since he became a widower.  Don’t make him do something he don’t want to do.  Besides, YOU can go nap upstairs in that bed if you want to nap so damn hard.

“Wee!  I love you guys!  You cowplants are my best friends in the world!  Ain’t no one else I wanna hang out with!”

“That’s ok kid!  Besides, your mother was delicious!”

“Can someone PLEASE do somethin’ bout the screamin’ family reject?!”

“Nah, I jus’ came in to gaw over my sweet lil’ grandson!  I love ya, Beau!  Ok, that’s all, gonna go make breakfast now guys.”

Even the older sims are ignoring HB.

Taylor.  TAYLOR.

“Don’t start.”

NO, where the crap are your pants?!  WHY did you change your everyday?!

“Do you really expect us to wear the same outfit everyday for the rest of our lives?!  That’s not realistic!”

Niether is sitting around butt naked in just a striped shirt!

“So you are going to put me in these little girl pants?!”

YES, I am NOT going back on my word!  All sims will be punished for taking their pants off with whatever pants are lying around!  My controlled sims are NOT excluded from this rule!

“Well this just sucks.”

As a worker in the fashion career, you should know.

“I can’t go to school right now! I really gotta pee soooo baddd…. oops.”

Mon dieu.

“Damn, hot lil’ MILF at one o’ clock NOM NOM NOM”

“Dolly, can you do something with your grandfather trying to eat my tongue out*smothered*”

“Jus’ here to make this picture look so damn gud”

Dale, you are starting to be a bother, now.

“Clark!  What a surprise to see you at my family’s museum!  It’s kinda unsettlin’!  But while you are heer, I gotta gift fur ya!  We are friends, will you take it?!”

“Aww, I’d love a lil gift frum mah fav’rite lil chica, any day!  Wut is it?!”

“It’s all our collective IFs from this generation, I really need to pawn these off on someone so we’ll stop heerin’ bout’em everytime one of us kids sits around the house wid’ nothin’ better to do.”

“Aw, I will treasure them always.”

Well, maybe Clark is good for something.

“There’s a cake on the kitchen table, Unca Bear.  ‘N I wus jus’ wondrin’, who’s it fur?”

“It’s ur birthday, Beau!  ‘N I’m tryina’ throw ya a party… if anyone will show up.”

Beau: “I do wish to be handsome and beautiful like my family wants me to be.”

Dolly: “Yeah, kid, ur gonna be prudy, but ur gonna look like me.  So it ain’t nothin’ new.”

Beau: “So supportive, mama.”

Bear’s party members… um, skulked out on the porch for virtually the whole party.

Kraig: “It would be so cool if I could get in there and have some cake :(”

I know, if only there was some sort of door-like device you could find that would let you in the house…

Vanessa is the only smart one out of the guest list.  Go figure.

“No way I’m standing on the porch with people who can’t tell their butts from their heads.  If I’m coming to a party, Kraig pouting at the porch window isn’t going to get in my way of the front door.”

Well not too bad I suppose.  Of course he has Dolly smeared all over him genetically.  He’s a workaholic now though I think.

“Hello ladies!  Yeah, I’ll give you a gud workout anytime!”

“TOOOOOOOOOOT!!!”

“…Thanks for makin’ me go deaf, Aunt CT.”

“Any time, kiddo!”

I also decided to go through with Eagle’s birthday while I was at it.  That “four day” birthday last time was a little much for me.

“WOOOO!  This is the best picture of my LIFE!  I LOVE this paintin’!  The greatest birthday party forever.”

“Um, Grandpa, why is Beau stupid as bird shit?”

“Hello ladies… or not ladies.  Ladies are icky, really.”

Unflirty, way to dig your hole deeper you dork.

“My dad is unflirty.”

Yeah, but Bear is Bear.  He can make it work.  You, not so much dear.

“Gud mawnin’!  We are going to go ahead and grow up baby, so she can shut up all that cryin’ and hollerin’ locked in the back room back yonder.”

Sounds like a plan to me.

“Wow Bear!  Your wife is very… shapely…”

“Wooo!  My wife is being groped from behind by one of my best friends!”

“Yeah mom!  Git it!”

Ok then…

“Alright kid, all that candle stuff is done, yew can go back into ur lil room out here now.  This is ur room right?  I can’t really care to remember.”

*fart*

Why do you have to be so blonde?  Now she’s a kleptomaniac.  Sigh.

“Haha, did you hear, tractor?!  Apparently, Sabrina’s game actually managed to crash after  HB’s birthday!  I think this is the first time since she got the new computer!  Oooh, was she PISSED”

YES, YES I WAS

AND I BLAME HB

“I’m just happier to actually age up in the hawse this go’round, you know?”

“Actually I’m nawt happier.  I ain’t sharing’ the spot light wid’ ya, I hope yew know that HB.”

Fancy is the cutest.  I think if this legacy continued, she’d probably be heir instantly.

Bear?

You managed to catch fire this time.  Oh.

“WHY DOES this not hurt as much as it looks like it should?!”

“Honey, just fart or something, darn.”

“~Imagine me an’ yew, I do”

“~I think about ya day and night, it’s only riiiight”

“Aw, are you singin’ that lil ole’ diddy for me?”

“Sure am, I got the little purple kid to help me sing it for you, just for you love!”

“GAAUGH, ur cheesy little romantic crap is making me sick!”

“OH, HELLO BIG BROTHER”

“STOP, I DON’T LIKE ROMANCE”

Maybe… I shouldn’t be here…

“Oh Dead Bloaty, today is an alright day, but everything still kinda sucks without Ken here wid’ us.  He’s missin’ out on all the grandkids, ‘n our daughter bein’ a gud family leader…”

“I’m still worried about why you bother to take me back and forth from the museum like this.   I’m also worried about why I can still talk…”

“How did you say that, Dead Bloaty?  You’re dead!”

“Well… technically, you are dead now too.”

“Noooo grandpa!  Nawt on my birthday!  WHY do you have to ruin my birthday?!”

“I’m sorry baby doll… but I must go see your grandpapa Ken now…”

“It’s cool Grandpa.  Now, all that over with, YAY, birthday time!”

“Well, your family seems to care a lot, Mr. Secksie…”

“Did ya see that, Grandpa?!  I blew out my candles and made a wish!  I hope it comes true when I become a teenager!”

“Haha, I already took your grandpa!  Hee hee, he died on your birthday.”

“Death, you are a jerk.”

RIP Tater.  I will miss you the most.  You were a sweetie.

Wow, you really know how to pick your own outfits better than most sims, Fancy.

Fancy: “Wut can I say, I know style.  Much better thanna’ uncoordinated hobo-lookin’ dresser like yew.”

Snob.  I did let her keep her own random outfit too.

“Oh I had no idea it was my birthday too!  Darn, that snuck up on me!  Papa, I don’t know what to wish for, wut do yew think-”

“Oh that’s right, yew jus’ died.”

You guys depress me sometimes.

“Wait, I was expecting old age.  I’m jus’ now reaching adulthood?”

I don’t know why I expected her to be older now.  Oh well.

End of chapter update stuffs now.

Oh Dusty.  You continue to make me so proud.

God I feel so bad for that passer-by.

Not a lot of simself stuffs this chapter actually.

Rochelle seems to finally realize she’s dating her son.  Maybe while they hate each other now, they’ll break up?  One can only hope.

Alright, guys.  You remember last chapter I said something about my ISBI.  So here it is, if you would like to read it you are welcome to!  I think it’s going to be great, and it’s nice to have a new project to work on…

You know, considering there are only two Secksie chapters left to this legacy here…

Have a good day!

Posted in Generation 9 | 12 Comments

Yellow Eyes

It’s been an… interesting week for me, with everything being due and exams coming up and all that fun, exciting college stuff, but I got this under control.  Maybe.  No I don’t.

Here’s a chapter.

“Yeah, that’s right, come get it, big boy… you killed me, and I’m about to smack you with this fish.”

“Don’t mind me back here, being a loser and hanging out with my only friend… uh…this yard bench.  Yeah…”

I did manage to look up their traits.  He’s got a good sense of humor though.

“This bench keeps me in good spirits for being so forever alone.”

So he’s optimistic.  At least he has that.

“Come on Fancy… we’re gonna leave these crazy people ‘n find our own place in this crazy world, we don’t need no legacy family anymo’.  We’ll follow the train tracks to the big city ‘n find our destiny

And so Tater and Fancy left and we never saw them again.

Nah, they just walked to this abandoned lot on the outskirts of Twinbrook.

I’ve seen it before, but it was an empty lot with no real name other than “community lot”, and I never see any sims come here.  It’s just an old warehouse no one uses other than midnight drug dealings and prostitution rings, I’m sure.

There isn’t anything even in the building, it’s just an empty shell I guess Twinbrook just happens to have for our tweaking pleasure.  I’ve never seen it utilized though, so how about we buy it and do something with this building.

So there, the family bought it, and it was turned into the Secksie Museum of Family History, which is where trinkets and items from the legacy were put on display.  For example, there’s a replica of the damn statue Leroy picked up and got stuck in the inventory of at least one person every generation since (Dolly is the current Keeper of the Statue),  Tater’s chair from the holloween event, Bear’s pet ghosts, various trophies and awards, what we are fairly certain was Dodge’s time machine, and Bloaty, dead and stuffed and on display with Lynyrd’s urn, along with his own little “ashbox” to call his own.

Hey, he was an old pig, ok?

The second floor is where the portraits hang, generations 1-9, in no real order, just however I could get them to fit on the wall really.

And finally, a photo booth for tourists and visitors to show family and friends back home.  Or in Dolly’s and Taylor’s case, a new sexy time place for baby making.  Yeah they are still trying.  I can’t seem to get the jingle going on this go around.

“OOOH, if Ken wus heer, he’d be so ashamed of his lil’ gurl taintin’ our new museum…”

“Are you kidding, Tater?  If he was here it would be YOU and him in that photobooth.”

“Sniff, ur right, taxurdurmized’ Bloateh.”

“Yeah… that’s a nice booty going on right there, Dolly… I think I’m gonna frame this and hang this over the bed in the bedroom…”

“…Or maybe not… Damn, I really got to get that third nipple removed already…”

After closing of the Museum, Cletus made his first appearance in his new home.  What do you think, Cletus?

“I think this is BS that I have to share a display with the pig.”

“Hey, I’m not all that pleased with randomly finding out that I’m stuffed and forced to entertain gawkers in an old warehouse either.”

But Cletus didn’t really enjoy hanging out at the museum, so he left.  Literally.  He just took off in a random direction and disappeared near the laundromat.

He hasn’t been seen since.

You remember when I said that the kids all had back-to-back-to-back-to-back birthdays over a span of four days?  My math was off, there was a day break between Eagle’s and Fancy’s birthday.

Since she was technically raised by the ghosts, Opal did the honors.

“UR HEAD’S LIGHTIN’ UP LIKE’A LAMP BULB”

“I don’t want to do the honors anymore.”

She picked this look out all on her own.  I’m so proud of her, I let her keep it as it was.

“Stylin’ n’ profilin’, hawney”

Sindney and Lady did the entertainment part of the party.  By arguing over the karaoke machine.

“Look Sindney, I love Ironman as much as the next gurl, but again?  We’ve done this four times already!”

“Shut it, green girl.  I’ll sing it again if I damn well please and there’s nothing you, or my drunken state of mind, are going to do about it.”

“Caveman HUNGRY!  Caveman bash!  Caveman EAT HORSE!”

“But… why?  I thought we were friends, Kentucky… why would you want to hurt me?”

Aw, come on little cave man dude, don’t hit the poor little precious horsie…

“BE FRIENDS WITH ME FOREVER, KENTUCKY”

…Nevermind Kentucky, bash it.  Bash it quickly!

“WHOA, it’s dark in here.  I wonder why… I mean, I’d turn on a lamp or something, but I really REALLY want to play football with this kid for some reason.”

Dammit Garret, don’t you have enough mental problems as it is.  With you dating your mother and all that?

“UUugh, why would you do that, bladder?  You couldn’t wait until later until after I get my game on?!  I know it’s 3 in the morning, but you could have held it until I got home.”

What a jem of a man.  Rochelle must be very proud to call you son and boyfriend.

“Aw, lookit’ dis daddy.  I’m havin’ one more kid for yew to love and cherish, and raise for me.”

“Zzzz… mmhmm, I’ll wait until the movie comes out, zzz…”

Strangely enough, Tater has been sleeping in the laundry room ever since Ken died.  No one has slept in their bed since then.  It’s so sad.

“Ah, gud mawnin’ ugly lil’ pencil holder, how’s ur… wait, why is there pee in my floor… WAIT, WHY is there a government official standin’ over my bed?!”

“Oh, didn’t mean to spook you, but I just really wanted to play 😦 But about the same time my boss tried to call me into work, I realized that I’m kinda stuck to your floor… all the pee got sticky and I’m stuck.  Can you call my mommy and tell her I’m going to be late in tonight?”

Please don’t come back, Garret.

“La la la, I’m feelin’ gud, feelin’ gud… really Bear?  Yew see me heer doin’ somethin’ important fur mah health and mah baby.  Why yew gotta get all up in mah business like this?”

“Sorry Dolly, I’ve lost something very important and kinda need to check the washing machine for it…”

“AH, there you are!  Dammit Egret, get out of there!  I don’t care if you are made out of water, the washin’ machine is no place for a little ghost baby to play in!”

So that’s where she’s been all this time.

“GAH, Unca Bear, do somethin’ bout this thing yew call a son!  He’s freakin’ stuck floatin’ in my bed and he won’t go away!  GIT OUTTA MY BED, YOU FREAK”

“I’m sorry Fancy, he’s just attracted to it because the color makes him feel better about himself.”

“;(”

“Oh, well howdy doo, lil IF.  I didn’t know I had yew.  I wonder how I’m gonna git rid of ya, but I do enjoy ur comp’nay more than that purple twirp stuck in my bed.”

After about 4800 of those things in a couple generations, I want a sure-fire way to get rid of them too sometimes.

“I would like to get rid of those things too… they’ve been taking the children away from us for one EP too many.”

Oh?

“Sometimes, I just want to light a match and burn them into ash.”

Oh dear, please back away from the camera please…

“Dammit Bear.  I jus’ wanna wash the dishes, did you really have’ta go backin’ me up in to the corner somewhere where I git mah hand cut off by the stove?!”

“I need ur attention though D: we are friends.”

“Nawt at this rate we ain’t, boy.”

“Well dern, this motherin’ thang ain’t all that bad.  Ok lil’ gurl now this is how ya take a radiatur outta a 1972 El Camino, ‘n case yew ever gotta do that ‘n yew ain’t got no man to do it for ya yet…”

“But mama, we were readin’ To Killa’ Mawkin’ burd…”

“Aw, she’s kinda sweet when she ain’t givin’ us all that mean death glare she gawt from her daddy.  It took no time to bore her to sleep with this car manual.  Now, to sneak out and let her sleep peacefully in the laundry room…”

“UGH NO, NOT MY UTERUS”

“Really mama.  Really?!”

“I had jus’ fallen asleep, ‘n ur gonna break out in labor like this?!  I ain’t givin’ you this bed to birth in, so yew better keep them short lil’ britches on, mother dearest.”

It was then I noticed something very strange about Fancy that I should have noticed before.

“Say a damn thing about how my nose stretches weirdly with I glower, ‘n I’ll slap ur face.”

No, it’s her eyes.  They are yellow, and no one in the direct family line have ever had yellow eyes.  Dolly and Taylor are both really dark eyed, and when I went to check the grandparents, they all have dark eyes as well, on both sides of the family.

Checking the family tree, the only person I can find with this eye color was Sam, and that’s way out in left field.

“Well my daddy better be mah daddy if ur sayin’ wut I think ur sayin’.”

Trust me, Taylor is her daddy.  No surprise mama-daddy drama this generation, I promise that.

“MY BIRTH CANAL IS SPLITTIN’ N I’M BIRTHIN’ A WATERMEL’N OF A CHILD AND YEW WANNA LUK AT EYE COLORS”

“I am special, mother dearest.”

“I had a baby.  Guys?  Guys.  Don’t crop my head off in this photo, GEEZ”

“I have seen some shit.”

This is the last baby this generation, our very own little Honey Boo, named after our most loved southern baby beauty pagent competitor.  Sadly, I couldn’t fit Honey Boo Boo all in there, and Honey Boob was too tempting.  She is good and easily impressed.  I hope she’s good and impressive.  I’m calling this the last baby even if I get another face clone, PLEASE DON’T BE A FACE CLONE

“~IIII, wanna rock n roll all niiiiiight, and party every day, AH”

You got school in the morning you little shit, go to bed already.

Next day is Egret’s turn to grow up.  Fancy, you are supposed to pee AFTER the caking, you jumped the gun too soon dear.

“I COULDN’T STOOOOOOP”

Absolutely precious.  She takes after her father, definitely.

“I’m unlucky.”

It is unlucky that you are so cute.  I’m never going to leave you alone now.

Afterwards, the kids went to the park to go play and have fun and junk.

“Me ‘n you are best friends, Beau!  Right?!  Right?!”

“Don’t stand so close to me Eagle.  People will think we traveled together or something *obviously slides over and tries to inconspicuously dust off pants*”

“Why does no one like me?!”

Wait a minute…

…Beau?  What the fuck?

“Dern, mah bawtox’s failin”

EVERYTHING ON YOUR FACE IS FAILING D:

*Tries to push all his features back in the right places on his face*

“My brother’s a goober.”

“I am better… and I am beautiful…”

What is it lately, Everyone Just Creep Up On The Camera Week?!  Back up, already.

“So uh… wanna play chess or somethin’?”

“Wassup wid all these damn ghosts lately?!  I thought Unca’ Bear killed yall all already.”

“But… that’s my dad…”

Meanwhile, the only one actually enjoying herself.

“Aw, they tickle!  And they are sooo pretty!”

“Yeaaah… all the bitches wanna peace of this.”

“Git bent, yew sister screwer, we ain’t interested in ur scrawny ass at all.”

“Besides, you are standing on the hedgehog.  Move along, please.”

Ah, it’s nice to see Mt. Dew Sundrop is still alive. Well, maybe not anymore.

“Oh NOOOO, a ghost!!”

Also, I think that snake is poisonous.  Say goodbye to Sundrop.

“So, yew didn’t wanna play chess with Eagle, but ur playin’ chess…”

“Yeah, I wanted to play chess, jus’ nawt wid’em.  First off, I don’t really know how.  I need a car jack by the way.  I’m trapt in the chess table.”

“Well, speakin’ of Eagle, where did he run off to?”

“Oh IF doll #76, yew will be my friend, even if yew really don’t have a choice against it… and heer, hidin’ in the bathroom, no one can see me be alone playin’ with dolls…”

“Oh so this is what the boy’s bathroom looks like…”

Wrapping this chapter up with a little simself news.  Starting with Sacha and Lenny, causing his and Renee’s divorce since 2010.

OH

OK, TAL STILL ISN’T DEAD YET, APPARENTLY HE’S GETTIN’ SOME NEW SIMSELF BOOTY

Alright, I checked the remainder of my photos and this is the last thing he did when he was alive.  Hannah got out lucky this time.

Alright then, NOW R.I.P. Tal.  About time.

My simself/simself daughter is currently dating Juan.  Making me proud, obviously.

Finally, Lucy and Sinbad keep going back on their enemy rivalry they had as children, even if they are now in a relationship.

Ok, now they aren’t.  Aw.  My OTP ended itself…  I’m heartbroken now too.

There’s always other Twinbrooks with dead baby Lees in it somewhere.

Now, I will go back to schoolwork, since in the past two hours it took to write this I could have been smart and work on other things.

Like the ISBI I plan on starting to post tomorrow.

OR my schoolwork.  Yeah that.

Posted in Generation 9 | 20 Comments

Ken and Tater’s One Year Anniversary

This chapter is early because Thanksgiving is coming up and I figured it would be a good holiday present if I did one early.  That and I might go to the river Thursday.  Drown or something there.  I don’t know.

Ain’t nothing like a place full of dying, sick people to tickle your fancy, eh Tater?

“GAH, that ice cream truck has been following me since I left the house!  It’s stalkin’ me, I swear!  Oh hell, I’m gun’ die in the woods, ain’t I?!”

You’ll be fine Bear…

Bear escaped the mad killer driving the ice cream truck and finished his job at Rochelle’s manor in the boonies, capping his LTW, and being the first to do so in a long time.

“I killed a lotta my own kind fur this kinda fame.”

Atta’ boy.

ALSO, another reason I wanted to update early, is while I was working on this chapter, I realized that it has been one year since yesterday that Tater and Ken got married!  That means it’s their one year anniversary!  WOO!  Now how many sims can say they have made it that long in a legacy?  Seriously, I have no idea.

What should the loving couple do for their paper anniversary~

Oh.  Ken dies, of course.

“Well, I’ll be damned.  Maybe I can slip on peacefully without waking Tater up…”

“I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE”

“Well, so much for that, sorry Tater…”

“I also sensed the disturbance, and came to check out what’s going on with my best friend in life!  Ken!”

“Oh hey there Lynyrd!  It’s not anything, just dying here…”

“Well, I want to be there for you Ken!  You were my best friend!”

And the horse was serious about it too, I see…

“Daddy!  Lynyard is breakin’ a hole in the wall again!  Stop him!  He’s freakin’ me the fuck out!”

“Not righ’ now, Dolly.  Ur papa is dyin, can’t you see that?!”

“Oh daddy, I’m so sorry…”

“LYNYRD.”

“Not right now, you pink haired freak.  I know you didn’t like me in life, but don’t you come up in here ‘n glare at me like that!  I’ll *chews hole through wall*”

Tater: *Proceeds to cry through Opal’s boobs*

There were so many sims in the bedroom, I guess Death couldn’t get his bearings straight and he spawned in a terrible place on the second floor balcony.

“What the crap is this shit?!  The horse can fly through walls and transcend floors without the use of stairs or anything, but I can’t get over three wooden rails?!  I’m an idiot!”

Ken made it easy on Death and everyone else, and just warped to his grave without a fuss.  RIP Ken.

Afterwards, Lynyrd took the stairs out, just like any normal horse would.  Well, as normal as a horse can… take stairs…

You know what, he didn’t take the stairs very well at all.

“GAH, I floated through virtually everything in the house and made all the walls my bitches, but this gnome is in my way!  Help!  I’m trapped in the garden.”

Sim logic.  Sim logic forever.

“Ok dear, now that you’re dad is dead let’s get back to what’s important… remembering that we want a third baby, and trying for one again!”

“Eh… wut ’bout that Dead guy out on the balcony, ya don’t think we should try to git him off befur we git our hanky panky on?”

“Gah, don’t worry about him, I’m sure he’s seen worse anyway.  He’s Death and all, you know?”

“NO!  HELP!  I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THIS GO DOWN!  911!  ANYONE!  I NEED AN ADULT!”

“I am depressed and need to get out of the house… I will go across the street and visit my daughter Sugar and friend Nascar to get my mind off of things!”

“And I will go on to work to avoid my father frum seein’ mah shitty haircut, seein’ as I gawt mah hands on a pair of scissurs when he said to not cut my hair ‘gain!”

What am I supposed to do with you, Sugar.

I also sent Taylor out to clear his head, but of course, he’s only gone a short time and he’s already up to stupid stuff.

“Dammit brain, I have a hot wife and a great life.  WHY the HELL would I want to wish to know Renee’s sign?!  DAMMIT.”

“Ok, let’s make this quick and painless, the sooner I can ask this crappy question, the sooner I get wish points and the sooner I can get out of here away from you.  Sign.  Yours.  What is it?”

“Oh!  I’m a Capricorn!”

“Wowie!  I think we are compatible!”

“That’s great!”

Ok Taylor, let’s go before you start rolling more stupid wants for her.

“Ok well, it was nice and all to meet you Renee, but I better go befo-OH HELL, NO, go away speech bubble, I already said that I don’t want to be interested!  JEEZ!”

“So Fancy is my little granddaughter wid’ Dolly ‘n her husband, and she’s the sweetest lil’ thing, even if she worries us and kinda creeps us out wid her constant “arson” talk.  But I think she’ll grow up to be a fine kid!  How ’bout yew, CT?  Yew ‘n that husban’ of urs talkin’ bout havin’ me sum grambabies yet?  Aside from that white lil’ blonde thing that ur genes shouldn’a made together givin’ yall’s genes…”

“Dammit dad!  If yall actually came and spent more time wid’ us, yall’d know that my husband DID have ur special lil’ grandbaby that yew always wanted!  It was horrible on my husband!  He had to pop the little brat outta a hole THIS BIG!”

“Oh no!  Nawt a hole THAT big!”

“Why yes I had a decent day at school… no I didn’t want to come home and find all that out about my birth, thanks for asking.”

“So, among the other pictures I have, where should I put my lil’ Sergio?  I can’t figure out which of these stock Sims 2 pictures I want to replace with my newly met grandson’s!”

“Sergio’s shirt could choke a bitch.”

“Who’s a cutey lil’ wooty, ain’t cha Sergie wergie?!  Who’s da lil cotton candy headed green baby grammpie and grandpa always wanted, it’s yew, Sergie-poo!”

“Mom, how much longer do I have to put up with this?”

“Don’t worry son, Grandpa will soon be dead too, I’m sure.”

And then suddenly, out of the blue, Luther called Tater up on his cellphone.

“Oh hey Luther.  Thanks fur ur concern man, yeah… Ken’s obituary was in the paper this mawnin’… it has been hard on me, I haven’t had my heart broken this hard befur…  Well I’m glad to hear that ur still here fur me… that’s great to know.

You know, if ya ain’t doing anything right now, wanna go meet up somewhere and hang out?  I’d like to keep my mind off of things and I haven’t seen ya in so long.”

He actually had to call him back, and then call him back two hours later because Luther suddenly had “things to do”.  Go figure.

“Oh Luther!  It’s terrible!  I am having the worst day of my life!  The love of my life’s gone, ‘n it’s been the worst anniversary ever!  Waah!”

“Oh damn man… I’m so sorry!  I really wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, I can’t even fathom the idea of losing a loved one like that!  I just want you to know I’m here for you, ok?”

“-‘N then he passed away, his tombstone on the balcony, the horse in the second story doorway, and my cryin’, bawlin’ self stuck in my brother’s wife’s cleavage   It was a terrible mawnin fur me.”

“I hope the grandkids don’t take it too hard.  I know it can be tough for the kids since they don’t know what’s going on.”

“True.  ‘N Dolly and Taylor and Bear and Opal took the easy way out ‘n sapped all the bad moodlets away, but I jus’ didn’t think it was right if I did that fur me.  I mean, I loved Ken too much fur him to jus’ be a “two day feelin'”.”

“Hey!  Check it out Tater!  I think there’s a SimFest going on right now!  Woo!  Come on, join me right quick, maybe it will help you feel at least a little better!”

“Um…”

“Yew do know we are the only two people on the lot, not countin’ the proprietor, right?  Oh gawd, I hope I didn’t look that stupid when I was with Ken the other day durin’ that similar SimFest.  Ur over there lookin’ like a crazy man, Luther.”

But Tater soon got into the “show viewing” mood, and joined Luther in the cheering.

“Woo!  So much talent, so many youngin’s wid’ so much potential…”

“Thanks for spendin’ the evenin’ wid meh, Luther.  I know I’m gonna be grievin’ fur my husband fur a long time, he was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, but you’ve been a great help, bud.  I don’t know what I would do without ya.”

“It’s all good, Tater.”

“No seriously.  Thanks fur bein’ my best friend, Luther.”

The next morning was the first day in a series of four days where each kid ended up getting their own birthday!  First day was Beau’s, and then the next day was supposed to be Eagle’s birthday.  The day after was supposed to be Fancy’s, and then last but not least, the game said Egret’s was supposed to be the day after that.

So I set up a small little party area that was supposed to stay up for those four days.

“It’s a… nice day for a… white wedding…”

“Dammit Goodwin, I already told you once, this is NOT a wedding, it’s my cousin’s birthday party!”

HEY LOOK, Tal is still alive in this chapter!  Well darn, I jumped the gun too early last chapter.  Maybe he died after this party?  I should keep my facts together better.

As I said, Beau’s birthday goes first.

And he also get’s to piss himself first.  It’s his own birthday, he gets the honors.

“HONORS IN WUT?!  PISSIN’ MAHSELF?  THAT AIN’T HONORABLE!”

It’s ok kid, you grow to accept it as the norm over time.

To keep the party from sucking, or at least trying to, there was a karaoke machine added to the lot.

“Alright!  Who’s ready to ROCK!”

“Not us, yew can’t sing Bear, you sound like a wailing banshee in a rainstorm, and it doesn’t help that ur’a ghost!”

“Get OFF the singin’ box, Unca’ Bear, yew SUCK!”

How supportive.

On the other hand, Bear is way to supportive over everyone else.

“Yew guys made me cry and feel shame about my singing voice, but woo!  Go Dolly and Beau, this is fun!”

I don’t know why I found this picture so funny.  But here it is.

Dolly, don’t inhale that microphone.

“Do da stanky leg, do da stanky leg… SHUT UP EAGLE, I’M RAPPIN’ HERE”

Behold, the only sim I have seen so far that can just go up to a raccoon and pet it in the wild without formally meeting it yet

TATER

BEASTMASTER

Next morning was Eagle’s birthday party, and everyone was so excited for it that they decided to skip it altogether apparently, leaving just his parents to give a shit and actually come outside and see this spectacle.

“Well I did my part, I’m out.  Forget the kid growing up, I got a book.  Later.”

Ok, even they didn’t care.

Because no one cared, I think Eagle grew up to be a loser.  He was a loser in something.  So he became the family dork.

“Aw.  This is a sad day.”

“Lookit’ us, Bella!  We gon’ be the best singin’ duo in the world!”

“Yeah!  We gon’ be better than One Direction, Brooks ‘n Dunn, and even the Pussycat Dolls!”

“Nothing beats the Pussycat Dolls, Eagle.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right…”

“UGH, you’re singing is terrible!  I’ve put up with a lot of things in my life, but you two’s voices are literally killing me!”

“As in LITERALLY, literally.  I’m dead.”

Well darn.

Yeeewww… killed the horrrseee~”

But I didn’t shoot the deputieeee~”

“Now now, Bella.  I’m about to take you away from these people, take you to your beloved Lynyrd again, away from that horse-hating pink haired freak…”

“HEY, I’m not a freak, and I don’t hate the horses…”

“WHOA, that horse turned into a ghost!  HOLY CRAP, there are a lot of ghosts on this lot.  Oh well.”

“I’M THE SCARIEST THING ON THIS LOT.  OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!”

“Go away stray dog.  We aren’t in the mood right now.”

“Oh Bella!  We already lost one beloved member, why did you have to go too?!”

“I know, this suc-WOOOO IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TIME!”

*Hard derp and a midlife crisis*

Atta’ boy, Taylor.

One last thing: Right as the horse was dying, Beau rolled the want to be a rock star when he grew up.  He rolled it so hard, he rolled it two times in a row.

“I don’t just wanna be a rock star!  I want to be a ROCK GOD”

Yeah, good luck with that, kid.

Posted in Generation 2, Generation 9 | 20 Comments

Hi, I’m Still Family

Whoever is in charge of the town’s layout planning and housing system isn’t really all that bright.  I sent Tater and Ken out on a little outing to themselves, a sort of unofficial date, to a place they were having a SimFest, and found they plopped a night club down in the center of a quiet suburban neighborhood.

Good job, City Hall.  I’m sure the neighbors love this.

“Ain’t this a lovely show, Ken.  So much talent, so many youngin’s wid’ so much potential…”

“You know… I think it would be a better show if we actually HAD someone on stage doing something…”

This is the slowest SimFest I have seen. Of course these idiots are still getting something out of it.

“GETTIN’ JIGGY WID IT, NAHNAH NAH NAHNAHNAH NAH”

“Tater, no, calm yo’ dumb ass down.  It ain’t that intresting.”

While this… nothingness… was going on, Geobe suddenly started going up in the acrobatic career.

He had gotten the job suddenly, and then started going up, level two, level three, all the way up to about six I think.

“I’m about to get up on stage and SHINE!”

And then, suddenly, right before I thought he was going to swoop in and save the show, he switched and got a job in politics.  Smooth move Geobe.

“At least you can’t say I didn’t put any effort into it.  Eh…”

“Dammit, Geobe, you get your butt up on that stage and actually give us something to watch!  Don’t get our hopes up and then sike us out like that!  What’s wrong with you, boy?!”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Ken.  I may be a Yes-Man now, but I still say no to those stupid revealing tights!”

“Well that about does it for our show tonight.  The winner is some random other guy I don’t even think got up on this stage.  Oh well.  Did you enjoy the show tonight?!”

“You didn’t even let my husband on stage tonight!  You really think I enjoyed the show because of that?!”

“Lady, it isn’t my problem that he suddenly wants to be the most flexible representative in Congress.”

I sent Tater and Ken somewhere else in an effort to actually give them a fun outing (well fun for me, that show was awesome to them I suppose…)

“SHIIIIIIIIT TATER, WE ARE GOING TO DIIIIIIEEE”

“What’ya talkin’ about, Ken, I’m just parkin’ the car”

“Tater, you really got to stop powersliding into a parking spot on the street.”

“Not now, Ken, it’s ice cream time.  Pick out an ice cream, I’ll pay fur it.”

“Well, I do like free frozen treats…”

How romantic guys.  Seriously.

Now, it’s time for Eagle’s birthday.  For some reason, Dolly wants to do it.

“I have never held a child longer than 2 minutes.  When is this over again?”

Aw.  I’m kinda… disappointed.

“Why, I’m a pretty decent mix of my parents!”

I know, you just rub me the wrong way, kid.

Also the parents themselves didn’t care for very long, because baby number 2 was on the way!

“NOOOOOOOOO”

“I don’t think you were even THIS upset when I died, Bear…”

“Whoa, Bear, where’s the fire at?”

“OUTTAMYWAYKENWIFEISDYINGOHGODANEWBABYSHITFUCKPISSAAAAAH”

“Sorry Ken, he’s really antsy for this baby apparently.  So much so that he left his pregnant wife stuck in a pile of garbage.  Sigh.”

During the labor, my OTP became offical 😀

They were enemies as children and now they are lovers.  AWWW!

Oh yeah, back to the baby.

“This child disappoints me.”

“What are you talking about, Bear?”

“She’s just not as patriotic as our little Eagle.”

“What are you saying, I think Egret is plenty patriotic for you!”

“I don’t know, Opal. I’m just not feeling the Americanism with this bird though…”

“Why, it’s got a mullet.  The bird is perfect.”

“Dammit, Ken.”

“What, can’t a man go to the bathroom with some privacy here?”

“It’s not the bathroom.”

“I can’t tell.”

“Hee hee, Gramma Ken pee pee, now Grampa Tatah miss potty too!”

“HUUGHHN, it’s only a matter of time now!”

I think the kitchen has become the family’s cesspool or something.

And now it’s Fancy’s turn to let me down – I MEAN grow up.

“Happy birthday!”

“Thank you… strange birthday wishing wall with pig picture…”

“Dammit, Bear, it’s me, Opal, I’m stuck in the wall you idiot.”

“Yay, birthday traditions continue!”

*Piss piss piss* “Maybe I should do somethin’ bout that tree growin’ in the wall foundat’shun…”

UGH!

“UGH!”

I know, right Mr. TV Man?!  Also, who left the trash in the floor?

“Ok sweetie, it’s time I taught you how to talk… I just sat in some old trash, didn’t I?”

“…I did, I sat in an old soggy diaper too.  Fuck.”

I will now interrupt absolutely nothing to show Dolly trapped by Bella between the two yard ponds.

“Ur smell has gawt me stuck in the mud, horse!”

Then Hannah got ready to drop Phoenix’s baby.  There isn’t one Twinbrook pop up involving babies with townies and simselves that isn’t funny to me.

“Mama? Help me poo poo?”

“Wut?  Ur mah kid?  I jus’ thought yew were sum intricate gnome’r somethin’.  Mah bad.”

“Do you… have the goods?”

“Yep!  A random sculpture of a chair, just for you!”

“… You are much taller than you sounded over the phone, lady.”

“Also, are these real?”

“Technically, no.  They are made out of ectoplasm, a side effect of, you know, being dead.”

“I was wondering why they were so soft that I went through them…”

Ahem… moving along then.

Back at the house, Dolly was still unnaturally being a mother, when all of a sudden:

*DING DONG*

“Mama, door make funny noise 😦 ”

“GAH, who da hell’s ringin’ the doorbell at ELEVEN AT NIGHT?!”

Um… Tal?  No one invited you here, especially not this late in the evening.

“I just haven’t seen you guys in forever!”

There’s a reason for that…

“I like to see my family from time to time!”

We don’t consider you family really, Tal…

What the hell, Tal?!

“Please, humor a poor old man, I’m tired… my wife left me for our son… and it takes me a long time to stand on your porch jimmying the lock to get in, I just need a short nap.”

“…I can still see you there.  I can’t sleep with you watching me.”

YOU WEREN’T INVITED IN, TAL.

After his short nap, he got up around 3am, and went home.  But as much as he was a nuisance, this is the last time I saw Tal in person.  He died eventually.  He left his ex wife and son with nothing.

“I know your cesarean scar is so deep that I can see the pillow on the other side of your torso, dear, but let’s try for at least one more baby.  In case Fancy lets us down.”

“That joke was already done dear.”

“Doesn’t get me any booty any less, Dolly.”

Poor Bear and Opal were stuck doing the rest of the skilling of their kids in the meanwhile.

“Daddy!  Mama!”

“Nooo 😦 ”

“GASP, Fancy, Bear is crushin’ me wittle head!”

“That’s not the first time that’s happened though, right?”

“Huh, the fire alarm is going off.  I wonder what that means…”

Dammit Opal.

“I’m glad I’m sittin’ on the toilet.  Because I jus’ shit myself D:”

“Good thing Unca’ Bear was here to save ur already dead ass, Opal.”

“You know, I really expected him to actually lay on the fire and put it out with his body.  I guess I’m wrong though…”

“Oh NO!  I’m too late!  A child has already died!”

“Uh… yeah, this is all your fault, lady.”

Maybe this will teach them to stop being so late to fires.  Maybe not.

Now this is nice… all four kids are asleep at the same time 😀

And better yet, they are all in the correct cribs!  That… never happens.

“Fire doesn’t hurt!  BUT OH SHIT ELECTRICITY”

Poor dear.

“Well, I survived. I’m sure glad I didn’t, uh, re-die.”

And the fire?

“Don’t really care at the moment.”

“Besides, it’s Egret’s birthday!”

“…Do you smell something burning?”

She is actually quite cute!  I think I suddenly prefer her over Eagle!

“No, really, Bear?  What’s that burning smell?”

Now it’s time for some baby interactions!

“I’m not interacting…”

That’s your fault, Eagle.  You keep saying you can’t sit at the table, but that’s what you get for trying to take the spot Egret’s already at.

“I think we would be an unstoppable force if we banded together, friends.  We already hold the hearts of anyone who thinks we are cute, so here’s my proposition.  We go into crime together.  With our brains and looks, we will be a force to be reckoned with!”

“And as my first plot against humanity as your self proclaimed leader, I demand we burn something!  Just to inform the masses that you don’t fuck with us!”

“Yes… fire… lots of fire!  Arson everywhere!  Burn the bodies, hear the screams!”

“Fancy, maybe we should let Egret do the burning.  You scare me too much.”

“What are you babies talking about over here?!  I will not have my grandchildren dealing in criminal activities!  I will have to put my foot down on this idea, Beau.”

“I’m sowwie, grammpa!  Ok, ok, no fire!  We will do something lighter, like bootleg DVDs!”

“No crime ever!”

“Sorry! Please!  Holy crap people, STOP STEPPING ON ME!”

“You sure I can’t play with you guys? I really want to play with you guys!”

“NO, Eagle, you aren’t taking my spot at the table!”

“But… the other side of the table is too far away…”

“Stop being such a loser, Eagle.”

” 😦 ”

Wrapping this chapter up with the usual.  Sugar’s sugar daddy died and left her with the kid, so Sugar went to the dark side D: I’m not sure how to feel about that.

And Elissa’s baby was born with some extra fingers!  Congrats Elissa… I guess.

Posted in Generation 9 | 19 Comments

Opal Airlines

Back for another day of Secksieness?  They are happy you came by, they are depressed because the Mitt and the republicans lost the election XD

They could use the pick me up:

First, some simselves in the news, Clark managed to bag one, poor dear.  Considering I think he’s still “remarried” to Kat.  Eh.

And also, I don’t think Starla’s plan to find a rich old bachelor worked out very well.  She’s involved with one of my simself kids, and that isn’t much of nothing.  Really not a lot of options for them in Twinbrook I suppose.

“Well what do you know.  There’s a missing cat poster on the store door!  I never noticed that before.  And it looks like a real cat too!  I wonder if that was from the Pets update or if it’s been here the whole time.  I wonder what other little details are around that I haven’t noticed before…”

“Well what do you know.  More photoshopped fruits.  Well I’m done looking for today.”

“Ok Dolly, our son is great and all, but I think it’s time we got ready for another baby.”

“Really?  But I jus’ gawt outta the hospital four minutes ago.  I’m still all battered and canyon-ized down there.”

“What better time to start, my love :D”

After the baby making, Dolly got out of bed, put on her daytime clothes and put on her… old tattoos?

“This is mah Sunday attire.”

Of course they fixed themselves after she put on her formal.  Ok then.

“Luk’it wut I found!  A Cabbage Patch baby!  I’m gonna name it lil’ Tater ‘n will raise him as mah own lil’ gard’n given miracle baby!”

“Tater, put that back, we don’t need to bring in any stray-oh, that’s my son, nevermind, then *continues to other stuff*”

The newborn baby spent the night in the front yard apparently, just like virtually all Secksie children, to ensure their connection to their natural environment.

While Tater was taking care of the Cabbage Patch kid, the two young couples in the house got to have a day out to themselves, because they were almost all going stir crazy at this point.

They all went to the pool first.

“BRB, gonna go throw up sum’ guts in the bathroom, guys.”

“It’s cool, this pool makes me look like I don’t HAVE any guts… or legs…”

“You guys don’t mind if I skinny dip right?  Nah, you guys won’t mind at all.”

“Um… actually, yeah I DO mind!  My wife is right here, dude!  Seriously?!”

“Wanna have a breath holdin’ contest, Opal?”

“I suppose so, even though you cheat because you are made out of water.  Whatever strokes your ego I suppose, Bear.”

“Lalala, ignore me floatin’ through, apparently flyin’ through empty space, lalala”

At least she’s swimming in the correct tattoos.

“MMPH, I can’t hold my breath very long anyway Bear, (even though I’m dead, why do I need to breathe (*Shrug*)) You can have the win, I’m going back up.”

“Ok-WAIT, NO OPAL NOT YET!  Dammit Taylor!  Don’t swim over my wife right this second!  COME BACK DOWN OPAL! NOOOO!”

While Taylor got yelled at by everyone at the pool and violently throttled by Bear, look who I found wondering around in the public garden next door!  It’s our little teenage Sinbad!

“And if you say a damn thing about me here enjoying the flowers, I will strangle you in your sleep.  Also, say a damn thing about my Freddie Mercury get up and I will, also, strangle you in your sleep.”

You wore the jacket first.  You asked for it, Sinbad.

Also, in this version of Twinbrook, Sinbad is a coward.

Sinbad.  As a coward.

“Jesus Christ what is wrong with you?!  Haven’t you heard of what just happened in Chernobyl?!  Everyone’s gonna die now!  Them Russian’s being crazy!”

Maybe it was a phase he went through as a kid.

Since I made Sinbad a crazy Queen fan, I went ahead and gave his housemate Goodwin a fandom too.

“Sweet Sixteen?”

“Something just ain’t right here… this feels backwards, Goodwin.”

Apparently he went through a phase too?

Of course then I went and did a couple more Twinbrook teens for the hell of it.

I Annie Lennox’d Lucy.

“Sweet dreams are made of this~”

Then she proceeded to stay in the graveyard all night until the sun came up.  Sounds like Lucy.

Meanwhile, back to the outing.  They finally moved on from the pool to the bartenderless bar on main street.

“We are just waiting for that baby to drop now, aren’t we?”

“That’s right, Taylor.”

“Luk!  Taylor, it’s Cindi Lauper!  I use’ta love her sawngs’ as a kid!”

“I don’t know if that’s Lauper, babe.  I think that’s just that Jenni hooker kid.”

Hee hee… she bop.  Damn, that was my jam when I was, I don’t know, four.

And they say kids these days don’t know the lyrics to the songs they sing today…

“You’re outfit dear is very… revealing.  Even Lucy put on a pair of pants.  How about I give you a Cindi makeover that doesn’t say I give great handies behind a park bench?”

“Well, it’s cool, I’d prefer something that doesn’t make me feel weird every time I stand over an air conditioning vent.”

“I went with a tame, boring, plain working woman version of Lauper… uh… you know, the complete opposite of Lauper is still relating to Lauper, right?”

“I think so!  Being rebellious to the point where you are ‘in’ with the system is rebellious!  It’s rebelception!  YEAH!”

Maybe Taylor shouldn’t be allowed to work in fashion.

So Opal did break out in labor, you know, after I gave up and everyone was sent home.

“No, Bear, come back!  The baby, UGH, I’M DEAD AND can’t really feel anything anyway…”

Opal made it to the hospital.  With no help from the paramedics.

“I can’t help the woman!  She went into the hospital, and the hospital is in my way!  Help!”

I wonder how he doesn’t starve to death yet.

“This is my precious baby boy.  With no help from you, sir.”

“It’s ok, I was just catching up on my 50 Shades reading anyway.  Damn, I wish I had a red room too… too bad it would just cause me to route fail as well…”

Following whatever theme I have for Bear, his and Opal’s new baby is named Eagle.

This baby is so fucking patriotic you can smell the election.

“Why can’t our baby be as patriotic and awesome as Eagle, Dolly?”

“My question to yew is who da hell let’em back in the house?  He’s stinkin’ up the kitchen!  I thought yew said yew were gonna git it house broken!”

After the birth of Eagle though, it was only then did anyone find the nursery I built off the side of the living room.  Go figure.

Actually, no, that was my fault because I forgot to add a door.  Oops.

During Dolly’s second pregnancy, I tried to keep her busy working on her LTW.  Basically, she gardens the same two plants over and over again, and then the horse eats them.

That’s why there isn’t a lot of focus on her the next couple of days.

Ok, so this next part may need explaining?  Probably not but I will anyway.  Ok, so Opal is working on sculpture skill, and of course that comes with opportunities like “Make Juan a sculpture because he’s lazy and too busy not wearing pants”.  Of course, a normal person would have taken the sculpture, gotten in a taxi, and drove to Juan’s house.  Of course Opal isn’t like most fleshbag sims though.

She decided to walk across the street to Lady and Nascar’s house, walk up to the second story of their house, and float out of the second floor bathroom window…

And continue to float two stories up all the way across town.

“Tal?  I really can’t take a call right now, I’m busy trying to convince my senile brother that the babies in the house don’t come from a cabbage patch… what do you mean “my wife is flying”?!  Flying on what?! What the hell did you give her, Tal?!”

“This is your pilot speaking, thank you for choosing Opal Airlines, we will reach our destination within two hours.  At the moment we are going over the North Twinbrook River, if you look out to your left you can see it just below us flowing towards Bridgeport…”

“Ladies and gentleman, we have about arrived to our destination and will be making a landing within the next 5 minutes, thank you for choosing Opal Airlines and we hope you fly with us again soon-”

“Mayday, mayday, we are taking on land on the craft!  Please buckle up and stay seated people!  STAY SEATED!”

“This doesn’t look good, tell my husband I love him D:”

“Mmph, so this is what being buried is like…. eh, it’s room temperature.”

“Oh Eagle, I have some bad news son.  Your mother… she… *sniff*, was involved in a crash over the river, and well, oh… she’s dead, son.”

“Oh ok that’s good, will she be back in time for supper tonight, daddy?”

“Well of course, it’s her turn to cook tonight.”

“Ah, looks like some tension between Pipaw and Great great-something-grandma Amy.  I, Tori, the daughter of Kip and Lady, will avoid this confrontation…”

“Gotta eye problem, Freddie Mur-cunt?!”

“Oh shit, bitch gon’ get stabbed! (I, Tori, the daughter of Kip and Lady, will be on my way, now… or eventually…)”

“Oh, OH, bitch you want to get in it with me, huh?!  I will choke you with that little picnic tablecloth you call a dress”

“Lucy, stop him, he’s about to beat up a child again D:”

“No, Sinbad!  Stop, sweet dreams are NOT made of this!”

“I, Tori, the child of Kip and Lady, do not want this D:”

“OMG GO AWAY TORI”

“Who’s big, furry, ‘n scary as balls?!  Nawt yew, Bella, yew sweet!  Yew ain’t ugly and gon’ eat me at all, are ya?!”

“Gonna ignore you, gonna walk around and keep pretending you aren’t really here…”

Fast forward that night, it’s baby time!

“UGH, THIS DOESN’T GET ANY EASIER”

“But it’s just cuz yew ready to get out, huh lil’ baby?  Yew sweet lil’ baby.”

Ok then…

“Alright woman, git on mah horse.”

“Daddy, I’m in labor.  Ain’t no way in hell, I’m ridin’ a horse to the hospital.”

“Sigh, fine.  Get in the truck bed though, ain’t no way yew gettin’ ur crotch juice on my leather seatin.”

This little baby is a little girl, and her name will be Fancy.

“She’s named after a country song about a teenage hooker :D”

Not… really?  Sure whatever.

“Oh, that’s Fancy.  For some reason for the past two days I thought this was my baby and we were just taking it back to the hospital to get it fixed from being all dead and stuff.”

“Naw, that’s just another baby brought in from the cabbage patch.  I think Bear ‘n Opal claim it though, what are you doing with it here?”

Speaking of that couple, they got one more baby on the way now, a sibling for Eagle!

And meanwhile, Bear helped little Beau grow up on his birthday while Dolly and Taylor got back from the hospital.

“Yew TOUCHED my baby?!”

“Have you ever touched your OWN baby, Dolly?”

“…Touche.”

And here he is, a virtual clone of Dolly (FUCK) with Ken’s haircolor.  Good job Taylor.  You’re lazy-ass genes didn’t contribute at all.  Thanks.

“Dammit”

“I will contribute, however, to the growth and education of my son… Dolly?  Can you NOT be standing on the baby right now, I’m trying to teach him to talk right now.”

“Nawt righ’ now, Taylor.  The lightin’ on this very spot makes me luk fabulous.”

“Dammit son, your mother is such a prima donna.”

“Alrighty guys, I just put the little girl up for a nap.  I think she’s a really cute little baby from the patch.  I think I’ll call her Hildegard.”

“DAMMIT TATER, THEY AREN’T GARDEN BABIES”

Last but not least, Elissa is having babies with the gross grandpa I gave Skeet and Gwayne, now those two will have a half-sibling D:

GROSS

Posted in Generation 9 | 11 Comments

Lost and Found Pants

Welcome back to the Secksies, where I wrote the majority of this in class.  So if notes on drendrochronology work their way in here, don’t be surprised.  Just be educated.

“Oh bouncy horse ball.  You are the only friend I have left since the death of my beloved Lynyrd 😦 *mope mope*”

Bella, don’t be depressing.

If you remember, Taylor had gotten a job as a stylist when he abandoned Dolly the first time at the alter.  He’s still a stylist, and when he finally got back to work, his first commissioner is his own mother.

She’s so supportive.

“Check this out!  I make this look good!  This look almost makes me look younger than you are, son!”

“Actually, technically mom, you are younger than me at the moment… so yeah…”

“With my new-found looks of youth, I will find me a sugar daddy to take care of me, and finally move out of this swamp from these mud people and get the hot gold-digger suite that I should have been put in in the first place!”

“Mom… mom no, just stop…”

Moving along, Dan and StyxLady are now dating each other at this point.  I find it so cute when simselves end up dating each other.

Also, nice hat Dan.  WTF.

“I feel so icky ‘n sicky.  Ugh, I don’t like where this is goin’…”

YES

YES

Meanwhile, if you recall, Bear’s fiance Opal was killed by the cowplant, but Ken ‘brought’ her back into the family!  YEAH!  But because of her recent death, they can’t go through with their wedding because of stupid game logic and ‘death-do-us-part’ crap.  So Bear had to break it off with her.

“Weddin’s OVER!  I’m not WITH yew anymore Opal!”

“But… I don’t understand!  You love me, Bear!  Why?!”

Then he got rid of her Heartbroken moodlet…

“Hold still, this won’t sting a bit.”

“Wait, what?  What the crap are you doing, Bear?”

And Tada!

“Sike!  I wus jus’ jokin’ wid ya, babe!  Will ya still marry me?!  Luk, it’s the same ring yew threw at my face a minute ago when ya broke up wid me!”

“Oh YES, Bear!  I would love to, you and your crazy sense of humor!”

They even got married that afternoon as well.

Dolly?  Really.  What the hell is that outfit for?

“I changed my everyday permanently!  Isn’t this neat!  I did it wen yew weren’t lookin.  I think I make’a great hipster-cat lady, don’t ya agree?!”

Um…

“Can you believe it, Tater?  Three weddings in three weeks!  And this time, our daughter CT’s annoying husband isn’t here to mess this one up!”

“Oh, WAAAH!  Why’dya have to remind me that my lil’ girl married that asshole!!  SOOOB”

And so, Bear finally married the love of his life, and it was the greatest wedding… of that week at least. By far better than the others, actually.

“Huzzah!  Best weddin’ Unca’ Bear!  Way to set the last weddin’ of this legacy!  Yeah!”

“WAAAAAAH, LAST WEDDING FJEKALTHEFAWOR MY LIFE’S ALMOST OVER”

“Sigh, Tater.  I’ll go get the car.”

Right after Bear married his lovely ghost bride, he went to work, where he had to go kill off some more ghosts in his mother’s kitchen.

“GAH!  Godric!  Do something!  They are messing up my clean counters!”

“Wait, why am I here?”

“Dammit, stop!  I don’t want to go in the scary ghost vacuum, not yet!  Go away!”

“Hee hee, I are an alien chestburster :D”

“WOOO!  Bear!  The greatest ghost hunter of our age!  You go get them!”

Um, dear? He’s here to kill you too?

“YEAH!  I never thought in my whole afterlife that I would get to meet THE Bear!  What a great ghost hunter!  A service to his people!  I want an autograph!”

“Yeah, a real service to HIS people, I’m sure…”

That cavewoman ghost REALLY enjoyed Bear killing off her sisters way too much.  So I spared her actually.

I sent poor Bella out for a little night to herself, seeing as she hadn’t done anything really since Lynyrd died.

Actually, she hasn’t done much of anything since moving to Twinbrook.  Kinda sucks actually.

“BEHOLD!  I, this neighborhood’s fabulous unicorn, am the greatest thing you have ever witness!  Revere, or tremble, in my fabulous presence!”

“Hee hee… Tinkerbell is kissing my nosey :)”

“Bah, you aren’t that great.  You can’t even interact with me while standing on that slope.  At least Lynyrd would put more effort into it than you do.  I’m going home.”

Well can’t say she didn’t try to have a good time.

“Aw, so that’s wut mawnin’ sickness is like!  I’m going to have a baby!”

😀

“Honey, did you change your dress?  That’s not the cat-woman get up I gave you to wear the other day!”

“Oh Taylor, get outta the tub, I got sum’ gud news fur ya…”

“Alight Dolly, ole’ girl, remember you are doing this for jewelry…”

“Oh yeah, feels good man…”

Really guys?  What the crap…

“Oh my Dolly?  Do I see what I think I see?”

“A baby bump?”

“Nooo, a baby cave in!  Giving birth to a black hole, dear?  It’s almost like your belly button is the mouth and your boobs are eyes.  I’m almost tempted to start a conversation with your torso!”

And then Taylor had to sleep in the laundry room forever after that.

Meanwhile Opal and Bear, a couple that apparently don’t like to be upshowed as cutest couple in the house, started their own little baby making…

“Uh, Tater?  Any reason you came all the way across the street to read at my bar?”

“No problem Kip!  Me ‘n Nascar are jus’ catchin’ up on our lil’ book club readin’, is all.”

“Hello honey.  Hello… dad?  Wutt’re yew doin’ at our bar?”

“Apparently he and Nascar have a book club.  No idea why they have to take up the bar though.”

“Alright, I’m finally here guys.  We are finally finishing up our 50 Shades of Grey trilogy.  It was Oprah’s book of the month!”

“Yeah, now I see why they are using the bar…”

“We finally finished our book.  ‘N I found it a lil’ flat.  Needed more sex though.”

“Eh, did you pick up the wrong book again?  Because in the Adventures of Raymundo, a vagina wasn’t involved in any of Raymundo’s travels.”

“Well I’ll be, I did.”

“Eh, that book made me feel so dirty.  I must try to get clean wid’ Kip’s toothbrush.”

But… with that cigarette in your mouth, do you think you are getting anywhere like that?

“Mmm, menthol fresh.”

Also Tater, it would be more effective to actually brush your teeth with the bristle side in your mouth, not the back of your toothbrush.

“‘N get my cigarette wet?  Yew ‘cray.”

To keep them busy and out of my way, I gave the ghosts hobbies.

Ah, what’s the weekly Sunday protest about this week?

“Down with cops!  Down with police!  I am tired of trying to express my style and freedom to walk down the street pantsless without them trying to arrest me or give me a fine!”

“I agree, stop with the fines of these semi-nude citizens!  They keep me in work!”

They will just protest for anything, won’t they?

“Pantsless lady!  Join us in our fight to bring these cops to justice!  Support your fellow semi-nudist into bringing these cops to justice and to aid in our goal of freedom for freeing willies!”

“But… I’m just wearing short shorts under my shirt!”

“Free willy!  Free willy! Free willy!”

“Another pantsless citizen!  Come Juan, protest with us, and feel liberated, free, and completely aired out with your fellow semi-nudist!”

Ok, this is getting really rediculous.

From now on, any sim I catch with no pants on will get whatever pants are found out of the high school lost and found pile.

So far, that consists of little girl pajama bottoms.  Why there are so many I don’t know.  I don’t know if I want to know.  The nudist get little girl pants.

“Ugh, I ain’t so sure about this look…”

“Are you kidding, Juan?!  I make this look goooooood!”

“Hello, I am your friendly neighborhood stylist! And I am looking to make friends!  My name is Taylor!  Ooga booga booga!”

“Sir if you come at me again like that, I’ll rip your head off and shit down your neckhole.  Don’t think I ain’t playing with you, boy.”

” 😦 ”

See, Lucy’s father isn’t friendly at all.  I think he makes Sinbad look like an angel ._.

Also, I see you still have that hat, Dan.  I really didn’t make you out to look like that, so why?

“I was Oliver Twist for Holloween!”

Oh…

“Please sir, can I have some more?”

Taylor: “I think I did good on that outfit from work :D”

I blame Taylor.  Yeah.

Ah!  If it isn’t our favorite couple, CT and Caveman Thing.  Technically he’s also CT.  And their daughter, Chana.  Go figure.  Green skinned mother and a pink haired father, they have a little blonde white child.  You’re genes disappoint, guys.  You should try for one more baby.

“Is that why caveman have man baby instead of woman this time?!  Caveman angry.”

Get over yourself and give me the baby I want, CT♂.

Down the street from Dolly’s roadside family reunion, the evil sims of the town are having a convention in one of the alley ways, apparently.

And look!  Lucy and Sinbad are hanging out with each other!  OTP!  OTP!

“Look at that stupid cop!  He thinks he’s some big shot nudist buster, but he’s a big doo-doo head instead!”

“Haha yeah!  We should go throw rocks at him from behind a tree or something.”

Aren’t they just precious.

“Is this where we are holdin’ EvilCon 2012?”

“Yep, Bill is back and he’s not wearing pants again.  Time to go home.”

“Dammit Bill, you aren’t even evil, you are a poser, stop showing up to our gathering and being creepy.”

“Seriously sir, go home and put on some pants!”

Good job Bill, you are stuck in lady pants now.  Are you happy with yourself?

“Joke’s on you, this is oddly comfortable.”

No clue why they keep showing up pantsless.  This is NOT what I had in mind when I gave them their 80’s looks, I swear.

“GAH!”

“What’s wrong dear?”

“I gawt fried by the inventur’ table!  I figgured I wouldn’t git burned or anything, being 99% water, and just 1% hot gas, but damn did it shock the crap out of me!”

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I just found out that I’m pregnant?  Do you want to know how pregnancy works?”

YES GAME

AFTER ALMOST TWO YEARS OF PLAYING, AND ONE OF THE LAST PREGNANCIES OF THIS LEGACY, SURE, I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT HOW THIS WORKS NOW

I don’t know why I involved these photos.  I think it was because I went around Twinbrook and just fell in love with it’s country side.  This is definitely my favorite town out of all of them.  Even the barns you can’t hardly access outside of camera mode are well done.

Here’s another well done barn, with the lovely Easter egg “Bridgeport” in the background.

And here’s the lovely Easter egg “Bridgeport” up closer, less lovely though.

And here’s Dolly in labor, not part of the Twinbrook countryside tour.

“UGH IT’S RIPPIN’ THROUGH MY LOINS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

GET READY FOR THE BIRTH OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!”

“Meowth, my wife’s right!”

“TAYLOR I’M FUCKING SERIOUS”

And bam, guys, this is our first baby of our tenth generation.  This is baby Beau, because he’s supposed to be beautiful…

“YALL DON’T KNOW UR BEAUT’FUL”

SHUT UP DOLLY

Posted in Generation 9 | 6 Comments

Tom Barton’s: Zombie Fiance – A Supernatural Tale Part III

Guys, I think I might be dying.  No I’m not.  I tried to though, slipped off the side of a mountain this weekend.  Then got a bad nasty cold.  My brother has the flu but I seriously doubt that’s what it is.

Wait, who cares?!

Last chapter of Supernatural playthrough

Which is a little long

AND THEN SECKSIES

Days and days and hours passed, and while we really truely didn’t mind staying here, the summer just felt endless.  The little plot I took over from the previous occupants was blossoming into a full grown secret garden, and for one person, it had started getting a little much for me.  I soon found myself spending all my time taking care of my plants while waiting on my sister to figure out how to turn me into a fairy.

It was about 12:30 at night during the first full moon when the weirdest thing happened…

“Bonehilda?  Why are you out here tonight?”

“They’re coming…”

“Who?”

At the time, Wren was asleep upstairs, or had turned herself into a toad for the night, and across town, Eider was… I don’t know what he’s doing here.  Apparently, he was on his way home from a werewolf hunt, but he might just have a spine injury here.  

Then again, he gets his flexibility from Uncle Facebook, I’m sure.

Strangely enough, since Eider became a werewolf, he’s been more tolerant of Bonehilda than anyone expected.  I don’t know if it’s because of the werewolfism, since I only see him around her in that form, or if he’s grown up and gotten over it, but sometimes they actually hang out and get crunk together.

“I will forewarn you, Bonehilda… sometimes when you sleep, your leg bones look strangely appetizing   I’m serious.  If you don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night with my teeth wrapped around your ankle, I recommend you locking your box up good and tight from now on.”

Ok then…

Anyway, back to the night of the full moon.  I was telling all my little tomato buddies about how cool it was going to be to fart fairy dust every four minutes, when lo and behold, a fairy popped out of the earth in front of me!

Well, I thought it was a fairy at first…

“Holy shit, Eddie and Herman!  Is that what I think it is?!”

Eddie: “A zombie?”

Herman: “Lunch?”

“It’s Tinkerbell!”

“You’re wings!  They are so delicate and beautiful!  They smell like decay… but that must mean you must be some sort of fairy of the earth?!  GASP!  You must be here to bless my garden!  Are you going to bestow your good will on my flowers, Mr. Fairy?!”

“OMNOMNOMNOMBLUUUUURGGHHHH”

“That… I don’t think that’s bestowing a blessing…  why would you eat that, I spent so much time on that plant!  You are a terrible being!”

“And yet, your wings… I adore them so much!  How contradicting.”

“Ok, I can accept you eating my plants… but only because you are a fairy.

This bitch better get lost before I break out the power hose.”

“But in all seriousness.  HOW COULD YOU EAT MY LOVELY WOLFBANE PLANT MR. DEAD FAIRY, WHY”

*Wolfbane induced intoxicated confusion*

“Oh yeah, now it’s my time to shine at last!”

“What, playing catch with the clumsy and whiney Eider boy again?”

“Shut up, Herman.”

*A painful and stomach-rupturing blow to the torso*

“Even though he killed my plant, doesn’t mean you can go and splatter him all over the yard Eddie.  Jeez.  Besides, I don’t want to clean up fairy-zombie gore.”

*Ded*

*Drinks honey that has been in Raven’s back pocket since chapter one*

“Oh.  Where am I?  Dammit, have I been taking LSD again?  Please tell me I didn’t strip naked and try running away from giant spiders in the middle of the street again.”

“No but you have been eating my plants.  Speaking of which.  You owe me for my wolfbane.  That and you should go get your stomach pumped or something.  *grumble* Damn drug zombies.”

“Gah, I don’t need the blessing of that dumb fairy idiot.  I can bring my own plant back from the dead.  I’m just that awesome.  Dammit, why can’t I be a fairy already?!”

All byyyy myyyy seellllfff… don’t want to be… alll byyyy myyyy seeeelllllllffff…..”

It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care… it’s five ‘o clock somewhere~

We, and my garden, survived the night, and we went back to the normal: The drunken bone maid and vampire death pouting about being ignored by her.

Convinced THAT my idiot sister sucked at the task I had given her, I went looking for my own method of becoming the being I drempt of being.

“Please Ms.  Fairy, I long to become one of you!  If I best friend you right now, you think you could use your fairy magic to make me one of your people?”

“I really don’t think so.  I mean, I don’t see why I can’t, but I think I’ll pass.”

Apparently, fairies are the only being that can’t turn other people into their same life state, unlike vampires, werewolves, etc.  To my knowledge anyway.  And fairies can just be dicks, I soon realized this real fast.

Speaking of werewolves, Eider was quickly gaining his own posse, and some nights they’d go out and go on the prowl.  You know, for things like butterflies and shiny rocks.  Because werewolf logic.

They also spend a lot of time doing things like this too?  Because, still

Werewolf logic

“I dare say, Sir Eider, it is surely a grand night for a midnight brunch, do you agree?”

“I do, Sir Dwayne, this moon is simply grandeur! If I only had a top hat and monacle, why this outing would surely be the bee’s knees!”

“I have a top hat… but I forgot it when I left the house today…”

“And that’s why you are sitting by yourself at the moment, Pappy.”

Well if it isn’t the zombie bitch from the last full moon…

Looking for love in all the wrong places~

What is it with everyone singing lately?

“Eider, you better step back from her.  She’s a zombie and I hear they are kinda dangerous, man :\”

But of course, with Eider’s strange new found courage, the zombie didn’t scare him during their first encounter.

“Braiiiiiiiins….”

“Awww, is ickie wittle zombie hun’gee?! Aw, that’s so cute~”

“RAWWWWWR”

“Aww, rawr!  Ha ha, you are too damn funny, zombie!”

However, about an hour later, his group disbanded for being out after 3 in the morning (werewolf logic) and soon Eider realized he was left on the lot.  By himself.  With the zombie still there.

“Braaaiiiiiiiinsss…..”

“Oh shit!  OH SHIT!  ZOMBIE!  ZOMBIE CAN EAT MY BRAINS NOW!  SOMEONE HELP, BACK ME UP!  OH GOD NO AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”

“GAAAAAHHHRR… screechy sound hurt zombie head!  Stop!”

“GAAHAWEOAGHALKFDHAISHITMYPANTSHELPJFIOAWHGDLADFAAAHHHHHH”

Apparently the screaming and crying is what saved Eider’s life that night, and everyone on the block got up the next day with unexplained migraines and sensitivity to sound…

“A-HA!  I finally maxed alchemy and discovered the recipe for a fairy potion!  Jeez, can it be any more complicated… ok, to the quicky mart alchemy store!”

“Greetings!  I have come hoping that you were in stock of a few items I need for a potion.  Of course the last time I checked you don’t sell fish, and I was either going to have to learn how to use a fishing rod or spend a lot of time converting things until I got the right item… but you wouldn’t happen to have red toadstools, sunstone, and a fairy damsel, would you?”

“Are you trying to make a fairy potion?  If you’d like I actually have one of those in stock now, you know.”

“Sigh… of course you would have one here now…”

“Come oooooon… you know you want the caaaake…”

“Herman, don’t you think your way of fixing this problem is a little… barbaric?”

“Caaaaaake…”

“What?  They’re dead, I’m hungry, what seems to be the problem here?”

“I just vouch for a more humane option, you know…”

“BLECK!  Tastes like rot and LSD!  Screw this, I’ll have my people-sushi fresh, thank you very much!”

“Yay, now I can do my thing!”

“You are oddly too happy about this, Eddie.”

“GAH, where are all these zombies coming from!  I’m only one pea shooter, I can’t take care of more than one at a time!  I need some back up!”

“Hmmm…”

“Hey mister!  Want some cake?!”

“Thanks, but I’m so tired of eating plant stuffs… Seriously, I need brains.”

Bonehilda: “Hmm, what’s this, cake in the backyard?!”

“Why, I would love some yummy cake!”

*ded*

Needless to say, poor Herman had to spit Bonehilda out.  She had no meat on her, and had a high alcohol content.  I have no idea how much she had to drink to try to eat cake from Herman that night anyway.

“So, is this IT, Wren?  The potion that will make me a fairy?”

“I’m positive!  Unless I was ripped off by that cashier again.  There’s a 30% chance it might just be rat poison.  I’ll go get Death to stand by just in case.”

“I feel a tingly… I think this is it!”

“Yay!  This is already too cool!  My inner fairy must be a blue butterfly pixie or something! I love this!”

“So guys, what do you think?!  Isn’t this the coolest thing or what?”

“I think it looks awesome, especially now that you bleached your wings to a lighter color!”

“I agree with Eddie, that Screen-Of-Death blue was a little much on my non-existent corneas.”

“Hey sis, I helped you out and all, so, would you mind of I bummed just a little bit of fairy dust from you?  Please!  It will help with my study of witchcraft and magic if you do!”

“Hmmm, ok fine.  But don’t blow it all at one time.  You do not want to know how I make this stuff.”

“Aw, sweet sister!  I promise I won’t waste any of it.  Or at the moment, use any of it, as I don’t think I know what to do with this stuff yet!”

So then I decided to play my first prank on my sister.

“Hey look Wren!  Thought bubbles!”

“Well darn.  Pesky little photo ruiners!”

“Heh heh heh…”

“I mean, why would I even be thinking of artwork at a time like this?!  I’m not even artistic!”

“Whoa, did it just drop below freezing or is it just me?!  Raven!”

“Hahaha, that was quite hilarious!”

“Heh heh heh, alright, you want to play like that?  Now it’s my turn…”

“Wait, I was just playing a cute little prank!  You’re magic can really hurt me!”

“Hm.  You look weird morbidly obese, Raven.”

*Says nothing because frozen solid*

“Aw, well aren’t you just a sweet little thing as a fairy Raven?!  That’s so cute!”

“Hm, Barnabas?  What’s cute?”

“Oh wait, you are there?  Then who’s this little… BONEHILDA!  Get the bug swatter again, the pixies are back in the house again!”

“So I hear you are a big shot witch in town!  Well I’m a master alchemist and pretty badass myself!  We should do battle and have a match sometime or something!”

“I agree, let’s go!”

This isn’t what I had in mind when you agreed to do battle guys.

“Wait, rock defeats paper right?  I’m confused.”

“Bah, me too.”

“No one mind me back here guys, just making martinis and not trying to pretend I’m Cornelia Goth in any way… stalking her and wanting to be her… have some of that sweet sweet Gunther sauce… mmm…”

“I say, I DO believe that the scissors beat rock!  You have humiliated me in public, you harlot *slap slap*”

Because that’s the way you make friends, Wren.

And then Wren drove her home for the evening.  Witches.  They are just weird.

“Can you two fairies go socialize not in front of the television here?  I’m trying to watch Oprah.”

Once Barnabas took me with him to a friend’s house, where my only other fairy acquaintance apparently lived.  It was nice to talk to someone who was like me.

“My word, have I ever told you how rediculously hot you are when you suck the blood and marrow out of my armbones, babe?”

“I get that a lot.”

“But seriously.  Can you get your little friend to stop pranking my roommate?  If this shit get out of hand I will sue your sexy ass for damages.”

“Raven, stop… oh your head’s on fire now.  I think that’s good enough.”

“Oh wait… my baby senses are tingling… is there a baby nearby?”

“Yeah, I told the little crap to wash dishes an hour ago, eh, it hasn’t even moved from where I dropped it last night.  Go figure.”

“Oh a BABY!  I will love it and snuggle it and be there forever for it…”

“Uh, WEIRD?  Really Barnabas, I think it’s about time you left anyhow…”

Go figure even in this game Barnabas is still a baby freak.

“Um, Mr. Collins?”

“Yes Wren?”

“I think you are supposed to leave that lady’s baby here…”

“Oh… you sure?”

YES we are SURE, Barnabas.

Over the course of the last few weeks, there was just so many sparkles and colors in the house, that it just drove us insane.

It drove me insane, anyway.

*Hefty projectile vomit burp*

“Haha, I am the best prankster in the world!”

Wren: “Really?  You only achieve getting covered in vomit and fire each time, you know.”

“Thanks for reminding me, Wren.”

“Death, I have a question.  Why is it whenever you get moody and broody, you have to force us all to starve as well?”

“Because Quote the Raven, Refridgerator.”

“Why does Mr. Collins let you live here again?”

As I figured, after becoming a fairy, I gained skills that made me connect so much more with my plants.  I could make them bloom and weed themselves!  It was fabulous!  Which was great, because gardening them manually was getting a little much, even for me.  

That being said, I didn’t just use all my powers for flowers…

“Haley?  Is that you?  I’d love to talk about why you are angry at me for having to dump your baby out on your front lawn when I left the other night but I kinda got a bigger problem trying to find out why my toilet that is coincidentally covered in fairy dust is broken…”

“Did someone say BROKEN TOILET”

“Yeah I really got to go now, Haley.  Bonehilda just murdered me with the door.  Laters.”

“Well I’ll be damned.  The toilet just exploded all over me, Barnabas.”

“Damn.  And I took one of my famous morning poops in it just a bit ago.  And here I thought that was the problem the whole time.”

“Oh, that wasn’t the problem… but I bet you I know what the problem was!”

“Oh Bonehilda, you have something hanging out of your nose… Bonehilda?”

“Not right now, I must go and plan my revenge!!”

*Sobs and drip-dries in the corner*

Revenge indeed.

“Ah, my new ride is just fabulous!  So much faster and powerful than the old standard broom!  Barnabas’ gift to me is just awesome!”

Eh?

Is… is that a Dyson?

Well, can’t argue with that, now can I?  It was a good movie.

I can’t express how much I loved being a fairy, guys!  I don’t usually dress all girly or anything either, but this was the equivalent of being a Disney princess to me!

“Hey Death, hold still right quick!  I’m going to cast a spell on you!”

“A what?!  No, please!  I don’t want to be a toad!  Warts look terrible on my non-skin!”

“No silly, I’m trying to help you out with your unlucky love life!  Behold, I have cast a charm on you that will cause the next person you talk to to fall in love with you!  Go for it man, there’s no stopping you now!”

“I’ll stop him if he doesn’t stop leaving those nasty plasma juice boxes all over my clean martini bar >:\”

“Bonehilda?  Bonehilda?!  Bonehilda!  Well shit.  So much for that!  Now that I have this charm on me, I can’t EVEN talk to her now.  Way to waste my life, Wren.”

Wren: *skips off in a trail of fairy dust*

Because of Wren’s charm, Death had to watch who he had to talk to within the 24 hours before the spell broke since he couldn’t even talk to the bone maid.  Too bad that didn’t work out…

“Death, I just want you to know that the rent is up man, and I really don’t have the cash to take over your part this month, so you really need to fork up this week, or get a better job, because this might be bad on our credit record, ok?!”

“MMMPH!”

Yeah, I know, go figure.

“You know… that wasn’t half bad.  I liked that a lot!  Not exactly an alien abduction, but still exhilarating as fuck!  Call me sometime, Death.”

“No, this isn’t how I wanted it to go down!  No, Bonehilda, WAIT!  Come back!  This isn’t what you think that was!”

“Did you even test that spell before you used it on poor Death, Wren?”

“I tested it on Raven.”

“Should we avoid her for 24 hours then?”

“Most definetely.”

*THREE HOURS LATER*

“Damn, Eider.  You’re hot, I’m hot, we should get together sometime, hm?”

“DAMMIT, WREN, I FORGOT!  HELP!  HELP ME!”

Ugh, that was a horrible few days right there.  I needed 4 months of psychiatric help and Eider needed 7 months of therapy after that.

The day right before we were supposed to return home to Starlight Shores, I was in my little fairy house near my garden, Wren was breaking everything in the house trying to upgrade it for Barnabas out of “good will” and Eider was taking a break from marking his territory on all the trees in the neighborhood, when we heard a strange noise coming from the backyard, followed by a scream, and moo, and then a burp.

“Let me guess, Herman.  You aren’t throwing this one back up?”

“Nope, I’m going to keep this one down even if it makes me nauseous as hell.  I know the bones are probably not good for my digestive tract, but I haven’t actually successfully gotten one all summer!”

“Let me guess.  Is it that bone chick?”

Sigh, sure as hell was.

“Dammit Bonehilda, why’d you actually have to go and… actually I don’t really care *doesn’t get a sad death moodlet at all*”

“Hee hee.  Eddie, go ahead and cut another node in the tree, but circle this one.  I actually managed to kill one of my victims :D”

“Bonehilda?  Really?  This… this is actually really good for me!  This time you can’t escape me!  I finally have you where I want you, you can now GO ON A DATE WITH ME!  😀  YES!  First, we will go on a romantic hay ride, crash the hay cart, reap the souls involved, and then I know a great malt shop in downtown Hades…”

“FINE!  YES, I WILL GO ON A DATE WITH YOU IF THAT WILL SHUT YOU UP ALREADY, DEATH!  Damn!  Just… let’s go on and go and get this over with!”

” 😀 😀 😀 Later bitches!”

“Ok, goodbye death.  It was a good summer with you, I guess.”

“Wow, so much horror in the past five minutes that even the hardied werewolf Eider couldn’t take it.”

“I know, he passed out so hard, I don’t even think he noticed the briars he passed out in.  He’ll never tangle that out of his underwear successfully when he wakes up either.”

Sadly, we didn’t get Bonehilda’s tombstone.  Neither did the cemetery.  I guess that was Death’s way of saying we couldn’t take her back from him this time.  However, the underworld seemed unsettled by the whole situation.  ‘Dismissing Bonehilda’ was still ‘possible’ but it never could actually happen.  And the jingle that played whenever a ghost would appear on the lot would play every few hours for no apparent reason, along with a random zombie appearing on lot on an average of one every 3 hours no matter what time of the day it was. It was a weird final day in Moonlight Falls, for sure.

But our trip soon came to an end afterwards, and Barnabas braved the morning sun to see us off.

“Well, later Raven.  I enjoyed you hanging out, playing in the garden, and breaking all the toilets in my house.  And Eider, it was cool man.  I’m glad we got to spend time with each other when we did.”

“Oh, can I come back next summer?  I really did have a blast here, and I really did make a lot of friends, and I do love this place!  Please, with a cherry on top?!”

“You sure can!  I would love for you guys to spend another summer here!”

Of course we never went back.  We are lazy teenagers, what do you expect?

“Well, we are about to go, and I haven’t seen a hide or hair of Wren.  Do you know what’s taking her so long to get ready, Barnabas?”

“I don’t know, Raven.  I think she’s either still getting her stuff together or she might still be in the backyard.  I saw her earlier messing around there a little while ago.  You can go check there if you want to.”

“Wren?  What are you doing, the taxi will be here any minute now.”

“Just a few more minutes.  The whole reason I wanted to be a witch… I’m about to do something I’ve wanted to do for ages now.”

“What… what is that?  Is that a urn?  Is that HER urn?!  Don’t tell me… did you steal that from the mausoleum back home, Wren?!”

“I took this urn YEARS ago, Raven!  I HAD to!  I have been haunted by it for years…”

“But I need her back here with us!  I want Uncle Azazel back, Raven…”

“Bringing Aunt Jesse back from the dead isn’t going to bring Azazel back, you know this right?”

“You don’t know that, Raven!”

“Uguuuuuugh….”

“Wren?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I peed myself.”

“Seriously, Wren.  Aunt Jesse is a zombie now.  You really think Azazel is going to come home now because of this?”

“I don’t know.  I wanted it to.  I really miss him so much, Raven.  He was my favorite person in the world…”

“I know, but do you think Azazel wanted his wife like this?  She’s rotting, Wren.”

“Maybe.  Who knows.  Azazel was crazy as a loon anyway.”

“Yeah.  But this doesn’t mean he’s coming home.  Wren, we don’t know where he is, we haven’t heard from him in several years.  His zombie wife here won’t make him come home.”

“*sniff* I guess not.”

“This isn’t Jesse.  Jesse is about to tear what’s left of my garden up.  She’s eating plants now.  If she was the real living Jesse, then maybe.  Uncle Azy will come home maybe then. But please Wren.  Stop beating yourself like this trying to get our Uncle to come back and let’s go home.  It’s the only thing we can do, dear.”

“…Ok.”

So that’s where we left our Aunt, eating my dying garden and returned home to Starlight.  Had I known sooner that Wren was that torn up about her missing uncle that that was the reason she turned to witchcraft, maybe I could have been there for her?  I don’t know.

But I do know one thing.

BEING A FAIRY IS FUCKING AWESOME!  

LATER BITCHES!

//End Tape

Of course, after that was done, I made the peashooter attack Jesse just to see if that would cure her of zombism, just like the other zombies.

HAH, guess what, it does XD

“Ooh, where am I?  I felt like I’ve been asleep for a hundred years!  I had the strangest dreams that I was trapped in a jar and buried in the ground for so long…”

“Well welcome back, Mrs. Rotter :D”

And so was that.

This brings us to the end of this EP playthrough, about time.  A few words of afterthought, great EP, I’ll admit, I was a little anxious to play through it because I thought that there would be so much stuff in this EP that I would get overwhelmed.  In a way, that’s true, there is so much more stuff in this add-on than let’s say, Generations or Ambitions.  Probably another EP with stuff in it that I only began to scratch the surface of.  So many things to do!  And yet, there are just three or so new patterns available in this one.  I found that funny.

Anyway, moving on, now that that is said and done, next chapter we will go back to starting generation 10.  I WAS going to do a Holloween special again this year like I did last year, but Supernatural seems to be plenty Holloween themed for the month, and I don’t want to take that much time away from the Seckies.  Also, I haven’t had time this year to work on one or even plan on out.

“WHAT?!  Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!  I spent ALL YEAR plotting out what I wanted to do this year!”

Sorry dear.  Maybe next Holloween or something?

“You can’t be fucking serious!  These dogs are expensive as BALLS to rent, dammit!”

Ugh, sorry D: seriously, I was looking forward to a special for the best holiday of the year since July, but it just got away from me.

BUT I will share with you a little holloween surprise, ok?  For the record, don’t go expecting any fairies and magic from this EP in the Secksie legacy.

BECAUSE THAT LEGACY IS OFFICIALLY DONE! 😀

Has been for a couple of months now actually, how awesome is that?!  It’s just a matter of posting the last small batch of chapters out now.  So starting from next Thursday for every Thursday until it ends, there will be a new chapter out.  Now it’s on a schedule, how cool is that?

BWAHAHAHA

HAPPY HOLLOWEEN EVERYONE

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