The New Sims 4 Adventure of 2019

*Creaks out of ancient coffin covered in dust and cobwebs*

Hey kids want a sims 4 post?

Serious note, sims 4 was free for like a week MONTHS ago because I’m lazy, and guess who ended up grabbing it because what do I have to lose?

Me that’s who.

I know I said this computer was on its last legs (It’s literally being held together with tape, stickers and even hospital gauze) and any time I feel like blundering through the sims 3 it still takes 20-40 minutes to load in.  Since I never got a new computer, and never justified getting a new computer to do nothing but play sims on, sims 4, and most everything else got put on such a long backburner.  My friend Hannah told me that 4 runs so much smoother than 3 does, however, I never wanted to spend the $40 something bucks just in case.  I stopped buying games on this thing after Dragon Age Inquisition put me through a 17 FPS hell and the whole graphics card issue I had for a year.

That being said, when 4 came out free, I figured what could go wrong?  Back up 3, and if 4 doesn’t work, uninstall it and go about my life.  No monetary loss, no stress.  Right?

Sims 4 runs like a fucking DREAM.

Hannah if you are reading this, you were RIGHT.  SMOOTH AS BUTTER.

How long will it last, I cannot tell from here.  Maybe it’ll crank down like 3 did as the save files get larger and larger, maybe it’ll not.

So with that, I am playing a short test game, with a simself, to explore this game I put off for almost half a decade (Has it REALLY been that long already??) Many of you I’m sure have already experienced all this stuff 1000’s of times over probably, so things that will impress me will probably bore you.  If not, feel free to chill and gander at my trainwreck simself’s life.1There I am, in all my glory.  Black sweater as all my original simselves since 2 have donned, and some galaxy leggings and nothing else because I was wearing the EXACT SAME PANTS when I first turned on the game.  These are my pants.  THEY WERE MADE FOR ME!

The traits I picked out were creative, geek, and art lover. Her life aspiration is painting or something like it.  So few traits to pick from and so few aspirations to choose from as well is odd, but I like the sliders for CAS.

Creating my simself gave me a MASSIVE cramp in my whole arm though???? And I may have given my simself more Ass than there really is??  All controllable issues. So far this is good.2*.002 seconds in*

Sabrina: “Need a nap”

Bitch me too.3And of course who else would lead the welcome wagon other than the town’s own glorified Thot.

Bella: *Bangs on the glass like the baboon twig she is*

Jaime I think his name is: “I am uncomfortable :)”4Sabrina: “Thanks guys.  You brought HER into my yard and tainted it.  Now I got to sell the lot and start all over again.”

Karla probably: “But…. I brought a fish cake I think it is”

Bella: “I like air”5Sabrina: “I’m keeping my eye on you you nasty skank”

Bella: “What is this hoe’s problem”6Mm, that Tetris spinoff looks so exciting and fun

Sabrina: “It was Game of the Year, shows what you know”7I’m guessing my simself is really going to start this playthough pissed off at everything.

Sabrina: “Stupid Bella, in my stupid fridge now, my stupid backyard also everyone’s hang out plot, stupid river, stupid ducks, dumb Tetris 2 won’t let me pass level 45, everything sucks, grumble grumble”
8This shot was supposed to be Baby’s First Route Fail, since she can’t find her way to the grill from here, but when reviewing screenshots, I realized screenshots in 4 do not show sims thought or speech bubbles.  Which I think is really cool!  Though it kills some purpose to some screenshots I take but still.

Landgrabb: “How many centuries do you think it’ll take for this air pollution to go away?  Haha!  I feel like I’m living in a cloudy fish tank!  Hilarious!  I can’t breathe.”
9Jeffery: “Hey bb I see you like sticking forks into wieners”

Sabrina: “They’re……. hamburgers….”10Sabrina: “But mama does like her a red head.”

Already distracted I see.11Jeffery: “But alas, I am a married man, with kids and a house and all that stuff”

Sabrina: “Then why did you even bring up the wiener stabbing, you’re no fun”13The next morning the Goths were paid a visit, more or less because I cannot afford a shower right now.

Sabrina: “Scrubbing the grime off before they find me is always a fun game to play.”

Mortimer has the expression of a man that does not want to come into that bathroom.
14Mortimer: “MY WATER BILLS”

Sabrina: “Hold on, I still got soap behind my ears.”

Mortimer: “NO GET OUT NOW”15Mortimer: “If it’s any conciliation, you have some banging tits”

Sabrina: “Moments like this I wish I had a kleptomaniac trait”16The next day I FINALLY stopped being such an emotional angry shitlord, though, Mortimer remained pissed at me.

Sabrina: “Zzzz, mmm, good morning Buzz Aldrin.  Good morning, angry rich guy that saw me naked last night.”

Mortimer: “I’m getting a restraining order on you.”17Jeffery came to visit that afternoon, so Sabrina worked on a friendship.

Sims coming to visit gives me sims very sims 2 vibes.  I super rarely ever get sims 3 visitors ever.  Not without calling and begging asking.18Back at the Goth residence to shower and Bella’s already exhausting her last 2 brain cells.

Bella: “I was just trying to slice a zucchini!!”19Bella: “Husband!  I request your help!”

Mortimer: “Ugh, is the Sabrina girl bathing in the sink or something this time?”

Bella: “No, the stove is yelling at me, I need you to stop it!”20Mortimer: “Yeet”

Bella: “Mortimer??  ….Husband???”21Mortimer: “I suppose this is the end… I’m sorry my son, we must start our lives over anew without your beloved mother, rest her soul in piece.”

Alexander: “Please father, I don’t want to be the Caliente hooker’s new son”

Jeffery: “And then I said, that’s not a horse its my mother-in-law!!”

Sabrina: “Haha you’re funny man”

Inviting other sims onto other lots is also really cool.  Instead of rounding them up and hoping they don’t route fail on the way there like you did in the previous games, you just pick them from a list and they show up.22Sabrina: “Cassandra, stop being a Pouty Patty and come take a selfie with us!  It’s a good day!”

Cassandra: “Can’t you see I literally just got out of work at Burger King and need some time to mourn my beloved mother?”

Sabrina: “She literally just broke a nail calling the fire department, calm down guys.”23Jeffery: “Now I don’t mind being your friend and all but you should get your hand out from inside my shirt, it is not meant to be, Sabrina”

Sabrina: “Aw, why, why does it have to be like that…”

😦24Esmeralda: “Good morning everyone, it is I, Jeffery’s daughter with his wife Tamara, enjoying this lovely, non-adulterous morning!”

Margharita: “Ooh, that’s gonna sting a bit”

Sabrina: “Why you gotta remind me I’m alone”25A day out on the town with people I barely even know.

I’m happy to see even in the new(er) game, the fusings still happen.

Brown haired guy: “Two for one deal.  Hot.”26Sabrina: “Yeah, I’m so lit, another round for everyone!”

Margharita: “Hoe you’re so broke you can barely afford the water, go home already”

Jeffery: *Just happens to be there coincidentally*27Sabrina: “Stupid ass trash, take yourself to the trash can I’m tired of doing everything around here.”28And then she was moved to Oasis Springs for shits and giggles.

Sabrina: “I hate desert settings :)”29I thought when I moved to a new town, I’d never see the old townies again.  But, once again much like sims 2, I was surprised to see not only are the Willow Creek sims still in my sims relationships, but they were still walking by the house everyday.30Speaking of familiar townies

Jeffery: “I have nothing better to do than to walk two counties over to loiter around in front of this chick’s house.”31Sabrina: “Heeeeeyyyyy Jefferyyyy”

Jeffery: “Don’t think about it”

And yet he walked all the way over here himself, how sweet.32Sabrina: “I can’t help but notice you are still constantly following me around, even though our friendship is really weak and Bella is more of my friend than any of y’all are”

Jeffery: “Can’t help you keep showing up at the places I keep wanting to get drunk at, besides, I got to escape the wife somehow”33Sabrina: “I love that my new house comes with a free 1994 television, but I’m pretty sure the lightbulb is blown in it.”

Don’t know why the televisions have to be so dark, which is a shame, I like watching the programs that are shown on these things.34Hey look.  Jeffery’s back.

Jeffery: “Fuck you and fuck your trash can”

THANKS.35Jeffery: “Say one word about me ever being here and I’ll bodyslam you back to Twinbrook.”

Sabrina: “Haha, Jesus Christ dude eat a snickers.  What is your beef today?”36Sabrina: “I REALLY need to make friends that don’t have sticks jammed in their ass…”

Jeffery: “You’re probably the closest thing I have to a friend and it really pisses me off”37Bella: “Who did this, it’s ruining the house value”

Ask the redheaded asshole bitching me out in my living room.38Bella: “I may have pulled the only muscle in my tiny dainty waist doing this, but I will not allow this to continue!”

WOW, you aren’t completely useless, Bella!39Bella: “I saved your front yard from raccoons.  You are welcome.”

Sabrina: “Awww, Bella.  That was really considerate of you.  Thank you!”

Jeffery: “I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SABOTAGE”40Jeffery: “DON’T. MESS. WITH. THE. TRASHCAN!!”

You REALLY need to get that crab out of your panties, Jeff.41Jeffery: “Now that the trashcan is back on it’s side, all is right in the world.  I’m happy once again.”

Hm, I don’t like you.42Bella, after once again setting the garbage can right side up: “No, this will not do, you have to actually plant the strawberries in the ground.  What caveman taught you to garden?”

Honestly??? I thought just throwing them down on the ground was going to do the trick!  Once again, Bella is helpful and actually showing me how to play the game!! (And how to actually fucking garden but I promise I’m not that dumb)43Bella: “There you go, now put the dirt OVER the berry… just like that, good!”

Sabrina: “Wow Bella, with this kind of knowledge one would think you were a farmer’s wife or something.”

Bella: “Me?  Never!  Never will I leave my Morti-bear-baby, now Pat that dirt down better than that or the water will just wash it off.”

Jeffery: “What are you doing out here instead of being in the house paying attention to me?!”44Jeffery: “Hoes be digging.”

Sabrina: “Go home already Jeff can’t you see me and my Better Best Friend are working here?”45Sabrina: “Cassandra invited me to her birthday party, and Bella may be a friend of mine, but that doesn’t give me a reason to pardon you for your attitude at all.”

Mortimer: “But… honestly… who walks into a stranger’s and bathes in their shower…”46Sabrina: “Nice party guys, the birthday girl isn’t even here and you two won’t stop pawing at each other for 2 seconds.”

Mortimer and Bella: “BLARGHGIOAHGORKLEA”

Cassandra: “That’s why I’m not even home right now”47Tamara, Jeffery’s wife, is catering the wedding, and made the cake!!  Which is cool.

Tamara: “Can’t buy this perfection for $30 in a catalog”

Sabrina: “There better not be fondant on that.  Nasty.”48Cassandra: “If my parents would quit snogging for a second, I would like to announce not only did I grow up, but I am now assistant manager at Burger King.  Thank you and good night.”

Sabrina: “No I was totally not asleep while you were getting caked.  It just happened so fast I didn’t have time to process it.”

Both happened really.49Sabrina: “Awh.  No wonder Jeffery is still with his wife.  She really does got that cake.”

Stop pouting and go home already.  We can find another guy or at least make you better friends.50Sabrina: “Mmn.  Hello again Jeffery.”

Jeffery: “Yes it is I, back for the 8th time this week I think.  Wait, don’t walk through me and just ignore me like that!”51Davon: “And that’s why Pizza Hut is better than Domino’s was to me!  Better wages, less getting mugged point blank from my delivery car window!”

Sabrina: “Yes Jeffery.  I’m over here socializing with cooler, nicer people than you.  Move on already.”

Jeffery: *Pouts in the street, How Could This Happen To Me plays on the far side of the lot*52And naturally, Sabrina gets sad and pouts for the remainder of the day, paints sad art that is hauntingly similar to something I would draw, right down to the brush type.

Sabrina: “At least the spider is happy…”53Sabrina: “Ok pout fest is over.  Hey Cassandra, how is adult life?”

Cassandra: “I’M STILL DRESSED IN MY HIGH SCHOOL UNIFORM ALL THE TIME SO THE LIQUOR STORE WON’T TAKE MY ID SERIOUSLY”

Sabrina: “Yall got to stop coming to my house angry, I’m not your therapist”54Cassandra: “You know maybe we’d be less pissy all the time if you’d do some house decorating.  How can you stand looking at this unrendered looking, uninspired, basic bitch layout all the time?”

Sabrina: “Oh wow, you’re right.  Let me patch that up a bit real quickly.”55Sabrina: “There we go, a bachelorette pad fit for a starving artist.  What do you think of it now, Cassandra?”

Cassandra: “…”56Cassandra: *Takes her breaking point out on my trash can*

I’m going to take that as a maybe.
57Jeffery: “WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO STAND UP”

I’m starting to think he thinks he lives here.58Sabrina makes one last attempt to make more friends in town, but thinks she’s landed in a swinger’s club by accident.  Or a nursing home.

Sabrina: “Alright you old bastard, better watch that hand before I shank it right off.”

Lilly: “Oooh feisty.  I like you.”
59Lilly: “How about you and I head back to my room and we pop these old hips back into place?”

Sabrina: “I am very scared”60Sabrina: “I have returned from the creepy nursing home to announce that I don’t think there’s another sim in this town that I find more interesting than you.”

Jeffery: “That’s both sweet and sad at the same time!”61And then they woohooed just like that because Sabrina isn’t about wasting any time.

She may not be any good at building friendships, but building romances was EASY as shit (at least with Jeffery here it is)62That is totally not the face of a man that is putting his marriage in jeopardy.

Jeffery: “The ProJared scandal has taught me NOTHING”63Sabrina: “Life doesn’t seem so bad after all.  Especially when these flowers are paying my bills.”

Dulce: “That and you getting laid.  I can smell it on you.”

How about you don’t creep in my garden?  Crazy old lady??
64Jayme: “Everyone in town knows it.”

Sabrina: “Everyone in town ain’t know shit.  WHY are you in my bathroom with me anyway, random?!”65Jayme: “Oh no.  EVERYONE knows.  The whole town walks by your bedroom window, remember?  We heard everything.”

Sabrina: “You’re about to hear the dirtside of my garden if you don’t get out of my bathroom.”66Sabrina: “Ugh, the irony is killing me.  Playing this computer simulation of myself struggling to keep up a suffering romantic life alive while I suffer in relationships… this is tearing me up right now.”

Hey shut the hell up will you and stop making this so meta67Jeffery didn’t come by the house for almost two days after the woohoo (FUCKING WOW YOU KNOW?? Men.) so we head to the local park and fish in the desert’s only uh, pond

Sabrina: “Can’t wait to catch the biggest fish in this puddle from that rock over there, yessir”68By the way??? Stud???

Matthias: “I’m just trying to catch dinner please.”69Sabrina: “Hi I’m Sabrina”

Matthias: “God I don’t care”

Sabrina: “Glad to know there are some cutey mcpooties in this town after all, this way if things don’t go well for me and Jeffery, I stand a chance of having a backup!”

Matthias: “Ugh”70Sabrina: “Oh wow.  Speak of the devil himself, he actually appeared.  How do you think he’s going to handle me being pregnant, which I forgot to mention I am”

Matthia: “God you are such a thot”72Matthias: “I hope he never accepts you ever again, and for the record, I REFUSE to be your backup so you better waddle your chunk ass off this lot afterward and never interact with me ever again.”

Lovely.  Matthias is hostile and has the evil trait.  Nvm then, go die in the forgotten sim obscurity then, damn.73Sabrina: “Oh well, moment of truth.  This is where we learn if Jeffery is going to be loyal, or at the very least, helpful to the situation.  Hey Jeffery!!”

Jeffery: “Hm?”

Sabrina: “I got news for you!!  I’m pregnant!”74Jeffery: “Hngngngnnnnnggfff noooo…..”

Sabrina: “Hm…. that is not the face of a happy man.”

The game said he gained friendship from it, but this is not the expression of someone that is thrilled learning about this.75Jeffery: “I’m BEGGING you please tell me its not mine”

Sabrina: “What is WRONG with you Jeffery, you really think there’s any other way I’m EVER going to be able to even find another guy with standards as low and shitty as yours”

Matthias: “Should I…. even still be here…”77Oh, now he’s MAD.  Ladies and gentlemen, father, husband, and baby daddy of the year right here.76Sabrina: “You know what hoe, two can play that game, Matthias has done nothing but be an asshole in the 3 minutes I’ve known him so I’m pretty pissed to hell off too.”

Matthias: “I’ve done my civic duty :3”78Jeffery left almost instantly, and at the same time his wife came to the lot.  Something I haven’t been able to show is that every time Jeffery shows up on a public lot, he will instantly dip if Tamara shows up as well.  Coincidental?  Maybe.  Makes me wonder why exactly he constantly has to come to my simself’s house in a poor mood if he’s avoiding her in public like this.79Anyway, piss on Jeffery though.  The next day or so Sabrina stayed at home nursing a piss poor mood and the day I figured she’d drop the kid, Bella was called over for Baby Watch Duty.  Since someone has to care about Sabrina when the kid comes, el sobbing.

Sabrina: “snore”

Bella: “Huh, oops, I guess that wasn’t the correct download file.  I swear these sites with their 10 “Download Here” links are so confusing.”80Oh wow.  Jeffery showed up during Baby Watch anyway.  After three days of whining about it you finally cooled your shit, Jeff?

Jeffery: *Pouts*

Bella: “Why did it ask me to pay another $350 to unlock the computer??  I already sent it once!  Oh well, good thing Mortimer is made out of money or I’d just have to buy a new computer.”81Sabrina: “You’re actually being sweet on me, Jeff?”

Jeffery: “I have come to terms with it, and I’ll help with the kid or whatever.  I just ask you not to name it something dumb like Wichita or Blastoise.”

Sabrina: “We’ll see.”

She’s easy to apologize to.82Cassandra: “Well so much for that.  So Jeffery and mom both vamoosed on you on Baby Watch huh?  Fine.  I’m here.  Don’t expect me to get all excited for you or whatever when the baby arrives, or even to know what labor even looks like.”

Sabrina: “Ok that’s fine…. Matter of fact, I’m in labor now!”

Cassandra: “Uh huh.  Good for you.”83Sabrina: *Passes the fuck OUT*

Cassandra: “Is this what labor looks like?  I was expecting more suffering, screaming and blood, but it looks like the most boring event in the world.”84Sabrina: “Ok enough of that, out you little shit everyone is tired of waiting, including me”

Cassandra: “Give me a second and I’ll upload this to your facebook…. “gone in labor….#mommyhood”…. four emojis of a baby bottle and one of a clown face…. and sent.”85Sabrina: “And she’s here!  I feel the joy of motherhood and all that!!”

Cassandra: “Good.  My Baby Watch is over.  By the way, the computer needs $400 or something to unlock again.  I figured only my mom would have downloaded something from that hideous alien pornographic site but seeing it on your computer too?  For shame.”86Sabrina:  “I’m going to name you Eden, which is my middle name, which I think would make a nice first name, that and I did promise Jeffery I wouldn’t name you Blastoise.

Cassandra: “Bye.  Going home now.”

She was SO supportive.87Jeffery: “OH NO, THE BABY ITS COMING”

Jeff my dude, its already here.  It was born 12 hours ago.

Jeffery: “I HAVEN’T HAD A BABY IN YEARS, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FIRST??!”88First thing he does is turn on Sports Entertainment, DAD OF THE YEAR.89Sabrina: “I have been practicing my art, what do you think of my…. risque series?”

Jeffery: “OH BABY MY PANTS ARE ALREADY OFF”90Cassandra: “Hey I think I left my retainer here yesterday so I came by to look for it”

Eden: *Is in the process of being traumatized*91Cassandra: “Giggity”

Now I really miss when you had to let sims into your house from 3.  This is encroaching on my personal privacy, Cassandra.92So much so that it has my scandalous simself with Jeffery frozen in fear in the bed.

Sabrina: “Actually, get a crowbar”

Ok, just frozen then.
93Cassandra: “Oh baby.  I know what it’s like to be traumatized as a child.  My mother is Bella Goth.  Like, can you imagine”

Sabrina: “We are going to starve in here”94Cassandra: “Hey you guys.  Your baby needs a diaper change and I ain’t about that life.  Need y’all to stop porking and develop a since of responsibility.”

Sabrina: “And I need you to LEAVE so I can put some PANTS on or I’m NOT coming out from under this cover!!”95Fuck it.  Reset it is then.

Sabrina: “I’m glad that cheat still works.”

Cassandra: “For what its worth, you’re hot without the pants”

Sabrina: “I don’t want to be friends with you no more”96Alright.  Time for some parental care and love.

Sabrina: *Crushes Eden with massive log thighs*

Just as the Sims Gods intended.97As horrible as these two tend to act sometimes.  I do find them very cute together (you know, how that Jeffery isn’t a raging asshole 90% of the time)98Jeffery: “My dear?  What in the fresh hell is this over my head?”

Sabrina: “Why is the sign you have been moved into my house permanently!  You live here now since someone has to watch the baby while I’m off to work in the day!”

Jeffery: “Well that’s not even going to fly because we BOTH have the SAME job and will both be gone in the day.”

Well that’s a wrench in the plan.99Upon moving in Jeffery’s son started visiting the family, presumably in an effort to find out why his dad up and dumped his family like what the hell, Jeff

Emmitt: *Actually has an eye thing where his eyes do NOT stay open and here he is struggling with looking at his dad* “Daddy why”

Jeffery: “For whatever the reason is son know you are the man of the house now, take care of your mother and sister and all that jazz”101Jeffery: “Anyway, it’s baby birthday”

Sabrina: “Congratulations baby, I can’t wait to ship you off to middle school so suddenly, aw they grow up so fast”103Sike, she’s a toddler now.

I knew they used to grow up from baby to child instantly, and I know that pissed off enough people for them to add toddlers to the game, but knowing EA, I’m surprised to find out they aren’t in like some sort of pay-to-play CC pack or whatever.  Either way, this makes me happy.  And baby Eden is CUTE!!

OH.  And we moved towns again.  Whatever.104Sabrina: “Building this house from scratch was fun and easy and being able to expand like this makes me feel like I’m ready to expand on my family as well.”105And so there was a little more honk honk tug tug in order to break in the new bedroom, which by the way, it interested me that you can hang art on windows now.
106More intresting is the amount of nearby townies to not only interact with, but will interact with others and interact with their surroundings.  In 3, 9 times out of 10 if a sim is in a public area, my game is so clogged that they can’t do much more than piss themselves and struggle for three hours to just turn around and go home.  To see sims, to see KIDS, out and playing, interacting, and not getting notifications of every child in town lagging so hard that they skipped school every day (by choking up the only door to the school building) it just does my heart some wonders.107Tamara: “Thank you for hiring me for your birthday party today!  I Tamara, wife of missing man Jeffery Dennison, am here to cater to your party for whoever is your birthday boy today!”

Sabrina: “Awkward.”108Sabrina: “Before we get onto the birthday celebrations, I got a surprise for you my darling Jeffy!”

Jeffery: “Oh god don’t tell me what I think you’re going to tell me again…”

Sabrina: “I’m preggers!!”109Jeffery: “You have GOT to stop doing this to me!!”

Sabrina: “Haha, get used to it bitch this is your life from now on”

Would it kill the father of my children to at least fake being happy for me a little harder??110Jeffery: “Going to ignore my estranged wife lost in the kitchen, plus why am I suddenly so old now”

Sabrina: “It’s such a shame, I can’t believe you’re already on your last stage of life…”111Sabrina: “Oh the fuck well” *Blows on the loudest fucking instrument she could have pulled out of her butt really Maxis, a vuvuzela?  Why would you do this to me*112Interrupting the unimportant birthday because of a REVELATION

Toddlers can FEED THEMSELVES

ON CHAIRS

I AM LIVING FOR THIS113ANYWAY.  Jeffery old.

Not much gonna change for him, just old now.114Jeffery: “That’s right baby all the plumbing still works just fine, wanna go test out the old cork and screw with me?”

Sabrina: “I suddenly actually despise my party outfit”

Tamara: “JEFFERY??!  So THIS is where you have been this entire time?!  You bastard, I literally just finished paying off your tombstone and everything!!”115Tamara: “And you’ve been CHEATING ON ME THIS WHOLE TIME!! YOU DOG!! YOU FUCKING GREMLIN!!”

Jeffery: “These tiddies tho”

Sabrina: “Ugh sudden motion sickness don’t do that”
116Tamara: “Actually, that is kind of hot”
117Tamara: “Ooh girl gonna get her some, I wish I was getting some”

Not sure how I feel about this instant mood change, I wasn’t expecting her to jump on a pregnant woman but at least don’t get aroused by it either…118Eden: “Nasty.  Disgusting.  None of you are free of sin.”

Jeffery: “The ass is worth it”119Tamara: “Oh well.  I ain’t even mad.  Matter of fact, I’m going to treat them to my favorite snack of all time out of good will.  The secret ingredient is Clorox.”121Moving along to leaving the baby at home alone to get engaged in the park.  LOVE I don’t need a baby sitter for this!  Work yeah.  Daytrips, pfft, who the fuck cares leave the kid in the yard it’ll be fine

Jeffery: “You actually love me?!  Wow!  I will!”122Jeffery: “It’s so large!  That is the largest Fruit Gusher I have ever seen in my life!!”

Sabrina: “Yeah well you should have seen it’s Mother Gusher.  That thing was enormous.  I had to kill it to harvest its young to forge that ring, but being haunted by its ghost for the rest of my life will be worth it for you.”

Gusher Ghost: “I will avennnnngeeeee my childdddddd”123Getting engaged wore Jeffery tf out and he came home and instantly took a nap nap in a chair.

Eden: “NOOOO!  SOB, DADDY’S DEAD!”
124No, but it looks like he soon will be…

Tamara: *Distant Jaws theme*125Tamara: “Actually I just came to sob, I can’t believe you’ve officially divorced me for your mistress, how can you do this to me, how can you do this to our KIDS!!”

Jeffery: “Oh shit, I didn’t mean to break your heart like this honest…”126Eden: “I’m going to do my best to sneak out and escape in case she goes feral and rips his face off”127Jeffery: “Oh um, have you met my newest kid?  It’s cute and should take the pain away from the heartbreak you are currently experiencing”

Eden: “Sniff, my daddy is a punk ass snitch”

Tamara: “Oh you think showing off your affair kid is going to make me feel better, Jeffery, you are so stupid”128Eden: “Pwease Miss Tamawa, don’t kill my daddy. He has the bwain of a pea and can give you an alimony check if he’s alive rather than dead.”

Tamara: “Oh fine.  You’re not wrong on that, kid.  Oh well, good luck paying rent after I destroy him in court then I guess.”129And so, for the next few days, Jeffery finally experienced an emotion other than piss-ass or horny for once in his life, and lamented the loss of his ex wife.130.1Esmerelda: “And you see Eden, that is now me and you are sisters, all while our dad is a cheating, whoring scumbag.”

Jeffery: “You don’t have to say it like that, that’s so cruel…”130.2Esmerelda: “Keep walking, you old ass stain.”

Eden: “Gasp, she’s so amazing!  I’m so happy to have her as my role model”131.1I was really hoping play time with Eden was going to be cute.  Though I should have figured Jeffery would screw this up somehow.

Eden: “Weee!  Swing me around faster, daddy!”

Jeffery: “Daddy is swinging as fast as his broken body is allowing him to…”131.2Sabrina: “Well it’s time for both of us to go to work!  So glad 4 brought back the proper nanny services that 2 had because I’m telling you those sims 3 teenagers were a sack of crap and a half.”

Zane: *Really unhappy to be here and not like in Borderlands 3*

Jeffery: “Eden, this is your new babysitter!  Be a good baby and remember the litter box is in the corner of the bathroom if you need it.  Be good for Mr. Zane!”131.3Zane: *Gets to work instantly like a proper nanny do*

Eden: “I don’t like the Borderlands series though…”131.4Zane: “But 3 is going to be so much fun!  We’re going to have a buff siren chick and guns with LEGS”

Eden: “YAY!  Guns with legs!  I love Borderlands 3 then!”131.5Eden then proceeded to break Zane’s arms off as well.

Eden: “What can I say.  They don’t call me the Bonebreaker for nothing.”131.6Zane: “Oh.  Wow.  They actually cut off the power to their house.  These hoes better scratch up the dough to pay me with before I leave.”

Tamara really did take every penny Jeffery had (actually they just broke because I have no money management skills)
131.7Sabrina: “I’m actually home a little early because the baby is about to drop like a boulder out of my thighs.  Please, enjoy some snacks and prepare to witness the miracle of birth.”

Zane: “Say what now”131.8Sabrina: “Hello baby Ellis!  You’re named so much because since Eden is my middle name, and I can’t think of anything else, so you’re getting my brother’s middle name.  Also it gives Jeffery the fact that all his children keep the fact that their names all start with E so that’s also cool.”

Eden: “The frump just happened.”

Zane: “Your first traumatization!  Congratulations!  That usually doesn’t happen until you’re like 5 I think”131.9Jeffery: “OH GOD!! LABOR!! ZANE CALL AN AMBULANCE”

Zane: “Does he do this often?”

Eden: “Wait until he realizes that I’m a toddler, his mind is going to be blown”

To be fair, the only one that’s in any set of panic when my simself is in labor has been Jeffery, even though he’s always so damn late.
131.99Updated the house to accumulate the newest newborn (all I really did for the baby was add a crib) and honestly, I have NO idea how I raised the whole house except for the hallway.  I can’t figure out how to fix it, but to be honest it looks good so I left it alone.

Can’t wait for someone to trip coming out one of those doors and busting their lip on a railing though.131Eden: *Actually has fucking toddler ANIMATIONS AND INTERACTIONS WITH THE LOWER LEDGE OF THE PLATFORM*

I am

FUCKING

LIVING FOR THIS132Jeffery: “Let us celebrate the fact that it no longer takes us 3 hours to step off a platform, finally allowing this slow ass computer to create more creative building constructs with some homemade spaghetti!!”

Sabrina: “Thanks.  My least favorite pasta.”

Eden: *Actually FED HERSELF AOGWJAGLDAJFDAS*133I think this is where I will stop the chapter for now.  I still have more to share from this game that I will post another day (Hopefully not the like, 3-4 months it took me to write this one but maybe I’ll stop having bad things happen to me for a while)

I’ll share a couple things I like and dislike about the sims 4 though.  First, I LOVE the loading times and smoothness.  I already touched on that but I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

The townies seem fun and like 2 the game crafts them randomly and actually seems to mix the genes, a massive upgrade from 3 where I had to end up manually editing all those face one fucks on my own after the mods I got to do it for me failed me.

Not only single sims but whole families.  Jeffery’s (original) family?  I thought they were Maxis made.  Looked at the wiki for more information on them and they don’t exist apparently.  The game made that whole red-headed family itself.  I think that’s so well done.

BABY INTERACTIONS.  JUST. So much BETTER.

Traveling to lots?  I’m 75% positive and 25% negative.  Loading times are a PLUS even compared to sims 2.  I can leave the kids at home of course, but I can invite ANYONE that I know, and they will show up, no route fails, no waiting in a car, no shit, just there with me.  Those are real homies.  I miss cars though. Probably my only downfall to be honest.  I liked driving.  I liked hitting other sims and their cars

Cons now.

This being the base game, I guess I’m finding that I’m hitting a wall a lot, with not much content to experiment with, though at the same time I’m probably not hitting everything.  Maybe one day I’ll invest in an expansion.

I’m so spoiled having so much in my towns thanks to 3 and even 2.  There’s very few lots in these towns and even the one town with absolutely nothing in it, and I know it’s for the player to build up from scrap, but I like some in-depth environment.  Some townies with back stories, and some areas that tie into the lore of the town.  You can’t just plop the Goths into a town and call it a day.  3 had so much, and 4 has… Bella.  I know there’s Secret lots in these 4 towns, but after all I’d have to do to get to them?  It’s not the same.

I’m done writing a word wall now.

Does this mean a legacy is in the works?

Not right now.  Maybe one day but I got 2 sims 3 legacies I can’t seem to finish and lets not even talk about the sims 2 legacy that’s still on hiatus I swear it’s still a think

So for now, until next time, happy simming.

About missmiserie

I make sims legacies and update them once every other blood moon :)
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3 Responses to The New Sims 4 Adventure of 2019

  1. Megan says:

    SO HAPPY YOU’RE BACK!!!

    I love your sense of humor and missed it greatly. I myself haven’t played in a while I’ve gotten a little bored with it.

  2. Aaah, it’s amazing to see you posting again!

    I was a huge fan of the Southern Prettacy back in the day, it’s what inspired me to start my own blog eons later. Thank you for all the content you’ve provided over the years!

  3. This was so hilarious! I missed seeing your funny sims posts!

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