Island Paradise 3: Islands and Lifeguards

118Yvette I think: “Help!  I don’t even know how to swim!  How horribly ironic, since I live on a small island-centered nation!”

Marlon: “Alright Miss!  Just give me a ten minute period to take my shirt off, and then a half hour to come get you!  You’re safe in my hands!”

119Guillermo: “Help!  Why does none of us know how to swim?!”

Marlon: “Their ignorance is really exhausting.”

120Marlon: “Move to Kansas.  You will be safe there, ma’am.”

Yvette: “You are my hero :3”

121Guillermo: “Wait, you’re gonna come help me too, right?!  Right?!”

There’s a “first come, first drown” basis, Guillermo.

122Yvette: “I am forever in your dept.”

Marlon: “Don’t you mean, debt?”

Yvette: “No, I want to to go shopping, there’s a sale at the Sears Department.”

Guillermo: *A loud instrumental of My Heart Will Go on*

123Yvette: “Now that I have been saved from drowning, my superpowers finally kicked in!  Behold, I can walk on water.  Turns out I didn’t need you after all.”

Marlon: “Alright, now that that’s done, what was I going to do now?  Did I need to go to the store before I went home?”

Guillermo: *♪ EVERY NIGHT IN MY DREAMS ♪*

124Marlon: “It’s cool bro, I have a spare floatie.  I’m a well prepared lifeguard.”

Guillermo: “You came back for me, Jack!”

Marlon: “It’s Marlon, but it’s ok, I’ll ignore that.”

125Syrah and Merlot had to go to school for once, since they were failing, and there’s no way they could return home with F’s.  It gave me an opportunity to check out some of the townies this town has to offer.

126Other than the little girl with the violent skin condition, they were alright.  There were also just 5 of them to show up, so whatever.

127Triton: “Oh no, its that kid again.  Can’t we merfolk just get a break from those eccentric mermaid hunters?”

Can you BE any LESS of a mermaid, Triton?!

Triton: “One of these days, I WILL earn my tail and be a pure merman.  I just have to murder enough selkies when I enroll into the army and fight in the Great 1000 Year Selkie-Merfolk Territory War.”

128Triton: “♪ Come with me,  and you’ll be, in a world of pure imagination 

Syrah: “Maybe I shouldn’t follow the creepy busted merman singing Willy Wonka.”

You think??

129Wulfric: “See any sharks, Chi?  I’m kinda hoping to fight a dogshark or a nurse shark, something easy, you know.”

Chianti: “I would rather you NOT even fight a shark, dad.  Much less let your young daughter help you find one to fight with.”

Wulfric: “Sigh, now there you go, sounding like your mother.  Where’s your sense of adventure, Chi?”

130Syrah: “Now that’s what I’m talking about!  Nothing like some deep sea booty!”

Triton: “Thanks”

Syrah: “NOT YOURS”

131Syrah: “What?!  I can’t see a thing!  There’s nothin’ but bubbles in here?  Aw, what a waste.”

And so Syrah didn’t think anything was in the chest and went to find Merlot.

132Syrah: “DUDE.  Don’t move.  And close your eyes, it can’t see you if you can’t see it!”

Merlot: “Too late!  It saw me!  It tried to force a loan onto me!  I don’t know what to do, Syrah, help!”

133Syrah: “Quick!  There’s an underwater cavern over here, we can bum out in it until the shark goes away!”

I’m sure that cave isn’t much safer, though.

Kraken: “Hallo, meine freunde!  Schönen tag, lolololol!”

134Wulfric: “I shouldn’t have accused Chi of not working hard enough to find a shark.  She ran off and left me out here!  She also took the good boat, and people are driving by and laughing at me…”

136Meanwhile, Merlot and Syrah seem to have no trouble finding the sharks themselves.

Octopus: “One day I’m going to be a great magician, since I’ve already mastered the ability to levitate myself.”

Shark: “I’ll go to every one of your shows to support you, buddy!”

137Shark: “Howdy!  Might I interest you in $5000, with no down payment, and a fixed %8.3 interest for 3 years?!”

Merlot: “SYRAH, IT’S BACK, IT’S FOUND ME”

138Syrah: *Fart propels himself away from the danger*

Merlot: “KING TRITON PLEASE COME SAVE ME”

139Shark: “FINE THEN.  I’ll find someone that actually does need my money.  Later, loser.”

Merlot: “NOPE, THIS ISN’T WORTH THE HUNT FOR MERMAIDS.”

140The shark attack was so brutal, that Merlot reset himself back to the house, and didn’t bother going back for Syrah.

Wren: “What do you MEAN you were attacked by a shark, Merlot?!  Do you KNOW how much magic is costs me to keep reviving you whenever you do stupid things and get killed?!”

Merlot: “You don’t have to remind me every time that happens, mom…”

141Chianti: “Dad, it’s just a rock in the middle of the ocean.  Is it really worth probably losing an arm or a leg to a shark?”

Wulfric: “Of course!  And besides, there’s one right there!  This will be a piece of cake!”

142

Wulfric: “Alright, remember, dangle the raw chicken on the hook right until the shark gets up next to me, then yank it out of the water, and in the shark’s confusion, I punch it in the face, and we all go back to the science facility, happy as can be!”

Chianti: “I’m not fishing with a chicken, dad.”

Wulfric: “Fine, just stay in the boat until I get back.”

143Mia: “Well hello, handsome.  Care to join me in a little underwater rendezvous?”

Wulfric: “Sorry, my wife has forbidden me from interacting with vampires.”

Mia: “WHAT, but I’m not-”

144Shark: “Friend!  I am here!  Let’s go over the options I have with my fixed and cheap rates?”

Wulfric: “Get your hands off my junk, Mia!  Shark!  SHARK!  I must go punch it!”

145Wulfric: “Where’d he go?!  Dammit, and I was so close!  Curses, why do they have to dissolve into nothingness whenever I look at them?!”

146Wulfric: “There’s no way I’m ever going to fight a shark, I just can’t get close enough to one!”

Just reach over and smack the black thing swimming past you, you blind bat.

Wulfric: “Where did Chi go with the boat?”

147Chianti gave up waiting on her dad from doing stupid stuff, so she went to hang out with her mother at the resort.

Chianti: “This is so much fun mom!  Thanks for the slide!”

Wren: “Anything to keep you happy and busy while your mother sneaks drinks from behind the bar.”

148Raven: “It looks like I’m not allowed in this room after all.”

It’s YOUR resort, Raven!

149Darin Dick: “Yeah but I’m in here.  I live here.  It’s the only place I can hide from all the embarrassment.”

If you’re here, then who’s running the lobby, Darin Dick?!

150Shark: *Cartwheels in to view*

Wulfric: “THERE YOU ARE, YOU SLIPPERY DEVIL.  Prepare for the Wulfric Whooping!”

151Wulfric: “Oops, I was going to whoop you, not ride you, this is weird.”

Shark: “You’re telling me…”

152Wulfric: “Never would I think I would be petting a shark.  You are so sweet, so docile… why do they call you such brutal killers?  All the monsters of the world that kill you for your fins and prejudices are horrid, and must be stopped! Save the Sharks 2014.

Wait, I still have to fight you for the island though.  HOLD STILL!”

153Wulfric: “Hyah!  Yah!  Take this and that!”

Shark: “WHOA BRUH, I’M OUTTIE”

154Shark: “LEONARD!  Did you see THAT?!  That freakshow human just started swinging at me for nothing!  He’s just flipping out, beating up the water!”

Leonard: “Damn man!  I’m sorry you keep attracting weirdos like that.”

155Shark: “Look at him.  Is that some sort of weird violent mating ritual, because I’m not interested!”

Leonard: “I don’t know, but you shouldn’t twist yourself around so hard just to look at that idiot.  You have enough chiropractor bills as it is.”

156Leonard: “I think I know what he’s doing!  It’s that damn science facility that pays people in islands to fight sharks.  Monsters.  Jackson had to fight a person for that reason the other week, now that I think about it.”

Shark: “Wow, what kind of science requires that?”

157Shark: “Hey, bro!  Stop that!”

Wulfric: “Huh??”

Leonard: “Look, I’ll send a note to the science facility that says that you managed to beat my pal up after all.  In return, don’t come back down here embarrassing yourself like that.”

Wulfric: “Um… thank you I suppose…”

158Marlon: “Wulfric!  There you are!  Chianti told me you were off fighting sharks so I came after you to get you!  Do you know how dangerous that is?!”

Wulfric: “It’s ok, because I’m safe, brother!”

159Wulfric: “I cut this deal with a swordfish, I got a message to the science facility and I’m going to get my very own island after all this!”

Marlon: “Have you been taking any drugs the locals gave you, bro?”

160Wulfric: “There you are, Chi!  Thanks for staying behind and helping your old dad.  That really meant a lot!”

Chianti: “I didn’t want to rock around in an old boat while my dad made chum out of himself!  I hung out with mom instead.  She taught me how to use magic to help turn this resort around!  Check it out!  I just upgraded this bungalow to the highest it can go!  This resort’s going to be booming soon!”

Marlon: “SWEET!  Is there anyway you could have added a washing machine to this place too?  I bet that would be useful as well.”

161Wulfric: “You see that I did manage to beat a shark, and you didn’t believe that I could do it, Chi!  You should never doubt your old man like that!”

162Chianti: “Well EXCUSE me for being scared that my dad would get himself killed like an idiot!”

Wulfric: “Oh, Chi.  I know, sweetie.  But believe in your old man, I can do anything because I’m dad, remember?”

Chianti: “You can do anything because mom’s a necromancer, remember?”

163Wulfric: “Tell you what, when we get the map from city hall, we’ll go get that island, together, and we’ll split it down the middle, half for you, and half for daddy!  I love you, sweetie.”

Chianti: “Yeah. Ok.  I love you too, dad.”

164Marlon: “That kind of boat parking is infringing at least 14 code violations.”

I believe the type of parking someone does can tell a lot about that person.  In this case, it’s a whole family.

165Christopher: “Your mother just walked back into the ocean and started drowning.”

Omar: “Haha, too bad she doesn’t know how to walk on water like you do, dad!”

Christopher: “That’s true, and teaching you is starting to look a little impossible.”

166Marlon: “But I just got here.  And they just gave me a new survey chair on my new beach!”

That really shouldn’t be your first concern to someone drowning, Marlon.

167Christopher: “You guys keep an eye on your mother, and tell me when she goes under, I’m going to catch some sun while we’re out here.”

Rosemarie: *Wants to come up with a smartass remark about divorce papers, but is choking on salt water*

Marlon: “It’s alright, I’m on my way, lady.”

168Rosemarie: “Thank you so much, beautiful handsome stranger!  I owe you my life, and I owe you my soul” *holds onto Marlon’s hand*

Marlon: “I appreciate it, lady.  But we are both married to other people.”

169Rosemarie: “Alright, now that we are back, come resuscitate me.  And feel free to get handsy with me if you want.  Right here in front of my husband, oh yeah, this’ll get him good and upset, like he deserves.”

170 Christopher: “Actually this is gonna be hot, I’m actually gonna roll over and watch this, oh yeah baby, some beach entertainment.”

Rosemarie: “Sigh…”

Marlon: “Maybe it’s not too late for me to go to school and get a degree in art history like I wanted.”

171Wulfric: “Alright, Chi!  Wake up, we are here!  We’ve found our own little island and I have named it the Chifric Island One!”

Chianti: “This… this is the island?  It’s nice and all, but is this it, dad?”

172Chianti: “There’s no treasure, there’s nothing fancy, and there’s just this one little hut!  And it’s all splintery and smells like cat pee!  Was this really worth fighting a shark over, dad?!”

173Wulfric: “Oh yes it was, Chi!  Because now I get to go fishing in an untouched land!  The fish here are going to be amazing!”

Chianti: “How untouched is a place with a house on it, dad?”

174Wulfric: “Look!  It’s a tragic clownfish!  Nature’s dumbest clown.”

Chianti: “DAD YOU COULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT IN THE TOWN STREAM.”

Wulfric: “Yes, but look at it’s coloring, Chi!  It’s slightly more orange than the in-town clownfish.  You really should have a better eye for treasure fish like this!”

175Wulfric: “Hey, is that the boat house that Syrah and your brother took off in?  What’s it doing way out here?”

Chianti: “OBVIOUSLY they made it all the way out here, dad, without FIGHTING A SHARK!”

176Wulfric: “I can’t believe she did it again!  You’d think she’d take the cute little swan boat instead of the sailboat…”

Next time: More broken mermaid related things!  More islands!  More Darin Dick!  Actually less Darin Dick.

About missmiserie

I'm HUNGRY.
This entry was posted in Non Prettacy Extra. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Island Paradise 3: Islands and Lifeguards

  1. candi020765 says:

    Lol, the shark was my favorite…

    Shark: “Look at him. Is that some sort of weird violent mating ritual, because I’m not interested!”

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