Well hello there! Back for round two I see. Or you were looking up ‘sinbad porn’ and/or ‘male pee desperation’ and/or ‘girl spank guys’ and somehow you ended up here. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with you people? How the fuck are you getting here!?
Anyway, this is the second part of my little Supernatural special, where last chapter Barnabas made a cameo appearance and Wren became a witch. We now turn it over to Raven Ferne for the 5:oo weather.
Shut UP, Bonehilda, I can’t hear myself THINK
Oh, hello there! Welcome back to my little show, which I decided to call “Raven’s Ravings”. I’m going to make millions. Anyway, as I was saying before, we are still staying with Mr. Collins for the summer, and it’s actually turning out to be good month so far. Barnabas is a good host, he doesn’t bother us much, and tends to do his things on his own while we do ours.
He ran face first into a pole and broke his nose. Spent two days in a hospital.
“Bonehilda… are you under there…?”
“Oh SHIT, WREEEEEEEN!!”
“Oh, hello Eider. I was just practicing my summoning spells before bed. I think I’m finally getting the hang of this. I’m finally getting apples after hours of summoning rabid koalas.”
“You know what, I think your legs are scarier than anything under my bed. I’m just going to go find Raven now.”
“Of course! I thought they looked lovely and would be a wonderful addition to the garden, don’t you think?”
“Dammit Eider, stop eating all the beans off my plants!”
“Dude, what’s wrong with your eyes? Are you ok? Because I don’t think the jelly beans did that to you…”
“Wren… what did you do?”
“Look, I’ll take responsibility for the blueness. That will wear off in a few hours. But he’s acting like an animal, and he’s got a weird look in his eyes. What have you been doing up there in your witching room to Eider, Wren?”
“Guys, we still have to do something about the things under my bed. Guys?”
“Annnnny day now. Gotta let me figure out how :I”
“Contemplating the meaning of life, man…”
“But… you’re Death.”
“I know man… it’s all so… deep.”
“… And you are in front of the refrigerator.”
“So do you.”
“But moping in front of my fridge isn’t going to win you Bonehilda’s heart. You know what WILL win her heart though?”
“You are not turning me into a vampire.”
“Come on. Cool powers, the ability to woo any lady you want…”
“Not buying it, man.”
“Ok fine, I’m sold.”
“Too late, already bit you!”
“Ignore Death, aquire vodka.”
Nice try, Grim.
Although in all seriousness, he is a loser of a vampire like this.
“I use white strips.”
I see that. Everyone can see that.
“You… also kinda look like one too.”
“Wow… you’re… so well groomed as a werewolf, Eider.”
“Gee. Thanks Eddie.”
The best thing she has converted so far. Most of the time she keeps giving me more mushrooms.
“The stalking thing isn’t going to work, Death. Remember? I have no blood. What do I have to fear from you?”
“I just wanted to impress you :(”
“Maybe NOW you will leave my bushes alone, Eider?! Kthxbai.”
Watching him get somewhere as a werewolf is… interesting.
“I AM AS GRACEFUL AS A DEER, RAWR!!”
“But I will enter a building civilized. I am not THAT barbaric.”
“FUCKING CHAIRS BWAHAHAHA” *destroys*
“And you may be right Barnabas! You aren’t so bad of a guy now that I can relate!”
“I would love that! Besides, that arm-less winged baby sliding across the floor is REALLY freaking me out anyway!”
“GREETING HUMAN FEMALE. YOU SMELL LIKE A CAT.”
“Oh dammit, kid, get away from me!”
“DAMMIT YOU WEIRD LITTLE SHIT, I WILL GET MY PEPPER SPRAY”
“I’m checking out who all pissed in the area recently! At least four bitches are in heat!”
“I sowwie, I won’t do it again :(”
“Aw, who am I kidding, I can’t be mad at you!”
“Who ‘woves his ‘wittle bewwie scwatched, hm?!”
“Hee hee, I do, I do! Yay!”
“Oh yeah, that’s hot”
GO AWAY YOU BALDING CREEPER.
“Especially my cousins.”
“GASP! You are a werewolf after all! I knew it!”
“Yeah yeah, thanks for reminding me. Take a picture why don’t you, it will last longer.”
“Not in THOSE underwear, boy!”
Of course, I got over it. After all, I always wanted a dog of my own. I guess I could just settle for my cousin.
“Go get the stick, Eider! Fetch!”
“Really?! You are going to make me do something as humiliating and embarrassing as HOLY SHIT IT’S FLYING! COME TO ME, STICK!”
“You’d be a better boy if you’d put on pants now.”
Of course you would.
“Sniff, snort… I think Bonehilda is on her period.”
Death: “I KNEW IT”
Bonehilda: “DAMMIT DEATH, GET OFF OF MY LIQUOR CABINET”
One afternoon, Wren wanted to go out and do some witch tests on people. So she and Eider went to the nearby Toadstool to scope the area. It didn’t take her long to find people.
“GASP! Stranger danger! STRANGER DANGER! Creeper!”
“I’m not a creeper, I’m just a biker… ok, I don’t have a bike. But I make this look good.”
“OH HELP, HOW DO I WINDOW”
“Wren, that didn’t even rhyme.”
“Please miss, mercy on me, I’m just a poor guy named Rainflower, I’m not going to hurt you!”
“GAH, I just made you weirder! Stop! STOP I say!”
“There. I froze him for the time being.”
“You also apparently broke all of his fingers, Wren.”
“Well by the time he defrosts, will should be long gone before he finds out how to give us his medical bills.”
“Well kid, I’ve been one for a while! If you’d like, I wouldn’t object to giving you some pointers if you need them!”
Aw, Eider is making werewolf friends! That’s actually really cute.
*Awkward motor boating during a playfight*
“Yep. I’m out of here.”
“Gasp! Eider, check this out! I’m rich now! Yeah!”
“Really?! Dude, get out of my way, I want to get some money too!”
Ten tries later, Eider still sucked at the claw, so he destroyed some more chairs and left.
“Throw the stick?! Throw the stick?!”
“I will Pappy, stop drooling on it though. That’s kinda gross, man.”
“Thanks! I use Hartz Flea and Tick.”
But little did we know, the full moon was right around the corner and we didn’t know what to expect…
Also, the battery in this camera is dying, so I have to call it a night. And I don’t have the charger with me. I’m going to have to call mom or dad back in Starlight Shores to mail it to me or something… also if they can send me more clothes… ugh… Wren set almost everything I own on fire in one of her damn spell stunts. Humph. Then she wanted to get mad at me when I snapped her wand in half and tried to stick the parts up her a-