Tom Barton’s: The Hallucination Prior to December 25 – A Supernatural Tale Part II

Well hello there!  Back for round two I see.  Or you were looking up ‘sinbad porn’ and/or ‘male pee desperation’ and/or ‘girl spank guys’  and somehow you ended up here.  Seriously.  What the hell is wrong with you people?  How the fuck are you getting here!?

Anyway, this is the second part of my little Supernatural special, where last chapter Barnabas made a cameo appearance and Wren became a witch.  We now turn it over to Raven Ferne for the 5:oo weather.

“SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODY”

Shut UP, Bonehilda, I can’t hear myself THINK

Oh, hello there! Welcome back to my little show, which I decided to call “Raven’s Ravings”.  I’m going to make millions.  Anyway, as I was saying before, we are still staying with Mr. Collins for the summer, and it’s actually turning out to be good month so far.  Barnabas is a good host, he doesn’t bother us much, and tends to do his things on his own while we do ours.

“Oh NO, I can’t see!  How do I run like this?!  HALP!”

He ran face first into a pole and broke his nose.  Spent two days in a hospital. 

His first few nights as a werewolf didn’t help his cowardice.  Eider was still scared of his own shadow and constantly looking over his shoulder for Barnabas’ house maid.

“Bonehilda… are you under there…?”

“NO BUT WE ARE”

“Oh SHIT, WREEEEEEEN!!”

“WREN, WE HAVE A PROBLEM, AND THIS TIME IT’S DEFINITELY NOT THE LEAVES RATTLING ON THE TREES OUTSIDE”

“Oh, hello Eider.  I was just practicing my summoning spells before bed.  I think I’m finally getting the hang of this.  I’m finally getting apples after hours of summoning rabid koalas.”

“Would you like some of this apple?  I promise I didn’t spike it with a sleeping agent designed to knock your screaming scared self out.”

“You know what, I think your legs are scarier than anything under my bed.  I’m just going to go find Raven now.”

“Hey Raven!  Wow!  You got jelly bean bushes now?!  That’s so neat!”

“Of course!  I thought they looked lovely and would be a wonderful addition to the garden, don’t you think?”

“GASP, this jelly bean… makes me hungry for more!”

“And this one made me blue!  Haha, I LOVE blue!  This is the best bush ever!”

“Dammit Eider, stop eating all the beans off my plants!”

“Or what are you going to do about it?!”

“Dude, what’s wrong with your eyes?  Are you ok?  Because I don’t think the jelly beans did that to you…”

“I DIDN’T DO THIS”

“Wren… what did you do?”

“Look, I’ll take responsibility for the blueness.  That will wear off in a few hours.  But he’s acting like an animal, and he’s got a weird look in his eyes.  What have you been doing up there in your witching room to Eider, Wren?”

“How about, instead of confessing to anything, I’ll turn you into a fairy and we call this even!  What do you think.”

“Mmn.  Fine.”

“Guys, we still have to do something about the things under my bed.  Guys?”

“Soooo, when are you going to turn me into a fairy, sis?”

“Annnnny day now.  Gotta let me figure out how :I”

“Death, what are you doing?”

“Contemplating the meaning of life, man…”

“But… you’re Death.”

“I know man… it’s all so… deep.”

“… And you are in front of the refrigerator.”

“Oh.”

“Look, I know you are sad, and you smell like, well, death.”

“So do you.”

“But moping in front of my fridge isn’t going to win you Bonehilda’s heart.  You know what WILL win her heart though?”

“You are not turning me into a vampire.”

“Come on.  Cool powers, the ability to woo any lady you want…”

“Not buying it, man.”

“This cool Gene Simmons tongue…”

“Ok fine, I’m sold.”

“Too late, already bit you!”

“Gah.”

“Hey Bonehilda baby!  Check me out!  Doesn’t my new supernatural powers just mysteriously draw you to me, my love?”

“Ignore Death, aquire vodka.”

Nice try, Grim.

Although in all seriousness, he is a loser of a vampire like this.

“I use white strips.”

I see that.  Everyone can see that.

“Oh Eddie and Herman!  Those jelly beans are so delicious!  I feel like a nacho.”

“You… also kinda look like one too.”

“Also, at school today, I found out that I could do THIS!”

“Wow… you’re… so well groomed as a werewolf, Eider.”

“Gee.  Thanks Eddie.”

“Hokey Pokey, Mr. Strokey!  Turn this mushroom into a hoagie!”

“Ah, a Death fish.  That’s good enough.”

The best thing she has converted so far.  Most of the time she keeps giving me more mushrooms.

“Duh nuh… duh nuh duh nuh…”

“The stalking thing isn’t going to work, Death.  Remember?  I have no blood.  What do I have to fear from you?”

“I just wanted to impress you :(”

“GAAAAAH!  FIREY CHILI BEANS UGHAGKADNDF”

“Maybe NOW you will leave my bushes alone, Eider?!  Kthxbai.”

As much attention as Eider was getting, his birthday still managed to slip by without anyone remembering, and he grew up into a fine kid.

And as expected, his powers also grew.

Watching him get somewhere as a werewolf is… interesting.

“I AM AS GRACEFUL AS A DEER, RAWR!!”

“But I will enter a building civilized.  I am not THAT barbaric.”

Of course.

“Oh, Eider!  I didn’t expect to see you hanging out here today!  How’s it going bud?!”

“FUCKING CHAIRS BWAHAHAHA” *destroys*

“I see you have fancy teeth like me now!  Behold my teeth, Eider! You can’t look any more dorkier with them than I!”

“Barna-bitch PLEASE!  I’m all-out DORK with my fangs!”

“I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, my boy!”

“And you may be right Barnabas!  You aren’t so bad of a guy now that I can relate!”

“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, you want to blow this sea-side popcicle stand and find another place to hang out at?”

“I would love that!  Besides, that arm-less winged baby sliding across the floor is REALLY freaking me out anyway!”

For a second there, I thought that the ‘sniff inappropriately’ command was going to involve butts.  I was disappointed at first.  And then I wasn’t.

“GREETING HUMAN FEMALE.  YOU SMELL LIKE A CAT.”

“Oh dammit, kid, get away from me!”

“But your boobs feel so nice against my chin hairs…”

“DAMMIT YOU WEIRD LITTLE SHIT, I WILL GET MY PEPPER SPRAY”

Of course, then Eider starts useing his flehmen response in front of her and she left.

“I’m checking out who all pissed in the area recently!  At least four bitches are in heat!”

Um…

“Dammit boy, did she just run out screaming bloody murder because of you?  Sigh, EIDER…”

“I sowwie, I won’t do it again :(”

“Aw, who am I kidding, I can’t be mad at you!”

“Who ‘woves his ‘wittle bewwie scwatched, hm?!”

“Hee hee, I do, I do!  Yay!”

And yet, it looks so wrong from several angles.

“Oh yeah, that’s hot”

GO AWAY YOU BALDING CREEPER.

“Good job, Barnabas.  I think I became a man.”

“Uh…”

“We speak of this to no one ever again.”

“Especially my cousins.”

“Agreed.”

Witnessing my cousin’s full-blown transformation into the monster he had become for the first time surprised me.  Of course, it also surprised me that he even came out in his underwear when he did so.

“GASP!  You are a werewolf after all! I knew it!”

“Yeah yeah, thanks for reminding me.  Take a picture why don’t you, it will last longer.”

“Not in THOSE underwear, boy!”

Of course, I got over it.  After all, I always wanted a dog of my own.  I guess I could just settle for my cousin.

“Go get the stick, Eider!  Fetch!”

“Really?!  You are going to make me do something as humiliating and embarrassing as HOLY SHIT IT’S FLYING! COME TO ME, STICK!”

“I got the stick!  I am a good boy!”

“You’d be a better boy if you’d put on pants now.”

“I have found a magic 8 ball!  This is going to be so awesome!  From now on, I will no longer do anything without consorting with this thing for guidance first!  Oh magic ball, should I do my homework.”

“Maybe.  I will take that as a ‘no’ then.”

Of course you would.

*proceeds to do some flehming*

“Sniff, snort… I think Bonehilda is on her period.”

Death: “I KNEW IT”

Bonehilda: “DAMMIT DEATH, GET OFF OF MY LIQUOR CABINET”

One afternoon, Wren wanted to go out and do some witch tests on people.  So she and Eider went to the nearby Toadstool to scope the area.  It didn’t take her long to find people.

“GASP!  Stranger danger!  STRANGER DANGER!  Creeper!”

“I’m not a creeper,  I’m just a biker… ok, I don’t have a bike.  But I make this look good.”

“OH HELP, HOW DO I WINDOW”

“Hokey pokey, artichokey!  Burn this weirdo into a potato.”

“Wren, that didn’t even rhyme.”

“Please miss, mercy on me, I’m just a poor guy named Rainflower, I’m not going to hurt you!”

“Oh, you burned all my clothes off… this is so… sensual… *proceeds to slip hands into his stomach*”

“GAH, I just made you weirder!  Stop!  STOP I say!”

“There.  I froze him for the time being.”

“You also apparently broke all of his fingers, Wren.”

“Well by the time he defrosts, will should be long gone before he finds out how to give us his medical bills.”

“Another werewolf!  Sweet!  It’s actually really cool to meet someone with the same condition as I do!”

“Well kid, I’ve been one for a while!  If you’d like, I wouldn’t object to giving you some pointers if you need them!”

Aw, Eider is making werewolf friends!  That’s actually really cute.

“Well, it just got awkward… really quickly.  I think I better go before those two get any weirder.”

*Awkward motor boating during a playfight*

“Yep.  I’m out of here.”

“Gasp!  Eider, check this out!  I’m rich now!  Yeah!”

“Really?!  Dude, get out of my way, I want to get some money too!”

“If whatever-his-flipping-name-is can get free money out of this thing on his first go, then so can I!  Come here brand new Mustang convertible….”

“WHAT!  Dammit claw, why did you drop my money!  I was going to be rich!”

Ten tries later, Eider still sucked at the claw, so he destroyed some more chairs and left.

But after making his first friend ever, he continued to befriend the neighborhood werewolves.  He even told me how he wished to lead a pack one day as the bravest werewolf of them all.

“Throw the stick?!  Throw the stick?!”

“I will Pappy, stop drooling on it though.  That’s kinda gross, man.”

“WOW, Pappy, you’re hair is really REALLY nice, sir!”

“Thanks!  I use Hartz Flea and Tick.”

So the month rolled on, Eider continued to make friends of his own kind, Bonehilda continued to be intoxicated most of the time, and Wren continued to look for a way to turn me into a fairy.

But little did we know, the full moon was right around the corner and we didn’t know what to expect…

Also, the battery in this camera is dying, so I have to call it a night.  And I don’t have the charger with me.  I’m going to have to call mom or dad back in Starlight Shores to mail it to me or something… also if they can send me more clothes… ugh… Wren set almost everything I own on fire in one of her damn spell stunts.  Humph.  Then she wanted to get mad at me when I snapped her wand in half and tried to stick the parts up her a-

//REPLACE BATTERY

About missmiserie

I make sims legacies and update them once every other blood moon :)
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18 Responses to Tom Barton’s: The Hallucination Prior to December 25 – A Supernatural Tale Part II

  1. Jax says:

    I literally died at that armless baby crawling along the ground! That was the funniest thing ever. Seriously.

    It just seems that Supernatural as SO many glitches. It turns sims into speech bubbles and takes away the glowing from the werewolf eyes. Wonder how long it will take EA to fix THAT one. We only had glowing babies with holes in their heads for an entire year…. -.-

    Great chapter! Had me rolling 😀

    • missmiserie says:

      OH, watching that freaky little kid move across the floor was about the most horrifying thing I have seen so far. Apparently, he was being “carried” by someone, but he glided so smoothly across the floor… *shudder*

      So far I have had the werewolf eye glow go away for Eider. It sucks. Knowing EA, never.

  2. chosomok0 says:

    I really love when you do things like this, it always makes me smile 🙂
    What a lovely sight to see Eider as an werewolf, keep him that way! But I almost died when Barnabas talked with Death! I imagined Death talking with that druggy, sleepy voice that you hear “Hippies” have in movies after taking a joint! XD I couldn’t stop laughing!!

    I look forward to the next time you post something, but I fear for when this legacy is over cause I like it! 😦

  3. Matthew says:

    That was SO FUNNY!
    Anyway come visit this cool site:
    http://emptyspacehereblog.blogspot.co.uk/
    VISIT!

  4. The ending. This chapter.
    It was all so perfect ❤

  5. hywelling says:

    Okay, now I really want Supernatural…

    Death, you will win her yet! …Even if you do only succeed by stalking her to the point where she agrees to shut you up…

    Ah, this was fabulous! …And that peashooter is adorable…

  6. jolvsbooks says:

    Look at the ikkle cowardly werewolf!!! Were can I get me one of those? This chapter is full of win )

  7. Sweetribz says:

    XD! I love these little things you do. So much awesome and wrong packed into a perfect 1-in-the-morning read. That sliding baby had me laughing, it looked like a tortured baby doll with wings. I think the sniff inappropriately should have two options, one being butt sniff XD. I was thinking of death talking like a hippy the whole time, like maybe he just got done smoking a death flower. LOL. I hope you’re going to do more of these with Wren and Eider and Raven and Barnabas, they’re way too funny, something to look forward to when the Secksies -sniff- end… 😛

  8. magicmsmisto says:

    OH GOD, THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!! Armless baby with wings was EXTREMELY freaky… O.O

  9. SwirlGirl says:

    Wow I just finished reading this, this is pure awesome! You should check out this forum at http://www.carls-sims-3-guide.com/forum/index.php I’m Swirl-Girl! I hope to see you there!

  10. *sporfles, chokes on tea* This… this just made my entire week. Now I’m going to have to have a woof just to see that inappropriate belly rub interaction. *still laughing*

  11. Armless baby with wings was one of the funniest and scariest things I’ve ever seen. Supernatural has SO MANY GLITCHES.

    My first thought when I saw the ‘sniff inappropriately’ option was “OMGS, sniff butts of everyone” O,O And then I was disappointed too. But it was still cool.

    I wish you could do more with Bonehilda, though. So far all she’s done is clean stuff and scare the crap out of my sims. I can’t even get them to interact with her. :/

    Werewolves are my favorite. I love their faces, even though they’re glitchy and they change all the time. How can you not love them when they start motor boating each other? xD

  12. Madcapp says:

    I love the werewolves. LoL Eider makes a good one too.

    ““But your boobs feel so nice against my chin hairs…”” – I guffawed.

    No zombies yet though. I love those too. 😀

    I wish you could interact more with Bonehilda also, at least you can chat with her. She’s stolen my sims’ clothes though when they went skinny dipping in the hot tub. So freaking funny.

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