First off, I would just like to thank everyone that sent their condolences and sympathies last little update, I read every single one and want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. My readers are wonderful, awesome, and you all smell fabulous.
This past month has been pretty hard, and still is sometimes, but I’m still functionable, I’m still playing games, and about to try to start posting regularly again.
I guess I should start off with Taylor’s makeover, which I had done before the passing of my father. After I gave Taylor this shirt, we buried my dad in a Harley Davidson shirt as well. Yeah. But eventually I was able to stand the sight of Taylor again. So it’s all cool.
“Well, ur the one that stood in front of the telescope, Dolly.”
“If yew were alive, I’d strangle yew, of course.”
At some point, I don’t remember when, Taylor had developed some weird fear of how awesome the horses are or something. He’s not a coward, and I don’t think he’s neurotic. Just weird.
“Oh shit, they are out there, watching me, waiting for me… they are so cool, but they’re out to get me, I swear!”
I’d say he needs to get out more, but I think that’s what he’s afraid of.
“Nascar, I’m scared! They are so cool, but they got me trapped in the garage! Hide me, quick! Hold me :(”
“Why does my pathway have to be blocked by such an idiotic dumbass?”
“First, I must BECOME the art, before I can create it!”
“Cool idea, Dolly. Too bad there’s no show right now :\”
“We fail, don’t we?”
“You know, I’ve been thinking, Dolly. And I know where you are going with that, but I think I should stay out of your love triangle you seem to be working on with me and Taylor. I know, I’m good looking, and so damn desirable that you are willing to by-pass our cousin status for the third time this legacy, but I just think…
Dolly, I think that this legacy should end with one man as your partner instead of your weird polygamist ideals, and because Taylor is the one with the ring, I gladly forfeit my rights to breed with my cousin and will step aside for him to have a happy life for you, instead of spending these last few generations stepping on egg shells to keep peace. The narrator agrees, and I think I’ll move out tomorrow to give you guys elbow room. Is that ok for you?”
Yeah, over this break I’ve decided to stick with one gene donor instead of Utah-ing it up this last gen. And even though Sam is good looking as hell, I love my little pink haired equinophobic more. Sam, well, is just less expressive than Kristen Stewart in my opinion.
Yeah, I went there.
I’ll add him to the exchange though eventually maybe.
“Mom, when you said you were going to help me throw my bachelor party, I didn’t think you were going to try to cater it in my bathroom with some druggies you found on the street.”
“Taylor, they aren’t druggies from the street! They are druggies from the laundromat. What were you expecting me to get for you on such short notice in this town?”
“Oh Andrew, your hair! It’s so soft and blue and all your colors are so psychedelic man…”
“Mom, please don’t volunteer to help me throw my wedding party. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go cry now.”
“Aw, go’way Sam. Bachelor parties aren’t fur me anyway.”
“Come on Bear. You look so damn sad in here pouting and being a loser. What’s wrong now?”
“Oh, you know what’s wrong! I’m alone! Everyone here is about to get married and move on with their lives, even Nascar. And I have no one. The only girl I ever loved was lost to me when I left Sunset, and after Opal, I found no one else I could see myself with really. Going to those parties just remind me that I’m going to be single for the rest of eternity, so I might as well wait this out in this room.”
“You have a while to find the one for you, Sam. I will never see my Opal again, and no one will ever match that. Can I go back to my nap now?”
“Look, I will not see one of my friends mope around like this hopelessly, so I am going to get something for you before I leave the house tomorrow. I won’t tell you what, but when I’m gone and you finally get it, remember me fondly, ok?”
“You’re talking nonsense, but ok, man.”
“Cool, now go enjoy the party now. I hear the stripper finally arrived.”
Starla, determined to not let her crybaby son have a bad party, apparently took the stripper’s place, and got drunk and naked in the bathroom with the men.
Best mom ever.
“No Dolly, this is the only suit I got, and I got to keep it clean for the weddings!”
“Sir? Sir, I don’t know CPR and I’m not a defibrillator, but do you need me to drive you to the hospital anyway?”
“You guys have fun! I’ll probably be gone by the time you get back, but give the robots my good wishes!”
After they left, Sam kept his promise to Bear and set his plan into action. He hijacked the time machine, and traveled to the past (or, the future? Since we are already in the past, I’m confusing myself).
“When WE get married Godric, I’m taking all your MONEY!”
“Dammit Sidney, don’t scare me like that! I know you love me for me!”
“Hee hee, sure.”
Not long after they broke up anyway. Ugh, after all that hard work I went through putting them together. They suck.
“We’ve been plannin’ our weddin’ fur weeks, Veronica! Stop being so grouchy all of a sudden!”
“But I just don’t feel like it right now! Go away, Nascar, and let me ruin my own wedding party the way I want to!”
“Bitch, get ur ass to that weddin’ arch now.”
“Oh ok, fine, you know I’m a sucker for flowers and mood erasing radiation waves anyway. So glad I’m marrying you today :D”
“Yawn, trash compactors having a wedding. Nothing to do here folks.”
“Haha, Nascar getting married is so funny I broke my own arm!”
“Bawww, I don’t want to be here!”
Jeez, what’s wrong with you now, Bear?
It took all day for them to get ready to go through with their marriage. It actually quite sucked really. Everyone wasn’t really cooing over the happy couple as much as they were “OMG ARE THEY ROBOTS” and “WTF THIS CHAIR ISN’T WORKING HELP”
“No Tater, you didn’t miss anything at this wedding I assure. Actually, I’m glad you aren’t here right now dear, because I’m kinda sexing up your brother right now. Well, no, of course not on purpose! Yeah, he’s crying about being alone… I already knew that was the reason he stood here in front of me, yeah…”
“Blubububu, alone foreevvveeerrr….”
“Yo man, it’s yo main man Kyle! Over here, in the front row! I’m calling you using my butt! How cool is that!”
“Dammit Kyle, shut up! I see you standing over there! Me and Nascar are having our WEDDING right now!”
“It’s ok, Lynyrd Secksie. Soon I will take you away to the other side, where you won’t ever have to hear the whining and screaming of that pink haired loser everytime he sees you walking around in the yard.”
“HEY! He freaks me out with his tiny feet and huge head, ok?!”
Dolly, you have never been on a horse in your life, I don’t think, so don’t complain.
“Nah, I cried a lot and Ken beat me with his cellphone. Then Nascar beat some other robot named Kyle with his cellphone. He’s gotta go to court about that in a month though.”
“Good luck out there and I hope everything works out for you. We’ll be seeing you around, Sam!”
“You probably will. Won’t. Maybe. Who knows yet.”
“Still no clue what you are blabbering on about man, but still, good luck out there.”
And then Sam left.
“Everything’s gotta be purfect fur our weddin’ Taylor… but I’m so scared somethin’s gonna go wrong and screw this up fur us… ain’t yew nervous too, Taylor?”
“Uh, Taylor, I wasn’t blamin’ yew… nawt yet anyway…”
“Daddy, what is wrong with my fiance?!”
“I think he’s GLITCHED dear! He’s been screaming for half an hour already, and we are stuck in this unbreakable cycle of worrying over him and screaming with him! I think he DID screw up your wedding!”
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME
“NOOO, DADDY, MY FIANCE IS GONE!”
“Nonsense dear! I just reset him! … He is now stuck in his unbreakable cycle of panicking over and over again at the house, where if we got reset we’d do the same thing -_-”
So I did the only thing that would fix it and moved Taylor back out and into his mother’s house until the wedding started. I figured that would solve the problem, at least for the weird glitched up screaming.
ALWAYS AT THE WORST TIME
Well, someone showed up at least…
“Oh hi there! I heard that there was an open wedding at the park today, and I was just walking by and thought I’d congradulate you guys on the happy occasion! I love weddings and all that. I’m going to assume you are the lucky groom, correct?”
“NO no no, wait! Opal Suarley?! I don’t mean to be pokin’ my nose in your business and all, but, I knew an Opal Suarley… but she lived in Sunset Valley. I don’t think you can be the same girl… can you?”
“I don’t know about that, but strangely enough, me and my folks were going to move there many years ago when I was a child… and they were even going to throw me a party for when we got there! We were even going to have a depressed clown I was planning on pushing in our new swimming pool and making fun of until he was seething with murderous rage because I thought it would be funny… but before we could get going, some red headed guy with evil yellow eyes popped out of this weird time machine-like wormhole and pushed the moving van into the lake! Killed my parents. I stayed in Twinbrook hopefully to find that evil time-traveling man and avenging my parents one day. But enough about my life story, I don’t think I’m the Opal you are thinking of after all, haha!”
“Oh nothing, just thinking out loud. But, uh, I’m so glad you got to stop by Ms. Suarley, it was nice to get to meet you!”
“Ah, yes, well I’m glad to meet you too!”
“I think you need to call your fiance Dolly and see what the hell is keeping him. You better make sure nothing happened to him on his way over to his wedding!”
“Ur right, ain’t like him to just go back to his mommy’s house to cry about ruinin’ his weddin’ then jus’ nawt show up to it…”
If THAT doesn’t deserve a nice kick to his crotch, I don’t know what does!
Wow, that’s got to hurt.
“Huh? Oh sorry, I wasn’t really thinking about them right now… but uh, I guess since the wedding is off, you want to go somewhere else and hang with me for the rest of this afternoon? I’m free.”
“Oh, well sure then!”
WHICH IS BULLSHIT, SHE WAS THERE
IT WAS TAYLOR THAT SHOULD BE GETTING THAT SHIT, NOT HER
NO ONE SHOWED UP TO THAT THING, THERE WAS NO WEDDING
OF COURSE, lo and behold, a surprise at the salon awaited us…
Like hell you are, boy.
Oh poor Hannah.
THIS IS TOO CUTE
Next chapter, will there be a wedding and babies, or will Dolly just stick the tattoo needle into Taylor’s eye sockets? Will Bear and Opal be together before it’s all said and done as well?
I DON’T KNOW
I lied, I do know.