Do the Robot

Bun Onion: “Shanon!  Because of your hanky panky with my son Grady, your cousin, we are sacrificing you to our hedonistic god of crime and anti-incest things!”

Shanon: “WHAT”

Grady: “Sorry babe!”

Shanon: “Daddy!  Help me daddy!  Mama’s hick sister and her family have lost their fucking minds!”

Fat Mortimer: “Not right now baby.  Daddy’s got to go to work.  Have fun with your game with Auntie DD and all them now!  Bye bye!”

Well, that’s the last time I check on those family members for a while.

“So, what’s that, Cleatus?!”

“Dammit horse!  I’m TIRED of you asking me that!  It’s my new doggie food dish!  Now stop ASKING!  I’m NOT sharing my cool new toy with you!”

“I don’t want to use your damn food dish!  GOD.  I have a whole buffet row I can go check out now that Pat’s gone!”

“You even THINK about munching on me, horse, and I will STAB YOU”

“O_O I don’t want to eat a cow, I’m just here for the little plant shoots in the garden…”

“Oh, fine.  Since no one is taking care of them now, I guess it’s best if they are put out of their misery.  Still.  You even look at me funny, there will be one less horse in this garden.”

“Ok…”

“Did you hear it Lynyrd?  Pat’s dead!  Yay!  Now we can eat all the shoots and plants we want!”

“Yeah… I kinda already went ahead and leveled most of the garden…”

“YOU DID WHAT?!”

Well, at least the horses are fairing well to Pat’s death.

Actually everyone fared fine after Pat’s death.  Nobody really grieves about anything anymore.

Meanwhile, Bear still has a tendency to play pinball in his boxers.  Not that I’m complaining though.

“Why look, if it isn’t the plant that gave my husband the shock that killed him over.  You have a lot of nerve, still here, sitting in that pot…”

“Hee hee, I peed on you.”

“THAT’S IT HORSE, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU”

“I don’t think so, plant.”

“AH, what, leggo of mah toof!”

“Listen, I blame you for the death of my husband, and if you even so lay a root on the horses, I will turn you into a veggi burger.”

“LEGGO MAH TOOF OO BITF!  Her grip!  How ish her grip so st’ong?!”

You don’t want to know, cowplant.

“Oh no, it hurts!  Tater!  I’m about to… ow… have the baby!”

“YEAH LIKE HELL I AM!  HUUURRGGNN!  HOW THE HELL YEW DO THIS, KEN?!”

“Well first off, don’t CLAW through your damn stomach, Tater!”

Ah look, “twins”!  Both green girls.  Ken gave birth to Sugar, named after the country band Sugarland, and Tater gave birth to Carrie Tay, who is named after both Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift.  Pretty much because I get those two confused all the time with each other.

Sugar is a couch potato and Carrie Tay is a slob, and both are light sleepers.  Light sleepers make the worst toddlers, but we will see.

Tater’s and Ken’s last children take up a lot of room, and Dolly took over her grandparent’s old bedroom.

Bella: “But… I’m not DEAD yet!  Where am I supposed to sleep now?!”

Oh yeah… Oh well.

“Tater, am I late?!”

“Naw babe, ur jus’ in time fur the show!”

Pat!  You’re back!  You weren’t dead for long at all!  Hell, if most of the family still cared, I think they would still be mourning you.

“I couldn’t stay away furever!  I jus’ kept thinkin’ bout my present frum the boys ‘n I’d been itchin’ to come back ‘n actually check it out!  Literally.  Itchin’.”

You should ask Bella about that.

“Lookit’ mah lil’ angels, Bear.  So sweet, so quiet…”

“Wanna turn the swings on fast and see who spews chunks first?!”

“YEAH :D”

I swear, every time I turn my back on these guys, they are trying to launch the babies in the swings into orbit.

“GAH TATER, YEW AREN’T DOIN’ IT FAST ENOUGH FASTER”

“JESUS, BEAR.  BREATHE MAN.”

“Ok yew two, ‘gotta funny joke.  Man files fur divorce ‘n the judge asks why.  ‘Man says, I caught mah wife in bed wid mah best friend.  I told mah wife that it was over, she was a cheatin’ ho ‘n I wanted her ‘n her stuff outta the hawse by the next day.  Then the judge asked, ‘well wut’cha do wid the best friend?’, ‘n then the man said ‘I popped him on the nose ‘n said ‘bad dog!'”

“Sigh.  Tater babe, I love your corny jokes and all, but not at three in the morning.”

“Yeah Tater.  Wake me up again ‘n I’ll throw one of my many found rocks at yew.”

“FASTER, FASTER!! YEAH!  FAST LIKE AUTOMOBILE!”

“Git away frum mah kids, Bear.”

“Ain’t our little family just perfect, Tater?”

“Ken, I see that wish for another baby coming up in your wishes.  Like HELL, man.”

“FINE… but hey, speaking of our perfect little family anyway, don’t you get the feeling something is missing though?”

“Yeah… Like, we have another child, right?  Dolby?  Debbie?”

“Sigh, mah first photo this chapter, mah heartbreakin’ childhood depress’n ‘cuz grammpaw died and ruined mah first Christmus… I don’t even think I can stomach to eat this anymore…”

Don’t you have school to go to today, Dolly?  It’s almost 12pm, and you are still here?!

“Yeah well, the bus never showed up at the hawse.  ‘Guess it’s a free day fur me.  That’s sorta gud…”

“Hey guys!  Found the bus.  I think there was an accident over in front of the neighbors house or something.”

Um, do you need help?

“Nope, I got everything under control.”

I don’t know, you are looking really fucking stupid to me.

Dolly was only in school for about an hour thanks to the bus driver, and then spent TWO hours “going home”.

“I AM goin’ home!  Yew know… whenever the bus driver gits ’round to comin’ to pick me up…”

YOU HAVE YOUR PINK CAR.  DRIVE YOUR DAMN PINK CAR HOME FOR FUCKS SAKE.

“Hey Nascar!  What’s cooking good looking?!  Wanna spend a night hanging out with ole’ Bella, here?  If you catch my drift? ;)”

“Gawd, Bella… I don’t know.  I mean, Pat was a gud friend to me, I’ve known him since he was a lil’ baby… ‘n now his poor ole’ widow comes to me for comfort?  I mean, I know I’ve had the “first kiss” wish in my box for as long as I could remember, but I jus’ don’t know…”

“Oh Nascar… who ever said anything about kissing?”

Holy crap

Getting these two together was EASY.  Easier than with Shark even…

Bella: “What can I say, I AM easy.”

Nascar: “What can I say, I’m desperate.”

“WHY is grandma and Uncle Nascar screwin’ in daddy and papa’s bed?!”

“The question is, my dear sister, who is SKILLIN’ from it?!”

“Oh gawd, it sounds like a rabid raccoon trapt in a tin trashcan!”

“Oh no, that was me.  Sorry.”

They got away with ruining the babies’ childhoods because daddy and papa were over at the museum, where they bought it out and opened up a Secksie Hall of Fame on the second floor.  I got the idea from another legacy, of which I can’t remember which because I fail.

See, Tater saved all the portraits from the moves.  He’s been carrying all the canvases around all this time.

“Had I known that the chunky red bird-beaked man was Tater’s ancestor, I would have thought differently of him when I first met him…”

Sorry about that.

“Hey mama, I’m ’bout gonna head off to work and…is that your “sexy” law’gerie I thought you packed away fur gud wen papa died?!”

“It’s best to not ask questions, son.”

“…I picked a REALLY bad time to do my homework at the kitchen table, didn’t I…”

This here just pisses me off a little.  When I build a round pool, the sims can’t touch it.  Oh no, the roundness is too damn complicated.  But when EA builds a round pool, it’s the most simplest thing in the world!  Screw this house and it’s working round pool.

“Does this pool make me look fat?”

Don’t you have a job to finish here, Bear?

Three birthday cakes.  Do I really have to say what’s coming up now…

“Yay for CT!  Going to grow up to be such a pretty little girl, yes you are!”

“Alright, now it’s time for Sugar!”

Poor Ken.  He’s the only one who really gives a shit about this.

“It’s true, I hate the rest of this family because of that right there.”

This is Sugar, with her IF, Conway Twitty…

And this is Carrie Tay, with her IF Elvis.  Take a good look at the IFs.  You probably won’t see them again XD

“This is wut gwammommy and Unca’ Nascaw were doin’ in da bed da other day *makes Elvis hump Ken’s leg*”

“…It’s going to be me that kills that woman, isn’t it?”

“Hey Tater, I gotta secret I wanna share with you…”

“Oh lawd, wut is it, Nascar?”

“I’m banging ur mama.”

“NASCAR!”

“Yew might as well call me papa now, Tater.”

“NOOOO!!”

Bella, are you ever going to put your clothes back on?!

“Nope.”

“If I just close my eyes, I can pretend that a half naked sex-stank old woman isn’t the one that’s holding me.”

“Well… at least I still have my sense of pride.”

Lady still looks like Ken.

“And yew look like my nose.”

That’s because you’re still cross eyed, dear.

“It’s almost ten, Dolly!  Why are you still lollygagging around the house?!”

“Does it matter, Horse Bella?  I’m failin’ anyway, why should I go to school… it doesn’t make up for the fact that my Christmas was crap and has made me feel miserable ever since.”

Sigh, just hurry up and get on the bus!

“Ah well.  I git to the sidewalk and that dumbfuck driver took off without me.  I swear, she found her license in the back of a comic book.”

Sometimes I don’t know why I bothered to get you a kid car if you WON’T EVEN CONSIDER USING IT.

“HONK HONK MUTHAFUCKA!  If I’m late to school one more time, daddy’s gonna git the switch again!”

“Holy crap, Cletus!  I come out to feed the horses and LOOK!  Cake!  I think this plant is coming around to me after all.”

“Damn woman.  I’m a dog and I know better than to trust cake attached to a thorny throat vine.”

“UGH, it’s teasing me!  Bella does not like to be teased!  Stop playing around and just let me have it, dammit!”

*GULP*

“At least have some damn table manners, plant.  You know swallowing sluts in one gulp is rude.”

“Ah yes, well that’s what she gets for threatening me in my own garden and trying to pull my teeth out.  I say good riddance to that… tasty… ho.”

And of course, the only person to mourn her was Nascar.  Bear would have too, but I made him go to work, seeing as that’s more important to me anyway.

“SOB, oh, sniffle snot boohoo… Bella!  My poor BELLA!  Why death why?!  Sniff sniff… sob, she… she took my V card man!  Why would you take her away from me?!”

“Really Nascar?  Wow, you are pathetic, no wonder I’m never coming for you.”

And so, RIP Bella.  I’d say you are handjobbing with the angels now, but I think that’s frowned upon in heaven.  So you might be in hell now.  Or even still alive in the inescapable pit of the cowplant’s stomach.  Who knows.

And I’ll wrap this chapter up with some notifications that caught my eye from town.

Despite the two day breakup, Megan didn’t know she was pregnant, because then she and Thor had a baby.

And as if nothing was wrong before, they were back together again.  At least Thor is willing to stick with the woman (until the kid’s 18), unlike his son MACK.

Lee: “God yes, I am SUCH a big spender, let me tell you what.”

Geobe: “I do hope you know, sir, that $8 today isn’t the same amount as it was back in your day.”

Lee: “I KNOW that. I’m being a sarcastic asshole, you chicken greaser.”

Geobe: “Me and my wife are very offended with you >:I”

Alright Tater, while the kids are happy and there is plently of spare time, skill the kids.

“Um… no.”

Um, YES?!  Teach CT to walk, dammit.

“Ok… no.”

What, WHY?!  What the crap, Tater, pick one of the two kids up or something!!

“I can’t!  I can’t interact with the toddlers at ALL without cancelling the action first!!”

Oh shit.

About missmiserie

I'm HUNGRY.
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23 Responses to Do the Robot

  1. Neecolaa says:

    Bella just had to go out with a bang, didn’t she? (That could be considered a pun)
    Hmmm, more green skin! Green skinned toddlers with an anti-interaction forcefield… sounds like LOADS of fun!

    • missmiserie says:

      If she had her way she would have gone out with several bangs.
      If by loads of fun you mean one step closer to setting my computer on fire and never looking back, then yes, it really is a massive amount of fun! XD

  2. Hi,

    I’m one of your silent readers but have been hooked on this blog since the beginning. One of my New Years Resolutions was to start commenting on my fave sims blogs so here I am 🙂

    Just wanted to say that I loved the chapter and as soon as I saw the cowplant last update, I knew Bella would end up as the … er … sacrificial lamb. Good thing too!!

    Keep up the good work 🙂

    • missmiserie says:

      I should have made that my new years resolution as well, I never remember to comment on what I read myself!

      Someone had to fully test out my plant! It wasn’t easy. Turns out that it’s harder to kill sims with that thing than it used to be.

      Thank you 😀

  3. Gargantua says:

    I’m with Joanne. I had a sneaky suspicion that Bella was going to be eaten as soon as I saw you had a cowplant! Justice has been served! And now I have to go get me a cowplant. 🙂 I wonder what the problem is with the school bus? Drunk drivers? According to another legacy I read, you can fail school and still graduate, so Dolly doesn’t have a thing to worry about.

    Hooray for Peace and Chicken Grease! I know Brad is going to be happy to know he’s started a sims revolution. Of course I fully realize that the Secksies could get behind Chicken Grease, but it is doubtful they could openly support Peace. 🙂 As to Geobe, I must warn you – if you use Twallan’s Story Progession and install the vampires and slayers add-on, Geobe will run around and kill all your vamps. He’s bad that way, but RL Geobe finds it hilarious.

    Excellent update!

    • missmiserie says:

      I think most people saw it coming. I’m not exactly a master of plot twists XD I don’t know what that damn driver’s problem was, but she was nameless so I couldn’t reset her. She eventually resetted herself, but it was such a major pain the butt the whole time.

      Of course the Secksies are supporters! Bloaty, not so much I suspect though <_< I didn't get that add on because I don't have Late Night nor vampires D: I bet that would be a sight though. So far all Geobe does is knock you up back to back to back and absorb townie donated money like it was going out of fashion. He'll probably be President of Appaloosa in just a little while I suspect.

  4. HaHA! Bella has been vanquished… :3

    Is it weird that I’ll kind of miss her hoeing around with everyone…well, as long as it’s NOT ME AGAIN.

    Still, it was monstrously fulfilling to see her chomped by the cow plant, which I am ENVIOUS of! I have only 50 simpoints. :/ And of course, once all my simpoints are gone, EA starts coming out with useful things. -_-

    That little car is so awesome! I’ll have to see about getting that.

    This chapter was hilarious xD

    • missmiserie says:

      Yes, no more cancelling my orders because she’s stupid |D

      I don’t know, you can’t seem to keep your hands off Tallahassee. You keep going back to him and making babies for him.

      Yeah, I had been holding on to a few old points for a while now for something like that, and when I saw the price on it, I had to go out and buy more anyway D: Damn pricey bulk pack. But I said it was my own Christmas to myself, and I’m not spending another damn dollar on me until Valentines day /forever alone

  5. cloveria says:

    I’ve been reading this blog forever and but never commented, so I will now 😀
    Great chapter, funny as always. XD I’m loving the two girls, I just hope they won’t suffer any damage due to their fathers spinning them around all the time O_O And Bella…Oh, Bella. I will never be able to look at her SV child self the same way ever again T_T

    • missmiserie says:

      I think the two girls will be safe from any ill interactions from, well, anybody. At the rate actions get cancelled when it involves them. Or any toddler actually.

      Thanks for reading 🙂

  6. sachaxbeswick says:

    Hi Sabrian!!! just had chippy for dinner… omnomnom

    okay, you dont care, but I do have something for you….. MY MOTHERFUCKING SIMSELF, BECAUSE IM AWESOME LIKE THAT :3
    Here you go! hope it works in game, otherwise i’ll cry :`(
    Sacha
    xxxx

  7. Oh my goodness, Bear in the pool… “Does this make me look fat?” It took me about 30 seconds to get it and then about 2-3 minutes to calm down. :L ah jesus.. im slow. :L

  8. I’m kinda gonna miss Bella and her sales tactics!

    Great update as usual. I hope you get your glitch fixed!

  9. Monkey Buns says:

    Oh man Bella was the best.

    Would you mind telling what all mods you have? I want the thing where you have the popup to rename baby spawns. And is the male and male baby maker mod terribly hard to install? (I am a noob on installing these kind of mods)

    I’m mad at you because your simself isn’t making babies in my game so I stuck a really ugly flirty friendly all stats that help romance old elder guy in your household. 😀 Can’t wait to see what happens.

    Cait and Elissa have spawns in my game I aged them up to see what they’d look like. Very cute. I may drop your dislikes children trait if that is what it takes. 😀

    HAPPY SIMMING TO ALL! (I am addicted to Star Wars the Old Republic everyone should play it…)

    • missmiserie says:

      The mod I use are Master Controller and Story Progression by Twallan. I haven’t used them until Generations came out because with just Ambitions, it kept killing my game. I never figured out that mystery, but you’ll probably have better luck than I did.

      My simself tends to breed all over the place with her dislikes children trait, I don’t know why she hasn’t split and performed meiosis in your game yet. Try the Story Progression mode and jack up the baby rate. If anything like my game, you’ll end up with WAY too many kids.

  10. Monkey Buns says:

    http://legacylivinglawnliving.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/chapter-2-thin-mints/

    Just a link if you would like to take a look. Its my legacy. More like observations of sims… I guess. Don’t feel like you have to read it. Its up to you.

    😀

  11. StyxLady says:

    Oh gosh, I think that’s the most fitting possible end for Bella. XD Her poor traumatized granddaughters! >< But CT and Sugar are pretty damn cute! Hope you find out what's wrong with Tater..

  12. Malin says:

    Allow me to say, “Ding dong, the witch is dead~”. xD

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