Afetus

“I’m FED up with your attitude lately, Lynyrd!  All you do anymore is stand on the porch and watch tv, and sleep all day!  You are the most worthless husband ever!  And you never take me anywhere!”

“Bla bla bla, yes dear…”

I’m just happy the horses are still happy.

“Mmk, lemme git this straight.  Ur pregnant, wid mah son’s… this son’s… kid.  Right?”

“Yes sir, due whenever.”

“So wouldn’t that mean, pard’n me fur bein’ rude, but doesn’t that mean ur an alien afterall?”

“Of course not!”

“So then, wut the hell are ya?!”

“I’m an orc!”

“Wut?!  Onna’dem monster people things?!  But I coulda sworn all dem Hidden Springer folk were elves ‘r nice things like that!”

“Nope!  Well, just me!  I went to live with the Hidden Spring people when I was forced out of my tribe because I was way too beautiful for my own good.”

“UM…”

“Yeah, Pat!  Ever eat a man whole before?  Stewed in rabbit parts over a fire of his own village?  It’s actually quite tasty!”

“…”

“WELL THEN, it’s been four minutes since I’ve been in my gard’n, I better go do that then *eye twitch*”

“Psst, Tater, you think your father really believes that little joke?  Hee hee!”

“Sigh, I believe yew’ve jus’ been gittin’ on Bear’s Skyrim too much, dear…”

“Pfft, I’m a Nord on that game.”

In other news, Pat lost Buck since he kept him in his pants for too long and he got loose, so another one was bought.  This is Chester III, named after Chester II, whom I had as a young child to replace Chester, because I’m always keeping squirrels =_=

And now we jump to Lynyrd trying to kill Tater.

“I don’t wanna die on an empty stomach!”

“I ur da horse! I don’t know what I doing!”

*SMASH*

Cletus on the other hand spends much of his happy time hunting stuff for me.  No, wait, I meant “hunting” and when I’m not looking, sniffing random people on the street, like Lee here.

“Bwa ha ha, I shall hold this dog for ransom, and when his owners come looking for him, I will make them pay a lot of money for their dear beloved animal!”

“I just wanted half of that sandwich in your pocket…”

Cletus and Lee distracted me long enough for Lynyard to do this again.

Lynyard: *throws up half of Pat’s garden*

“COUGH, ow, I thought grammpaw trained this horse…”

If Dale taught the horse anything, I’m sure it had to go along his standard’s of ‘gangsta’.  Or ‘douchebag’.  Because this is how this horse is acting

Bear got a job.  Matter of fact, he’s the first one to get a job since Dale was a firefighter (if you don’t count Pat’s random science career experiment behind my back).

“Soooo… am I supposed to be a janitor ‘r somethin’?”

Even BETTER 😀

He’s a ghost busting ghost!  Because that’s his LTW, because I’m just weird like that.

“I feel like Blade, only without all the vampirism ‘n the Westley Snipesness.”

Bella, how come I always find you doing things you don’t need to be doing?!

“Whaaat?  Can’t a girl admire a hunky sexy alien man in his sleep?  I’m not touching him, he still has his clothes on and everything!  I’m being good!”

“Mama?  Wut ARE yew doin’ in heer watchin’ mah husband sleep?!”

“Feild research my son.  You wouldn’t understand.”

“Zzz… gotta kill that horse for hurting Tater…zzz…”

And, this is what the boys mostly do.  Skills for LTWs and bla.

Not exciting at all.

Ok, THIS is exciting though 😀

“Dammit, Ken, always gotta go ‘n take all the ‘tten’shun, don’t ya?”

“NO TIME FOR YOU TO BE RANDOMLY MEAN TO ME TATER, IT’S MY PRETEND UTERUS AGGGHHH”

“NOOO, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ‘BOUT THIS”

“Yay, my papa doesn’t know wut to do in this sit’iation either!  We’re doomed :D”

“Gud thing the hospital heer is also the science buildin’!  Now they can deliver ur baby AND cut yew open ‘n see how you work!”

“I’m not looking forward to actually having this baby at all.  Why couldn’t you play the mommy role, Tater?!”

“Next time, babe.  Now git in there ‘n bring us back a purdy one!”

“Sigh.  This little pink girl is Dolly…”

Named after Dolly Parton, the highly respected country singer of Dollywood.

“She’s brave and… I don’t know.  She’s pink.”

I see daddy Ken is probably going to play favorites.

Dolly shares her nursery with her daddies.  Dammit Tater, stop glaring so meanly at Ken!  He hasn’t done a thing to you!

“Doesn’t he have the horses he’s been dyin’ to play wid’ waitin’ fur ’em or somethin?  I wanna play with the baby now!”

“This lil’ swinger thing is so neat!  Know whatta’ make it cooler?  The higher settin’…”

When he turned it up Dolly got nauseous but I didn’t take a photo of it because it was just a screaming baby.  I guess an Exorcist vomit scene would have been too much anyway.

“If you think Tater can make some cute babies, well he gets it from me, you know… I tend to make some pretty little things too… if you get where I’m going, Ken…”

“WAAAH GRAMMY’S BEIN’ A HO, DADDY”

“I know sweetheart, she’s always like this… just keep your fly zipped up and don’t make eye contact with her and you will be just fine…”

Tater offscreen: “MAMA PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON”

Speaking of how much I still hate Bella, Nascar can’t paint her portrait for shit.

Eh, this is good enough. *jazz hands and right into Tater’s inventory it goes*

“What the hell is that?!  Such a small little horse!  Could that be me and Lynyrd’s baby?! *hides behind the hay*”

No, but this is my first gnome since leaving them all behind in Sunset.  It’s a little horsie gnome!  Cute as hell too ❤

Bah, speaking of the horses, they keep getting into Pat’s garden, who, by the way, also left the four perfect plants that he had for his LTW also in Sunset, apparently.  He keeps losing virtually everything he grows to Lynyrd and horse Bella.

So I finally blocked off the horses pathways with a fence on one side, and a… head of cattle on the other.

“Best damn plant to mah name, if I do say so mahself.  ‘N I didn’t even have to grow’em!  He also fur some reason has a fondness fur cake ‘pparently…”

It may be a statue, but I think this is the single best sims 2 conversion CC EVER.

Oh my, what an awkward time to come out of the bathroom in the living room.  Nothing to see here la de da, along our merry way-

“TATER, DOLLY’S STILL IN THE SWING”

“I DON’T CAAARRE”

“Hello again!  I’ve come by to visit, seeing as Bear is the closest thing I’ve had to a real friend…”

“Can’t I just bite him now?”

PLAY NICE CLETUS.  Bear came running when the stray returned, but he ran off before Bear even got to the front door.  How does the game expect us to adopt strays if they keep running off so quickly?

“We have a bigger problem than Bear wanting to adopt everything in sight.  Lynyrd won’t let me on him, and for some reason he completely despises me!”

“I hate everyone that isn’t Bella and Bella and Bear and Dale, and DALE’S DEAD, I am forever an asshole now!”

Fiiiine, Ken will have to befriend the untamed Bella now.  Horse Bella.

People Bella got old when I wasn’t looking caring.

“Well, I still seem to have a pretty rocking bod and complexio-OH HELL MY FOREARM”

“Oh Pat, yaw’ wan’t believe wut happened to us yesturday!  Me ‘n Tate went to the doctur’ yesturday cuz ole’ Tate’s been complainin’ of stomach pains fur a while, ‘n that ole’ quack took one look at’em ‘n said my husband had this thing called “Afetus”.  AFETUS!  I dunno wut that is, but if it’s anythin’ like my alzhimers, it’s prolly gonna be like that time me ‘n Tate went to the hospital cuz ole’ Tate’s was complainin’ ’bout stomach pains…”

Hmm, I wouldn’t have any idea what that would be about * suspicious whistling noises*

Meanwhile here’s Bear kicking ass at his job.  His ability to walk through walls really comes in handy for things like this.

HE GETS THAT FROM PAT APPARENTLY

ANWAAAR: “Did Uncle Pat just walk into the house and go right through our wall?”

Shanon: “Apparently so.  I hope that’s not contagious…”

Ronda and DD’s family are all stuffed into one tiny house together because I said so.  It’s a miracle they haven’t all moved out yet.

Then again, DD and her boys make up about 80% of the criminals in Appaloosa.  Really.  How many getaway drivers does one organization need?

Grady: “We don’t even own a single car, daddy!”

Bun: “Just keep runnin’ boys!  We should be able to reach the hideout before morning comes!”

Time for Dolly’s birthday, complete with Pat ruining the kitchen rug.  Thanks Pat.

“I’M OLD, DAMMIT!”

“Don’t feel bad, Pat!  I’ve been holding it in all day too!”

NOT ON THE BABY.  GUYS.  WHY CAN’T YOU BE NORMAL SIMS FOR ME JUST ONCE?!

OH GOD, I don’t know what to think, I’m not good at judging toddlers :C

“Oh dear!  I can’t stop!”

NOT THIS AGAIN.  WHY.  Why does this ALWAYS happen to this family?!

“NAWT MAH DAUGHTER! STOP IT, KEN!”

“I can’t ;_; my bladder’s wreaked…”

Nascar: *WON’T STOP BEING DEAD FOR ONCE*

“Daddy why?!  Do ya nawt wuv me?  Am I supposed to be forevuh awone in this world?”

Ah fuck it, GO FOR THE RECORD, KEN!  It’s seven by the way!

*loses it at five*

Oh you bitch.

Doggie with glass eye: “Hmm, why does my squeaky paper taste like dead people souls?”

“Git outta the way dog so I can save ur squeaky toy already!”

“But… I thought my toy loved me :(“

Bear did another job at the graveyard after saving the squeaky newspaper from an angry spirit whom it had murdered a few years back, and I left him alone long enough to come back to him funny facing Gracey Loveland.

“Boo!  Ha ha, I am ghost man!”

“Bleh bleh bleh ha ha!”

“Hey!  I use this right here to kill ghosty things, like me!”

“Gasp!  You are a hero to society, son!”

Selling out, I see.

Then Gracey ran off to leave her cat to drown in the cemetary graveyard.

“As if I wasn’t unloved already…”

“CAN I ADOPT POOR KITTY?!”

NO Bear, you already want to adopt things you can’t!

“Aw, little pink baby isn’t so bad when she’s quiet and asleep.  She’s actually really cute.  I do love her…”

“Ah, and now she’s going to be a big sister!  (Despite the fact that Tater isn’t carrying this one like he said he would) Isn’t this just great, Lynyrd?”

“Don’t care, gonna be stuck halfway on the porch forever cuz I are such smart horse, herp derp!”

Tate’s “afetus” disorder was apparently cured with the birth of a baby, but it apparently cost him the life of him and his wife!  NO!

After their baby Kip was given away to the foreign immigrant looking guy, Bertram, Tate and Esme died within 5 hours of each other.  Tate first, then Esme went around and made all kinds of enemies with people, and then croaked as well.

I hardly have the simselves do things in town (they tend to just sit at home pretty much I guess, laughing at Starla’s bald head I imagine) but every now and then, they do things.

Sarah here decided to date her own creation, so Derrick escaped moved out of my simselves place and moved in with her.

Aw, shame.  And just after they had a baby together too.

On the other hand, Dan and Dan.  I, personally, hope they stick it out solely for that reason.

Then I completely stole Elissa’s man from her

Yeah!  got me some Thor now, baby!

Then I, uh, dated Elissa’s and Thor’s son ಠ_ಠ

Ok, that was weird.

Oh, COME ON.

And, speaking of simself children:

This is Sabrina’s and Sabrian’s kid from Sunset, Dusty.

Yeah.

I know male Sabrina looked “weird”, but if she doesn’t grow up looking more like “me”, I’d consider sueing for the child support back if I was the father (oh dear).

I end with Nascar smacking himself in the face with a fudge bar.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.”

***

If anybody is curious, the cowplant figure is in this forum.  That’s how much I recommend this awesome thing :O