The Lament of Bloaty: A Pets Expansion Adventure Part II

Second half of Bloaty’s Pet Special NOW

So there I was, staring death itself in the face.  Slobbery, furry death.  My life flashed before my eyes as I said the hell with it and soiled myself.”

It was then I looked up just as the door of the house opened, and out walked the lady of the house again.  The two dogs didn’t even acknowledge her standing there, but then I realized, they weren’t acknowledging me either really.”

Sabrina: “Dammit you two, what are you barking at this time?”



Sabrina: “That’s sad, because that is what you two do in real life, all the time ._.”

Thank god their owner was that Sabrina chick.  I think if it were anyone else, they would take pleasure in letting their dogs chew me from head to tail.”

Sabrina: “Dammit Bloaty, the dogs aren’t going to eat you, you’re made out of cardboard.”

I didn’t even know it was her at first, since she was dressed better than last time.  Good for her, that base game look she had since the game came out was getting sad.”

Sabrina: “Do you not want to be invited in or not?!”

Carl: “Sooooo, we aren’t gonna fry bacon?”

I couldn’t quite say no to an invitation inside her little home, after all, if she was hospitable enough, I could have gotten a little snack to eat as well.  She wasn’t.

Her house was even smaller than Youtube’s, and twice as full.  I quickly learned that she, along with her man clone, owned four pets in this household, most of them being dogs.

The one that I was positive would have at me first on the porch was named Carl.  Obviously the self proclaimed leader and alpha dog.  Too bad he couldn’t tell his own tail from a snake if it bit him on the ass.”

Carl: “Hee hee, I are da smart dog.”

Of course, I do believe the biggest dog, Flick was the biggest doofus of all of Sabrina and Sabrian’s dogs.  A pureblooded fountain of never ending piss, he’d run straight into a brick wall head first if you threw the ball hard enough (and he has before on accident, oh god, I thought I killed him that day ._.)”

The third pet was Derrick Jolina, a little blondie from Wilde Oats family tree-”

Derrick: “What the hell Sabrina, why did you tell the pig that I was a pet?  I prefer the title, honorary cameo, ok?”

Sabrina: “Haha, Derrick.  No.”

Lastly, there was a cat- oh wait, that’s not a cat.  Oh.  This mutt was W.D, but the way they coo and bleat over this one, it’s sounds like it’s pronounced Dubbadee…  weird hicks and their mutilated accents.

Carl: “YAY!! Daddy’s HOME!  *comes in through wall*”


W.D.: “Oh uh, I think that’s just a wall…”

Something tells me that’s not what the deer was referring to, sweetie.

The first night there was ok.  Entertainment was provided when the Jolina boy slipped and fell in a large puddle of chihuahua mutt pee.  While Sabrina proceeded to shout at him for shouting at her dog, I noticed Carl slipping out on the porch and heading down the pathway.  Noisy as I am, I followed him.

He was eventually met up by Flick, and they both proceeded down a path, tailing a cat’s trail that was about half a mile away.  However, they never caught up to that cat, and ended up at an old water facility.

There, they saw those pervy horses again.”

Flick: “Oh, I thought I smelled dog food.”

Brown horse: “RUDE.”

Colt: “Oh dear… so have you seen my mother anywhere?”

Carl: “Good god, I am so awesome.”

The run down there had taken all night, so the dogs returned shortly after the horses trotted off.  Too bad dogs just can’t use taxis.”

Only returning back to their house did I discover that it wasn’t them I should have feared in the first place.  It was the little one.”



I don’t even know how, but time flew and I suddenly realized that I had stayed with them for quite a few days.  Life with all six of them in that small box of a house was always an interesting chaos…

Sabrina: “Mmph, what the hell is going on in here, I’m trying to sleep in the kitchen floor, guys!”

Sabrian: “It’s TERRIBLE, Sabrina!  I can’t find the front door!  The ice cream truck is here and I CAN’T FIND THE FRONT DOOR”

Derrick: “It’s a MAJOR EMERGENCY, Sabrina!  You got to SAVE US!”

Flick: “It’s the plant!  I swear, it’s using evil mind control powers to magically nail us to the floor!  It’s angered just because I pissed on it last night.”

W.D.: “Oh jeez, Flick…”

Sabrian: “What?!  OH GOD NO, help Derrick!  Ice cream!  Help!  My hair is stuck in the mailbox!!”

Derrick: *does naughty things to the back of Freezer Bunny’s head*

Apparently, Sabrina had to hold him still and cut Sabrian out of that mailbox, crying and blubbering.  Afterwards, they took the dogs to the local dog park, since it’s apparently their thing to do on tuesday afternoons.  I stayed home because one: fuck dogs, and two: there was a fridge now, completely unguarded, just for me…”

Dogs can take taxis when their people are with them, thankfully.  Upon arrival at the park, I realized that the ice cream truck had stalked them along the way.

Ice Cream Truck: “They bought ice cream once, they’ll probably buy some again…”

Derrick: “I heard that if you don’t make eye contact with it, it will eventually lose interest and leave…”


“What the crap, calm down Derrick.  If there’s one thing that doofus can do it’s swim like a champ.”

However, it hadn’t always been that way.  Here’s a little tale for the four people on the internet that are willing to read through the whole thing.  When the real Flick was about 5 or 6 months old, me and my dad took him to the lake to play around at.  Dad always wanted a dog that would go out into the water and fetch things, and Flick was already a really good fetch dog.  But when he got there, he didn’t know what to think of the water.

When dad threw an stick out into the water, Flick just stood there and pawed around in the water, like the damn thing was going to come back to him if he did that long enough.  Dad tried again and threw a second stick out into the water, and eventually Flick must have thought, “oh, to hell with it” because he jumped out as far as he could into the lake, and sank like a rock, and did not come up for the longest time.  He eventually floated back up, but not before dad and me about ran in after him, and thrashed around a bit before he realized he could use his legs to move around in the water.  So yeah, Flick learned to swim, but only after he sunk like a damn rock.

“Kinda like this rock, which somehow snuck into my back pocket!  Bad Gonk Rock!  I told you to stay home!”

“She’s talking to an imaginary forth wall again, Sabrian.  Do you have the straight jacket?”

After about five minutes, W.D. started a bad habit and the boys followed instantly.

Flick: “Look!  I found buddies!  Yay for FLEAS oh sob.”

Then I decided that the group needed to go “up north of the town were the dinosaur is because treasure and stuff can be buried there”.  I can’t remember where I heard that, probably read it in the gaming tips while waiting on the half an hour loading screen.

Of course, when the sims got there, it was apparent that very important parts of the treasure hunt had been left behind in the dog park…

Sabrina: “You forgot my dogs in the dog park, Derrick…”

Derrick: “Oh, I’m so sorry Sabrina!  Please don’t get the bull whip again :(”

Sabrina: “…What?”

W.D: “I do believe I have successfully peed on every thing in this park.”

Flick: “Wait a minute… where’d the peoples go?”

Several hours later, all the dogs finally ran over to the thingie (I can tell now I’m going to get tired of that quickly) and everyone was paired up with a dog to teach the ways of the hunt and-oh look, there’s that horse again.

Photobombing horse: “THE BLONDE ONE WILL DOOM US ALL”

Shut up and calm down horse, I really can’t see Derrick as any threat to anything.

Derrick: “That’s because you are abusive to me…”

AM NOT, and it was at this point that Flick wondered why the sky got so dark.  Instantly I thought, “um, because it’s night time?  Good lord, dog.  I know you are stupid but damn…”

Sabrian: “No, he’s right, the sky really is unnaturally dark.”

Carl: “Oh man, that is a big rock.”

Sabrian: “OH NO, RUN FOR IT”


Of ALL sims I would have preferred a meteor to target…

Flick: “Whew, good thing we ran when we did.”

W.D: “Yeah, but what happened to our peoples?!”


No, they’re alive, but what I wouldn’t have given to move a certain seventh generation spouse where that rock is now.

“Goodness, that rock is right where we were just standing.  Look at it, Sabrian.  It’s grinning so evilly at us, this thing was really out to kill us!”

“I know!  What the hell kinda town is this when meteors just come willy nilly out of the sky and hit old dinosaur excavations?!  Sabrina, get up here and check out this rock!  This rock is amazing!”

“I’m good guys.  I know what rocks look like.  Ain’t that right, Gonk Rock!  Awwwwh, who’s a good wittle Gonk Rock?”

“Now, what were you saying earlier about a straight jacket, Derrick?”

“What are you dogs doing now?”

“Um… not digging you a grave, if that’s what you are thinking…”

“Ok… wait, there are two of you.  Where’s the bluish one?”

“LOOK DADDY!  I found a big ROCK!  I ARE GOOD BOY?!”

“Oh dear… someone got a chisel?”

After prying the poor stupid dog out of the meteor, everyone called it a night and walked the dogs back to the house.

And by walk, I mean Sabrina and W.D. were smart enough to take a taxi.

“What the… there’s that damn horse again, Derrick.”

“What, where?  I was too busy looking at the leash stabbed into the back of Flick’s neck :(”

What?  I’m doing the commentary again?  Oh, ok.

A few more days had passed since I took up lodging in this house.  The more I stayed here, the more I realized that the dogs that had scared me so much at first weren’t so bad after all.  The vicious killers I had accused them of being were about as lazy and threatening as Dale was.  I had grown to befriend these dogs, and started thinking that maybe, not all dogs were vicious meat eating monsters.

However, W.D. was.  Eventually I had enough of her constant scratching and biting when I wasn’t looking (ok, I wasn’t looking) so I had to finally say farewell to these friends I made…

And started my trek back across the yard to the Ferne’s house.”

Apparently the trip lasted all night, and by the time I got there, I arrived just in time to a little treat in the front yard.  Apparently, Lee Ferne adopted a horse just as I had returned home.  Sigh, more pets.  What a treat for me.

Apparently the family didn’t know about Godiva, Lee’s new horse.  Of course, you can’t really hide a horse in a house with four rooms, so VJ instantly laid in on him about this irresponsibility.

VJ: “What was going through your mind when you got this horse, Lee?!  We have a stretched enough budget as it is with us! You even think about how we are going to accommodate for this new animal?!  A horse is expensive as hell, Lee!  My dad was right, you really are irresponsible and thoughtless, but no, I had to marry you!  What was I thinking?!”

Facebook: “Haha, you are going to be a divorce child!”

Youtube: “Mmhmm.”

While the boys sulked off to their room to pack their things and move out with their daddy Lee, I discovered that a angry, borderline violent argument between these two almost instantly ended up as their hot and heavy turn on.  It was like watching Deborah and Dale fight about Ronda all over again, only to end up locked in the bedroom with them five minutes later with lacy panties stuck to the bottom of my feet…

All of Lee’s and VJ’s sudden borderline heavy petting suddenly turned Marian on as well, because I turned around to run out of the living room just to spot Marian… with a very awkward bone-


Facebook: “And people wonder why I burn things :(”

VJ: “Oh, well there you are!  We’ve been looking for you for DAYS, Monty!”


Turnip: “It’s a good morning to be a blind parrot, that it is!”

Bloaty: *still cowering in the bushes, probably still doing ‘pig business’ too*

Marian: *does the Jaws theme*

Turnip: “What?  Who’s there?  VJ, is that you?”

Marian: “Why nooo… it’s your DEATH!”

Marian: “Hey guuuuuys!  I got you a nice present!  Just for you!  Guys!  Guuuuys!”


As much as VJ put on a show about Lee getting Godiva, VJ was the one that suddenly showed interest in the beast.  Almost instantly the next day, he stood up from the breakfast table, went out, and hopped on that horse as quick as he could.”

Haha, he looked like I did when I learned to ride a horse.

VJ spent the remainder of the day at the equestrian center, learning how to do tricks with his new friend.”

VJ: “Learning to ride a horse isn’t so hard.  Didn’t realize how boss I was at this…”


I think I spotted the Jed reincarnation.

VJ: “Oh dear… it’s so dark out now, I knew I shouldn’t have stayed until nightfall.  Now my ass hurts, I’m tired, and the horse is cranky… and now there’s some weird creepy music playing and following me down the road… can’t this night get any weirder?”


VJ: “NOES!! ;_;”

VJ: “Lee, you still awake?  I think I decided that we need to keep the horse after all… what the hell happened in here?!”

Marian: *innocently dreams of fish*

Turnip III: *shakes and poops nervously*

Facebook: “DUDE!  Touch my snake!”

Youtube: “What the crap man, I don’t want to touch that!”

Facebook: “Come on man, just touch my snake, you know you wanna!”

Youtube: “LOOK, I’m not falling for that prank again!  You just want me to say that I want to touch your snake, and all you are going to do is whip your thingie out at me and chase me around the house and call me gay… which wouldn’t really be an insult since we both have two daddies…”

Facebook: “Haha, look Youtube!  I managed to twist his neck shut!  Haha, what a funny snake!  Aren’t you Monty?!  … Monty?”

Once again, a few days passed while at my stay with the Ferne’s once more.  I was frolicking around in the backyard with the horse, when Lee and Youtube came out in the backyard, with Lee needing to tell Youtube something important.”

Lee: “Look son, I know you like that pig and all, but he’s got to go.”

Youtube: “But I don’t want him to go, dad!  Smuckers has been such a good boy!”

Lee: “Yes, but you have a cat to take care of too, son!  You need to understand.  Me and your father are broke, and we can hardly take care of the bills, you boys, the cat, the NEW bird, that NEW snake, and now, we have a horse to look after.  I know you like Smuckers and all, but I think Smuckers is more of a wild pig anyway.  You see how he took off the other day and didn’t come back for days?  He’s capitable of taking care of himself.  I think he’d prefer to live freely with the perverted horses and that rabid raccoon.”

Youtube: “I… I guess you are right dad…”

Lee: “I know how hard it is to loose a nice pet.  Well, not really, these animals are the first animals I ever had.  But if there was one thing I learned in military school, is that animals can live just fine in the wild, better than I could… oh… anyway, just take him back where you found him, and say your goodbyes, ok?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I had to go?  There was no way I could take care of myself in the wild!  Those deer would turn me into porkchops in a second!”

Youtube led me down to the grocery store/whatever the hell this is, and told me that this wasn’t my fault.  Of course this wasn’t, this was the pets fault!  I knew that!  None of this would have happened if the pets never showed up!  But Youtube was sincerly sad to let me go, I could see it in his eyes.”

Youtube: “Well, I guess this is where we part ways, Smuckers.  Deep down I always thought that you preferred roaming around in the wilds like this…”

I thought to myself, this wasn’t the wilds, boy!  This is suburbia!  This is no place for a pig!”

I tried to follow Youtube, I waddled up to him, hoping he’d see the glimpse of dispair in my eyes, but Youtube got angry and tried to ward me off.”

Youtube: “Don’t make me have to do this, Smuckers!  I don’t want you to think I’m the bad guy, but you got to go!  Don’t follow me back Smuckers!  Don’t even try, I don’t want to have to hit you!”

What could I say to that?  What could I do?  I never thought he’d be the bad guy, but I knew if he had to fend me off with violence, he would regret doing so and never remember me fondly… so I sat, and watched him turn and run back up the street.”

“Goodbye Smuckers!  I’m sorry for this!”

And that was the last I ever saw of Youtube.”

I went back to roaming around town, and spent all of next day just walking down the streets.  Eventually, I came down upon a beachside, and stood there overlooking the water, thinking about everything I’ve ever been through.  I hated this town.  And even though I made some friends, I hated pets.  There is no place for fake little animals like us anymore.  We served our purpose, but it was over now that the world had their furry companions.  I thought about running straight into the water, and going until I could go no more, but I can’t swim.  Of course that would have defeated the purpose of me even running out into the sea…

Suddenly, I heard a familiar holler.  It was the sound of a long drawn out ‘SOOOOEEEEEE’ followed by cussing when I didn’t turn around immediantly.”

Pat: “BLOATAY!  Oh mah gawd pig, we done thought we ain’t never gonna see yew again!  Damn boy, where the hell’d yew go for the past coupl’a weeks?!”

It was Pat… oh how I actually missed the sound of his voice.  He came up to me, and joy spread out over his face.  It was almost as if… he missed me.”

Pat: “Damn pig, we’d ’bout given up lookin’ fur ya!  Done lost Mt. Dew ‘n then we move heer and we done lost yew!  Damn, I missed ya Bloatay.  Me ‘n Tatur’ too.  Hell, since yew left, he’d been nothin’ but a cryin’ mess of a gurl, wid’ him havin’ to leave his boyfrin’ in Sunset, then his pig left ’em…  Yew gotta lotta makin’ up to do wen we git back to the hawse!”

Bloaty: “Wait a minute… you actually want me to come back?  But… I thought that after you got your dog and your horse… you didn’t want to have to put up with me no more.  I mean, I’m just a sculpture pet… what use would I have been to you now?”

Pat: “The hell yew goin’ on ’bout, Bloatay?!  Were yew jealous of ole’ Cletus ‘n Lynyrd ‘r somethin?!  Wut yew goin’ on comparin’ urself to them fur, we’ve always wanted yew, boy!  Ain’t nowhere when we said ‘fuck ole’ Bloatay’, now did we?!  Yeah, we gawt dawgs ‘n hurses ‘n ki’y cats now, but there ain’t ever gonna be any pigs.  And ain’t gonna be no pigs like yew to roll ’em ‘n teach them whose Alpha in the yard!

Now come on, boy.  ‘Nuffa that sulkin’ crap now.  Bella actually made supper tonight fur once, ‘n I told Tatur if yew ever came back yew’d be able to kick Cletus’ ass ovur them scraps!  Now don’t make me a liar, k?”

I never felt joy like this in my heart before.  I was wanted home all along?  I felt so bad, but so grateful at the same time that I had the Secksies that loved me after all.  Even after Tater’s abusive toddler years, the Holloween incident, and even Pets, I had no idea that I was wanted in the end after all.  The walk home, even though it was just up one hill, was the greatest walk I had ever taken with Pat.”

And so, that ends my journey.  I’m home now, and even discovered, upon my arrival, that a little house was gifted to me by the Secksies, and it had been waiting for me to come home to it all along.  I may be a fake pet, but I think I preferred to stand on the sidelines and watch everything all along.  Maybe Pets wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

And there you have it, folks.  Bloaty’s Pet Special is finally over, and we can finally go back to what we’ve been missing all along: AN ACTUAL SECKSIE UPDATE 😀

First, I would just like to say, that this little Pets experiment probably didn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what this EP does.  There were so many neat things about this EP that I haven’t even gotten to do yet.  All the wild animals, the interactions with the animals, the ability to interact with other things WHILE playing with the animals…

I have some problems with it though.  The graphics card of mine is a given, of course.  My poor pets just aren’t as fluffy and hairy as the other’s I’ve seen online (hell, poor W.D.’s neck looks like I crafted it out of Playdough)  And of course, the biggest problem is the glitches and lag.  Oh god, I can’t even begin to describe the hell my computer put me through.  Somedays, it still has problems, and some days it pretends nothing is wrong… I’m still sorting through mods and CC and sometimes they work, and sometimes not, especially Twallan’s mods, they are about as moody as a bipolar teenage girl on her period.  It’s a gamble when I turn the game on, sometimes it’s happiness and rainbows like I claimed earlier, sometimes the mods crawl into a dark corner and scream “GET THE FUCK OUT” and I hate those days.  But that’s ok, because I think you all stopped really reading after Bloaty found his happily ever after ending.


About missmiserie

I make sims legacies and update them once every other blood moon :)
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28 Responses to The Lament of Bloaty: A Pets Expansion Adventure Part II

  1. skehrer says:

    Yessssssssss, Derrick!
    I am very glad the real life Flick survived his introduction to water.
    Meteor! I have never had one in game! I might have to move the Foods after all.
    OMG MARIAN!!!!!! Skincondition…LOL!
    I loved this. So happy you’re keeping Bloaty around. I love Bloaty!

  2. madlyeely says:

    My dog bolted straight into a glass door after getting excited at her own reflection. Purebred my ass.
    Of all the things to happen during a Pets experiment, a METEOR. Your computer loves to have a last laugh, the tricky bastard.
    I think the ‘skin condition’ and the horrible CaP chimaeras are EA’s fault. They’re the ONLY graphical glitches I’ve had, and my card is pretty top-notch. Everything else, amazingly, has been error-free so far.

  3. Elocine says:

    My legacy’s founder is actually fourth in a line of failed founders. Two of the previous Sims were killed by meteors less than a day after they were created. I’ve probably had 6 meteors total in the 10 or so families I’ve created. Three of those killed the same Sim before I finally gave up on bringing her back. Apparently those stupid death-bringers love me.

    That picture of Marian was terrifying… I’m questioning my resolve to purchase Pets because of it. lol

    I can’t wait to see a family-filled Secksie update!

  4. SRaina says:

    My dog Brutus has been known to run into walls and doors as well and loves to bark at anything out the window as well. Bloaty’s adventures were highly amusing.

  5. Rochelle says:

    IPod is being stupid and won’t let me sign in, but that’s okay, because I loved this!

    OMG. OMG MARIAN. OMG. What in the world happened there? What caused his ‘skin condition’?!

  6. YAY, Tater got his kitty!

  7. Malin says:

    Argh! All these Pets picture torment me! That’s what I get for banning myself from Sims until I introduce my game to cc and mods. Oh well, it’s good that you get to play (despite all the nasty problems).

    Along with pigs I think there should be cows in the game. Moo. 🙂

  8. Rad says:

    Pets looks amazing, and I LOVED Bloaty’s story.

  9. B says:

    Yay! They wanted Bloaty home! I didn’t realize Lee was gay….hm….maybe I glazed over when I read the little Sinbad and Lucy thing…lol…YAY FOR THE SECKSIES!!

  10. liezemies says:

    Thank Goodness Bloaty is staying. What would the Secksies be without their pig?

    Also your dogs are incredibly cool (… and dumb).

  11. rainyopal says:

    I’m pleased to see Bloaty’s story has a happy ending. I was worried last chapter!

    I’m also glad you have everything up and running again. Long live the Seckies!

  12. Del says:

    XD That was awesome, the blind parrot made me laugh so hard. I’m keen to see what the Secksie’s pets are like. I hope they’re like W.D. – she was my favourite. “Oh, uhh… I think that’s just a wall.” So great.

    • missmiserie says:

      I’m trying to spend some time with them to get a feel for their personality, but so far all the Secksie animals do is SLEEP. I got a lazy batch.

      • Del says:

        Lol, I have the opposite problem! In mine the cat gets stuck in this constant pattern of running in the door, circling the loungeroom, and running back out. So basically he just keeps running for hours without peeing or eating, and when he finally stops he passes out from tiredness. Haha, silly pets.

      • missmiserie says:

        Cool that you said that, because I was having the same thing with Lee and VJ’s cat, Marian. She was doing the whole “run in run out” pattern too before we saw the raccoon, and I was wondering if it was because the room was too small.

  13. Del says:

    I don’t think that’s it, because the room mine was doing it in was the biggest one in the house, a kitchen/dining/living room combo. :/ I guess it’s one of those weird glitches, heh.

  14. StyxLady says:

    Finally managed to read the rest of this, and I’m so pleased to see that Bloats got his happy ending. 🙂 I think he’s awesome!

  15. BadWolf says:

    Meteors are evil. One of my sims threw a party once and a meteor hit the gazebo, 3 sims caught on fire and that sims sisters son died

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