The Secksie Holloween Special!

Before anyone jumps for joy on an update, this doesn’t mean my computer is fixed.  I actually did the Holloween special just days before my computer crashed.  Just in case Pets messed something up hardcore.  I saved the photos.  Lucky, huh?

Annnyway, it’s time for the Holloween special, just because this is the best holiday ever!  Despite the fact that I’m not doing anything for Holloween…

Whatever

And I ended up taking a lot of the over-the-top gory stuff out, so no one should be overly offended.  I was.

I TALK TOO MUCH

EXTRA LONG EXTRA CRAPPY SPECIAL TIME

NOW

“So glad I sunk some money into this gumball machine.  Yeah, the kids are going to have to put a dollar in for their candy, but maybe it’ll keep them off my lawn…”

“Sooo… What am I throwing a Holloween party?  At my old purple mansion?  I forgot I had thing hidden in the deep dark parts of my sim bin!  Knew it would come in handy one day.

Now, who the hell did I invite to this thing?”

“Alright, I’m here, so let’s get this stupid thing over with…”

“Ah, Sinbad!  I recognize that angry whiny voice any day, of course I invited you.”

“So, um… you do know this is a Holloween party, right?  Costumes and all that?  What’s up with the formal?”

“You dumb bimbo, I AM in costume!  I’m Tony Montana!”

“…”

“Scarface.”

“Yeah… I didn’t see that movie really…”

“Sigh, you really are a stupid bitc-”

“Oh hi Virginia!  I haven’t seen your sim since you died at the Bistro!  Isn’t your body still behind the damn building or something?  Haha, yeah, good times.  Anyway, looking real hot tonight, dear!  Love the sexy nurse outfit!”

“Yeah, real glad I gawt this’n too.  The other one wus so short yew could see my panties, ‘n it jus’ wasn’t cuttin’ it.”

“Yeah, I saw that one… gosh I have so many weird and slutty things in my CAS now for this event that it isn’t funny-”

CRASH!!

“Dammit Sinbad, what the hell did you do?!”

“He fell on all dem gumballs! S’like watchin’ Darr’ll try to climb the stairs ‘n trippin’ back down on all the babies!  Gawd man, is he hurt?!”

“I don’t think my finger is supposed to bend this way…”

“Well, he better fix my damn gumball machine.  Paid good money for that damn thing.  I need at least 400 kids buying gumballs to get that money back too… *grumblegrumble*breaking my shit *grumble*”

“Pat!  So glad you can come!  And as a caveman too!  Did you make the outfit out of your own body hair or something?! It matches, haha!”

“Oh dang, how’d yew guess?”

“… I didn’t, I thought it would have been a funny joke…”

“How the hell are you expecting me to refill your gumball machine with a screwdriver?!”

“I don’t know, Sinbad, but YOU broke it, so FIX it!”

“Jed?  Is that you?  What the crap are you doing on the other side of the yard?”

“BOO!  Haha… oh hell, I ain’t gud at this scarein’ shit… *fishes out of habit*”

“You do know that you can’t just put a mask on and call it a complete costume.”

“Yew kiddin’?!  I found it ‘n it latches on mah hat purfectly!  I think I make a gud hockey playur!”

“It’s not exactly a hockey mask, dear it’s Friday the Thirt- oh forget it, come on and get in the house.”

“Ooh, Jed!  Who invited the sexy fireman?!”

“I dun’ think that’sa sexy fireman…”

“Think yew mean Secksie fireman, lil lady!”

“…I think I threw up in my mouth a little.”

“Alright guys!  I think that’s all the guests for the evening!  So uh, please make yourself at home, we have entertainment in the living room to your left…”

“Will there be snacks?  There better be some damn plates for us.  You ain’t stocking me up on no gumballs all night long reserved for no children.”

“Yes, they are in the dining room.  And no, no candy, no children, if they even come up to the porch to pay for a gumball or whatever, I won’t let them in the house, it’s just us adults tonight.”

“Hot damn, Bloatay’!  I gotta red’n!  I knew puttin’ in twelve dollurs wus gonna pay off!”

Bloaty: “Thank god.  Because if you keep feeding me all the green ones, I’ll crap in your shoes tonight.”

“Tater!  Didn’t think you’d be coming… um, exactly what are you wearing?”

“I think it’s a Cap’n ‘Merica par’dy.”

“Is that… did you paint it on?!”

“Maaaaybe.”

“I think that’s a little inappropriate.”

“Luthur thought it was awesome.”

“Just get in the house.”

“Hello Bloaty.  And what are you supposed to be this Holloween?”

Bloaty: “Oh piss off, you know better than I do that I’m not even a real animal.  Objects can’t wear outfits…”

“Oh, this will not do.”

“Bam.  I now declare you Batman.  Get in the house.”

Bloaty: “I’m so happy to be something for Holloween that it doesn’t matter how cockeyed your photoshop made me look.”

(Poor Bloaty, he had to be something too, even if he’s just an object XD)

“Welp. I guess that’s all the guests showing up for the evening, better go inside and get the drinks rea-”

“Oh YOO-HOO!  You seem to be forgetting someone, tee hee!”

“Um… what?  Bella, what are you doing here, I didn’t really invite you…”

“Oh silly, you invited my husband and my son, of course I’m invited as well!”

“This isn’t really a stripper party… you know…”

“Don’t be blind!  I am a cute little alien girl, the lovely lass that makes all the other aliens greener with envy!”

“Actually I think these kind of things is what’s keeping the aliens away…”

“Oh man, I’ve never thrown a party before!  I hope you are all comfortable here tonight!  I know this is a little kiddy themed, I’m sure, but enjoy yourselves for now, and I’ll have beverages ready in a little bit!”

“Oh don’t worry… I’m enjoying myself just fine…”

“Dammit Pipaw, don’t oggle mah wife.”

“Hee hee…”

“You two enjoying the party so far?”

“SSHH!  It’s gettin’ to the gud part… I always watch Bubble Bubble, Tits ‘n Trouble ev’ry year.  Holloween  traditshun.”

“No grammpaw, we’s watchin’ mah Holla’ween special of Fishin’ Wid Jed, where I teach watchurs’ how to catch vampire fish fur a lil’ holiday dinner special.”

“Oh, is dis the one where ya git’a fish hook stuck in your eye socket?  Cuz’ it’ll happen again if yew don’t change the channel back to Cinah’max righ’ now, boy…”

“I’m just going to go get the drinks now…”

“So you think this house is really haunted?”

“Why yew think that?”

“Well, that’s what I heard!  I heard that this house was haunted by a ghost, and that’s why it had to go away for a while, along with the original town it was in.”

“Naw, it was jus’ causin’ the computer to lag ‘n stuff real bad, so it was jus’ let go.  Had nothin’ to do wid’ no ghosts are anything, didn’t last long ’nuff to have any ghosts.  Why Sinbad?  Scared’r somethin?!”

“Me scared of ghosts?!  Hell no!  I’ll kick a ghost’s ass before I let it scare me off!  Matter of fact, I HAVE already kicked a ghost’s ass before!  Ain’t nothing!”

“Sure sure, Mr. Macho, wutever yew say…”

“Hot-damn, Bella!  Ur prolly the sexiest chick in this town.  I think me ‘n yew need to go upstairs… do sum ‘splorin’, yew know…”

“The hell, man?!  This is mah wife ur talkin’ to in fronna’ me!  Best mind ur mouth ’round her, cuz’ I’ll knock yew out!”

“Jeez, it wus jus’ some harmless flirtin’ man, damn.”

“Aw, Pat.  You are so cute when you get all worked up and angry at other men for looking at me…”

From the kitchen: “AAAHH!”  *loud crashing and other cliched attack noises*

“The fuck wus that?”

Jed: “Wut the hell’s goin’ on in heer?”

Sinbad: “I recognize this photoshop job.  It’s Sabrina’s hat alright.”

Pat: “But… where’s the rest of her?”

Sinbad: “Bah, she’s probably setting us up for some lame ass scare tactic to liven up her crappy party.  Well I’m not going to stand in here like an idiot waiting for her to come out of the woodwork wearing a gorilla mask or anything…”

Leroy: “If a gorilla jumps out at me, I’m gonna shoot it.  Then I’m gonna mount it over my mantle at home-”

Jed: “Yew never even had no mantle, grammpaw.”

Leroy: “I’ll build me a damn mantle to stick mah stuffed monkey head ovur’ if I have to, don’t go poking holes in mah idears, yew sonovabit-”

Virginia: “Well, she ain’t in the kitchen, that’s fur sure.”

Bella: “WHAT THE HELL?”

“OH GAWD SHE KEELED SABRINA, FUCK THIS I’M OUT”

“Did ur son jus’ scream ‘n take off runnin’ like a girl, Pat?”

“Eh, he’s been a little girly since he started hangin’ wid that Luther boy…”

Bella: “What the hell did you do, Virginia?!”

“Well, I walked into the kitchen, ‘n thar wus ketchup jus’ pourin’ out of the fridge.  I slipped in it, ‘n gawt it splattured all ovur mah outfit.”

Leroy: “Mmm, sexy.”

Bella: “I’m having a hard time believing that you were “rolling in ketchup”.

Sinbad: “I don’t know Bella, you can kind of see the mess from here.”

Virginia: “See?!  I ain’t a liar, Bella.  Look’it, it’s ketchup!”

Jed: “That’s too damn chunky to be ketchup… looks like someone dumped a whole bucket’a meatloaf ‘n didn’t clean it up.”

Bella: “A meatloaf made out of SABRINA”

Jed: “Don’t be stupid, girl.”

 “And then you tracked Sabrina’s “meatloaf” all over the kitchen!  For SHAME, Virginia!”

“Now hold onna’ minute, Bella.  Don’t rush into no acusatshuns’ jus’ yet!  Lookit’ these prints.  Virginia’s feet’re smaller than this, and she ain’t wearing no boots.  Now that I think ’bout it, neither was Sabrina.”

“Sooo, who was in the kitchen when Sabrina went missing?”

“Did… did yew just git that outta the fridge?!”

“Sho’ did!  … Don’t lookit’ me like that!  I found it wrapped up in tin foil!”

“Wut did it luk like in thar?”

“Jus’ a lotta chucky ketchup… lots ‘n lots of ketchup.”

“Oh dear…”

“Guys, we have a bigger problem than Sabrina’s ketchup fetish.  The front door’s locked.  ‘N there ain’t no other door outside.”

“Oh shit.”

Sinbad: “Damn, the boy is right.  And it’s only unlockable with the house key.  Who the fuck has a door like that?!”

Jed: “Sooo, I guess we’re stuck in heer ’til Sabrina comes outta hidin’?”

Virginia: “Well, at least we have a lot of nice art to luk at…”

Tater: “I hate art.  This is the worst Holla’ween evur.”

Sinbad: “Alright, I’m tired of waiting around for this bitch.  I have no idea how big this house is, but we are going to search the whole thing, find her, and kick her ass just for making us wait around like this.”

Bella: “Oh god, this is exactly what happens before people start getting slaughtered, and it’s always the pretty one first…”

Sinbad: “Shut up, you dumb broad, no one is getting slaughtered.  This is just one of Sabrina’s stupid ketchup-induced pranks.  All we got to do is find her, hang her by her feet in the rafters for thinking she’s scaring us, and go home.”

Pat: “I’m with Pipaw.  Wut we need to do is split up in groups of three.  One group goes all the way upstairs, ‘nother to the second floor, and the last group stays heer in case Sabrina shows her face again downstairs.”

“Alright then, here’s what we do.  Tater and the pig stays downstairs, Jed, Leroy and I will go to the second floor-”

“But I wanna be on the team with Bella >:(”

“Fiiine, you go with Pat and Bella to the top floor, and me, Jed and Virginia-“

“I want Virginia to come wid’ me too-”

“You will be on the team I tell you you are on or so help me I will stick your elephant trunk in your own ass, Leroy.”

Pat: “Alright Tater, yew ‘n Bloatay’ are on yall’s own.  If yew see anything, hollur fur me ‘n the other’s ‘n will be down as soon as we can, mmk?”

Bella: “The boy is old enough to know what to do Pat, just leave him alone and come on!”

Leroy: “Aye, don’t rush’em baby, we can git a head start upstairs, if yew know wut I mean ;)”

Bella: “Dammit Leroy… my husband can hear you, he’s only five feet away.”

Pat: “Well shit, look’it this!  The ketchup footprints are upstairs too!  Whoever was in the kitchen came this way as well!”

Bella: “But that’s strange, there weren’t any between the kitchen and here… maybe whoever did this has a teleporter?”

Virginia: “Well whoever’s trackin’ ketchup everywhere is gettin’ everything real messy.”

Leroy: “Well, I’m followin’ them upstairs, come on Bella, let everyone else follow the prints ’round heer, we’ll follow them upstairs.”

Pat: “Hey, I’m comin’ too!  *grumble*flabby nosed asshole*grumble*”

“Ok, the footprints seem to go in both these doors.  Virginia, you take this door, and me and Jed will be in the room next door.”

“Sounds fine to me.”

“Damn, why is it so dark in here?!  Jed, turn on a damn light already.”

“I think the light’s already on…”

“So what is this, some kind of dark room or something?  I don’t see any photography equipment or anything…”

“No… I think this is a nurs’ry.”

“Yo Sinbad!  Check this out.  This must’a been befur Sabrina redid her face or somethin’.”

“Nah, that’s how she always looks when she’s holding a baby.”

“Whoa, dang!  I didn’t know she had a reaper baby…”

“Now that I think about it, I think she did mention it once before.  I think she had it back when reaper babies were really popular.  Then when she deleted the town and this house, I don’t think she saved the sim, so I guess her kid died.”

“A grim reaper baby dying?  How’s that possible?”

“I don’t know, but I haven’t really seen this kid around ever since.”

“That’s a lil sad.  ‘N heer I was thinkin’ that Jerm’y wus her first sim baby…”

Meanwhile upstairs:

“I don’t like that Sabrina has a rabbit skull in this room.  What was she thinking when she decorated this place?”

“I think this is the bedroom, Bella.”

“Hey look’it that ovur thar!”

“JEWELRY! :D”

“No honey, behind the dresser!  Thar’s a door thar.  That’s strange… why’d Sabrina have that blocked off… Leroy, help me move the dresser right quick.”

“Gah, no use guys, she’s got the door locked from the inside of this as well.”

“Mmm, Pat… I can’t help it, ur wife is damn sexy jigglin’ that door handle like that… man I wish she’s jiggle my knob like th-”

“Wut did I jus’ tell yew ’bout talkin’ ’bout my wife like that?!”

*Animal growling from the other side of the room*

“Um, guys?  Thar’s a pre-Pet’s dawg comin’ in from the bathroom… and I don’t think he’s no friendly mutt either…”

“Don’t panic Bella, I’ll protect you, ‘n take care of this!  Um… yo dawg… uh… go on now, shoo!  Scat!”

“OH FUCK GUYS HE’S CHASIN’ ME!!  HELP ME!  SOMEONE HIT’EM WID SOMETHIN!”

“Oh, there goes the bravest man I ever let bone me.”

“Now he’s gonna be nothin’ but that dawg’s bone… haha, I made a funny righ’ thar… Oh, hurry up and barracade the door so the dawg can’t git back in!”

Meanwhile back downstairs:

“So the footprints lead righ’ into a ster’yotypical haunted library, how cliched.”

“Oh I git it!  The “ghost” prolly has some hidden diary they want us to luk at ‘r somethin’!  Of course, that’s why there’s footprints here.”

“Hmm… Murder in Pleasantview… how obvious…”

“Ah, a secret hidden door.  I saw that comin’.  But I ain’t stupid, I ain’t goin’ in there…”

“MOTHERFU-”

Meanwhile, on the bottom floor:

“I’m kinda gettin’ a lil worried Bloaty.  My mama ‘n papa have been upstairs for a while now… you don’t think anythin’s gonna happen to them, do ya?”

Bloaty offscreen, eating his batman mask: “Mmm, aren’t you more concerned about why this chick as a photo of your parents hanging in her foyer?”

“Wut if they’re ded already?!  Wut if they died all old fashioned, like gawt eatin’ by flies or somethin?!  I can’t be an orphan, I can’t take care of grammpaw!”

“Oh man, gettin’ all worked up like this makes me realize I gotta go take a dump.”

Bloaty: “Don’t worry, I just shit myself, personally.

“Huh, that’s strange.  I don’t remember seein’ this bathroom on the way in heer…”

“…Ok, THAT is NAWT ketchup.  Fuck this waitin’ ’round crap, I’m gettin’ outta heer-”

“OH SHI-”

“TATER?!  TATER?!  Oh god… Pat’s going to turn me into bacon when he sees I lost his kid…”

“OH GAWD OH GAWD OH GAWD CLOSET!!”

*crashes through door so hard he didn’t even need to use the doorknob*

*The sound of the dog doing the same thing, crashing against the door, and yipping away*

“That’s RIGHT, no one can glitch thru’ a door like me, mutt!  Don’t yew furget it either!”

“Well, that’s weird… the closet get’s really dark back heer… where the hell does this thing go…?”

“This is actually a really good idea, Leroy!  A little ‘entertainment’ while we wait around for Sabrina to come back!  You know you are smarter than you look!”

“Well, just figgurin’ a now grievin’ widow such as urself could jus’ use a lil’ comfort… come heer baby, Leroy’s all urs fur tonight!”

“Oh!  Thank gawd, I finally found a door, didn’t think that staircase would go up fur so long, and… what the hell’s goin’ on in heer?”

“Oh, NOTHING, nothing at all, I wasn’t tryin’ to betray your grandson with your great great great grandfather, but what happened to you, Virginia?!  Why do you have a black eye?!”

“I fell down a two story hole and got hit in the eye widda copy of Pleasantview, that’s wut happened.  But ignore that fur now, yew ‘n Leroy git ur britches on and follow me down this stairwell.  It goes all the way to the basement!”

“The basement?  Who the hell has a stairwell from the third floor to their basement?”

“The hell if I know, she’s gawt them all over the hawse, actually!”

Sinbad: “Dammit Virginia!  It took you two whole minutes to find those two!  Where the hell have you been?!”

Virginia: “Well fine then, next time you go through all the doors on that stairwell til yew see them, see how long it takes yew!”

Bella: “So this is the basement huh?  It’s really nipply down here…”

Pat: “Oh Bella!  I thought I’d never see yew again!  I escaped the dawg, and found myself followin’ a path down heer!  Oh Bella… wait, wut happened to ur clothes?”

Bella: “Oh my goodness Pat, you should have been there!  The ghost, it came out of no where and stole me and Leroy’s clothes!  It was horrible!”

Virginia: “Pfft, yeah, a “ghost”, alright…”

Leroy: “Hey yew, yeah, yew better keep ur mouth shut if yew know wut’s gud fur ya…”

Jed: “So now that we’ve all met back up in the basement… wut now?  Jus’ follow the prints?”

Pat: “Wut do yew mean, we’ve all met up?  Tater ain’t down heer… has anyone seen my son?”

Bella: “He’s safe Pat, he’s probably upstairs now playing video games or eating ketchup or something…”

Pat: “I hope so…”

Leroy: *scratches butt* “Hm?  Oh shit guys, wut the fuck’s THAT?!”

Leroy: “Did yall see that freaky-ass shadow ovur thar?!”

Sinbad: “What shadow?  I don’t see a damn thing.”

Virginia: “I donno guys, I thought I saw something too!”

“Yew said yew saw something, well, where is it Leroy?  I don’t see anythin’ now but the footprints, and that door.”

“I swear, on the lives of all my decendants, there was someone there!  She prolly went in that door too!”

“Well, I’m tired of standin’ round while this asshole tries to scare us!  Sabrina or no Sabrina, ketchup or nawt, I’m fed up of this rat game!  I don’t know where my son is, I’m gettin’ irritated, and I’m gonna kick this damn door down!!”

“YAY VIOLENCE!  I’m gettin’ so ‘CITED bout this!”

“WHOA Leroy!  You are getting WAY too excited about it…”

“Oh well, would’ja luk’it that.  The door opened easily.”

“Oh my gawd… wut… the hell is this place?!  What crim’nal would have this in their hawse?!”

“Oh calm down, Vurgin’yuh, this ain’t nothin’.  My paw hadda’ ole’ cow shed that looked worsen’ this.”

“OH!  T-thank gawd yall found me… oh please git me outta this thing befur she comes back ‘n kills me!”

“WELL, looks like we are about to die, Pat.  So for old time’s sake, in the mood for a handjob?”

“DAMMIT BELLA.  This ain’t the time fur yew to be thinkin’ bout SEX.  Git mah son outta that chair already ‘n let’s go HOME.”

“Suriously, Bella.  Why’d my grandson marry yew?”

“GUYS!  Yew don’t really understand wut’s really goin’ on heer!  There’s a murderer in this hawse guys!  She cawght me fallin’ in her basement ‘n she strapped me to the chair ‘n went out lookin’ fur yew guys!  She wants to kill us all!”

“N-now Tater!  Wut I done tellin’ yew bout spendin’ tales, boy?!”

“Papa!  It’s nawt a tale!  That crazy bitch is a killer, what do yew think we’re standin’ in now!  It’s a slaughter room!”

“Wut the hell?  I can’t believe it, why’d Sabrina go ’round killin’ people though?!”

“Well, it wasn’t Sabrina… but then again… it was?”

Pat: “Someone that is, but isn’t Sabrina?  That don’t make no sense.”

Virginia: “Well she was in a Holla’ween costume.  Think that’s wut he’s talkin’ bout?”

Jed: “I think Tater could recognize Sabrina if she was still in her jestur’ costume.  Maybe she changed outfits?”

“Either way, this room is freaky as hell.  Look at all these posts.  This isn’t just some sort of elaborate prank.  Sabrina’s not this smart.”

“Look at all these… ‘Here Lies Ex Boyfriend’… ‘Pedestrian No. 14 and 15’… RIP ‘Step mother No. 4’… ‘That chick that cut in line at McDonalds once’… I think this is a room full of all of Sabrina’s old enemies and the people she didn’t like!”

Bella: “Oh dear… this room is creepier than the fact that I managed to find my dress without having to go back to the bedroom first.”

Leroy: “Dang, I thought I had ripped that off yew fur gud-”

Pat: “Yew slept wid mah wife, didn’t yew?!”

Leroy: “UM, NO…”

“HOLY SHIT GUYS, THERE IS STILL A FRESH CORPSE IN HEER, GIT ME THE HELL OUTTA HEER NOW”

“Fuck this shit, we are getting out of here NOW.  Tater!  Follow me, we are busting that front door down!”

“Oh, ok… how do yew expect us to do that though?”

Tater: *muffled talking* “Yew had ur truck in ur back pocket the whole time and didn’t tell us?!”

Sinbad: *muffled talking* “To be fair, it’s not my truck, it’s Goodwin’s.  You think I’m going to do what I’m going to do in MY truck?!  You are stupid, boy.”

Tater: “Say hello to my lil’ friend, right Pipaw?!”

Sinbad: “Boy, ain’t nothing about me ‘little’.”

*BOOOM*

Tater: *cough* “I think it would have been easier if we broke open a window…”

Sinbad: “NOW you say something about that…”

Sinbad: “Alright assholes!  I got us out of there, now YOU are going to be the one’s that destroy the house!”

Pat: “Destroy the hawse?!  Why do we need to do that?!”

Sinbad: “Because I ain’t letting no serial killer loose in the streets like that!  We destroy the house, find that bitch, and we kill her first!  You got it?!”

Bella: “Actually, that isn’t a bad idea!  And neither is Leroy putting on some clothes…”

Sinbad: “Alright you llamas!   First off, Leroy, you blow the house up seeing as you are the only one here who knows anything about explosives!  And Tater, you go with him and help him!”

Leroy: “Oh me ‘n yew’r ’bout to have a lotta fun…”

Tater: “…Do I really have to?”

Sinbad: “As fur yew four-”

Bella: “Leroy’s just gotten so much more sexier in this light to me!” (seriously, I don’t know who she’s really thinking about.  That looks NOTHING like Leroy, you stupid bimbo)

Sinbad: “Um, ok…  Jed, you get rid of the kitchen, all it’s evidence, and tear the support beams down.”

Jed: “OH MAH GAWD, I GET TO FRY SOMETHING ‘N LEAVE IT TO COOK! EEEEEEEE!”

Sinbad: “… As for YOU, Virginia… get me a bandaid.”

Virginia: “._. Dammit.”

Sinbad: “And Pat… I don’t know, you’re dressed as a caveman, do something barbaric.”

Pat: “I know ‘XACTLY wut I’m gonna do!  WIFE!  Fetch me my car keys!”

Bella: “OMG Pat, look out for that table!  Pat!  I think we are stuck on that couch now!”

Pat: “Dammit woman!  Can’t you see I’m drivin?!  Stop tellin’ me how to destroy the livin’ room already!”

Tater: “DAMN YOU SINBAD, YEW CAN’T TELL ME WHO TO WORK WITH, I WILL DESTROY WUT I WANT WITHOUT LEROY”

Jed: “Dammit kid, I wanted to destroy the kitchen :(”

Everyone else: *knocked out from blast or some shit*

Bloaty: “Oh shit oh shit oh shit, I knew I shouldn’t have gone to try to find Tater, oh shit oh shit oh shit…”

Bloaty: “Wait.. can dogs spontaneously combust like that?!”

Tater: “Thanks fur helpin’ me save mah pig, Leroy.  I guess working with you from the beginnin’ wasn’t such a bad idea…”

Leroy: “Oh just shut it boy ‘n grab ur pig, ‘n let’s go!”

“Oh, um… *fishes out of habit* yeah… take that… evil… hawse fish…” (-_-)

Sinbad: “DAMMIT JED, GET YOUR USELESS ASS DOWN HERE AND HELP ME”

“Wut the hell are yew doin’, Sinbad?!”

“I’m blockading the slaughter room, Jed!  Fuck that room, anything and everything in that room is NOT getting back out after I told Leroy to set some explosives off in there!”

“Um… speakin’ of grammpaw, I haven’t seen him lately…”

“OH HELL, SINBAD!  OPEN THE DOOR!  THE FIRE’S GETTIN’ REALLY HAWT IN HEER!  I DON’T WANNA CATCH FIRE AGAIN… SINBAD!  SINBAD!!”

*Later*

Sinbad: “Good work gang.  I think this house has finally been torn a new asshole, and nothing that was in that house survived.  If Sabrina and/or the killer was still in it, they’re dead now.”

Virginia: “Amen.  This turned out to be a decent Holla’ween aftur all…”

Jed: “Except Leroy’s dead.”

Pat: “That’s ok, he made better firewood than hawse rubble anyway.  Tater, pass me that piece of kindle, the one that kinda’ looks like Leroy’s hammertoe.”

Tater: “…Yew guys, I think I’m really kinky for this torchur’ chair.  Is it alright if I kept it, papa?”

Meanwhile, I was across town, because I apparently forgot to furnish my house with a bar.

“Yep, can’t believe I about threw a party without booze.  Not like I drink anyway, but I can’t have 7 rednecks in my house without beer, they’d kill me… glad I managed to get to the store before it closed though…”

“*sniff sniff* Hey, what smells like burnt rubble and Leroy?”

“OH MY GOD!  MY HOUSE!  WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE!”

“Oh damn marshmellow *swat* I’m so tired of fire today…”

“I had JUST GOTTEN this house back too!  What the hell did you do to my house?!  Why is there an overturned Goodwin truck in my driveway?!  Why is all my walls destroyed?!  WHY ARE YOU USING LEROY’S NOSE AS FIREWOOD?!”

“The question is, where the hell were YOU?!  We tore that house up looking for you, and you’ve been driving around panhandling for booze?!  Your house tried to KILL us, Sabrina!  You traumatized that poor Tater kid for life!”

“Must… do… homework…oh sob…”

“And all because you can’t keep your ketchup in the fridge where it should be instead of parading around in it in your your house like a slob!”

“What the hell are you talking about?  I don’t have ketchup, I haven’t had the house long enough to even go get groceries yet!”

“Don’t pretend that you don’t have ketchup!  Someone with boots had trailed it all over the house, down to your basement, and set up a fancy slaughter room full of your dead enemies and other people!”

“I can’t believe you people!  I was only out for seven minutes!!  I just panicked when I found out that we didn’t have any drinks, ran out of my house, and you managed to go through all my things, destroy my house, and get Leroy killed during then?!  …Over spilt KETCHUP?!”

“Yes, Leroy died a hero, that brave brave, ugly man.”

“I still think he was thumpin’ ’round wid mah wife, the damn horny toad…”

“Listen.  Yew don’t understand.  We were being stalked by a killer, do yew understand that?  This… person wus in ur hawse, leadin’ us on, captured Tater ‘n tried to kill’em!  Ur hawse, it’s messed up!  There’s trap doors everywhere, almost all ur closets lead down to the basement, and there were attack dobermans that tried to kill Pat and Bloaty.  Don’t tell us we overreacted, we did our civil duties as ‘mericans and kicked some ass!”

“You’re right, I don’t understand at all!”

“Ya see, we ain’t no Scooby Doo gang, we didn’t just go around waitin’ to get cawght.  Once we knew somethin’ was goin’ down, we destroyed everything before it destroyed us!”

“That reminds me, you owe me a new truck.  And our medical bills.”

“But you guys are crazy!  No one was in danger, no one was going to die!  I never built a basement in this damn mansion, all I did to it after getting it back was decorate for Holloween!  I don’t have dobermans, hell I can’t even get Pets to work right now! I don’t have any dead bodies buried anywhere, because I never in a thousand years couldn’t get the guts to murder anyone!  And lastly, Tater was in no danger!  I would never let the heir into any place I thought he was going to get hurt in!”

“Oh, I dun’ belee’ that!  This crazy bitch had me strapped to this freaky-ass chair, which in turn I found oddly comfurtable, and threatened to stuff me in a coffin!  And she luked like yew!  Now don’t tell me I wasn’t in trouble!”

“Tater, now don’t be ridiculous.  No one is in this house except for me, you, and these idiots out here.  If there was some chick in the house threatening to kill you, I would know about it, now wouldn’t I?”

“Well, I guess that’s true…”

“But what about the basement and the slaughter room?  Leroy died in there!  There’s no way we could have been making that up?”

“I think you were all just freaked out, and tired, and you all ended up hallucinating or something.  Did anyone get into any ‘narcotics’ while I was gone or something?!”

“Eh… maaaaaybe…”

“Then there you go.  You are all crazy rednecks that I will never again invite to any house parties for as long as I live.  The ‘footprints’, the ‘fridge’, the ‘dead bodies’ all these ‘closets and hidden doors’ the ‘dogs’… you guys ended up feeding off each other’s imaginations and freaked out.  And now Leroy’s dead, did you learn anything tonight?”

“I think I learnt’ that I like S&M.”

“DIDN’T want to know that, Tater.”

Bella: “Sooooo… everything that happened tonight was a second-hand drug induced hallucination?”

Sinbad: “Sigh, you are a drug induced hallucination, Bella.  You are already burnt out.”

Bella: “What’s THAT supposed to mean?!”

Sabrina: “Now now, guys.  You are all just tired, irritated, and still a little freaked out.  Come on now, it’s almost dawn, I bet you are all hungry.  How about we all go to the diner and you all pay for my breakfast.  Would you guys like that?”

Tater: “I wanna go to Taco Bell.”

Pat: “Nooo, Burger King.”

Sabrina: “Sigh… just come on.”

The Women: “I CAN’T BELIEVE LEROY DIED, WHY”

Pat: “Dammit guys, why are yall still concerned over that pervert?!”

Bloaty: “YOU GUYS FORGOT ABOUT ME?!  YOU WENT TO SAVE ME FROM THE DOGS AND FORGOT ABOUT ME!”

Sinbad: *muffled from distance* “Someone stop that pig from squealing so much before I turn him into bacon!”

Tater: *Muffled offended cussing*

“…Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have played around with them so long, I should have killed them all when I had the teenager as bait…”

“Oh well… they did destroy the walls to this cursed manor… now I can make my escape into the streets…”

“get them eventually all one by one… starting with my mother…”

“…”

Stupid left behind doberman: “…OH, was this the part where we were supposed to all fade out?!  Oh damn, forgot my cue.”

***

And thus ends the little Holloween special from the Secksies.  It would have been better if half the stuff I wanted in this special worked in my computer.  Glad I planned this thing out last month.  I’ll add all their little costumes to the download page so you know where they are from, once I get my computer back and separate their sources from the bad CC sources.

Well, that’s it.  My mansion is destroyed (again, kinda) and everyone goes home with a happy ending!

Well, not every one.

“Please, nawt again!  I can’t die like this twice, ‘specially nawt in this room!  Spare me this time, I didn’t even git laid this go ’round like I was gonna!”

“Sigh, you really are sad, Leroy Secksie.”

HAPPY HOLLOWEEN EVERYONE!

And hopefully the Secksies will be back by Holloween just in time for pets, and horses and doggies and I WILL SACRIFICE MY COMPUTER TO A HAWAIIAN VOLCANO GOD IF NOT.