How to Play a Banjo

I’ve been meaning to post this chapter for a few days now, but every time I get on the game, it crashes, or I get destracted my CAS and/or my other legacy ideas, or the internet, or I get sick, or someone/thing else gets sick, or work, or the Sims 3 Pets comes to mind and then I don’t have the drive to play the puny little game I have until I get Pets…

Which by the way has a new trailer, anyone else seen it?

“OH. MAH. GAWD.  This new magical creature… it’s so BEAUTA’FUL!”

The unicorn?  Yeah, that is a pretty cool animal to put in the game-

“Nawt dat damn thing!  Er’body knows unicorns ain’t real, I’m talkin’ bout THIS!!”

“I’M SO ‘ASITED BOUT DEM DEER I DONE GONE TURNED NEAR INVISABUL’ THAT I DID”

Not quite sure what most people are really expecting from an NPC animal that will probably only give a sim a +5 moodlet, but I still want this in my game NOW.

“Pfft +5 moodlet, I’d jus’ be as happy if I can shoot it, or at least hit it wid’ the car jus’ fur something diff’rent to run over ‘sides old women ‘n kids on bikes.”

“Papa, don’t go hittin’ the deer wid’ the cars!  The cars are our friends too… ‘n I ain’t pullin’ no carcasses outta the grill of the Charger!”

“Wut’cha doin’ there Tatur?  Sum homework?  Well dang, I’d join yew ‘n all this, but I plan on standin’ on the porch fur three hours aftur I put this juice box heer fur ya to clean up fur me.”

“See Dewie?  That righ’ thur is why the family hates yew.”

Oh, and this is what happened to Bear after that error code 12 shit from last chapter, the invisable part anyway.

“BLARGHRUGHUGHN”

It took two game restarts for him to return to normal but he’s fine now.

“DAMMIT TATUR, LATE FUR SCHOOL, DON’T YEW START TURNIN’ INTO UR DELIQUENT SISTUR ON ME BOY”

“Grandma, I was GETTIN on the bus before yew stopped me to yell at me, wut’s ur damn problem?!”

“MAH PROBLEM IS YEW LATE FUR SCHOOL, SECKSIES AREN’T LATE FUR ANYTHIN’ ‘N UR GROUNDED, NO PROM FUR YEW”

So full of craaaaap

Um, Dale?  I thought you were going bald…

“Wut, I’ve been baldin’ all my life, can’t a man bathe in a wig once ‘n a while?”

He then later went to the top of the barn, where he got burned in two minutes.  He sucks at that thing.

“Yo man, w-what you gonna do with that fish net, h-huh?”

“Somethin’ I shoulda done a long time ago…”

“NO SPARE ME PLEASE AHHH!”

“Haha, die fish die!”

(Actually, the pictures were accidentally uploaded in the wrong order showing that the fish was automatically replaced after the dying one was taken out, but I didn’t feel like reversing it by the time I noticed.  Doesn’t matter, the new Sinbad IV died soon after this event anyway.)

Oh dammit, NOT AGAIN.

“This is a safe surrender site.”

“Um, lady, this is a school, nawt ‘n orphanage.”

“I don’t see what you mean, DERP DERP.”

*Whatever time it was between the time Mt. Dew got out of school and when Tater snuck off to prom*

“Wut?  Who’s this dumb bitch, n’ why is she lettin’ that baby starve on the ground?”

“LEWAH”

“LEDERP”

“Gud lawd, I hope to gawd dat wutever she’s lukin’ up at in the sky’s intrestin’.”

Tater was his same mean self at prom (so much for being friendly) and he and Luther got back together.  Such was expected.

However, in this go around, Deborah felt the need to wake up and drop dead while Tater was at prom.  I could have sworn she was just 89!

“Poor Dale.  Kinna’ glad I didn’t accept his purposal… this is jus’ gonna break his lil’ heart…”

WHAT?  The tin box urn?!  I know I didn’t get very far in her hard-ass LTW, but I KNOW for a fact that she should have hard at least a medium tombstone!

“Yeah yeah, yew were ripped off, come on already Death… befur Dale wakes up ‘n sees me gone!”

And just like Deborah wanted, Dale slept peacefully through her death, dreaming about her tasty fried chicken she was going to cook for dinner the following day (matter of fact, all the other Secksies on the lot slept through her death too.  Lazy dipshits.)

“… Did she really leave her child jus’ sittin’ on the sidewalk the whole time?!  Whur’s the social worker when ya need ‘im?!”

The next morning, Dale woke up with a broken heart, and trying to figure out where it was coming from, went to go find Deborah.

“Deb-baby?  Did’ja happen to find the newpaper dis mawnin’?  I think I gotta fleetin’ suspecion that Edith’s obituar’ees gonna be in there ‘n… whoa wut’s this ash tray doin’ on the floor, I could’a tripped ovur this stupid thing ‘n broke mah neck!”

“Deb’ruh, wut I tell yew ’bout yew leavin’ ur shit all ovur the ha-Deb’ruh?”

“Well da’s weird, where’d that woman run off to this early in the mawnin’?”

Poor Dale, if only you knew.

“Nope, I don’t wanna know wut mah parent’s are doin’ naked in the kitchen ‘r whur all this water came frum, jus’ want mah cake ‘n I’ll be on my way, thanks.”

“Hurray, finally a happy moment in mah life!  I’m gettin’ mah own birthday cake!”

“Yes well I’m on mah way to scold yew fur a D in school!  Ur right, this is a happy moment, at least for me!”

You are supposed to be cheering for her birthday, not making her life miserable!

“Well mah life’s miserable, ‘n I’m gonna stand heer ’til she gets the scolding she deserves!”

ALL OF YOU GO AWAY AND LEAVE HER ALONE

Well… she’s… not really… what I was expecting…

“Jus’ come on ‘n say it, I’m UGLY!”

Nooo, not ugly… just not… what I was expecting this late in the legacy.  She is going to need a makeover that’s going to take everything I got *breaks out toolbox*

(By the way, since she had such a traumatic childhood, she grew up a smoozer.  I guess when she spent her whole childhood getting yelled at, the only way to make everyone happy with her is to suck up to them.  Poor thing.)

The family got a gift, by the way, from the talented Sarah, which now hangs in both the trailer and the main house.

“I, personally, think this picture would look better in binary, especially that loser lookin’ guy wid the red hairOH HI Pat”

“Hmmm… remind me to kill yew later wid the hose.”

“Yo Pat, have yew seen Deb’ruh all day?  She’s been missin’ since this mawnin’ ‘n I’ve been waitin’ all day wid this rap I wrote fur her that’s surely gonna get this ring on her finger this time…”

“Pa?  Um… I don’t really know how to tell yew this… but ma’s dead…”

“……Oh… No, no… Nawt mah Deb’ruh…”

“SOB!  Oh mah poor Deb’ruh, how could I nawt have known!”

“Um, there there, papa… Uh, well mama knew she was gonna die fur a while now, I don’t think she wanted yew’ta worry ‘r be sad about it…”

“But I LOVED her Pat!  I really did love ur mama!  ‘N I really love yew too son!”

“Oh GAWD dad don’t say that… Nawt cus I don’t love yew (which is true, I don’t love yew), but it’s gonna be ok, papa.”

Anyway, Mt. Dew post makeover *snicker*

“Jus’ cause yew saw a similar outfit on someone at Walmart, doesn’t mean yew can stuff it on me D:<”

Yes the hell I can!  At least Mt. Dew can rock the look, the person I saw at Walmart could… not.

“LOOK Dewie!  I’ve already told yew once that this hawse ain’t big ’nuff fur the two of us!  Best if yew BACK OFF!”

“Jesus Tatur, I jus’ asked if I could bum a cigarette, no need to get touchy!”

“So long as yew understand who’s top dawg round heer.  Now, on to a more surious mattur…”

“Mama?  You’ve been sittin’ at the bar nursin’ drinks fur two days, don’t yew think yew should git somethin’ made fur dinner ‘r something?”

“Yeah Bella, ur kid’s ‘r right, I think yew really need to git outta mah spot already.”

“Humph.  You guys don’t know anything about the pain I’m going through right now, the traumatic mental torture I’m dealing with!”

“Mid life crisis, you whiney bitch?”

“YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY PAIN!”

“HOLY SHIT!  Mah WRISTS!  They’re BROKEN!  BELLA!  Git out heer ‘n help me!  I need a pair of pliers, a turna’kit, and a bottle of Jack Daniels!”

“BELLA?!  …Bella?  …Well damn, whur is dat slow woman?”

“Humph, Bella Secksie.  I’m not SUPPOSED to be this little Bella Secksie-house-on-the-prairie-hillbilly-kitchen-farmer-wife!  I’m supposed to be BELLA GOTH!  Woman of every man’s wet dream!  The rich bitch on the lane with every man at her beck ‘n call!  Instead, I have to take care of a rotting house and a heard of rednecks!  Mortimer was supposed to rescue me already!  I’m so close to being an elder too, my wrinkles are starting to come in!  I’m supposed to be with the aliens at this point, with the probes… those sweet probes… where the hell are the aliens already?!”

“Up where they fly… kidnap for fun… up where they stay all day on the sun… probing me… wish I could be… part of that wooooooooorld!”

No need to go and ruin a perfectly good disney song.

“Bella dear?  You’ve been out heer all night lukin’ through that thing, don’t cha think yew need to come on to bed wid me ‘n go to sleep already?”

“Not right now Pat! This is the time of night when all the ali-I MEAN the new stars come out!  Don’t worry about me right now, I’ll be in there later.”

“Well, ok dear.”

“But I heard yew singin’ out heer ‘n wanna know if I can join yew!  ‘N also, since I broke my wrists today out in the gard’n, luk at how I can play mah banjo now wid’ my broken arms!”

*twangalangtwangtwangtwangalangtwangtwangtwang*

“Mmhmm, that’s nice Pat.”

“Yew ain’t even payin’ attention to me!”

So Pat got angry at his wife’s uninterest in his playing and beat Bella in the head with his banjo.

Anyway, at some point or another, I felt that the Secksies need to throw another teen party since Tater’s first one sucked so hard, so Tater broke out the entertainment and opened the barn to the public!

“Oh no!  Nawt ‘nother onna these things!  I’m gonna git in trouble fur this one too, I jus’ know it!”

Don’t worry about it, Mt. Dew.  It’s not REALLY a teen party.  The adults are still here, and they know about it.

“Luks like this party could use a lil’ FO TWENNY! (Damn I ain’t used that nickname in years…)

“Great, another adult crashing this lame party.  I’m uncomfortable attending a party in a run down barn as it is!”

“Dang, now I’m glad I crashed this lame party.  Because that is one sexy turkey.”

(Lol, I swapped Styx’s hopeless romantic trait with the flirty trait.  EVERYONE IN MY GAME GETS THE FLIRTY TRAIT LOLOLOL 8D)

“Hey this party ain’t so bad!”

“What are you talking about, this party SUCKS!  I’d rather be home right now than at your lame ass party, Dewie!”

“Oh shut up Grady ‘n dance with someone already!  Go dance wid my brothur, he has a tendency to punch people in the face that dance better than ‘im anyway.  Speakin’ of Tatur, whur did he run off to?”

Lol, might as well lap it up with his boyfriend while he can 8D

“Get your shoulder out of my shot Starla, I’m going to put these two on my youtube account.  Giggity.”

“Hey my kid’s party’s purdy awesome out heer!  Hey guys, how ’bout a lil’ banjo music to lighten the mood?!”

“Oh mah gawd dad, git outta heer, ur embarassin’ me…”

“HOLY SHIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIS ARM AAHHHHH!”

“So glad your father distracted everyone after bashing your cousin Shanon in the head with that banjo long enough for us to sneak off and hide behind your family’s time machine!”

“Oh, I’m so ‘asited to be heer wid’ yew Mack that I could jus’… jus’…”

“Piss yourself?”

“Oh, UH…”

“Now THIS is entertainment right here!  Hey everyone!  Dewie just pissed all over herself!”

“Atta gurl!  That’s mah granddawgthur!”

“Girl pees on herself at party, now THIS is what should be on youtube, Styx!”

“Mmm, I don’t know, Starla.  Not to this cheesy halfbaked soundtrack.  You can dub a laughing track over it later, can’t you?”

“OMG Mack, that did NAWT jus’ happen!  My life is ovur!”

“No it isn’t Dewie, you are with me!  And I’m awesome :D”

“I’M SO SCREWED”

The party ended just fine and life moved on.  Except Shanon I expect because I never saw her even leave the lot (Jesus, Pat how hard did you hit her?)

I suspect that it might be time for an heir poll.  Why not, Mt. Dew does deserve a chance at this, even if in my opinion, she looks like a horse <_<

“STOP CALLIN’ ME NAMES”

Yes yes, you are beautiful, whatever your parents have told you. (between scoldings probably)

As usual, poll is here unless you can’t go there for whatever reason, just say whatever in the comments (the poll pretty much just helps me keep track)

“It’s ok papa, I heard yew broke ur wrists yesterday, I jus’ wanna let yew know that I’ve broken my shouldurs’ too!”

“Oh mah poor son!  I guess I gave yew dem brittle bones ‘a urs ;_;”

<_<

About missmiserie

I make sims legacies and update them once every other blood moon :)
This entry was posted in Generation 7. Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to How to Play a Banjo

  1. StyxLady says:

    “those sweet probes…” XD ILU Bella. And the gif you made was full of SO MUCH WIN. I gotta say, I’m not usually attracted to turkey, but that was one fine-looking fowl. >.>

    I went and voted! Since this is a prettacy I had to vote for the most attractive one….sorry Mt. Dew. >< OMG where can I get my very own Bella and Pat painting?? WANT.

    • missmiserie says:

      That damn gif D: I had such a problem getting it to scale down so it wouldn’t blow up all over the place like the last one. And strangely enough, no one even touched that damn bird ._.

      HAH, I don’t even think M.D. has gotten a vote yet. I thought about pity voting her but nah.

      And the Bella and Pat painting was a gift from Skehrer. She knows more about the gifting and giving of zip files (I’m still figuring that one myself since I’m not good with computer.)

  2. Tree says:

    Bawwww I low Dewie’s hair. wer u get?! I also feel like she’s going to grow into her weird horse-face. But I still think Tater is cuter. Plus Tater is a cuter name. So he should win. The end.

  3. skehrer says:

    OMG, I want petsssssssss… I hope the unicorns fart rainbows!
    RIP Deb! You will be missed. Poor Dale. 😦
    What is with Mountain Dew? Doesn’t she know this is a Prettacy?!?! LOVE her makeover! OMG I LOVE IT!!!! Where did you get her hair?
    The picture looks great in your house!!!
    Bella’s Disneyesque alien probe song. A+++ And I love the banjo beating!

    Should I put the painting up for download then?
    Off to vote. Tater all the way, poor Dewie got those Bella genetics…

    • missmiserie says:

      I don’t konw what the matter was with M.D. I should have heeded your warning better when you said Bella’s babies were funky (you were the one that old me that, right?) At least we have Tater? Maybe she’ll grow into it… I doubt it though.
      Once again, thanks for it! I guess you could put it up for download, Styx said she wanted it for some reason XD
      Yeah, Tater has already swamped the poll XD

    • madlyeely says:

      Damn, it was me that recommended Bella as a spouse. Dx

      Still, you gotta admit Tater’s cute as well as interesting. And he’s got Simis’ hair. 😀

      • madlyeely says:

        godammit, I mean he’s INTERESTING-looking. maybe not interesting. that kind of implies he’s intelligent. O_O
        I’M GOING TO STOP SPAMMING EVERYTHING UP WITH MY POSTS NOW.

      • missmiserie says:

        Don’t feel bad, I thought Bella was a good idea too seeing as she was the Prettacy-spouse-to-have in the sims 2. I know, we haven’t had brown hair since Berkley and haven’t had a brunette run the legacy since Leroy!

  4. Aww, poor Dale. Btw! I was being naughty and looking at the exchange, (which is NOT a good idea, because I ended up downloading more sims just because I liked their hair. -_-) and I saw Dale! I downloaded lots, and I’m pretty sure you made it in the game!

    I’m gonna have to vote for Tater. Wow, we haven’t had a female heir since Virginia! Deflate ladies need to step it up!

    • ***Secksie ladies. What the fuck, iPod.

      • Ah, yes. I have yet another reply! How did you do that custom banner thing up at the top of your page? I had made this really cool one, but now I don’t know where to put it. ;_;

      • missmiserie says:

        Let’s see, if the theme of your blog has a customizable banner (go to the themes listing page and check the tags, it will say so) you can go to Dashboard>Appearance>Header>Upload image. And then from there 😀

    • missmiserie says:

      Hah, Dale was uploaded not that long ago actually, so I wouldn’t doubt it! Yay, I made it in?! Well I wouldn’t doubt it, my simself is pretty base game =_= she needs an update…

      HAH, Deflate ladies. I guess it’s that auto speller on your iPod XD

      • I HAVE JUST HAD A STROKE OF BRILLIANCE!

        I was wondering WHY EA made Bella look so funky. I think they tried to make her look slightly like an alien! She’s got that weird face shape and the giant eyes! Maybe the aliens picked her up thinking she was a relative of them!!!

  5. nuclearwaffles says:

    Sweeeeet probes! Bahahaha!

    I dunno, Dew does kinda rock that outfit, but yeah, she does also kinda look like a horse. But when you said seeing someone 300+ pounds wearing that, my mind was magically transported back to Alabama and only the power of absolute creeped-out-ness was able to bring me back to Guam.

    I am going to have to vote for Tater. lol I didn’t even try to go in the poll… and I don’t remember why I can’t vote there, but I just know I can’t for some reason, and I don’t even try anymore. Tatur Tatur!

    • missmiserie says:

      I swear it’s the same lady I saw at Walmart ages ago with JUICY on the butt of her booty shorts and my grandmother about died laughing ._.

      Trust me, I think Tater already won XD

  6. madlyeely says:

    Dew looks like Deborah with her face shape, kinda. At least she doesn’t have hollow cheeks. ;_;
    Poor Dale, got a new womanfolk lined up for him? Oh yeah, and did the impregnation mod work?

    You might find this interesting… *CUE X-FILE THEME*

    http://hideki.modthesims2.com/showthread.php?t=409100&c=1&ht=&page=1&pp=25#startcomment

    • missmiserie says:

      Yeah, I blame myself for those cheeks. I was going for a horsey feel with Dina and Nina when I made them, but when Deborah was pumped out, she had just a pretty face anyway that I had to breed most of her genes back into the family =_= And what impregnation mod? Did I forget something? Crap XD

      O_O I noticed all the blockaids and stuff too, but I had more of a GTA-world-level-barrier state of mind with that stuff. Still, dang.

      • madlyeely says:

        Well, the whole y’know, need for an heir to Tater and Luther, rather than *the Southern Prettacy abruptly dies out at Generation 8 because of an abrupt change in sexual orientation and inability to produce manbabies. Leroy’s ghost becomes angrier than ever.*

        I vote for Luther getting a nice camp makeover once he’s in. 😀

        Have you noticed the patch of meteor holes right near the Curious house?
        Even in the game description of the town it says “then the dam came along and changed everything forever”. It would totally account for all the mutated-looking townies. O_O

      • missmiserie says:

        Yeah, that;s the biggest problem I’m going to have… if Tater get’s heirship (What am I saying, he WILL get heirship, his sister doesn’t stand a chance) we are either going to have to get the male on male baby maker mod to work. If not, it’s back to a strict, bible smacking southern man on woman wedding, which will probably make more sense with the redneck parody theme v_v

        I haven’t noticed anything near the Curious house except bad genetics I didn’t want anywhere near my sims <_< but any meteor holes related to the Curious' could point more to Steward Curious than anything else Not sure what to say about the dam, because anytime something remotely happens or comes along in a southern town, people blame it for all the problems, they were probably mutated and imbred in the first place XD

  7. Mira says:

    Hi I for some reason can’t vote on the poll so I’ll vote for Tater here okay thanks bye

  8. Gargantua says:

    LOL! Brittle bone disease! But I have to say, being able to swing a banjo round your head while playing it takes lots of talent! Yet another reason to love Pat.

    Sarah’s painting really looks at home in the Secksie house, I must say.

    As to the deer, I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but there is a mod over at Mod The Sims that essentially allows your sims to equip guns and start shooting at other sims. I don’t see why it can’t be used to hunt some deer as well. 🙂 Nothing like turning your sims into a pvp zone, eh?

    If we have to vote for the prettiest Secksie, then Tater wins hands down. But if you don’t want to win it so soon, maybe throw a wringer into the works, then the horse, er I mean Dewie should win.

    • missmiserie says:

      I was going to put the photo over the fireplace but the mantle was eating it, so it’s in the far corner of the house. Maybe the Secksies will spend more time in that corner now!

      Oooh, what kind of guns can be used in this mod? Because I had an idea, and gave up on that idea months ago, but still would be a good resource idea!

      We are on the 8th generation, I should get serious about this prettacy stuff. You try to make it more of a challenge by mixing some Bella genes in the mix and you get a horse.

      • Gargantua says:

        There are all kinds of guns from what I remember – handguns, rifles, shotguns, etc. You could totally set your sim up somewhere and start picking off sims. It works like a skill, so the better you are, the more likely you are to kill your target. And if you are really bad, I think you have a chance of getting caught by the police and stuff.

      • missmiserie says:

        dang, that sounds like a pretty fancy mod. I’ll have to save that page to my favorites and try it one day :O

  9. Bella’s Disney Style probe song made me piss myself (not literally, but damn close)! XD
    LOVE IT!!

  10. Pingback: OMG an Update!?! | Food Family Legacy

  11. Mary/May says:

    Love your Legacy!!

    http://www.modthesims.info/download.php?t=445455

    Its an auto-save thing. It’s helped me from losing my saves… so far anyway. You just set it to 5 to 10 mins or something. Instructions are on the page. If you dont have a mod the sims acct. you have to get one i think all you need is an email.. they dont send you any crap emails. Good Luck.

    • missmiserie says:

      I have seen this mod before. The only problem with my game saving constantly is that after so many saves, it starts throwing error code 12 and so at me. I don’t know if this mod will agitate this problem or if it can prevent it… if you use it, what’s your opinion of it and how does it work on your computer?

  12. The Sims 3 Pets keeps coming to mind for me too and making me not want to play until I have it. And yet I want to start a new legacy once I have it and I want to finish my current challenge before I do that. Oh the dilema.

    Oh and LMFAO at the reaction to the deer.

    You are my favorite legacy writer. I’m so glad I found you. When I came back from my 5 year break everyone was writing with poses and plots and seriousness and real life stuff. I did not like it so much but you, you are keeping to the old way I used to enjoy so much. And you are hilarious!

    I had no idea their urns could be a tin box! O,o
    Another awesome chapter!

  13. Pingback: Banjo Sheet Music | playthebanjo.net

  14. SimBlip says:

    Yeah Bella, I’m entirely with you gitl. Oh, but little bear… isn’t he precious?

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