I know Dale, and I’m sorry you are so miserable, but how do you think I feel?
Since last chapter, the toddlers have driven me insane. Over and over again too, I’m really starting to regret every trying for a baby with Virginia and Darrell again.
“Nooooo! Now Boom-Boom hear baby cry, Boom-Boom can’t be frozen in piece!”
Yeah, um, I’m really sick of these babies. I have gon ethough their toddler days NINE TIMES. NINE. NO ONE should have to go through three toddlers NINE FUCKING TIMES
FUCK THIS I’M CHEATING
So here are Danica and Tammy Jo, or Dammy as I like to call them
Damn Brats is too long and I’ve photoshopped them together just to point out how alike they look. Only I know who’s the real Danica and Tammy BWAHAHA
But of you can tell, well, you are just paying attention too closely, and that creeps me out. Weirdo.
Danica was excitable and friendly from her baby years, but I couldn’t stand teaching them skills nine times in a row, so she grew up absent-minded. T.J. was brave and friendly, but grew up with unlucky.
But I like twins (R.P. doesn’t count, he’s a loser, remember?) that dress the same because they are so spiffy like that AMIRITE
“I can’t help it, I swear ;_;”
Please keep your little family drama out of the Secksie front yard, Lonnie.
Yeah, a lot of roads out near the edges of Twinbrook, like near the Bayless house, are starting to flood.
COULD THIS SIGNIFY THE END
“Wut is it, babe?”
“I’m Lady Gaga!”
Are you KIDDING me?!
Look, don’t throw no attitude with me, Virginia, and just pay the damn things and get them out of our way.
“So anyway, I jus’ finished bein’ a big time fishergurl, n’ decided that I needed a career change. Yall got any openins’ fur me to try out fur? I just spent the last couple years dressin’ toddlers, I think that’s gud ’nuff qualuh’fuhcation, don’t you think?”
“Hmm… the last guy that paid fur me in a bouquet of roses was real nice…”
“Did yew even hear a word I said?”
“Huh, wut? Oh… yeah, ur hired I guess…”
“Anything fur yew, cuz’. I just need something’ to distract people from this lazy eye, ya’ know?”
“I know, and I have just the thing fur that… red heels!”
“Yeah, I do believe my lil’ trick was awesome!”
“Wut, nooo, I have an entirely different outfit fur yew, Nicolas…”
“It is! I added a hat!”
“Damn, now I’m wearin’ red heels too?!”
“Oh someone please get this little freak away from me…”
Oh shush, Robbie. Just be happy it isn’t both of them.
“Yeah, I suddenly don’t feel like it was a good idea to put on my bathing suit out here by myself…”
“Hey. Don’t diss my outfit choice!”
Going to dress the whole town up in this pattern, Virginia?
And I just now noticed that the boys swapped beds on me without me noticing. Morons.
Behold, I can’t layout a single room without fucking hassles like this. Sigh.
I REALLY am starting to hate this with a passion.
Not like you are even looking at her face anyway.
“That sounds nice I guess.”
Wow, totally unprepared for that one, weren’t you, Jay?
“No, it’s nawt that, I just wasn’t expectin’ yew to move in as quickly as yew did! Besides, I haven’t even seen ur face yet, yew really think I’m gonna let yew just kiss me like that?”
“Aww, don’t be sad, maybe next time or something, wen I ain’t afraid that the bill of ur hat’ll sever my head’r somethin…”
“I feel your thrill, Virginia.
“I skipped school to crash a party here?! What a crappy house!”
Don’t ask, just spin, Dale.
GO TO SCHOOL DAMMY, THE BUS LEFT HALF AN HOUR AGO, DAMN!
“Hey, at least I grew up lucky, right?”
“Wut it is, mu-fuckas”
“Annnnd, I’m really uncomfurtabul’ now…”
“Yeah, me and dad went in for haircuts, and this chick strips us and stuffs us in gaudy green outfits and charged us $65 for them! We are NEVER going back there again!”
“And yet, yall’re still wearing the outfits…”
“Well hello there lil’ Dixie gurl, ur mama told me all ’bout yew while she was holding me down naked while having a hooker stuff this flowery vest on me”
“Oh jeez, heer too?!”
“OH GAWD MY HIP”
“Someone… call an… ambulance…”
“… And with that, I’m goin’ home.”
“Out collectin’ deliquints like yew and… hey, you’re kinda cute! Not all that often I get a cute lil’ gurl on my shift like this…”
“Yeah, ur’ just creeping me out…”
“Hey, at least I didn’t get arrested!”
“Jeez daddy, git off my back!”
“DIXIE ADAIR SECK-”
“YEW CAN’T DO THIS TO ME, YEW AIN’T EVEN MY REAL DADDY!”
“Well, yew ain’t! So stop pretendin’ like yew are!”
“…Come on Dix! That really hurts mah feelin’s , yew know!”
“SCREW ur feelin’s, I DON’T have to put up with this! You ain’t my real daddy, so stop pretendin’ like yew are, Darr’ll.”
“No. I’m going to bed.”
So let’s end this chapter on a happy birthday. Maybe.
“Why don’t we have any birthday guests?”
Because I didn’t care, now hurry up and blow out the candles so I can save before a-
OH FUCK THIS SHIT