Soon after the death of Pilot’s only child before Jamie became old and useless and deleted, another little baby was born into Twinbrook, and I couldn’t have been more pleased.
Then two days later, THIS shit happens:
Those people don’t need to be parenting, damn! Fortunately, the game crashed when I went to edit town mode to find out what the fuck was going on with the town’s supply of infants. But, during a CC test run I noticed that Dwayne died again despite being there when I turned the game on.
Suddenly, I was filled with the desire to save this child’s life whether the game fucking wanted to or not, and thought growing the kid up might help.
“Why am I here all of a sudden?!”
For your baby’s birthday, so it can grow up without dying a horrible firey death, you fuck up excuse for a parent 🙂
“But… the robot’s really creeping me out!”
Get used to it, he’s at all parties.
“What the fuck is THAT?!”
Just pick up your toddler and leave already, my good deed is done.
And with that, Dwayne has been alive in my game ever since.
Unlike Ira here.
“Why is my death important?”
Because you are Darrell’s father, and Dodge just happened to be at the fire department when you croaked, for reasons I don’t remember.
“B-but… he hasn’t even gotten the chance to pay me yet!”
“I don’t want to know…”
“This ‘cosplay idea’ of his wus expensive! Now ur sayin’ I done gone done all of this for NOTHIN’?!”
“That reminds me Grim ole’ boy… yew still owe me a few $k urself…”
“Oh gawd, don’t remind me, I know, I know!! I swear I’ll have it to yew befur the first, I swear!”
… Let’s just go back to the Secksie house.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you Goodwin?! Grab the health pack, it’s right behind you, you moron!”
“Shut up Sinbad, I’m doing just fine without it, I’m an expert at this level!”
“Expert my ass, you’re almost dead! Stop screwing around and heal yourself!”
This is the closest I have ever seen them get along on my game.
“Screw this, I don’t have to sit around and watch you get murdered like this. I’m too good for your shit, Goodwin.”
“Oh come on, Sinbad get back here! Dammit, I’m dying, ok Sinbad, you can help me! Come on!”
Goodwin, upset over his loss, took it out on me and became the next ghost to haunt my house 24/7. Sigh.
Soon, spring finally came to Twinbrook, and by that I mean I finally got around to adding landscape to the Secksie house, which is still pretty bad since the game crashed, again, when I first added landscape and I cut corners the second time.
Of course, with the feelings of spring come allergies, and, of course, love. Even the crippling old people feel the romance in the air.
Please don’t make the O face over the microwave, Nascar. People eat out of that.
“Virginia? Wut’re yew doin’ heer? I gotta work in a few minutes!”
“I know Darr’ll, it’s just… we hardly spend any time with each other nowadays, yew know…”
“I was just wondrin’ if yew’d like to spend this lovely day wid me, ur wife, instead! Wut’yew think baby?”
“Know wut? I’d like that very much!”
“I know! Wanna come n’ let me give yew a lil… private tour of where I work?”
“Oh Darr’ll, I thought yew’d never ask…”
And for the first time since their twister sex, which technically never happened thanks to the crash, Darrell and Virginia got it on. Yes, this their first official romp with each other. I think that’s really sad.
“So yeah dude, in Cinema 3, I totally porked my wife. Just now. Yeah.”
“DUDE. I did NOT want to know that! And not in Cinema 3! That’s where I touch myself to the Megan Fox movie! What’s WRONG with you?!”
“Damn, and I thought I wus the childish one. I’m never lettin’ Darr’ll ‘give me the tour’ heer again.”
Well, at least someone got lucky that day.
“Oh come on, Ambur! We haven’t bumped uglies in almost six months! Come on baby, I know yew gotta be gettin’ frisky too!”
“Dammit Dodge, I’ve told yew once, I’ve told yew four times today, I’m tired! I’ve been tired all day! N’ yew remembur wut happened six months ago the last time we did that?! The doctur told yew yew snapped ur pelvis in half! Do yew REALLY think it’s a good idea to be doin’ that?!”
“… yew guys do know I sleep in this room too, right?!”
“Dang, that guy is hot as hell! Ain’t he, GG?!”
“Eh, if ur into that I guess, Red.”
“And I heard he’s rich too, if I had that, I could quit my day job AND my night job… oh well…”
“Hey baby, gotta wife back home ‘r somethin’? Lookin’ for a good time, baby?”
“Haha, yeah I am!”
“Yew take coupons, right?!”
“Yeah, I have these coupons here, yew know like this one for *censoredcensored* with my junk and another one for you *censored* and *censored* with whipped cream!”
“No I don’t take coupons, you moron! They don’t even look like GOOD coupons! Yew just scribbled some words on notebook paper with a sharpie! Do I LOOK like that kind of hooker?! Go try to fool Candy with these cheap ass things, not me!”
“But… ur the pretty one! Come on, I don’t have all that much money, can’t you just take one coupon this time?!”
“NICK LOMAX SECKSIE! Are yew SOLICITATIN’ PROSTITUTES?! NO SON OF MINE IS GONNA BUY A HOOKUR IN FRONT OF ME!!”
“Yew brought your mother to buy hookers?! What’s wrong with ya?!”
“Oh gawd, now mama’s gonna spank me in front of these girls! I just can’t catch a break! Waaah!”
“Oh gawd, Red. He’s crying like a baby now. How embarassin’.”
“I know, but I just find that so damn hot! I’d still tap his sexy, whiney baby ass, anyday!”
“Damn gurl, I bet you would, now I’m hot n’ bothered too.”
I guess it was about this time that Chevy was so horrified by her son’s behavior that she promptly died that night, and Nick went off to impregnate Lonnie’s girlfriend. What is wrong with this town these days…
“I, on the othur hand, ain’t so hot n’ bothured, the sparkuls of death r’ glowin’ round my crotch! That means got erectile disfuncshun’ don’t I?!”
“Dodge Secksie! Prepare to meet thy maker. And don’t leave that miner out here like that. That’s rude.”
And so was the death of Dodge Secksie. To his family he leaves a fuck ton of books, inventions, and gems, the glitched statue Leroy picked up ages ago, and still a pink diamond short of a second simbot. I just wanted to see a female one in a game for once, dammit!
“Why Dodge! Why did’ja have to die on me?! You are so mean, Grim! You killed the only person in the world that loved me! Waaah!”
“Oh… I’m… I’m so sorry! I had no idea that man was your father! I’m SO so sorry!”
“I killed someone’s father! I’m a murderer! How can I go on LIVING with myself?!”
Shut up, Grim. You kill babies all the time, so this shouldn’t be a problem for you.
And of course, after Dodge dies, this happens.
“Fuck, we don’t have anyone in the family that can fix this anymore, don’t we?!”
“Oh grammpa! Why did yew hav’ta leave us?! Now I’ll never get to see ur smilin’ face again or walk in on yew and gramma gettin’ it on anymore… oh wait.”
“Sniff! Ghost dude! My husband just died and left me all alone!”
“There there, Amber. It will be ok, I promise.”
“I just don’t know wut to do anymore!”
Way to give a shit about your husband’s passing, Amber.
“So I wus thinkin’ bout grammpa’s death, ‘n I really think he got mauled to death by the retirement yeti while out in the graveyard!”
“*cough* The RETIREMENT YETI?! *coughchoke*”
“Hey, now that grammpa’s dead n’ all, can I miss school tomarrow? School makes me stupid in the head.”
“No, yew cannot skip school! I signed yew up to go to futball practice afturwurds, so yew might as well go to class too!”
Hardly two days after his death, Dodge came back, in just his swim wear, to bid his wife a final goodbye.
He curled up next to his wife, and while she drempt about him leaving her and breaking his heart by getting mauled by the retirement yeti, he was sleeping next to her for the last time.
But in other news, look at who’s vomi-oh, you aren’t vomiting, Virginia.
“I can’t with that Gudwin ghost guy hawntin’ our toilet. I suddenly lost the will to puke.”
Also, I added a new family pet to the house (JUST ONE, I will never take care of 13 for as long as I can help it) since I myself recently got a black moor to help cope with the loss of my dog, and by loss I mean she’s living at my mother’s because I can’t have her where I’m moving.
I also named my new fish after one of the sims because I’m uncreative <_<
“You named me Sinbad?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
HEY, it was going to be Lt. Dan the Second, now be a fish and stop talking.
“How the hell can I be a silent fish if that makes me extreamly uncomfortable with being here?!”
How is that even possible?
“Ugk, this tastes like shrapnel”
AGAIN?! AND WITH ANOTHER BABY?!
I can’t begin to express my concern with the recent murder of all the children in my town. Half of them I didn’t even know where there, so that really angers me.
I panicked and figured if one of my own sims were watching the children, then they couldn’t die, right? Flawless logic, right?
SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHE’S SAVING YOUR CHILDREN AS WE SPEAK
“WAH I’M STARVING AND MISERABLE AND EXHAUSTED”
The town’s children survived that night, and the next morning, Virginia realized that she herself would soon have one of these little bundle of joys in her life again.
“My baby belly will luk great hangin’ over my red leathur pants!”
Spoken like a true Secksie. Now get your pregnant ass over to your brother’s house and watch over the twins that were just born there!
“Aw, I’m jus’ so moved to finally be a fathur! And twins too! I’m gonna be the greatest dad this town has evur seen!”
Sorry to burst your bubble there, Lonnie, but those aren’t your kids. Your cousin Nick messed around with your girlfriend, so their his, not yours. Sorry dude.
“…Oh. Well then *promptly drops baby*”
Really, Lonnie? Because that’s real mature.
“Lawnie! Guess wut! I’m pregnant again!”
“Oh well ain’t yew just high n’ mighty then, bitch. Wut, yew come all the way ovur heer to brag ’bout this ‘cuz yew know I’M nevur gonna have kids?! Can’t yew SEE I’m pissed off heer?!”
“Well… jus’ figgured yew’d get excited ’bout bein’ an uncle again…”
“Sigh… I am sis, I’m proud of yew. Glad to see Sheldon finally gawt ’round to seein’ yew again…”
“Um, this one’s Darr’ll’s…”
And that’s it for this chapter. Baby next time? Maybe. When the town is done sacrificing the rest to some horrible cult swamp god I guess.
But why do my babies keep dying?! How can I stop it?! I’ve had a couple of people tell me that its the game killing off sims because it’s over crowded, but that doesn’t make sense, even my Sunset test legacy has three times the amount of sims with no problems!
I’m willing to try anything at this point, even Twallan’s SP again. Any ideas guys? It’s kinda wanting to target Gargantua’s kid now.
“Wut? I’ve been up heer all day nice and quiet and stayin’ out of trouble”
Dammit Leroy, you just can’t stay down, can you?!