Usually on weekends I play the sims a good bit (and even more if I’m getting over a bad crash)
So here, two chapters on one night again.
Where were we last time, Dixie’s birthday party?
“Oh god, this house terrifies me out of my mind! These people are insane! I’m so scared of them!”
Alas, this is not Dixie grown up. This is actually the child of my roommate and her boyfriend. But she’s a good sign that the town has children!
This, though, is Dixie.
“Can’t you do something about the dumbass screaming about how scared she is in the living room?!”
Holy shit you can tell she’s Sheldon’s kid! She gained the eco friendly trait, so she’ll probably go out and frolic in the woods and poop in a hole in the ground.
“Luk! I don’t need to sleep inna’ bed! I can sleep on the flur jus’ fine! Bed frames are made outta trees, which don’t have to die since I’m comfurtubul’ right heer!”
Like hell you are going to sleep on the floor. You sleep in a single bed upstairs in your grandparents room.
“Dixie! Don’t share ur sleepin’ ideas wid’ ur fathur! He can’t sleep on the flur either, his fat ass blocks my way!”
“Oops, sorry mama!”
Well fine then, I’m never inviting your ass to another party here ever again.
“Nooo, you poor old television, you never stood a chance! Why did you have to go, why?!”
Jeez Nascar, the tv has been dead before this house was built, why are you so concerned with it now?
Oh god, I did not need to come into the living room to find this.
“Thanks for making out with me mama. I haven’t had action like that in a while.”
That’s a sentence I never wanted to hear come out of Jared’s mouth.
“Same here, it’s been at least a century since your father even touched me.”
Sinbad portrait: *Evil dark scowl*
“Please Ambur, don’t make me talk to him! It’s just awkward!”
“Shut up Dodge n’ just git it ovur with! Harley called me last night and told me ’bout wut yew two talked ’bout the othur day! And I agree with her, it’s time yew two cleared the air ’bout this shit!”
“But… I don’t WANNA!”
“Sigh… Darr’ll can we talk to yew fur a minute?”
“Oh HI GUYS! I swear, I wasn’t lookin’ at anythin’ durty on yall’s computer! I wasn’t! It… it just popped up when I opened the computer, I promise!”
“…um, that’s not wut I wanted to talk to yew ’bout, but we’ll have words on that latur.”
“Dodge… I want to talk to yew ’bout Dixie and the forced weddin’. I… I realized I was in the wrong wen I forced yew to marry my dawghtur. I was just angry at the time and just wanted the fathur of the baby to be with my lil gurl ‘cuz my baby needed a husband, nawt a baby daddy, yew know?”
“Darr’ll, we know who the real fathur of Dixie is. Dodge has known fur a while now.”
“Yeah… the second Dixie came into our lives, I could kinda tell. That Sheldon kid… we walked in on them when… it… was happenin’. We were angry n’ then Vurginyuh came up thinkin’ yew were the fathur… we had no idea at the time.”
“How DARE YEW! I spent the past FIVE YEARS livin’ in FEAR of yew just ‘cuz ya THOUGHT I was the fathur wen ya knew the WHOLE TIME there was ANOTHER GUY! I CAN’T BELIEVE YEW!!”
“Darr’ll, calm down, my husband isn’t done talkin’.”
“Kay, sorry Ambur.”
“Well, I’ll admit, wen I heard of yew, I was hopin’ that yew were the fathur. I know wut kinda kid that Sheldon guy was, just a horribul’ lil delinquent, and I really didn’t want that in Vurginyuh’s life. Yew were always that nice kid that she sometimes invited ovur, n’ wen I thought that yew were the baby daddy, I was just hopeful that yew got to Vurginyuh first. Hell, I wanted yew to be with Vurginyuh’, anything besides Sheldon. I made myself believe it, so then yew became the fathur. And the fathur had to marry my dawghtur. So there. I said it.”
“Oh so I should feel HONORED that yew LIKED me ovur Sheldon?! Yew THREATENED ME and TOOK ME FRUM MY HAWSE, DODGE! I was THROWN into this life just ‘cuz yew THOUGHT.”
“Now now Darr’ll, I know, I wus wrong, c-calm down, ok?”
“Well, yew knew this was gonna happen eventually, Dodge.”
“But he KNEW! AND YEW KNEW! I can’t BELIEVE this shit! Even YEW Ambur, yew were the nice one in this hawse!”
“Oh gawd, this is gettin’ outta hand…”
“Please, please listen Darr’ll. I’m sorry. So so sorry. I know wut I did can’t be forgiven, I know but can’t yew find a place in ur heart to at least nawt be angry at me? Yew love Vurginyuh, right? And yew luv Dixie! And those two gurls love yew! I just wish yew can one day luk ovur the fact that I was such an asshole n’ forced yew to marry her and live in fear fur as long as yew did!”
“I’m nawt gonna furgive yew Dodge. I furgive her, yeah. But nawt yew. I’m nawt gonna leave them two downstairs, ‘cuz those two are my world. But as fur yew, I wish I never laid eyes on yew. Ever.”
“Wutever man. I’m out.”
“Mmk, now that yall two have cleared the watur, git the fuck outta my way. There’s a cake in the fridge wid my name on it.”
Hurray for resolutions. Now let’s move on to the other members of the house.
OH, and Nascar’s ALREADY BROKEN.
“00101zzz… why yes, I own an army of armed tanks…”
Wow, and I thought you couldn’t get all that creepy, Nascar.
*downs a bloody pipe for breakfast*
I’m kinda starting to see why the town thinks of you as a monster now, Nascar ._.
“Boooo! New girl looks stupid!”
Oh shut up, Sheldon clone. She’s not even wearing pants what the hell are you so unhappy with?!
SPEAKING OF SIMS WITH NO PANTS
“Mama, I thought you said I was circumcised!”
“UGH, see, this is why I’d wish you’d go live with your deadbeat father.”
“But mama, he’s busy with his time traveling, you know this!”
“Time traveling nothing! He sits in an old telephone booth and shouts at the other hobos that try to hassle him out of it! That’s not time traveling, that’s being high out of his mind!”
“Hello? Well where the hell is that boy?! The store is open now, where the fuck is he?! I need a pink diamond dammit!”
“I’m so sorry I was running late sir, how can I help you toda-HOLY FUCK!”
“I’m sorry ma’am, I had no idea Sheldon no longur works heer anymore, I apologize fur abolushin’ half of ur stock. D-do yew have any pink diamonds fur sale?”
“No, and you are being banned from the store, please leave before I have you escorted off the primises.”
… J-Jerry Lee?! What the HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!
Lonnie is FAR from being an elder and Virginia is still a young adult! Why the HELL are you an ELDER ALREADY?!
“Lemme guess, Jurry, it was the DRUGS. Wasn’t it?! I TOLD yew, I told ALL OF YEW that those street drugs will do this to yall! They make yew luk oldur than yew are! But yew didn’t listen to me, did yew?!”
“Mom, I didn’t take drugs, I swear.”
“Then wut the hell happened to yew
“I… I don’t know, can we nawt talk ’bout this, I’m depressed ovur it as it is…”
I am NOT liking this at all.
“I hate swimmin’ I can’t believe I just got in a pool for two hours!”
Well yew and Dodge are the two that ran off without me knowing. And put some damn shorts on all ready! Other people swim in that pool too, you know!
At least you and Dodge are bonding, I guess?
“He just swam naked in the pool with me, I do NAWT wanna call that bondin’.”
“Oh guys, the robot broke again.”
I see this. And he’s not only broke, he’s BROKE broke too. I can’t escape the glitches ;_;
“Sigh, Nascar, yew can’t keep breakin’ like this, and it’s kinda hard to fix yew wid’ ya standin’ straight up like this.”
Hey did you guys know that Darrell’s LTW is to become a rock star?! I didn’t
care!! That and I’ve already gone through with this LTW with Jared (and a hundred other sims) it bores me.
“Can I at least start the job and try to fulfill it?”
I don’t see why not.
“Luk lady! I’m finally fulfilling my dream! I’m gonna be a rockur! Remember my name, I’ll be famous one day!”
“Humph, another wannabe. Whatever.”
Heeey, Stormcaller’s knocked up! YAY! Thank god too, she’s almost an elder D:<
“Oh… hey baby. Lookin’ gud ovur here with ur beeping clock and ur rotatin’ plate…”
“So baby, if yew get wid’ me, I promise I’ll never knock yew up with unwanted babies. I can’t, I was made without a penis, yew know.”
Going to keep mentioning it, aren’t you, Nascar?
“01001011011010? Oh yeah baby, 010101101 that’s so sexy…”
Microwave: *flashes 00:03*
“Oh god that’s makin’ me so hot…”
“Those people wouldn’t understand our love baby… it’s just yew and me gurl…”
I really don’t think you should be trying to get with the family microwave Secksie…
“Can yew PLEASE LEAVE n’ let me and the microwave have some privacy?!”
“Oh my beloved Myles! I can’t believe he’s gone now! I know he was loud, obnoxious, n’ our son hated him, bit he was my drunk ole’ grizzly bear! Why did he have to leave me?”
“Oh Chevy. I hate to see my lil’ sistur all torn up ’bout this, considerin’ one crash ago yew died first. If there’s anything I can do fur yew, I want yew to know that I’m heer fur yew to help yew git through this hard time.”
“Sniff… thank yew Dodge.”
“Now that that’s done, check it out Chevy! I can stick my tongue through this hole in my face! Gross huh?!”
“Oh JESUS CHRIST, DODGE! Go away wid that, I don’t wanna luk at that gross thing!”
“Check it out baby! I’m gonna be a big rockur one day! Then I can take care of yew with all the money I’d be rakin’ in with my music! Ain’t cha’ excited, baby?”
“Oh great, ‘nother wannabe…”
“Why does everyone keep tellin’ me that?!”
Since Dodge wasn’t having any luck with the store in finding pink diamonds (and his banishment), Dodge brought out his miner again. He was going to have to find a pink diamond sooner or later if he was going to have any luck before he died.
Of course, he’s already 100 days old. I don’t think someone of his age (or feeble mentality) should handle the miner.
“Oh wutta cute lil’ tabby kitty! Heer kitty kitty! Aww, ur purrin’…”
“OW! Damn! That fuckin’ cat jumped up and bit me! Oooh, this hurts so much, damn cat…”
“This is a really mean cat yew guys.”
Yeah, I think it’s about time you retired, Dodge.
“Honey? Shouldn’t you do something bout them durty dishes in the kitchen? I thought yew were gonna get on to that this mawnin’.”
“Not right now dad! I’m kinda busy playin’ Left 4 Ded’ ‘n bein’ smokin’ hot!”
“Well, can’t argue with yew there.”
“Agreein’ ’bout how hot I am isn’t something I kinda wanted yew to agree with me daddy, that’s creepy.”
Wait a damn minute, what’s that?
“Wut? I was born with webbed fingurs. Yew didn’t know that?!”
Ok? Well, I’m ending this chapter now. What the crap will happen next chapter? Will wierd glitches continue to run rampant in my game and continue to mess with the ages of my sims? Will there be a death in the future?! Oh my, I shouldn’t say things like that.
“I can’t b-believe this! This is TERRIBUL!! *crushes fingers through paper in anger*”
You know, that would kinda be funny, a little. Except for one little fact.
It’s just that, well, Donny Jolina was a TWO DAY OLD BABY.
WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK?!
PILOT INSPEKTOR CREEPER!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED YESTERDAY?!
“HEY. Don’t come in here and start yelling at me. Can’t you see I’m grieving in here?!”
You know what, Pilot, I’m just too angry to comment right now…