N.A.S.C.A.R.

So, just for the record:

Yeah, Sheldon is the father of Dixie.

Originally Darrell WAS the father of Virginia’s baby, but two days into her pregnancy, the game crashed for the first time in a while. DX<

So I thought about it for a while, and decided, hey, Sheldon is an option, right?

But then I realized I still liked Darrell more so whatever.

I just now realized that sprinklers came in Ambitions.  I had no idea I am a noob

Now it’s just a matter of getting Amber to actually do work instead of play in the water now.  To be fair though, I’d do the exact same thing myself.

“Oh mah gawd, I’m so ‘asited that I peed though my poorly pixilated bathin’ suit!”

Not while the gnomes are watching you dear, please.

“Eeh, this watur’s makin’ my pants all wet and it’s rubbin’ in a rash”

That’s why you are supposed to take your clothes off, moron.

“Oh, ur so right, this is so much bettur!”

NO DARRELL!  Your bathing suit!  WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?!

OH GOD DARRELL!  THOSE POOR GNOMES!  THINK OF THE POOR GNOMES!!

“Ah, Shark has come to see Shark’s new great great gran’baby!  Shark is very pleased!”

“Darr’ll, who let the ole’ blue guy back in the hawse ‘gain?”

“I don’t know, but he bettur nawt lay a hand on Dixie!  I’m gettin’ the vacuum cleanur!”

“Finally!  I spent all my life fur this one moment!  Come to me, my invisabul creatshun!”

“IT’S ALIVE, IT’S ALIVE!!”

SIMBOT!! YAAAAY!!

“… I’m dissappointed, you didn’t make me with a penis, Dodge D:”

Your first few seconds of life and that’s what you’re concerned about?!

Oh my god you guys, a simbot!  I’ve wanted a crafted one since I first got the game, I’m so happy right now!

“Hello there, I’m Nascar.”

He’s named after, well, what was on tv at the time.  And who doesn’t love Nascar, amirite

Did you know that Nascar is an acronym?  I guess it stands for Not A Sim, Crazy Ass Robot?

And I don’t know why, but I keep imagining Nascar to sound like Barry White

WHATEVER WHATEVER

I’m not sure why I’M JUST SO EXCITED TO HAVE A SIMBOT

JUST LOOK AT HIM WALK

oh wait that’s right, this is just a photo of him

._.

“Welcome to the Salon, can I help you sir?”

“Won’t be needed man, as you can see, I’m a simbot.”

“HOLY SHIT YOU ARE! A REAL LIFE ROBOT!! THIS IS SO COOL!”

That just doesn’t seem like a detail you would easily overlook, dude.

“Yeah, I’m aware that I’m pretty awesome.”

Dodge didn’t give you any modesty I see.

“I don’t need no modesty, I have jets.”

AHHHTHISISSOAWESOME

“What’s wrong with this old fool here?!  And why’s he starin’ at me like that?”

“The hookers won’t let me sit at my own bench anymore D:”

Oh old pixel guy, why aren’t you dead yet?

“I’m so amazing and awesome and still a lil’ dissappointed to be missin’ my member…”

“Oh gawd, it’s a government robot, it’s here to take over the town!  Away with yuh, you monster!”

“Uuuh, no, you did NOT jus’ call me a monster you old skank!  I have a mind to chunk you in the river for callin’ me that!”

“SEE!  Wudd’I tell yall!  It’s a monster, I swear!!”

“I’M NOT A MONSTER, BUT YOU GOTTA STOP ACCUSIN’ ME OF SUCH, WOMAN!”

“Oh GAWD, it’s comin’ for me!!”

“Oh no!  It’s gonna kill my sister!  I gotta go get my husband’s shawtgun!”

“Oh hell, I’m so scared my pixels came back all of a sudden for the first time ever”

Oh Nascar, you really aren’t helping your case.

Finally, a sim that doesn’t look worried while driving this damn thing

“It’s ‘cuz I know I look good on this.”

No denying that.

“Oh Trenton, your old saggy face flaps look so good in this low light…”

“Why thank you Nina, glad to see those Coronas are startin’ to set in-”

“Trenton!  TRENTON!  LOOK TRENTON!  There’s a ROBOT!  A ROBOT, TRENTON!”

“… Daniel, can’t you see I’m kinda ‘busy’ over here?”

“TRENTON!  Come check it out!  It’s talkin’ to me!  It’s talking to ME, Trenton!  Oh mah gawd, Mr. Robot, can you sing ‘Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love Baby’?!”

“Trenton?  Remember when I said we really need to send your brother to a home?  Yeah, this is why.”

“NO Nina, I’m not about to send my brother to a home just ‘cuz he’s loosin’ his marbles!”

Then Trenton died that night and Daniel dissappeared.

K wut

I was spamming you so much with Nascar that I about forgot Dixie’s birthday.

“Hurray for the little baby I have never met in the 12 hours I’ve been alive.”

“Oh god, that’s creepy.”

“And it’s NAWT touchin’ my baby!”

I don’t see what was wrong with the baby growing up in the kitchen, but whatever…

“Wee, mommy!  I’m adorable!”

“Yeah yeah sweetizzzzz…”

Isn’t she just an attentive mother?

“Wait, isn’t Vurginyuh’ supposed tuh sit in this seat?”

“I dun’ think so, I think she went to bed ‘cuz she hadn’t slept a gud night’s sleep since the baby wus born?  Lemme think really hard on this…”

After thinking hurt his head, Darrell decided to go fix it with some mind numbing television, despite the fact that he was horribly exhausted too.

Darrell decided that he wanted to watch the movie on robots, of all things.

“Wut?  It’s on must see tv.  I must see it!”

Servo: “…and I was created without a penis, and so I began to loathe all of the world.”

“Whoa, did they really let that fly by on day time televishun?”

Evil Dude: “-And with my army of Servos, I will override the local criminal career sims, and rule the entire town of Pleasantview!  Let the corpses of my enemies drain from the rafters my robot army!”

Servos: “We obeyyyy”

“This is a purdy dark movie…  robots are purdy dangerous things…”

Narrator: “-so the robots went and killed everyone in sight dispute all the reruns everyone sees on the action channel.  The end!”

“Wut a terr’bul movie!  Robots are evil critturs… and must be stopped…”

Meanwhile, Nascar is…not really helping his case…

“Wut?  I want to be an astronaut, is that so wrong?”

By enlisting in the army, I really don’t think you are helping the mindset of the people of this town.

“Cyberman… we meet again…”

“Oh god, now I REALLY need this drink…”

This is the first time I’ve seen Doctor Who in game too.  He looks funny without CC ._.

And the Doctor became a doctor?  What are the odds.

“Aw that jus’ breaks my heart, seein’ a lil gurl no older than my own doin’ this to herself like this :(”

“Zzz… hupn, yes sir I can flip ovur like the lady in the magazine…zzzz…”

“I’m such a gud kind soul.”

“Wut the hell?  Yew just made it worse, old man!”

“My good deed is done!  I’m off to assist other’s such as yourself now!”

“Screw off you old fart!!”

“Okie lil Dixie, time to learn your poops and peeps!”

“But, I dun’ wanna go potty!  I just went in my diaper!  I refuse!”

“OH SHIT THE ROBOTS TOUCHIN’ ME!!  IT’S TOUCHIN’ MEEEE!”

“DADDY THE ROBOT GOT OUT OF THE GARAGE AGAIN”

“Sigh, why am I always stuck with the idiots who can’t handle my awesomness…”

“Daddy!  He’s tryin’a make me us the toilet!”

“Sup Darr’ll, what’s up man?”

“YEW if you don’t put Dixie down you monster!”

“Why does everyone keep callin’ me that?!  I’m just tryina’ help yall out with the baby, that’s all!”

“Socks stink.”

“I KNOW wut yew things are!  Pure evil!  Unnatural!  Ur heer to take ovur our way of life fur ur evil rulur and hang us from the rafturs!”

“Evil ruler?  You don’t mean Dodge, right?”

“Ur dodgin’ nothin’ monstur!  Now put her down befur I stomp ur metal ass through the floor!”

“But Darr’ll, I thought we were brothers man!  I’m ur friend, and you guys are my family!  I’m just a helpful robot, Darr’ll-”

“NO!  Don’t touch me n’ don’t touch my dawghtur, yew menece!  Yew have no help to offer me, yall’r just aftur our human blood!”

“I don’t want to see yew anymore!  Git out befur I dump ur body in the cesspool in the backyard with that Shark guy’s body!”

“But… I’m just helpin’ with Dixi-”

“SOCKS STILL STINK GUYS, STOP IGNORIN’ THAT”

“WUT THE FUCK YEW SAYIN’ BOUT MY ROBOT IN HEER BOY?!”

“OW DODGE I’M SORRY PLEASE STOP I’LL BE NICE”

“Wow, Dixie’s takin’ her first steps ovur here!  Such a wonderful moment for our family!  Guys?  …Guys?”

“Feel Shark’s heartbeat, lovely Ambur… it beats just as urs does, with love and adoratshun, and about 65 ml of blood”

“Ew, it’s all wet and slimy.”

“Hey, I finally finished the family portrait things yew were so keen on finishin’, can I please leave now?”

Oh Jerry, no one has really heard from you since your birthday, have they?  I guess it’s about time she was released into the wild.

So that’s it for this chapter.

I leave you with Candy Stripper.

Damn Candy, you got a little chunky lately, haven’t you!

“What?!  I swear, it’s just a lil’ baby weight, it’ll go away soon, I swear!”

A BABY!  You had a baby!  I’m so excited, another baby!  I must go see your little bundle of joy now!!

“Hello, I’m Robin Stripper, daughter of a hooker and a gay guy!  I can’t tell you the story of how I could have possibly been conceived, but what would I know, I was born yesterday”

What the crap?!

How is that possible?

About missmiserie

I make sims legacies and update them once every other blood moon :)
This entry was posted in Generation 5. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to N.A.S.C.A.R.

  1. Del says:

    Yesss, I’ve been waiting for an update all weeek! 😀

    p.s. First comment! 😀

  2. Del says:

    Ahahahahahaa, so now I’ve actually read it. 😛
    I laughed so hard at Darrel doing the gardening naked. xD And the obese stripper. Too good.

  3. nuclearwaffles says:

    LMAO! I love Nascar. He’s like… well… *eeeeeeee!* Of course, it might be a good thing he doesn’t have a penis, or he might make babies with the motorcycle… O.o

    Have you tried putting him in water yet? BAHAHA. It won’t kill him… he’ll just have to be repaired, but it’s kinda funny.

    And Dixie totally has the right idea. Socks are…scary motherfuckers. Seriously… but apparently I have this irrational fear of socks. O.o I think it’s pretty rational. Socks are freaky. They freak me out. So one time my friend’s little brother found that out and shoved a giant wad of socks down the back of my shirt… *terrified*

    *cough* Sorry. I just really, really hate socks. And wet ones are even worse.

    Candy Stripper must’ve given that chick a Miracle Gro IV or something… daaaamn.

    • missmiserie says:

      The lack of reproductive organs on machines might have not stopped Lonnie though <____>

      I haven’t put him in water, but he’s already played with the sprinkler automatically like a moron. You’d think someone with the hydrophobic trait wouldn’t go near those. Moron.

      REALLY?! You are scared of socks TOO?! I thought I was the only one with that fear! My roommate’s boyfriend is always threatening to beat me with them and I cry ;_; I can’t wash them either, so I don’t even wear them.

      • nuclearwaffles says:

        LOL omg. I thought I was the only one, too! Yeah, I don’t wear socks either, unless I absolutely HAVE TO… then I wear the ones that might as well just be, like, if socks were feet-underwear, they’d be a g-string… I wash socks, but I have to pick them up with another piece of clothing… But yeah I normally just wear flipflops. My husband asks why I never wear decent shoes (I go hiking in said flip flops) but he just doesn’t understand how scary those little knitted motherfuckers are.

        Oh, wow. He played…with the sprinkler… guess someone had to go fix him, but yeah. Hydrophobic, that’s really dumb. I don’t see why he’d touch a sprinkler with a 10 foot pole with that…

      • missmiserie says:

        I can’t even wash them, I just cry if my mom tries to get me to wash whites D: if I have to wear shoes, I just go commando in them because I can’t do it anymore. Thankfully, the drier ate all of mine >:D

        And how… how did you know Darrell was a hydrophobic? I don’t think I’ve even gotten around to mentioning his traits yet O____O

      • nuclearwaffles says:

        c

      • nuclearwaffles says:

        Yeah, oops. That last reply–my cat’s fault.

        I have no idea how I knew that. O.o

  4. Gargantua says:

    LOL! I have never had a robot in my game yet, either. But now when I do make one, everytime I see him looking down I will laugh cause I know he’s looking for his member! As to Darrell, I’m starting to think he’s a streaker….

  5. Simsnewbie23 says:

    I hope that there are more babies! =D

  6. “Hello, I’m Robin Stripper, daughter of a hooker and a gay guy! I can’t tell you the story of how I could have possibly been conceived…”

    bwahaha I think that just made me day 😀 And I think I love NASCAR. Please give him plenty of screentime, he’s adorable.

    “Evil ruler… you don’t mean, Dodge, right?” 😛

  7. skehrer says:

    Big Bare Darrell Behind = Extreme Funny!!!!

    I love Darrell, glad you decided to keep him.

    Love Nascar! Too bad Lonnie wasn’t a female, that could have been made for each other.
    Get it, MADE for each other!!!

  8. Nickey says:

    Yay. I’m finally caught up. I’ve been reading this for weeks now. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

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